"Hey. Can I talk to you about something?" Nikita knocked awkwardly on Alex's doorframe. Ryan and Sean had brought her back to the safehouse, keeping her from Gogol's clutches. The team was able to debrief about all the craziness they had endured, and attempted to settle for the night. However, the rogue couldn't relax. What Carla had done replayed in her head over and over again. She should probably talk to her old friend about it. But, honestly, she didn't want to talk; she just wanted to vent her frustrations. As much as talking to Michael helped calm her and reminded her to breathe, she needed someone who understood exactly how she felt. So, she went in search of the young woman who lived through almost the same experiences.
Alex was confused at her sudden appearance outside of her room, though. She waved Nikita in, unsure of what she wanted to discuss. It had to have been something serious. She seemed far too anxious for a normal conversation. Whatever drew her there, she didn't want to say it. The young woman instantly thought it had to do with the incident at the hotel. She knew she should've called her team sooner. But she could fix things going forward. Strong communication was so important for the team, "I'm just gonna stay here for the night. I'll be back at the hotel tomorrow in time for the press conference."
"What? Oh, no. You can stay here for as long as you want. Whatever to keep you safe. I just, uh, want to talk to you about your mom," Immediately, Nikita dismissed the idea that Alex had done anything wrong. Things they couldn't account for happened in the field all the time. As long as everyone was safe and sound, it would be alright. Although she was a little relieved that she wasn't in trouble (she was a grown adult, why was she even worried in the first place), the young woman continued to be concerned. The mention of her mother threw her for a loop. Sure, she and the rogue had talked about her before. But that time, it seemed different. It was almost as though it was a personal subject for both of the women.
"What is it?" Moving to close the door to give them more privacy, Alex asked quietly. She doubted they were going to discuss rescue missions, or their crusade at all. Nikita didn't say much during the debriefing, yet Michael and Birkhoff filled everyone in on what Carla had done. The woman was currently in her room, leaving the team alone. However, who knew what might happen next. She had been so willing to sacrifice Alex at the chance of ruining Amanda and Ari. Nikita might've been able to stop her; she managed to plead and reason with her old friend. There was simply no guarantee that would be their luck a second time.
Attempting to not allow the day to get to her, Nikita took in a halting breath. She had had every intention to rant; it was what drove her out of bed and across the safehouse. In the moment, however, her words failed her. Maybe she could blame her exhaustion. She needed sleep and rest above all else. But she knew it was her hurt. The feelings couldn't be pushed aside any longer. They needed to be felt. Voice softening and wavering, she collapsed on Alex's bed and nearly begged her for any answers, "How did you forgive her?"
"She's my mom. I love her. And, you know, with Semak and the medication she had, I don't think it's entirely her fault. I know she's still my mom. When I rescue her, she'll be herself again," Alex was talking to herself more than Nikita. She wasn't entirely sure she had forgiven her mother. She knew she wasn't in her right mind, though. Katya wasn't acting like herself. Between the pills she was pumped full of and the lies Semak told her (it had to have been the same lies Yuri was fed), she wasn't her mother. Once she got her away from those influences, she'd be the woman Alex knew and loved. Getting clean of drugs helped her return to herself. The same had to be for her mother.
"I don't think I could ever be that forgiving," Whereas Alex had hope that things would be better between her and Katya, Nikita never really felt that way. She had hope, of course. Yet that was placed in her team, her friends, and her fiancé. They had her trust completely; she knew they wouldn't betray her. She wished she could say the same for her familial figures. They just always seemed to hurt her. Carla was supposed to have been the exception. For so many years, she had been. But with her connection to Division, her need to save the damn place, and her latest actions, Nikita's heart was broken all over again.
"It's hard. But my mom was trying to protect me, in her own way," While Alex sat on the edge of the bed as well, her friend avoided eye contact. She was aware of Nikita's drug addiction and how Carla had taken her in and gotten her clean. The rogue had shared that with her in efforts to comfort her. Although it worked, the young woman was left wanting to know more about her past. Everyone on their team was secretive about where they came from, but at least they were willing to share. Nikita was a different story. One Alex had to know, hoping to understand what she had been through, "You don't talk about your parents."
"What's there to say? I grew up in foster care." Despite the shrug, Nikita's answer wasn't as nonchalant as she wanted it to be. She shouldn't be hiding her past from Alex, anyway. It wasn't fair that she knew more about the young woman than she knew about her. The rogue might have wanted to argue that it was all in her past, so what did it matter. Yet the fact that sharing and being open built trust and secured relationships won over. Ryan and Michael knew all about where she had come from (admittedly, her fiancé knew more than her partner), and they hadn't run off. Instead, they had her back above all else.
