A/N Hello, hello! I saw a Tumblr prompt for fanfic about different kinds of kisses and immediately thought of this series :) Hope to do some more if inspiration hits and people like it. Hope you're all doing well and this story maybe provides a little pleasant distraction.

PS The last fic I uploaded to this site shows as perfectly normal for me - not that I know how to fix it if it does! :D

The Perfect Present

"But, Jayne, girls like shiny things, trust us," Kaylee said plaintively, still trying to tug Jayne towards the necklaces, rings and gewgaws that caught the light in a way that would fool most people into thinkin' they were real.

Jayne weren't in the habit of buying birthday gifts for girls, not even his sisters, but this was different. Moonbrain had saved his life on Miranda. Moonbrain deserved a gift.

But he had no idea where to start. So, he went to two of the only girls he knew (Zoë didn't count; plus, she was scary as hell) and grudgingly asked for their help.

Inara had smiled in cool amusement; Kaylee had squealed with enthusiasm.

"'Course we'll help you, Jayne!"

Jayne had purposefully timed his request with the crew being planet-side and the three of them left Serenity at the first opportunity while Mal looked on with mild alarm, muttering something about, "Now that can't be good".

Kerry was in a star system smack between Core and Border, and the town they had landed in reflected that, with shops that were neither snootily fancy nor slim pickin's Rim.

The ladies had taken him to a variety of clothing, ribbons and "haberdashery" stores where he'd refused everything they proffered.

After they'd exited the fourth store into pounding sunshine even Kaylee looked a little fed-up.

"Jayne, why ask for our help if you're just gonna reject every suggestion?" she huffed.

"'Cos none of them were right," he responded, rolling his eyes at her stupidity.

"Well, what is the right store for River in your mind?" asked Inara, still without a hair out of place despite the stifling heat.

His gaze fell on an ironworks across the street and lit up. "That one!" he pointed.

Kaylee saw the front window display and grinned in relief. "Oh, yes, perfect!"

But once they'd gotten inside, they had realised that Jayne still wasn't onboard with their way of thinking when he'd sneered at the (almost) precious stones on display.

"Jayne," Inara's voice was measured, "unless your… modest appearance masks a surprising level of wealth, you're not going to be able to afford real gemstones, and as paste jewellery goes, this is highly convincing."

Jayne didn't need Inara to tell him this. He was ruttin' good at counterfeitin'. Good at spotting the small things, the tiny flaws others would overlook. He didn't need to see the poorly forged certificate of authentication to tell you the jewellery weren't the real thing. But he also knew most people would never know the difference.

He told Inara as such.

"Well, then," she raised an eyebrow. "Why the hesitation?"

"'Cos Moonbrain is different."

Kaylee wasn't ready to give up. She hooked her arm in his and leaned right back, trying to shift him with the full force of her weight. Jayne moved abruptly to the other side of the store and she let out a tiny shriek as his far larger bulk won out and catapulted her with him. He glanced at her in surprise and grunted something that could be taken as an apology if you wanted it to.

He unhooked his arm from hers. Something that could only be called glowing adoration in his eyes as he surveyed the display before him.

Inara and Kaylee exchanged glances that spoke volumes.

"Jayne," Kaylee scolded, "you are not gettin' River a gun for her birthday!"

"'Course not," Jayne scoffed. He spread his arms wide, beaming. "Gonna get her a nice throwing knife instead." He turned to them with a pleased expression.

"River doesn't need a weapon," Kaylee argued. "She needs sumthin' pretty."

Inara, however, looked thoughtful. "Mei mei, River does have a strong attraction to certain weapons. Remember when we found her playing with Vera? She was greatly enamoured."

"Oh, yeah," Kaylee responded, looking caught between amusement and wide-eyed worry. "Jayne about blew his compressed coil!"

"Yep," Jayne said proudly. "And there was that time we had to surrender all our guns at the Union bar, then the deal went sour. If River'd had a knife down her back, they'd never have found it and we could have all sat back with some hooch and watched the show. This way I get her sumthin' useful, sumthin' that she'll love and sumthin' that'll keep her greedy fán off my babies."

Inara eyed the knife thoughtfully then looked at the rest of the display. "How about a compromise?" She held up a bejewelled sheath.

