Jennie

You know that expression—walking on cloud nine? Well, that was me as I strolled down the halls on Monday. Everything was going so great—Rosé and Lucas, Lisa and me, and school—that I felt like I was on a happy drug and never wanted to come down.

Lisa had kissed me good-bye Sunday morning after Homecoming, having to leave for a daytrip to Weston to visit her brother. I hinted that I'd love to join her some weekend and meet Mashiho, but I didn't want to push it either. I got the impression that Lisa really enjoyed her alone time with her brother, so I'd wait until the time was right.

She hadn't called or texted all day yesterday, so I started to worry when I hadn't heard from her. But, at about ten o'clock last night, she'd finally crawled through my window and slid into bed next to me. As she spooned me, we both fell into a deliciously deep sleep.

Between the tickle torture she woke me up with this morning and the rush to school, I had barely talked to her about her visit with her brother.

"So, get your ass out to the parking lot right after school today." Mino sauntered up to me as I headed to French class. He was grinning from ear to ear. "We're going to practice racing out on Route Five. Lots of dirt road and hills."

I pushed up the sleeves of my thin, black cardigan that I wore over my Avenged Sevenfoldt-shirt. I was hot as hell as I battled the crowd in the hallway. "Why would I want to practice racing? And with you?"

"Because Lisa said you were looking at a G8 to buy. We could spend the winter getting it ready to race in the spring. Lisa says she's got work after school, so that means you're free, and we can bond." He nodded his filthy-flirtatious head like I should be so excited.

I couldn't lie and say that I wasn't interested in buying a car. Lisa had seen my internet printouts. A guy in Chicago was selling a Pontiac G8 that had me drooling, but I hadn't decided to buy it yet.

Mino raised his eyebrows. His light blue oxford hung open over a dark gray t-shirt, and with his boyish demeanor, it was hard to stay agitated with him. He was trying to be friendly, after all.

But I forced a stern voice. "I have labs twice a week, including today. I have cross country. Not to mention, I have papers due in Themes and French early next week, and a Math and Chemistry test right before Halloween next Friday. Some other time…maybe." I breathed out the last part as I opened the door to French class.

"Don't be such a party pooper!" Mino followed me in and shouted loud enough for the whole classroom to hear. "Those naked pictures of us skinny dipping were for my eyes only."

I halted, and closed my eyes as I sensed every student in the room turn to stare at me. Was he seriously doing this to me again?!

Snickers and not-so-subtle laughs erupted, while I took a moment to straighten my shoulders and proceed to my desk. I caught Bobby out of the corner of my eye, his long legs crossed at the ankles and one hand tapping a pen on his notebook. His eyes were downcast, but he was clearly trying to hold back a laugh.

"Mr. Caruthers." Madame Lyon stepped out from behind her desk and addressed Mino in English, crossing her arms over her chest. "I assume you have somewhere you need to be right now."

Mino placed one hand over his chest, while the other hand gestured to me. "Nowhere but by her side until the end of time," he answered.

I cleared my throat as I took my seat. "Piss off," I mouthed to him.

With a fake pout puckering his lips, Mino backed out of the door and disappeared.

As soon as the door closed, I heard some cell phones ringers go off around me including some vibrating from other phones, including mine. Weird. Why were we all getting notifications at the same time?

"Mettez vos telephones off, s'il vous plaît!" Madame told us to turn our phones off. It was a school rule to keep them silenced during instructional time, but everyone carried theirs on them.

I quickly reached into my bag to completely silence mine as a few others were bold enough to actually check their notifications covertly.

As I went to lower my volume, I saw that it was a text from Lisa. A little shot of heat surged through my chest, and I hid my phone under the desk so I could check the message.

When I opened up the video she'd sent, I nearly choked on my own air.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. My hands shook as I watched a video on my phone of Lisa and I having sex Saturday night. I could tell it was Saturday night from the way my hair was styled for Homecoming.

What the…?

My stomach rolled and putrid bile rose up to the back of my mouth. I think I would've vomited if not for my throat closing off the oxygen trying to get in.

Us. Having sex. We were recorded.

And there I was, perfectly visible and extremely naked as I straddled Lisa.

Oh, my God. I wanted to scream. This could not be real!

What was going on?

Snickers, snorts, and whispers popped up around me, and I jerked my head when the girl sitting next to me laughed out loud. She smirked, with her phone in her hand, and I could only stare in horror as she flashed me her screen. No, no, no. The same sordid video played on her phone.

As I looked around, my eyes wide, I knew others in the class were seeing the same video message.

