AN: just in the first paragraph of this chapter I've noticed a lot of times where 'they' in relation to Neek's pronouns and they as in multiple people will get confusing, so I tried something else in how to write Neeks but it's probably temporary depending on you all let me know what you think. Fanfiction wont let me strikethrough so I'm just going to put the html around he and him in relation to neeks pronouns

(Neeks- )

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Neeks sat across from Jason in silence at the table, the other members of the Argo II doing...something. Jason had assured (s)him(/s) that they weren't listening in, that they could talk in peace, and (s)he(/s) accepted this. Maybe (s)he(/s) did trust Jason, or as much as (s)he(/s) could trust nowadays.

But they weren't doing much talking. They just sat in each other's presence, sat and stared at each other. Finally, Jason broke the tension.

"The first time, what did Cupid make you admit?"

Neeks played with (s)his(/s) dagger, messing with the hilt and wondering how much more it'd go through before it was sheathed for good. "That I love Percy."

"Oh...so you've...you've been dealing with that for awhile."

"Yeah."

"And...it's not just a crush?"

Neeks shook (s)his(/s) head. "No. I wish. But I've loved him for lifetimes. I...I was cursed to love him."

"What do you mean?"

"During my first life...I..." Neeks looked away. "This diety, I'm not sure which one it was, he wanted me. Like, you know. I kept denying him. And the last time I denied him, he wanted me to stay with him forever. So he...he cursed me. Cursed me to always fall for Percy's soul as Percy's soul always falls for Annabeth's. It was the only reason lowly mortals like us were able to be reborn."

"So, Percy always falling for Annabeth...that's a curse? That's not even just them loving each other?" Jason asked. "Is that...why hasn't anyone done anything? Have they even really noticed?"

"Percy and Annabeth? Probably not," Neeks admitted. "But my father saw the curse on my soul when I was born. He said he couldn't do anything about it, but I don't know."

"Have you looked in to breaking it?"

"I've been a little preoccupied," Neeks muttered.

"Right." Jason cleared his throat. "So, um...going back to your first life, before the curse...did you...feel like you weren't one gender...back then?" Jason asked.

"I don't know if I can answer that."

"What do you mean? Do you not remember? If you don't have all your memories, it's-"

"It's not that," Neeks interrupted. "No memories are hidden from me. It's..." He sighed. "I don't know. I was never really in control enough to even think about it. Like, yeah, I was glad I was a woman because I doubted Erro was gay, but that was the only reason. Only when I was Eun did I ever feel like I was a certain gender."

"And...you were a guy?"

Neeks nodded.

"So, after the war, what are you going to?"

Neeks frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Cupid mentioned...he said something about you wanting to jump into Chaos," Jason remembered. "Do you...is that...?"

"What I've been planning?" Neeks sat in silence for a minute before hesitantly nodding. "Don't tell anyone."

"Neeks..."

"Jason."

"Are you still planning that?"

"I mean, I was."

"Did you take into consideration what that would do to us? To Hazel?" Jason asked. "I mean, I get it, or I get that your pain is something that I could never get. But at least try to heal. For the ones who love you."

Neeks stood up and sighed. "Look, I'm exhausted. I'm going to go nap."

"Wait, don't go," Jason pleaded. "I won't talk about that again, I promise."

"Why do you want to talk so bad, Grace?" Neeks asked.

Jason looked caught off guard for a split second before he sat forward and sighed. "Look, Neeks...I want to help you. I want to be your friend. And that means understanding you, or understanding to the best of my ability. But the memories I saw in Split..."

"Memories?"

"Scenes from your past," Jason explained. "When you were..." he cleared his throat. "breaking down, I saw some of your memories."

Neeks sat back down, (s)his(/s)voice low and cold. "What did you see? Did you see Tartarus?"

Jason shook his head. "No, nothing down there."

"You're sure?"

"I'm pretty sure." Jason paused. "Why?"

Neeks's muscles were tense, (s)his(/s) fists curled into balls. "Because. I don't want to talk about it. It...I'm not telling you about it."

Jason didn't answer for a minute, looked like he was thinking before eventually talking again. "What I did see...I saw Jacquotte, and you as that guy..."

"Eun."

Jason nodded. "Jacquotte and Eun, and you, when you were a kid. I...I think it was what you were focusing on at that time. But...Neeks, can I ask you a question?"

"Different than the questions you already asked?"

Jason nodded. "Why were you so scared of Cupid?"

Neeks frowned. "What? I wasn't."

"You...you were terrified of him," Jason remembered. "If this happened the first time, why were you still so scared?"

