I jinxed it again

Good to see you – um, goodbye

We have work to do

Taim and Natael sat side by side in their favourite chairs, in the study. "Cheers," Natael said, raising his cup of wine. "To two weeks of undisturbed peace."

"Don't say that," Taim muttered. "You'll jinx it." He was staring broodily into the fireplace.

"I've been saying it every day for the past fourteen days, and nothing's happened," he noted.

Of course, the door banged opened the moment he was finished talking. The Pattern just loved to prove him wrong. Or to prove Taim right.

"What in the flaming Pit of Doom is going on here?!" Logain roared. He looked furious. His thunderous eyes, his clenched jaws, even his hair looked angry. It had grown longer and was flying wildly around his head.

Well. At least it wasn't Demandred. It would have been much scarier, had the Chosen been this outwardly cross.

Taim greeted Logain with his infuriating half-smile. "Welcome back. Would you like some wine?" He pointed to the carafe sitting on the desk. "Help yourself."

"Don't you dare-" Logain huffed. "I had to walk three miles just to get here! Why can't we Travel within the grounds? Where is your palace?" he demanded to Natael. "Where are the bloody Aes Sedai? And what in the name of the Creator is wrong with Gorman? I was barely gone a month! What have you done? Have they finally given up and Turned you, or have you gone mad? Am I too late? What…is…going on?!"

"We're not mad. You know that the taint has been cleansed, yes?" Taim said into the brief respite. "Surely you must have noticed."

Logain took three quick steps forward and grabbed him by the lapels of his coat. "ANSWER ME, BURN YOU!"

Natael stood and took hold of Logain's elbow. "Easy, fella. You know he cannot resist being a sarcastic little pest around you. Here, take my seat. I'll pour you some wine. You're going to need it."

Logain growled at him, like a rabid dog. Natael almost expected him to literally foam at the mouth, at this point. "Why are you so bloody calm?"

"Why shouldn't we be? Everything here is just peachy." Logain scowled. "Really, it is. If you'd just let us…catch you up on recent developments."

Finally, the man released Taim. He didn't sit down, though. He started pacing, his hands knotted into fists at his sides. "Why can't we open gateways inside the Black Tower? What did you do to Gorman? Did you Turn him? And where are the other Asha'man?"

"There's a Dreamspike somewhere, a ter'angreal that prevents channelers to Travel to and from a certain area," Natael explained. "Gorman's merely pretending. We've had to come up with…creative solutions to avoid a repeat of..." He trailed off. He'd just said that everything was peachy. How would Logain take it when they told him what had happened to the Aes Sedai and twenty-two of their Asha'man?

Taim cleared his throat. "It was Nate's idea. Demandred wanted us to begin Turning the men, so every few days we select one to act Turned, in case Demandred visits, though he hasn't, not since the Cleansing."

Logain eyed him shrewdly. "I take it that the little ambush you had planned didn't work out? And I assume your failure is connected to the mysterious absence of our captive Aes Sedai, as well as that of several of our men?"

He was too observant for his own good. "Well…"

"Are they dead, or did you send them away?" Logain asked sharply.

"Um…they're dead."

Logain's eyes widened. "All of them?"

"Um…" Natael looked at Taim, but he remained silent. Taim did hate to be the bearer of bad news. That task often fell to Natael. "Yes. All of the women, and more than half of our resident Asha'man."

"That's a flaming disaster." Logain stopped near a wall and banged his forehead against it. Not like he was trying to actually hurt himself, but still hard enough that the resulting thunk sound was audible. "I was just scolded by the Dragon Reborn for bonding them…and now they're dead. Oh, he's not going to like that," he muttered. "As if things weren't bad enough…"

"So…you did talk to him." Taim was careful to sound neutral, this time. "And it didn't go well?"

"He wasn't happy about the Aes Sedai being bonded," Logain repeated.

"Yes, but…what about everything else?" Taim insisted. "Demandred, Moridin? The Binding Rod? The Turning? Is he going to-"

Logain swivelled, his face an alarming shade of purple. "I didn't tell him about any of it, alright?" he snapped.

