POV: Alex

I stuffed the note in the pocket of the grey hoodie Jordan had bought me. I didn't want anyone to find it, but hiding it in the hoodie was the only place I could think of. I said goodbye to everyone in the letter, but I didn't leave any of my possessions to anyone. Suicide letters weren't considered a will, right? Whatever, not like they would be getting anything useful anyways, none of the stuff in my room was important. Mom would probably donate my clothes and clean out my room. Or maybe she would keep everything as it was, a reminder of what her son did, and how he was no longer with her.

I took the incident at the black market as sort of an awakening. I said I didn't want to die, but I really did. Me not doing anything during that, not fighting back, not trying to prevent it. It was all a ruse for me to actually die, hoping that it would've just ended there. I didn't realize how far those emotions went, because when you push them down so far, you never fully comprehend the power they have over you.

Mom peeked her head through the door. "Hey, the rest of the family will be showing up soon." She walked over to my closest, missing the note in the pocket. She took out a pink polo shirt and grabbed khaki pants. "This would look good on you...much better than what you're wearing right now."

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing right now?"

Mom looked down at my loose fitting maroon shirt and black sweatpants. "This is Thanksgiving, no son of mine is going to wear…whatever that is."

"It's not that bad."

Mom shoved the clothes in my hand and left the room. I changed into the clothes she wanted me to wear, the pants were a little too tight around my waist.

Mom came in with a basket of clothes. "Oh! You look so handsome!" I bent down for her to pat my head and we walked out of my room, into the living room with the whole family gathered around the table.

Everyone was a red deer, and I mean everyone.

My grandma sat at the end of the chestnut table, talking eagerly to Sydney about college and her life. My grandpa sat opposite from her, constantly asking Mom for cups of coffee and belching speciest comments that were fed on the news. Dad had his nose in his phone, he didn't like family gatherings anymore than I did. I think it was because he was embarrassed that his son was a grey wolf. Mom was busy working in the kitchen, and I stood there, waiting for someone to finally notice me.

Dad looked up from his phone, which caused everyone else to look up too. I stood there awkwardly with my hand rubbing my arm. The physical differences were there, me being the only wolf in a household full of deer.

"How are you doing son?" Grandpa asked. I sat down in the chair next to him, giving everybody a weak smile and waiting for Mom to hand me a plate full of tofu and rice.

"So, how's your girlfriend?" Sydney teased.

Grandma clapped her hands together, her glasses falling low on her nose. "Oh! My big strong man has a girlfriend now? What's she like? Is she a wolf like you?"

I shook my head, my ears flattening. "She's not my girlfriend, she's just a friend."

"Yeah, but what species is she?" Mom said with a smirk as she handed out food to everyone.

"She's a snow leopard," I said.

Grandpa scratched his chin. "Those animals can be quite vicious. Amy, I'm surprised you're letting him hang out with an animal like that. Felines are known for their retractable claws." Mom rolled her eyes, but as usual, she didn't say anything.

"Well," I said, indulging Grandpa in his antics. "I think I'm more dangerous than she is."

Jordan always has her claws out, she never really keeps them hidden.

Grandma reached over and slapped my hand. "Nonsense, you're the most kind wolf in the world." There was that word again, wolf. Not deer, not herbivore, wolf.

The doorbell rang and Mom asked me to go get it. I knew who it was, my cousins. My uncle never liked me, he wasn't like Dad where he liked me until I grew up. He just generally hated the whole idea of me. He was scared of anyone who had more physical power than him, scared of anything that could destroy his perfect upper class family.

I opened the door to the red deer family that stood right outside My little cousin Avery with her auburn fur. Next to her stood the cousin closest to my age Dustin, he looked exactly like his father. Dark brown fur, smaller than average antlers and looks that could kill. Mom always told me how popular he was with girls at his school, I wasn't really one to judge since I always looked like a mess, even when I told I wasn't.