This can't be happening! I struggled to take in breath after breath as my brain worked to figure what the hell was going on. My eyes burned with tears that didn't fall, and I felt like I was on another planet.

No, this is not real. It's not…I shook my head, trying to wake up from this nightmare.

I couldn't stop the tremors rocking through my fingers. I glanced back down to my phone and backed out of the video. The text accompanying the message read: "She was a great fuck. Who wants her next?"

My chest shook with dry sobs.

Lisa.

The message came from her phone. It was sent to everyone.

Madame called out, trying to get the class focused, "Écoutez, s'il vous plaît."

I stood up shakily, pulled my bag over my head and hurried out of the room. The laughs and taunts behind me were like white noise. They were there. They were always fucking there. Fuck me for getting comfortable.

Why didn't I listen to my instincts? I knew I couldn't trust her. Why was I so weak?

I held my stomach, trying to hold back the cries, wails, and screams that I wanted to let loose. My lungs felt stretched from the deep, fast breaths I'd been taking.

That video was everywhere! And by tonight, there wouldn't be one person in Shelburne Falls who hadn't seen or heard of it.

Lisa. My head was splitting trying to take in the betrayal of what she'd done. She'd been patient and clever and waited for her revenge. She'd ruined me. Not just in high school but forever. I'd always be looking over my shoulder now, wondering who would discover that video on some sordid website and when it would happen.

And I loved her. How could she do something like this? My heart felt like it was tearing in two.

Oh, God. My stomach hollowed out, and I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore.

"Jennie," a voice panted.

I stopped and looked up, my tear-filled eyes meeting Mino's. He'd just come up the stairs, and I saw his phone in his hand.

"Jennie, Jesus." He reached for me.

"Stay away from me!" I hurled at him angrily. I should've known better. Mino would be just like Lisa. He'd fooled me, too. And I couldn't trust either of them. I knew that now.

"Jennie." He reached for me again, slower, like he was approaching an animal.

I wanted him away from me. I couldn't listen to any more painful insults or degrading innuendos. No—scratch that—I wouldn't listen to any more.

"Just let me get you out of here, okay?" Mino inched towards me.

"No!" I cried, the tears blurring my vision. I slapped his hands away and caught him in the face with my palm.

He quickly stepped in front of me and wrapped his arms around my body, holding me tight as I struggled and cried.

"Stop it." He jerked me a couple of times. "Just calm down." His voice was strong and sincere. "I'm not going to hurt you."

And I wanted to believe him.

"They saw everything," I sobbed, my chest heaving from the heavy breaths. "Why did she do that to me?"

"I don't know. For once, I don't know what the hell's going on. We need to talk to her."

Talking. I was fucking done with the talking. Nothing I tried to do with Lisa this year helped me. Nothing made my life better. In the end, her bullying had ended any hopes I had for happiness.

Somehow I'd been wrong when I thought she really cared. When I thought she really loved me. I believed every stupid lie she spewed. Maybe she was never abused. She probably didn't even have a brother.

She'd finally pushed me so far down that I only wanted to escape now. Escape into something other than hope, love, and all that other bullshit.

My anger and pain were molding into something else, something harder.

Numbness.

Indifference.

Coldness.

Whatever it was, it felt better than what I felt a minute ago.

I took a deep breath and sniffled. "Let me go. I'm going home." My voice was hoarse but steady when I pulled away from Mino.

He released me, and I walked away slowly.

"I don't think you should drive," Mino called out behind me.

Lisa

"So your grades look good. Not great but enough to get into a good school." Ms. Varner opened a file folder—my folder—and regurgitated the same conversation she'd no doubt spewed at the other three hundred seniors she'd talked to this month.

I sat there, arms at ease on the arm rests with one ankle resting on the other knee. The air in the room was thick, but I stayed because the principal would harass the students who made these meetings difficult. I sat, I stayed, and I would get out as easily as possible.

"What colleges are you considering?" she asked, looking at me with concern.

"Undecided." I barely unclenched my teeth for my usual one-word answers.

Her eyes narrowed, and she studied me for a moment before pulling a packet out of the folder.

"Are you interested in seeing what the career test said about you?" she asked without even looking at me.

"No."

"It said," she continued as if I'd said nothing, "that you have strengths in leadership."

What the…?

"Like a coach?" I blurted out.

Me and sports? Me working in a school for the rest of my life earning shit pay. Yeah, that'd be a whole fucking waste of a life.

She covered her smile with her hand. "No," her voice cracked with a laugh. "Like the military or politics."