The admission took Natael aback. "Whyever not? That was the whole point of-"

"Because he clearly doesn't like me, let alone trust me."

"So…that's it? We're back to square one?"

"Not exactly," Logain replied with a sigh. "I have orders. I'm supposed to despatch some of our men to Arad Doman and Illian. He wants to make a truce with the Seanchan."

None of this made sense to Natael. "Good for him, but how does that affect us?"

"I'm going to prove myself to him. Show him that I'm dependable, reliable. I'm going to do exactly what he asks me to do until he trusts me. Then, and only then, will I let him know what's going on here." He paused for a moment, and the anger seemed to deflate out of him. It was immediately replaced by exhaustion. "I've been walking on eggshells around him. Everyone has. He's moody, unpredictable. I honestly don't know how he will react when I tell him that you've allowed the Forsaken to boss you around and do what they wanted with the Black Tower. He might kill you, you know. You realise that, yes? You, me, everyone here, perhaps. He might decide it's the safest path of action. Burn it all to the ground, so that the Shadow can't have it. Any of it. He's unstable. I couldn't risk it. I have to gain his trust first."

The silence stretched, uncomfortable, tense. Eventually, Taim spoke. "How many men does he need?"

"A hundred."

"Then take a hundred men and go," Taim said without hesitation. "Your pick. And please, next time, come back with al'Thor and every channeler available to him. We've experienced a short reprieve, but it won't last. Each day brings us closer to the Last Battle. Demandred will be back. Moridin, too. They will demand to see the Turned recruits we've assembled, and it will take only seconds for them to realise we've duped them. I don't know what will happen then, but it won't be pretty."

Logain nodded thoughtfully. After a moment, he asked: "When you realised you couldn't beat Demandred, did you kill the Aes Sedai in the hope that you wouldn't have to Turn your men at all? I can't think of any other reason why you would do such a thing…"

"Hey, we didn't kill them!" Taim said indignantly.

"They killed themselves," Natael clarified. "Perhaps for that very reason. I guess we'll never know."

"We could ask Lemai," Taim said. "Maybe Desandre and she had a contingency plan in case the ambush backfired. Or maybe Gabrelle knows something."

"I'll be sure to enquire," Logain muttered. "I'll be back in half an hour. I need to…" He trailed off and did not finish his thought as he headed out.

"That went well," Natael commented when he was gone.

"Not sure if you're being sarcastic, but I think it did go well, actually." Taim slumped in his chair. "I half-expected him to murder us both when he found out."

"To be fair, we could have murdered him, too," Natael reasoned. Taim gave him a quizzical look. "He failed in his task as much as we did."

"'As much as we did'?" Taim scoffed. "He didn't bring al'Thor with him, or even warn him, but at least he didn't get seventy people killed."

"But his mission was so much easier to accomplish than ours!" Natael complained. "All he had to do was speak to the bloody Dragon Reborn. That's literally all he was supposed to do!"

"If it's so easy, why don't you go ahead and ask al'Thor if he'll help us get rid of Demandred?" Taim suggested. "Logain must know where he is. He can take you there."

Natael opened his mouth to retort, but realised he had no argument. Either of them could have gone to al'Thor at any moment; they'd chosen not to. And if the lad didn't like Logain, one of the most charismatic men Natael had ever met, they were unlikely to succeed where he had failed.

Taim wasn't done making his point, however. "Just tell him that we tried our best, but after being indirectly responsible for the death of forty Aes Sedai, we think it best to involve him at last."

Natael remembered al'Thor muttering under his breath, repeating over and over the names of the women he believed were dead because of him. He wondered how long that list had become, and if his tainted brain would be able to retain the names of all the Aes Sedai who had perished at the Black Tower. Natael had no doubt that the lad would somehow find a way to blame himself for their deaths, but he didn't believe that al'Thor would think twice about executing Taim and Natael for their multiple failures, and especially that last, spectacular one. When he remembered that they existed.

"What if we waited until Demandred returned and sent al'Thor a message that he's here? After the Dragon has dealt with Demandred, we can tell him it's the first time he's ever come here, and our first instinct was, of course, to let him know about it. If Demandred's dead, there'll be no one to contradict us."