My uncle pushed past me with my aunt trailing behind him. She was basically his lapdog, doing whatever it is he asked, and never speaking up for herself, neither of her kids looked like her. She was a calm, mellow, but easy to manipulate red deer with a very russet fur.

My cousins stood in the doorway, I wondered if they wanted me to say something to them. We had always been on close terms when we were little and even up to middle, but it all changed when they moved to a different city and Dustin and I went to different highs chools.

"Are you just going to stand there or…?" I motioned my hands inside, moving out of the way so they could come in. They each glanced at each other, like they were unsure of the dangers ahead. It hadn't been that long since I last saw them, but I'm sure it was quite a shock to see how much I had grown from when we were little.

Dustin walked ahead, leaving Avery and I together at the door. "It's nice to see you again," she said with her high pitched voice. She was still little, only fourteen. She was only the height of one of my legs and I had to crouch down to talk to her. Her dad would always get mad at me if I didn't follow proper carnivore etiquette when I was around them. My parents didn't really care since I grew up around me, but they still taught me that I had to hide my claws and crouch to talk to small herbivores. They weren't really rules, it was just the proper thing to do. Made herbivores less terrified, or so I was told.

"If it makes you feel any better," she said. "I don't think you're a monster. My dad likes to go long tangents about how much he dislikes you, but what does he know? He doesn't know what it's like to feel discriminated against."

"Well, I don't blame him. I am kinda scary to look at."

She rolled her eyes and walked into the house with her denim jacket and pumpkin-esque sundress. "I've seen wolves way scarier than you. You have good features, soft on the eyes. Plus, you stick out with that white fur on your face. Your voice is unique and you don't slouch and loom over everyone, even if you are much taller than everyone here."

Everyone greeted my cousins fawning over them like they were helpless toddlers. They never acted like that around me, everyone was scared that my claws or teeth would hurt them. Even my own sister backed away sometimes from me, even Mom kept her distance when I looked angry.

Dustin walked off towards my room and I followed. We really didn't have much in common ever since he moved. I knew he liked playing video games, which I used to do, but ever since school I haven't had any time. Besides, nobody else in my dorm room seemed to be interested in anything but girls, school, and how they looked. I mean, sure, yes, sometimes I was self conscious about what I wore, but it was more about the insecurities on the outside. Like my claws, fangs, tail, basically anything that told the world I was a canine.

"Wow, you really need to clean up in here," Dustin said, picking up my dirty underwear off the floor and tossing it across the room.

"I did," I said looking around the room.

"I thought dogs kept their room clean? Guess not." He went over to my closest, inspecting the grey hoodie Jordan had bought me, taking it off the hanger and feeling the soft cotton. I quickly took it out of his hands, holding it close to my chest. He threw his hands up in a surrender. "Sorry, didn't realize you were so attached to clothes. Honestly you are the weirdest wolf I've met. There's something about you, I can't quite put my finger on it."

I stood there silently, watching as he paced around my room, picking up clothes, sniffing them, then putting them right back down where he found him. "You know, you're not a wolf," I said.

He rolled his eyes and threw a t-shirt at me. "Clearly you dumbass. But everything in here just smells different. You look different, you're also acting different. I just have a hunch that there's something in here that is causing it."

Well, you're not completely wrong.

"Has it ever crossed your mind that I may have just grown up?"

"Hmm, no that's definitely not it. You may look older, bigger. But I still think you act like a child most of the time. I thought wolves grew up fast, I guess you're the exception to the rule since you grew up around herbivores, probably stunted something-" he pointed past his belt. "Down there as well."

"Uh-huh?"

"Ugh, don't play dumb with me Alex." Dustin went over to the door and peeked out, locking it as he shuffled back in. "So." He stood with his hands on his hips. "Whip it out."

I widened my eyes at him. He wanted me to...what? "W-what?!" I said, sirens blared in my ears.