Jayne couldn't give River the present on her actual birthday. Too many folk around and her nóng bāo brother stuck to her like cow shit.

He waited till a few days later when she was alone in her quarters, knocked and awkwardly offered her the sparkly dagger.

River had squealed and launched herself at him, long legs wrapping round his waist. He'd been semi prepared for this from siblings and Kaylee, and having seen how she leapt like a monkey from catwalk to catwalk more times than he could count, so he only staggered a half-step before recovering. 'Sides, she weighed less than a cat soakin' wet.

What he wasn't prepared for was her showering his face with delighted open-mouthed kisses.

He stood for a moment in stupefaction. His brain seemed to have turned to mush.

She was getting closer and closer to his mouth….

"Hey now! Hey now, Crazy!" He tried to look over his shoulder but her arms were just as locked as her legs and he couldn't crane round to see. "You tryin' to get me killed or sumthin'? Mal or your brother see you like this and they'll string me up and make me their personal piñata."

"They are far away in the cockpit," she remarked in muffled tones, now edging kisses along his jawline.

That happened to be a bit of a sweet spot for Jayne, and he paused for a moment, enjoying the sensation despite himself. This was apparently a mistake as the next thing he knew she started nibbling.

"River!" he gasped, hands coming up under her legs in shock. If pausing had been a mistake, allowing his hands to rest there was a shī shǒu of epic proportions. River's long floaty skirt had rucked up when she launched himself at him and what his hands were resting on now was most definitely not crinkled fabric but shiny, shiny skin.

"Gou za zhong," he groaned.

He felt River's lips smiling against his neck.

He gripped harder in retaliation then immediately regretted it when River moaned ever so softly in response.

Ta me de!

The temptation to slide his hands just a little higher, to cup that truly spectacular pì gǔhe'd sneaked looks at on more than one occasion…

River moaned less softly this time.

He dropped his hands like she'd burned him, self preservation and something else sending him into total panic. She made a small delightful sound of disappointment.

"Quit readin' me!" He yelped. "And quit makin' noises like that." His hands were at her ankles, desperately trying to unlock them.

"Why?" she asked matter of factly, back to nibbling at his jaw. "Both are causing satisfactory outcomes."

How the hell had this happened? he wondered. Two minutes ago he'd been handing her a present and now it was all he could do not to press her up against the nearest wall, slide that skirt even higher and- He mentally sawed hard on the reins but not before River emitted a sound of pure bright longing.

Jayne's resolve and moral compass, neither very strong at the best of times, weakened considerably.

"Gorramit, River-girl." He near panted in panic. "You gotta stop that."

"Why?" she said again.

"'Cos there is a special place for me to go if we carry on and it ain't that Hell preacher used to go on about, it's the gorram airlock! You wanna get me spaced?"

River sounded alarmingly unconcerned. "She told you. They are far away and Throwing Coins. The Captain is losing and determined to stay until he," her voice shifted, "wipes that smug look off that gorram doctor's face!'".

"You still gotta let me go!"

He could possibly make her. If he were willin' to risk hurtin' her. And pulling a move like runnin' backwards at the wall to knock the air outta her might trigger her ass-kicking side.

River in full combat mode was shiny as hell, but after seeing what she did to a whole peck of Reavers he didn't rate his chances.

River's mouth was now close to his ear and his knees weakened even at the thought, which meant any second, judging by her other Reading, she'd go licking and nibbling there too, and then he'd be lost to all reason. "What if I got you another gift?" he gasped in desperation, words leaving his mouth about as quick as bullets from Lux.

River paused just before her tongue made contact. She pulled back and looked at him thoughtfully. "A gift?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" He licked his lips nervously. "Another gift. Any shiny thing you want."

She was gazing into his eyes in a way that made him skittish in a different way. They were so big 'n' deep…. Man could get lost in them. He focused on her nose instead.

"Alright, Jayne Cobb. I'll let you go for a gift of my choosing."

He expelled the breath he'd been holding. "Sure! Anythin', anythin'."

"I want a kiss."

His eyes shot back to hers in shock. "Wha'?"

"A kiss" she repeated, looking mischievous again. "A proper kiss on the mouth." She looked medititative. "For at least ten seconds." She cocked her head consideringly. "Tongues would also be preferable."

Jayne began to splutter. "Nuh-uh. No! Jayne Cobb don't kiss on the mouth!"