Taim stared at him. "How are we supposed to warn him so quickly? We can't open gateways. It would take at least half an hour just to go far enough to open one and send a message. Then al'Thor would have to be there, he'd have to read the message as soon as he gets it, and decide to come right away. Demandred rarely stays more than a few minutes – except that one time, but the circumstances were different. Even then, he didn't stay a second more than was strictly necessary. And how would we explain what happened to the Aes Sedai if that's the first time Demandred ever set foot here?"

Natael shrugged. "They couldn't take being bonded to male channelers and committed suicide after murdering their Asha'man captors. That's actually the easiest thing to lie about. But you're correct about the gateway issue…" Not only were they forced to walk three miles out of the Black Tower to be able to open one, but they were being watched whenever they went outside. In fact…

"Demandred will know that Logain has returned," he said.

Taim nodded. "He can't stay here. Too risky. As soon as he's assembled enough men, he must leave, and only come back when he does have al'Thor's trust. And al'Thor himself, preferably," he added.

Natael grimaced. "Ten minutes ago, everything was fine, and now… Now it's all a mess again. I did jinx it, burn me."

"Nothing here has ever been fine, Nate. You were merely deluding yourself. I told you that a hundred times in the past two weeks. Just because we haven't seen or heard from Demandred-"

"But nobody died!" Natael insisted. "I may have set the bar extremely low but, to me, that's fine. 'Peachy' may have been a slight exaggeration, but I stand by 'fine'." He took a gulp of wine, barely tasting it. The evening had started out so well…

And now Logain was back in the study. "It hasn't been half an hour yet…" Natael said grumpily.

Logain smirked at him. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting something? Since you're both fully dressed, I'm going to assume it was an argument rather than a…private moment."

"Have you gathered your men already?" Taim asked. Always the practical one.

"Gabrelle will see to it with Gorman. I told him I knew what he was doing. To his credit, he stayed in character, but he did agree to assist us. I see that you've raised quite a few new Dedicated while I was gone. I'm guessing it was an attempt to compensate for all the dead Asha'man…"

"It was," Taim said flatly. "Obviously."

The two former False Dragons eyed each other stonily. Natael cleared his throat. "Logain, you'll have to leave as soon as-"

"We leave in an hour," Logain barked. "Next time you see me, I'll have an army at my back. This I swear."

Such intensity. Though Natael noticed that he hadn't sworn one of those fancy oaths Third Agers loved so much. By the Light and my hope of salvation and rebirth, or something equally silly. "Um…right. Did you tell the other Aes Sedai about…"

"I told Gabrelle. She didn't say anything, and I couldn't feel much through our bond, so I'm not sure if they planned this…" He exhaled slowly. "I don't think it really matters. What's done is done. We can only move forward."

He was good at processing horrible things very quickly, Natael had to give him that. Taim had been nearly catatonic for hours after Gorman reported the tragedy, and Natael was certain that he still hadn't processed it entirely. There was a sensibility, a vulnerability to Taim that was not apparent to anyone but Natael himself.

"Are you certain that she can be trusted?" Taim asked softly.

Logain scowled. "Who, Gabrelle? Of course she can be trusted! I'd know it, if she were Black Ajah. We're bonded, Taim. She couldn't hide it from me."

"Mezar didn't know that Adrielle was Black Ajah," Natael felt compelled to point out.

Taim snorted. "For all we know, Mezar was a Dreadlord and he bonded her because he knew what she was. Darkfriends must have some sort of signal or code to recognise each other."

Logain was staring at Natael, shock painted on his face. "Adrielle Sedai was Black Ajah?"

"Indeed," Natael confirmed. "She betrayed us, and that ruined our carefully laid plans. That…witch, with her wide, innocent eyes… Why are all the pretty ones evil?"

"We're not all evil," Logain grumbled. Then he realised what he'd said and blushed furiously. "I mean… That's not what I…"

Taim's half-smile greeted that remark. Natael was hard-pressed to hold back laughter.

Logain was trying to eradicate Taim's smile by glowering at it, without success. "How can you find anything amusing, given the circumstances?"