"It's...complicated."

"I'm listening."

Neeks pulled (s)his(/s) knees to (s)his(/s) chest. "I've been through...a lot... In Tartarus, I...I can't tell you what I did, but I was down there for five years. I thought of it as home for awhile. And...and I think a part of it was because who I am, my sexuality and...genderality or whatever the hell you want to call it, it wasn't the reason for what was happening. Nobody mentioned it, it had nothing to do with anything. It...It was like yeah, I was in Hell, literally...but...but I don't know...I think I got used to Tartarus. I'll never get used to being force outed. I...I hate it more than anything. I don't think you can understand how scary that is until you have to live it. Knowing the moment you say it, you can't take it back. Knowing the whole world will view you differently. Knowing..." (s)he(/s) lowered (s)his(/s) voice. "Knowing that the ones you finally have next to you to keep can be taken again."

"You were scared to lose your friends. We're something you still have to lose."

Neeks nodded.

"Well, we're still here," Jason said. "You're who you are. It doesn't change any of our relationships. Now, where do we go from here? This war is the big thing right now. When it's over, you're going to talk to me before you decide anything...including Chaos, okay? You have to promise you'll talk to me."

"How can it not change my relationships?" Neeks asked. "I'm not...normal. They're going to look at me as even less human."

Anger flickered in Jason's eyes. "Neeks...if anyone so much as acts like that, you tell me. But it's not going to happen, not with this group we have. We're fighting a war together. We're family."

"But after the war?"

"You've had war in your past. You know better than anyone that it never leaves you."

Neeks stared down at the table and tried to picture life after the war. But Jason was right. War never left you, no matter how much peace you lived in. Tartarus would never leave (s)him(/s), no matter how accustomed to it (s)he(/s) had become.

"And...if you ever want to talk about Tartarus, just let me know," Jason offered. "I'm here to listen."

Tartarus. Neeks had five years of memories to share, but each and every one revolved around a sin (s)he'd(/s) never admit. A sin that these friends of (s)his(/s) would turn against (s)him(/s) for. The Fates had warned (s)him(/s) about it years ago, told (s)him(/s) not to share what (s)he(/s) had done the first time they made contact with (s)him(/s) in this timeline.

Killing so many innocents couldn't just be forgiven. (s)He(/s) couldn't show the blood on (s)his(/s) hands without losing those (s)he(/s) still had to hold onto.

"I can promise on the Styx, I'll never tell you what I did down there."

Neeks had Jason tell the others. There was something too awkward about it, too human. (s)He(/s) slept in Percy's bed while he did so, curled around the blanket and dreaming of the sea. Of what (s)he(/s) and Jason spoke about. Percy and Annabeth were cursed, also. Something powerful enough to curse them all...

(s)He(/s) tossed and turned, but (s)he(/s) got some sleep, and that was decent after everything (s)he(/s) had been through.

The days went on, replaying what (s)he(/s) already knew. Khione, Leo's disappearance, the South Wind, meeting up with Leo in Greece. Before (s)he(/s) knew it, Neeks was preparing to lead them down into the House of Hades, to the Doors of Death, to the near end of the war. After this, (s)he(/s) just needed to bring the statue back to camp. After this, (s)he(/s) was almost done.

You've had war in your past. You know better than anyone that it never leaves you

No, it never would. But days at Camp Half-Blood without the prospect of dying could help (s)him(/s) figure out who started this all, who cursed (s)him(/s) and Percy and Annabeth, who began (s)him(/s) on this three-life, basically four-life, adventure.

"The House of Hades is below us," Neeks said. "But Hazel's right, these upper levels are much newer. When the archaeologists first excavated this site, they thought they'd found the Necromanteion. Then they realized the ruins were too recent, so they decided it was the wrong spot. They were right the first time. They just didn't dig deep enough."

They turned a corner and stopped. In front of them, the tunnel ended in a huge block of stone.

"A cave-in?" Jason asked.

"A test," Neeks said. "Hazel, would you do the honors?"

Hazel stepped forward. She placed her hand on the rock, and the entire boulder crumbled to dust. The tunnel shuddered. Cracks spread across the ceiling.

Then the rumbling stopped. The dust settled.

A set of stairs curved deeper into the earth, the barrelled ceiling held up by more repeating arches, closer together and carved from polished black stone. Painted on the walls were crude pictures of black cattle marching downwards.

"I really don't like cows," Piper muttered.

"Agreed," Frank said.

"Those are the cattle of Hades," Neeks said. "It's just a symbol of –"

"Look." Frank pointed.

