Chapter 33

I have been a TA for about a month and a half. I haven't had a one on one experience with any children yet, I have just been observing. It was difficult to hear, I couldn't help seeing myself when these children would talk about not just their fathers but mothers too. The last couple of weeks my Professor has been trying to get a 10 year old girl named Molly to communicate, she hasn't said a word since her mother and her fled from her father a year ago. My Professor comes to me from the other side of the glass.

"Ms. Watson, there's not going to be any observing today." He said scrunched the bridge of his nose looking disappointed.

"Why is that?" I ask him.

"Because unfortunately Molly is going to be seeing a new councilor. Her mom thinks a change will be good for her." He answered.

"Sir, I want to try."

"No, I'm sorry. That's not a good idea, I don't think her mom will allow a student and your still green."

"Sir, please. What difference will it make if she leaves anyways? Please, give me a chance." I beg.

"Okay, I think I can distract her mom for a little while, you have 30 minutes." He told me.

"Thank you." I said with a smile.

I go to the door but before I open it I take a deep breath, I suddenly was regretting volunteering and got really nervous. I just don't want to mess this up. What if I am terrible at this? What if I make her worse? A voice told me to believe and trust myself, I really wanted to help this little girl and I was going to do everything I could. I exhale and walk in.

"Hi Molly, I'm Ms. Watson, you can call me Iris." I tell her as I sit down across from her, she was just sitting there turning in her seat not looking at me, just looked at the floor. We sat there in silence for a few minutes.

"Would you like to draw?" I ask her, she nods her head yes. "Good, here you go." I give her a big piece of paper and crayons.

"You know what? I think I will draw too." I told her, I leave my seat and go on my knees to sit beside her at the small table in the middle of the room. I didn't know what to draw and I wasn't very good but I wanted to establish calmness and wanted her to relax.

We drew our pictures for about 10 minutes. Again, inside I was so nervous and would think I am screwing up and it didn't help that I knew that I was being watched by who knows how many people but again that voice said to keep going and trust myself.

"What are you drawing? I ask her, she shows me, "Yours is good, a lot better then mine. I am not very good." I smile as I show her mine, she kind of gives me a half grin...that's at least a start!

"Is that you and your mom?" She nods yes to me. I give her a little smile.

"You are very lucky to have her...I wish I had a mom...I lost mine." I said as I continued to draw.

"You...you did?" She suddenly spoke out loud, I looked up and stopped what I was doing and I did everything I could to not freak out.

"Yeah..." I only said, "I was 14."

"What happened to her?" She asked me again.

"Well Molly...she died." I replied, I was not going to talk down to her.

"How?"

"...someone hurt her." Is all I said, "Your lucky to have such a good mommy, she made sure that you didn't get hurt anymore."

"She's mad at me." She spoke very softly.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she is always mad and crying." She told me, I get closer to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"She's not mad at you Molly, she's sad because your dad did terrible things and she is angry with him, not you. She loves you."

"I thought it was my fault." She said softly.

"No, nothing was yours or your mom's fault, it was your dad's fault. Don't let him do that to you okay?" Is all I could say, "Your going to get through this."

She didn't say anything, she just gave me a big hug. Her mom walked in at that moment a little upset that a student was talking to her but the second she saw her hugging me she stopped with what she was going to say.

"Hi mommy." Molly spoke quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear as she gave her a hug.

"Hi. Molly your talking!" Her mom could only say with tears in her eyes, "Let's go home."

"Can we come back here and keep talking to Iris?" Molly asked her mom.

"Absolutely." Inside I was screaming but I was calm and collected on the outside, "Is that okay Professor Smith?" She finished.

"Yes, we can work something out." He replied with a smile.

"Thank you, I don't know what you did but...thank you." She tells me as we step out to the hall.

"Your welcome." I said with a smile, "I hope she tells you what's been going through her mind when you get home."

"Me too." She replied. I knew I shouldn't discuss what we talked about without Molly giving me permission, I didn't want to lose her trust when I just gained it.

She took Molly's hand who was still emotional but smiling. As they left the area Professor Smith turned to me with a confused grin on his face.

"I am impressed, how did you do that?" He asked.

"I don't know, I just started talking..." I could only say.

"Well, good job. From now on with supervision you'll be working with her."

"Thank you." I said with a smile.

The next month I was her councilor plus one other little girl with a similar experience, and it was going very well. I loved helping them. Every time I ended a session they got better and better, smiling more and more. I took the approach to talk to them like a friend, they seemed to really respond to that. My Professor stopped observing me recently since I was doing so well, I was helping Emma who was 12.

"Iris?" She asks me as we're playing cards.

"Yeah?" I respond as I put a card down and drew another one.

"Did you get hurt too when you were a kid?"

"...Yeah, I did." I answer as I look up at her.

"Your dad too?" She replied softly.

"Yeah...he was bad man." I told her.

"And he died?"

"Yes, he died"

"I wish my dad was..." She started to say.

"Your worried that he's going to come after you huh?" I asked her, she didn't say anything, just nodded her head. "Well, he's in prison and he's going to be in there for a long time, he can't get to you." I reassured her, this made me think of the men from my past that were in prison, I was always worried and scared of them getting out and coming after me too.

"What if he escapes." She replied as she drew a card.

"That won't happen, you can't live you life in fear. You won't truly live if you do, okay?" I said.

"Iris, who helped you?" She suddenly asked.

"Helped me with what?"

"You know, make you feel better. You make me feel better, who helped you?"

"...No one...I had to help myself." I replied softly.

I don't know why I said that, I knew that wasn't true but I couldn't bring myself to say that he helped me...I couldn't even admit to myself that every time I heard a voice telling me to believe in myself that it was Steve's voice. I couldn't admit after all the pain he caused that he still was a positive impact in my life. Damn him!

"Nah, someone helped you..." She only said with a sweet smile, "I bet it was a boy."

"Hey, I am suppose to be helping you here, just keep kicking my butt at cards." I told her as she giggled.

Was I really that obvious? If a little girl could see it, who else could?

I hope you liked this chapter and I know it seems unlikely for Iris to be good at this right away but I wanted to establish that she had a natural talent with helping children get through their pain and is good at this. And don't worry, Steve and Iris will reunite soon!