"Laughter is the best remedy for grief and…well, for the general annoyance with which life so generously provides us every day," Natael said, though he usually refrained from uttering wise statements such as this – it made him feel old.

"Laughing at a time like this, after everything you just told me, feels disrespectful and completely inappropriate," Logain said sternly.

"Oh, I know what'll cheer you up!" Natael exclaimed. "Atal's dead!"

That definitely did not cheer him up. Logain was frowning again. "Did you kill him?"

"No, the Aes Sedai did," Natael said with a wide grin, remembering the scene of the crime. There had been so much blood… Bits of Atal everywhere.

Ah, good times.

"And how did Demandred react to this…carnage? That was a serious obstacle to his plans to Turn our men. Weren't you punished for the ambush in the first place? In fact…why are you not dead?" he asked, as if he'd only just fully grasped all of the implications of what had happened.

Natael was about to answer, to explain that, somehow, Demandred had agreed that the Aes Sedai had acted without any prompting from Taim or Natael, which was entirely true, by the way. And that he had punished them for attacking his…unsubstantial projection by forcing them to Turn Toveine.

Oh, right – Logain didn't know about that, either. Peace, he'd really missed out on a lot of things, and there was so little time for them to catch up.

Taim beat him to a reply, however. "Because Moridin wants his lover alive, apparently."

Natael gaped at him. Taim shrugged unabashedly. "That's what Demandred said, isn't it? I'm not as fluent as you are in the Old Tongue, but I believe he said something like, 'No, it's not allowed', followed immediately by, 'Curse Ishamael and his ridiculous orders' when he talked about Turning you instead of me."

That was actually a fairly accurate translation, but Natael refused to give him credit for it. He had not realised that it bothered Taim so much. He'd never mentioned it before. They ought to have a serious conversation regarding this, preferably in private, calmly and honestly.

Unfortunately, before he could fully assimilate that very mature, rational thought, his mouth decided to take over for his brain. "Well, I'm sorry to be alive," he snapped.

Ugh. What a stupid thing to say. What a stupid argument to have in front of Logain, when they certainly had more important business to discuss, the three of them.

The retort had the expected, but unwanted effect: Taim's eyes widened, and he looked hurt. "That's not what I-"

"That's what it sounded like," Natael interrupted him. Stop talking, you idiot, you're making it worse! He turned to Logain. "Isn't it what it sounded like?" he demanded. Sure, involve Logain in your spat. Great thinking, nitwit.

Logain hesitated. He who usually radiated confidence now seemed to shrivel under Natael's gaze, looking awkward. "Um, I wasn't there," he muttered, lowering his eyes to ground level.

"But you're here now," Natael insisted. Bloody hell, would someone please silence me? "You heard what Taim said, you heard his tone."

"Why are you being like this, Nate?" Taim said.

How dare he look indignant? "Why am I being like this? You started this! You-"

"Seems to me like Taim's jealous and you're confused about Ishamael's orders, which is causing some tension between you two," Logain cut him off, speaking in a loud voice. They both stared at him. "Well, you were asking for my opinion. To complete it, I'd say you should discuss this after I'm gone."

"Yes, well, you can leave now," Taim said sharply. "Take the men and report back when you have al'Thor's trust, and ideally a promise that he won't annihilate us all when he finds out what's been going on behind his back."

"A back which he willingly turned on us," Natael said sourly.

Taim cast him a murderous look. "We're all equally to blame in this sordid affair, Nate, and you bloody know it. We've been over this a hundred times. Quit your whining." He turned his eyes on Logain. "Seriously, don't come back here unless you have al'Thor with you." Logain seemed about to protest, but Taim gestured for him to listen. "It's not a threat, Ablar. It's too dangerous here for you. It's a miracle that Nate and I are still alive and able to think for ourselves, but I wouldn't count on another miracle. Demandred will Turn you if you give him an opportunity." He paused. "Worse, he'll demand that we Turn you, and I genuinely don't want to do that." Unexpectedly, he smiled. "Kill you, sure, but Turning is such a messy and unpleasant business…"

Even more surprising, Logain smiled in return. "You wish."

"Be careful out there," Taim said.

