Okay... I've been really busy lately and can't really keep up with all the writing anymore. So I had to choose between not updating on a weekly basis anymore or posting shorter chapters... and I ended up opting for shorter chapters. I hope you still like it :-)

Chapter 32

"Congratulations, Baby!" Her eyes slowly fluttered open at his words, not quite awake enough yet to understand his words. She was met by the sight and the delicious smell of coffee, French toast, fried eggs and crispy bacon. "W… wow…", she mumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Wha… what's all this for?" She gave her husband a loving, but surprised look.

He carefully put the breakfast tray down next to her and leaned over to give her a sweet good morning kiss. "That's because it's a very special day today… your 20 weeks today, Baby… halfway through the pregnancy." He gently pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, looking down at her with pure love, admiration and affection.

She broke into a big smile. For a split second, she had wondered whether she had mixed up the dates in her head. But no, she was sure that her birthday was still four days away. And first of all, she was absolutely sure that he knew exactly when it was, and second, he knew that she didn't want to celebrate that day. She never really had, but in the last three years, she had basically ignored the fact that it was her birthday altogether. With Nadia having been kidnapped the night before and killed the day after, there was really nothing to celebrate in her eyes. But now, her husband proofed once again that he was without a doubt the sweetest guy on earth. She cupped his face with her hands to pull him towards her for another kiss. "You're amazing!"

"Not as amazing as you", he whispered against her lips before carefully pulling away her blanket and caressing her belly. "And definitely not as amazing as our little princess here." He bent down to place a soft kiss on her baby bump. "Good morning, baby girl… hope you're doing well in there!"

It wasn't the first time he talked to their unborn daughter, but her heart melted every single time he did. She reached down to gently caress the back of his head when she felt subtle movements inside of her. "She says 'Good morning, Daddy'", she whispered. "And 'Thank you for the nice breakfast'".

He looked up at her, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement. "Are you serious? I mean, can you feel her?" He stroked over her belly affectionately.

She nodded, smiling broadly. "Yeah… seems like she woke up as well. Anyways, this smells heavenly… thank you so much, Baby, this is so sweet of you!" She sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close and running her fingers through his hair as she kissed him softly.

He happily returned her kiss, letting his lips play with hers affectionately. When he pulled away, he stroked over her cheek, giving her a warm smile. "I love you!" He sat down next to her in their bed and picked up one of the coffee cups to give it to her before he started to feed her small bites of egg, bacon and toast.

Leaning against his shoulder, she enjoyed the way he fed her, taking a sip of coffee every now and then. "You're really sweet, you know that? Sometimes I feel like with you, I'm getting back part of what I missed out on as a child." She turned her head to him and kissed his jawline. "I love you, Jay!"

Her words made his heart hurt and melt at the same time – hurt because he felt so bad for the girl she had been, and melt because she was so happy with him. Once they had finished their breakfast, he pulled her into his arms and gently caressed her back. "Baby… there's something I wanted to ask you… or rather, something I want to suggest." When she gave him a questioning look, he continued: "I thought about going up to Wisconsin for a few days over your birthday…"

She stiffened at the mention of her birthday. "Jay… you know I don't want to…"

Softly pressing his index finger against her lips, he silenced her. "I know you feel like you shouldn't celebrate your birthday because of Nadia getting kidnapped and killed around that day. But Baby, you can't just ignore your birthday for the rest of your life. I mean, you can… but once our daughter is a little older, she is going to wonder why her Mommy doesn't have a birthday like everyone else."

She swallowed hard as she leaned into his side, not answering right away. He had a point there… as a child, she had been used to not really celebrating birthdays, having been lucky enough if her mother had remembered it at all. The first time Hank and Camille had thrown a surprise birthday party for her, she had been so shell-shocked and overwhelmed that she hadn't even been able to really enjoy it. And then Nadia had been taken while preparing a surprise party for her. A silent tear rolled down her cheek when she whispered: "Thank you… thank you for actually saying that she was kidnapped and killed. I hate when people are just talking around it, using phrases like 'what happened to her'. It doesn't do her justice."

His heart ached when he saw how her eyes filled with tears. Cradling her head against his chest, he ran his fingers through her hair soothingly.

A sob left her lips when she thought about her best friend. "I just don't know how I could possibly celebrate on the very same day that bastard raped her, tortured her… it just seems so wrong, Jay…" She lifted her head to look up at him, tears now streaming down her face.

"Oh Baby…", he choked, wrapping his arms around her even tighter, pulling her as close as possible without hurting her. "Now… if Nadia were able to look down at us right now… do you think that's how she would see it? That you shouldn't celebrate the day that has been the most horrible day in her life?"

Sniffing and swallowing down the lump in her throat, she shook her head. "No… no, I don't think so."

"What do you think she'd do… or what would she want you to do?" Still holding her tightly, he placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.

"She'd want me to celebrate my birthday…", she mused. "Actually, she'd take me by the shoulders, shake me and tell me to have a fucking party… the kind of party she would have wanted to throw for me." And while she was still crying, that thought made her chuckle for a second.

"And she'd kick my ass for going along with your habit of completely ignoring your birthday", he added, grinning himself when he thought of the feisty young woman.