Her eyes unfocused for a moment. "The Captain has started winning. Calculated odds based on previous experience conclude that Simon will be headed this way to check on me in ten minutes." Her legs tightened around him as if they could do it all day.

Jayne swore. "What about sumthin' else? Anythin' else! I'll… I'll let you play with Vera for a day!" He felt a wrench even at the idea.

Her hands framed his face, smiling in a way that sent his stomach to his toes and back again.

"Those are my terms, Jayne Cobb. Take it or leave it."

He scowled at her; pure panic made his voice harsh. "You know, I woulda thought someone who'd been through the Academy would care more 'bout forcin' people to do things they don't wanna!"

River's head snapped back in shock. Horror filled her eyes. Her legs unlocked and she slid down and away from him, stammering. "She is sorry. Sorry, Jayne Cobb. You are right. She was wrong to try to force him. Sorry, so sorry." She backed away from him. Were those tears in her eyes? Gorramit!

He found himself stepping towards her when only moments before he'd have sworn he'd give anything to get away.

"River, I weren't serious…"

"No, but you are right. It's wrong, very wrong. Girl should know better. I should know better." Her arms, so warm around his neck a moment ago, were wrapping around her stomach, as if trying to hold herself together.

"You weren't really forcin' me," he objected. "Gorramit, I liked it!" He ran a hand through his hair. "If anythin' too much. Felt too… too risky. So wanted to make it stop. But I never meant that."

"I was telling the truth," she said softly, not meeting his eyes, "no one would have walked in."

"Not that kinda risk," he muttered, looking away.

He wasn't sure if she'd heard him, but he heard her whisper, "So sorry" again.

"River, you gotta stop apologisin'. You weren't forcin' me!" She'd dropped her head now, so her hair fell like a veil between them. How could he convince her? "Alrigh', you can do it."

Something in his tone did make her look up then. "Do what?" She obviously wasn't Reading him anymore.

"You can kiss me," he mumbled. "On the mouth." He was colourin' like a gorram little girl. "With tongue."

In spite of himself, he felt a little thrill at the idea of River's tongue again.

She was studying him like a gun she didn't know how to reassemble.

"But you don't like it."

It wasn't that he didn't like it. It was what it could mean.

"It ain't that, River."

She still looked hesitant, and he realised talkin' wasn't gonna convince her.

He closed the space between them and reached out with gentle hands, tucking the curtain of hair behind her ears so he could see her face. He liked it better that way, anyway.

There was a thrill in his belly equal parts anticipation, equal parts nerves.

Been a long time since he'd held a girl's face like this, long, long time, but he'd swear no woman's skin had been this soft.

River was gazing at him, her eyes drawing him in…. Abruptly, he realised he was staring. If he left it any longer River'd start worryin' again about whether he actually wanted to.

God help him, he wanted to.

Closing his eyes he drew her face towards his and touched his lips to hers.

He'd planned to just remain there passively, counting down the seconds to meet her demand, keeping himself well under control just in case.

But 'parently River didn't do passive.

Her hands slid up to hold his wrists as if to keep him there. She tilted her head and softly shaped her lips to his.

Gorramit, her tongue in his ear would be better than this – less dangerous by far. Her lips on his own, hesitant, gentle, adoring, were stoking feelings of a different kind.

Ten seconds were up; he could step away now. Her arms had snaked round his neck.

Fifteen seconds. He pulled her closer, hands tracing the lines of her waist.

Twenty seconds. Her hands were in his hair, tugging on the short strands.

Twenty-five. Both their mouths were open now, tongues exploring, breathing shortening. But somehow it was still so gentle.

At thirty seconds, River broke the kiss, catching her breath, resting her head on his chest, trembling with feeling.

At thirty-five seconds, she lifted her head and met his gaze, smiling tremulously. He reached for her again.

"Simon is coming."

At this point, Jayne realised he didn't give a rat's pì gǔwho came along, so long as he could keep her this close and keep kissin' her.

At which point, Jayne realised he was well and truly humped.

fin

Mandarin translations:

Fán – paws

Gou za zhong! – son of a bitch!

Mei mei – little sister

Nóng bāo – good-for-nothing

Pì gǔ – ass

Shī shǒu – a slip, miscalculation, unwise move

Ta me de! – f***!