On the first step of the stairwell, a golden chalice gleamed. The cup was full of dark-green liquid.

"Hooray," Leo said halfheartedly. "I suppose that's our poison."

Neeks picked up the chalice. "We're standing at the ancient entrance of the Necromanteion. Odysseus came here, and dozens of other heroes, seeking advice from the dead."

"Did the dead advise them to leave immediately?" Leo asked.

"I would be fine with that," Piper admitted.

Neeks drank from the chalice, then offered it to Jason. "You said we were in this together, we could all trust each other. Prove it, son of Jupiter."

Jason drank it, and their group carried on.

When (s)he(/s) saw Percy and Annabeth again, Neeks felt relief flood through (s)his(/s) chest. Percy...even if it was the curse, (s)he(/s) was in love with Percy. Seeing him alive and safe was one of the only things (s)he(/s) could still ask for.

Neeks moved to Percy as the others did, grabbed him and Annabeth and pulled them into a hug (s)he(/s) never could have dreamed of initiating before. The war was still with (s)him(/s). The war would always be with (s)him(/s). But things would still change.

"Eun," Annabeth greeted.

"Hey, Jacquotte," Percy grinned.

"I'm glad you're okay."

(s)He(/s) let himself pull away from them as everyone met up, grins and hugs and even a few laughs at what had been done. Percy and Annabeth had survived Tartarus. It really was a cause for celebration. But that room wasn't going to withstand it.

"We need to shadow travel out of here," (s)he(/s) insisted. "Or we're all going to fall down there."

"Can you do it?" Hazel asked.

Neeks nodded. "Everyone needs to grab hands. Quickly."

It one hand (s)he(/s) held onto Percy's, and in the other (s)he(/s) held onto Annabeth's, and feeling their flesh and bones and the warm blood beneath their skin was the only therapy (s)he'd(/s) ever get. It helped (s)him(/s) stop thinking about the day they died.

They appeared on the hillside overlooking the River Acheron. The sun was just rising, making the water glitter and the clouds glow orange. The cool morning air smelled of honeysuckle. Neeks felt (s)himself(/s) sink to (s)his(/s) knees, put (s)his(/s) hands on the grass and feel the life in it, trying not to drain it as (s)his(/s) body tried to regain the energy (s)he(/s) just lost.

Leo staggered backward. "You know … I think I'll sit down."

He collapsed. The others joined him. The Argo II still floated over the river a few hundred yards away.

They began to exchange stories.

Frank explained what had happened with the ghostly legion and the army of monsters – how Neeks had used the scepter of Diocletian and how bravely Jason and Piper had fought.

"Frank is being modest," Jason said. "He controlled the entire legion. You should've seen him. Oh, by the way …" Jason glanced at Percy. "I resigned my office, gave Frank a field promotion to praetor. Unless you want to contest that ruling."

Percy grinned. "No argument here."

"Praetor?" Hazel stared at Frank.

He shrugged uncomfortably. "Well … yeah. I know it seems weird."

She kissed him. "It seems perfect."

Leo clapped Frank on the shoulder. "Way to go, Zhang. Now you can order Octavian to fall on his sword."

"Tempting," Frank agreed. He turned apprehensively to Percy. "But you guys … Tartarus has to be the real story. What happened down there? How did you …?"

Percy laced his fingers through Annabeth's.

"Don't ask them about it," Neeks ordered.

"We'll tell you the story," Percy promised. "But not yet, okay? I'm not ready to remember that place."

"No," Annabeth agreed. "Right now …" She gazed towards the river and faltered. "Uh, I think our ride is coming."

The Argo II veered to port, its aerial oars in motion, its sails catching the wind. Festus's head glinted in the sunlight.

"That's my boy!" Leo yelled.

As the ship got closer, they could see Coach Hedge standing at the prow.

"About time!" the coach yelled down. He was doing his best to scowl, but his eyes gleamed as if maybe, just maybe, he was happy to see them. "What took you so long, cupcakes? You kept your visitor waiting!"

"Visitor?" Hazel murmured.

At the rail next to Coach Hedge, a dark-haired girl appeared wearing a purple cloak, her face so covered with soot and bloody scratches that they almost didn't recognize her.

Reyna had arrived. Neeks was glad to see her, remembered their time together while bringing the statue back. Again, they'd have to do it, but (s)he(/s) wouldn't have to face Eros or Tartarus, nor would (s)he(/s) have to kill any civilians.

No, the war would never leave (s)him(/s), but (s)he(/s) was content for now.