"Probably", she mumbled into his chest. "But Jay, I don't know if I can do it…" She lifted her head again to look at him, biting her lower lip. "I really don't know…"

He gently wiped away a few of her tears before bending down and kissing away the rest of them. "We don't have to throw a big party… definitely not this year… and if you don't feel comfortable with it, we never have to. But we could start with not ignoring your birthday anymore… all I ask of you right now is to allow me to try to make that day special and beautiful for you. But if you really don't want to, I promise I won't pressure you."

She held completely still while he kissed her tears away, and even afterwards, she just looked into his warm, loving eyes for a few seconds. He really was too good to be true. And he was right. As much as she had been blaming herself for her friend's suffering and death, Nadia would probably be sad if she knew that she had been ignoring her birthday for the last three years. Giving him a small smile, she whispered: "Okay… let's go to Wisconsin."

They had gone up to the cabin two days later. The day they arrived, they had visited Annie Applepie, and today, the day before his girl's birthday, the had gone up to Green Bay to meet Brooke and her new family at the zoo where they had had a great time. The girl was still struggling, but she had seemed a lot happier than the last time they had met her. She also had been thrilled when she had found out about Erin's pregnancy. He also felt that spending time with the girl they had been able to save had helped to distract his wife from the fact that today four years ago, Nadia had been kidnapped and they hadn't been able to save her. Now that they were cuddling in front of the fire place after dinner, watching a sappy romance that wasn't too hard to follow, he could basically feel her thinking.

She was glad that she had agreed to his suggestion to go up to Wisconsin for a few days. The last three years, she had worked straight through her birthday, trying to not have too much time between working and sleeping. Well, she hadn't ever really slept during those couple of days, either lying awake crying for her friend or waking up to nightmares about what Nadia had endured. Last year, she had gotten up and spent the night in the living room as soon as her then-fiancé had fallen asleep. But she was determined to try to get better at living with the memories. It was what her husband wished for, and she knew it would have been what her best friend would have wanted for her as well. "I wonder if Nadia would have liked it up here", she mused, not really paying attention to the movie. "From what I know, she's never really gotten out of the city."

He almost startled when she suddenly spoke, and what she said surprised him even more. Running his fingers through her hair, her head resting in his lap, he answered: "Yeah, she was a city girl, but I'm pretty sure she would have loved it just as much as you do. And I bet she could have eaten at least two of Annie's apple pies."

To her own surprise, she laughed at that. She wasn't sure if she had ever laughed at the mention of her best friend since she had been killed four years ago. "Oh yes, she would have freaked out over Annie's apple pie. I mean, I can eat a lot, but she easily beat me." She chuckled. "She might not have been too fond of going on hikes, but she would have loved the lake in summer. She'd probably have tried to convince me to go skinny dipping or something like that."

Now it was his turn to laugh. "Yeah, I could totally see the two of you pretending to be too tired for a hike and then spending the whole day either lazily lying in the sun or doing some crazy stuff." He couldn't believe that they were actually having a light conversation about Nadia, but it felt really good, even though his heart ached at the thought of the many years of a happy life she could have had.

"It would have been so cool to bring her up here…" She turned around in his lap enough to be able to look up at him. "Do you think we could make a fire tomorrow night and grill sausages and twist bread and marsh mallows? I've never done that before… and I think it's something Nadia would have liked a lot."

He felt his heart jump in his chest. The fact that she was actually wishing for something to do on her birthday filled him with happiness and also relief. Taking her hand in his and lifting it up to his lips to kiss it, he whispered: "You know, I think that's a great idea! We did that a lot when Will and I were younger and I always loved it, but I haven't done it in forever. I'd love to do it with you!"

Smiling, she snuggled up closer to him. "You're the best!" Circling the back of his hand with her thumb, she didn't look directly at him when she said: "I miss her… I miss hearing her laugh, I miss her goofy side, but I also miss the serious talks we had and how she would figure out what's best for somebody else before they realized it themselves."

He thought of the young woman who had come such a long way from being a drug-addicted prostitute to studying to be accepted at the police academy in the short time he had known her. "I miss her, too. She really was one of a kind. And she always knew we were meant to be together… she told me once that by the time she graduated from the academy, she expected us to be married and have started a family." He gently caressed her baby bump.

She swallowed hard at that, smiling at the same time though. "Well, we missed that time line by a little bit… but I still think she would be really happy with where we are now." When she realized the movie had ended without them noticing, she slowly sat up. "Let's go to bed… our little princess and I could use some sleep."

Stroking over her cheek, he kissed her softly before getting up and taking care of the fire. Then he lifted her up from the couch and carried her upstairs to their bedroom. Since she had finally agreed to kind of celebrate her birthday, he wanted her to be well-rested tomorrow. He just hoped that she would actually be able to sleep.

When they had both gotten ready, she curled into his side and rested her head against his shoulder, sighing contently when he wrapped his arms around her. "It felt really good to talk about her like that… in a positive way…" Placing her hand on his heart, she whispered: "You know… I really love breakfast in bed… but tomorrow I just want to wake up in your arms."

His heart melted at her simple wish, the fact that unlike last year, she seemed to plan to stay in bed with him tonight making him incredibly happy. "I promise I won't leave your side. I'll be here holding you all night until you wake up." He softly pressed his lips against her hair. "Good night, Baby… I love you."

"I love you, too." She closed her eyes, her one hand lying on his chest while the other one was covering her belly where her little angel seemed to practice ballet. Thinking about Nadia, she slowly drifted away into a sound slumber, hoping that if she dreamed about her best friend, it would be happy dreams this night.