"Be even more careful here," Logain replied. He was at the door now. "Oh, and do take care of that Dreamspike problem, you lazy oafs. I can't be doing all the work." Then, without a word to Natael, he left.

"Are you two…friends?" Natael wondered aloud. Their relationship truly was a puzzling one.

"Why?" Taim said dryly. "Are you jealous?"

A little bit. Also… "Now you're accusing me of being jealous?"

"I'm not jealous of Ishamael, curse you. I'm just… I don't understand. Why has he ordered the Forsaken to keep you alive? And if he has, why did Graendal attempt to burn you out of the Pattern?"

"Perhaps Elan wasn't around at the time," Natael said. "He hadn't been given a new body yet. I'm fairly certain that Graendal acted of her own initiative. She never liked me."

Taim sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Did you write a song about her, too?"

"No! Well, I mean, yes, I wrote several songs about her, but that's not it. I think." In truth, he wasn't sure why Graendal despised him, but then again, nearly everyone he'd ever encountered seemed to feel that way about him. For some mystifying reason.

"I suppose she considered me…a loose end?" Natael went on. "I did betray the Shadow, after all. Against my will, initially, but the Great Lord does not care for such flimsy details."

"Possibly," Taim said, "but that doesn't explain Moridin's orders. Does he want you alive for the Last Battle because he has plans for you? Or is it…" He trailed off, hesitant.

"Personal?" Natael supplied. Taim nodded. "I don't think so?"

How could it be? Ishamael had dumped him and made it clear he'd never cared about him, all those years – centuries – ago. Even when Natael had requested to join the Shadow, Ishamael had been rather…discourteous. And distant. He usually did his best to pretend that Natael wasn't there at all, or that he was nothing but an irksome buzzing insect, a petty distraction. He'd never acknowledged their relationship, not once since he'd broken Natael's heart. Their last encounter, in Sindhol, had not been any different. There was no sign of affection from him, of fondness, nothing of the sort.

But what plans could Ishamael have that involved Natael? If he'd wanted him on their side again, he would have ordered Demandred to Turn him weeks ago.

What use could he possibly have for Natael? Even with his strength in the Power restored, he was a better administrator than a commander. He wasn't particularly helpful on a battlefield. He wasn't a capable Healer.

Perhaps he wanted Natael to provide background music during the battle…

"Whatever the reason, it worries me," Taim said quietly. "I'm not jealous, Nate. I'm worried." There was a pause. "And I apologise for the way I spoke, earlier. I should have brought this up a while ago, instead of letting it fester…"

This; this was why Taim could never be one of the Chosen. He didn't let his negative emotions fester long enough. "I'm sorry, too," Natael said. "I lashed out."

"To be fair, I did spring it on you out of the blue…and in front of Logain."

"Yes… Yes, you did."

Taim smiled, but not that sorry excuse for a smile that he gave other people. This was the secret smile he reserved for Natael alone. "Well, I suppose I'll have to make it up to you somehow."

"I look forward to it, but perhaps we should discuss the Dreamspike, first…"

The smile vanished. "What about it? Logain was just being a jerk, you know. He doesn't really expect us to solve that problem. How could we?"

"We could…find the Dreamspike and disable it. Then reset it to suit our own needs."

Taim frowned. "You said it was impossible."

I did say that, didn't I? The truth was that he didn't want to do anything that would cause Demandred to come back, and angrier than ever. Everything had been so peaceful around here these past few weeks… "I may have slightly exaggerated."

"Is it…difficult? Dangerous?" Taim prompted.

"Not particularly. It's just… If Demandred wants to pay us a visit and realises he can't open a gateway, he'll know what we've done. He'll be cross, especially if he has to walk three miles to yell at us. Do we really want to anger him any more than we already have?"

"Nate…"

"Seriously, is it worth incurring his wrath? The moment he finds out, he'll only have to find it again and reset it. It's a waste of time, plus he'll punish us for messing with it in the first place."

Taim was silent for a moment. "What if we don't reset it, but merely disable it? Will he know that it's been tampered with?"

"I…have no idea," Natael admitted. His knowledge of Dreamspikes was limited. He'd never used one himself, though he knew how to disarm it and manage its settings – in theory, that was. "Once activated, it's only visible in Tel'aran'rhiod. I think. Which means we'll have to go there to find it."