Her drug addiction had already been shared with the young woman, as had some of her missions within Division. What harm could telling Alex about foster care be. Out of everyone, she knew an abusive childhood well. Her time in the brothels was absolute hell. She'd understand Nikita. And it wouldn't be with that pitying or sorrowful gaze. She'd know what she meant. Nikita wasn't the first foster kid she had met, anyway. She was aware of what that entailed, "I knew a couple kids on the street who were in foster care."
"Well, bad homes cause runaways. And drug addicts," Nikita was able to expand upon that a little. She mentioned Gary and Caroline, and running away as young as thirteen. That- and the drugs- didn't stick until she was sixteen, however. None of that was what she wanted Alex to take away from her sharing. The point was that she had built a better life for herself, like everyone else on the team. Because of her past, she struggled trusting others, having forgiveness, and giving people a second chance. But that wasn't all she was. She had survived, and had the ability to help others.
All of that made sense to Alex. There were some lingering effects from her past as well. Yet, just like Nikita, she had survived and was helping to save the world. She was simply more open to good people out in the world. If it hadn't been for Sean, who knew where she would've been at that moment. She wouldn't have met the team, learned the truth about her family, or been trying to save her mom. Honestly, without him, she'd probably be dead. She was so grateful for her best friend and the amazing relationship they had built between them. There was no doubt that was the source of her positivity, "But there's people that help. Like Carla and Sean."
"Sean is a really great guy. But Carla. Well, like you said, it's hard when someone you love hurts you," Shaking off her thoughts of her foster mother and her similar actions, Nikita flashed Alex a small grin. The young woman fought a beaming smile at the mention of how great her new boyfriend was. Instead, she focused on the current problem. She was upset with Carla's actions, as well. After all, it was her life on the line. But that was why she and Nikita had to talk. To stop further disastrous events, the women had to be on the same page. As awkward and painful it might have been for the rogue, the conversation with her old friend had to happen. Besides, if it became too much, her team would be there to lift her spirits once more.
"At least you can go talk to her," Alex aimed for a teasing tone rather than a berate. Nikita could have her moment to be overwhelmed. God knew the young woman did after her mother handed her to Semak. But once she could calm herself, it'd be back to business as usual. Or as usual as things were for the team. Eyes rolling, Nikita nudged Alex away from her. She fell against the pillows, forcing her to grab one and throw it in retaliation. Laughter quickly overcame the women. Any hurt feelings that were left lingering disappeared on light teases.
"Can I have a minute to mope first?" Shoving the young woman back down, Nikita chuckled. She probably needed another moment to truly rant later. But mostly, she just needed time. Her conversation with Carla had to be made with a clear head; anger and hurt couldn't ruin any progress she could make. Alex understood that, and completely agreed to the idea. However, she wasn't done making the rogue pay for all the shoving.
"No. No thinking or feeling. Just superspy doing," Barely making it through her own sarcastic quip without laughing, Alex doubled over in giggles. She got on her knees to swing a pillow down at Nikita, yet the silliness and ridiculousness of the pillow fight caught up to her. The two were rogue spies warring against corrupt governmental organizations. They were constantly in intense danger, and had to watch their backs at all times. However, that didn't stop them from ending a serious conversation like they were pre-teen girls at a sleepover. Not that either of them would complain. They could use the break.
"Alright. Then go stay the night at murder hotel," Nikita stuck her tongue out, pulling at Alex's hair. The threat to return to the hotel controlled by Gogol security was completely empty. Both knew that, yet it didn't stop the young woman from attempting to push her friend off the bed. The rogue read her movements, and managed to shift out of the way. Alex lost balance, sliding off the mattress. Nikita tried to help her back up, but her arm slipped from her grasp. Shrieking, she hit the ground.
Stunned silence washed over the two for a second. Except, once they assured no one was hurt, bright laughter erupted out of them. That was possibly a sign to call it a night, yet the women didn't want to leave each other's side. Sleep was important, but so was having fun. They needed the latter if they wanted to actually relax. Hopping to her feet, Alex extended an olive branch to Nikita. She had a better idea of how they could spend their time, "Pizza and a movie?"
"Just don't tell the boys," Smirking, Nikita agreed. Alex rejoined her on the bed, and the two spent the rest of night continuing to laugh and relax. The world could catch up to them later. For the moment, they could simply be and let their hurt fall away.