"Shhh! You heard me, let's see how big it is." He began undoing his belt and I covered my eyes. "You're such a pussy, see? Mines already out." But I didn't see, I didn't tear my hands away from my face.

I blindly reached for the door to leave, but he grabbed my tail. "Ugh, why did I think you changed?" I heard him zip up his pants and leave the room.

What the fuck?

I finally uncovered my eyes when I knew he was gone. I locked the door, panting and holding the grey hoodie close to my chest.

What did he just try to do? Dumb question, I knew what he wanted to do. I didn't think his jealousy for me would go that far though. So far to the point where he was willing to compare...well...I think you get the picture.

I laid on my bed, hearing my family through the paper thin walls. They were arguing about something, I didn't care, I just wanted to forget everything Dustin just did.

He told me my room smelled different, that I acted differently. Was his hunch the note in the hoodie? Maybe keeping in its pocket wasn't the best hiding choice. I could've stuffed it in a sock in my drawer, thrown it in the trash, taped it to the bottom of my bed. I had so many options, so why did I choose the hoodie's pocket?

There was a knock at my door and the handle was jiggled. "Alex!" Mom said. I got up from sitting on the bed and opened the door to an angered female deer. "Everyone is wondering where you went! I asked Dustin but he just said you wanted to be left alone. What happened? Did we do something wrong? I told your grandfather that if he made any comment towards-"

I cut her off. "Mom, I'm fine, nothing happened." She seemed unsatisfied with my response and reached her hands to pull me by the ear, but she was too short.

"Lower your head so I can grab your ear!"

"No."

She took a deep breath in and composed herself. "Fine, you can stay in here and sulk or do whatever it is you do. But if you grandparents ask why you're not coming out of your room, it's not going to be a pretty response."

Why can't you just leave lonely alone?

Everybody had finally left. I did my best to listen to their boring conversations about politics and work life. I didn't have any input towards any of them, because I was still a highschool student who was ignorant to the outside world.

Dad talked about work, Mom bickered with my uncle and my aunt sat in the back quietly. Dustin was on his phone the whole time. Avery tried to relate to me, she asked questions about school and things I liked to do. I wasn't very interested in her conversation either, I just wanted to sit there and wait till everyone left, and they eventually did around midnight.

"Thank you," Mom said as she headed to bed.

"Yeah," I said.

Dad looked at me for a second, there was something else in him. He didn't look like the gruff stern father that he used to be. I wondered what changed, maybe there was hope for him yet, but then I remembered the note. There would have been hope for him, but I wouldn't be around to see it.

Oh crap!

I turned on my phone and dialed Jordan's number. I hoped she was awake so late into the night. "Hello?" she said, her voice rising an octave.

"I'm so sorry, I was really caught up with my family. Anyways, happy late birthday! How does it feel to be seventeen?"

I could hear her laugh from the phone. "Alex! Thank you for remembering. Being seventeen feels no different. When was your birthday."

"Oh, it was back in august."

"Damn, you're really old."

"Not by a whole lot."

I fished out the note from the hoodie while talking with Jordan. I wanted to say everything I wrote in the note, wanting to tell her everything, but I decided against it.

"Did your thanksgiving go well?" I asked, reading over the note over a thousand times.

"Oh my God, my family is so annoying. I'm just so tired. Thanksgiving, plus a birthday, it's weird. We had cake and an abundance of food. Which I guess isn't the worst thing in the world, but it's just overwhelming sometimes."

I chuckled and laid down on my bed listening to her soft low voice rant about her family and her birthday. I knew this would be the last time I spoke to her, so I just cherished her voice, never wanting it to end.

"Ugh, sorry for ranting," she said.

"It's fine, I like hearing your voice."

"Yeah, it can get pretty annoying sometimes. Anyways, I'm gonna go to bed. I've stayed up late before, but damn, I'm just so freaking tired."

"I get it."

"Alright, goodbye!"

"Bye."