"Is that a problem?"

"I don't like Tel'aran'rhiod," Natael muttered. "Most of the Chosen are apt at navigating and manipulating it, but I'm not one of them." He really was useless, wasn't he? "If we run into one of them…" He trailed off, unwilling to finish that sentence.

"I think it's worth a shot," Taim said. "We need gateways, Nate. Our supplies are running low, and the would-be Queen of Andor-"

"Yes, I know," Natael said with a sigh. "She's being uncooperative. Extremely so."

"Besides, with gateways, we can make a quick getaway, if need be. We could send our men to safety when Demandred realises that none of them have been Turned." He paused. "Well, before he realises, ideally. Once Logain has explained everything to al'Thor, we could relocate them in a more secure area."

"That could take a while," Natael remarked.

"I still think we should make an attempt," Taim insisted. "We need to be more proactive. It's no use trying to outsmart Demandred, but we can take a few minor steps to at least…" He scowled. "Wait. He had to know that you could disarm the Dreamspike, didn't he?"

"Yes! See, that's exactly what I'm afraid of. He knows I know what it is, and how to stop it, but he still casually mentioned it. That leads me to believe that there are traps. Perhaps it's even guarded. Perhaps it's set to explode when anyone but him touches it." Natael didn't know if that was even possible, but should they risk it?

Taim was studying him, but he didn't say anything.

"You think I'm being a coward, don't you?" Natael said. "A selfish coward."

"No, I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons. I value your input, Nate. If you think it's too risky, then we won't do it. I trust you. I've never entered Tel'aran'rhiod, so I don't know what it's like."

I value your input. Well, that was new. No one had ever told him that before. He hid a beaming grin behind his cup of wine. "Lanfear is gone, though. That's one person who won't bother us in the World of Dreams… And Elan certainly has better things to do than monitor us."

"Don't they all have better things to do?"

Natael snorted. "You'd think that, but they must have eyes and ears at the Black Tower. All of them. If we attempt this thing, we must keep it to ourselves, at the risk of dying and no one ever finding out how or why or where our bodies may be."

"I resigned myself to that possibility months ago," Taim murmured.

So had Natael – centuries ago, in his case. Being one of the Chosen had its perks, but the risk of dying without anyone ever finding out was high. It had almost happened last year, in that cursed pantry, in Caemlyn. If not for Cauthon's accidental yet timely rescue, Natael would have died for the second time that day. And dying once a day was quite enough, thank you very much.

"We'll give it a try," he decided. "But if we spot so much as the shadow of another person…"

"We won't take any unnecessary risk," Taim assured him. "If there are guards, we'll leave immediately. It's not worth dying for, that much we can agree on."

Is anything worth dying for? Natael wondered. Even weeks ago, he would have said no, with emphasis and without hesitation. Life was preferable to death, always. That was what he used to believe. Since then, he had fallen in love with Taim, and he had experienced Turning…well, not first-hand, but near enough. He didn't want to live without his free will, and he couldn't live without Taim.

Was that a romantic exaggeration? Perhaps. After all, he'd survived his break-up with Elan, and that had shattered his heart, crushed his soul, and pretty much annihilated his will to live.

Of course he could live without Taim. He just wasn't sure that he would want to, if Taim happened to die before him. Taim wasn't Elan; Taim lifted him up, he was his rock. He was also the only person in the world who actually seemed to enjoy Natael's company. Losing Taim would mean losing the one person who genuinely cared about him.

If no one cared about you, did you exist at all? Was life worth living, when you were entirely alone in the world?

"I can see from your expression that you're either philosophising about the deeper meaning of life or having an existential crisis," Taim said wryly, "or both, but should we get ready? Are you sober enough to see this through tonight?"

He was not. "We'll practice tonight. We'll enter the World of Dreams at a safe location and I'll teach you everything I know." It shouldn't take long, and he didn't need to be perfectly sober for that. Which was a good thing, because his cup of wine was still half-full. He drained it and smacked his lips. "Come on, then. I'll deal with my existential crisis later."