Like West Point, Mr. Kim's voice came back to haunt me.

No, maybe owning my own shop someday or running races, but not driving tanks or flying jets…

Wait…

"Yeah, okay." I shook off the images of me in a cockpit. "I'll think about it." I stood up to leave with no intention of thinking about it.

"Lisa," she called, and I stopped. "The test also says you're a protector, a nurturer..." she trailed off as my eyes widened.

What the fuck?

"You might want to consider careers in health care or youth guidance." And she looked down, almost embarrassed.

Youth guidance?

My face probably looked like someone just told me I was born from wolves. When I looked at her, I saw a crazy lady.

"Get your test checked," I grumbled and walked out the door.

A fucking youth guidance pilot?

And she makes money at that job?

My head was all over the place now, and I'd lost the calm from this morning. Usually my brain was like a warehouse. Take one box, open it, deal with it, and put it away before I deal with another box. Now all the goddamn boxes were open at the same time.

Was it so wrong to just want Jennie on the back of my motorcycle forever and not want anything else?

I marched through the front office and yanked open the door leading out.

"Lisa!" I heard my name yelled—no, bellowed—off to my left and turned to see Mino stomping towards me.

My shoulders straightened immediately.

He looked pissed. His hair looked like he'd been combing his hands through it, and his lips were tight.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" he accused, and I braced myself for a punch that I was sure was coming for some reason.

What?

"What are you talking about?" If the counselor's office was hot, I was in a frying pan now. I pulled the collar of my black hoodie away from my sweaty neck.

Holding up his phone next to his face, I grabbed it out of his hands and stared in horror as I watched a video of Jennie and me having sex Homecoming night.

What?

My heart was jackhammering through my chest, and I couldn't catch my breath.

Jesus.

Hot air poured in and out of my nose.

We were in the Beckman's bedroom, and she was on top, completely fucking naked.

How the hell?

Mino had this video.

He saw her like that.

My fists balled up, ready to slam him to the ground.

But… why would Mino have this video?

And then another thought occurred to me.

"Who else has seen this?" I growled, ready to either throw up or thrown down.

"Um, everybody," he spat out sarcastically. "You didn't send this, then?"

"Of course I didn't send this! We didn't record a sex video. Jesus Christ!" I hollered and vaguely noticed students around us hauling ass outdoors when they should've been in class.

He looked down. "Well it came from your phone." He spoke softer.

I closed my eyes. No, no, no…

"Jennie might've got this video. Shit." I started for the stairs, knowing she was on the third floor for French, but Mino grabbed me by the inside of my elbow.

"Sis, she's already gone." He shook his head, and my stomach plummeted.

My phone was missing, and someone had sent a video of Jennie and me to the whole damn school from my number.

"Lisa!"

I turned and saw Sam running down the hall, jerking his thumb to the double doors leading outside.

"Jennie's trashing your car, man!" he shouted, breathless.

Mino and I didn't wait. We charged out the double doors only to see a crowd gathering around my Boss.

Jennie.

I couldn't see much, but I saw her swinging and felt the sharp slash at my chest every time the metal weapon in her hands hit my car.

She was losing it.

How many times could she be humiliated before she crumbled?

How many times could she be hurt before the damage was irreparable?

Jennie

I just wiped my eyes and kept walking. Down the stairs, through the empty hallways, and out the front doors.

I'd parked next to Lisa that morning, and when I saw her car I let out a hard laugh. Not from amusement but from the look on her face when she came outside to see what I'd done.

I grabbed the crowbar out of the back of my truck and ran the sharp-cornered end along the side of her car as I walked to the front of the vehicle. The shrill screeching of metal on metal sent a warming high right to my veins, and I smiled.

And brought the crowbar down dead center on her windshield.

The impact splintered the glass into a hundred different cracks. It sounded like a fat roll of bubble wrap popping all at once.

After that, I went crazy. I pounded dents into her hood, doors, and trunk. My hands hummed from the vibrations of the blows, but I didn't stop. I couldn't. With each wallop, I got higher and higher. Hitting her where it hurt made me feel safe. No one could really hurt me if I could hurt them, right?

This is how bullies are made. A voice in my head whispered. I shook it off.

I wasn't becoming a bully, I told myself. A bully has power. I didn't wield any power here.

I slammed the crowbar across her driver's side window, shattering it. Bits of glass rained all over her seat.

Before I could get the crowbar raised to bust one of her quarter panel windows, I was grabbed from behind and turned away from the car.

"Jennie, stop it!"

Lisa.

I twisted out of her grasp and whirled around to face her. She held up her hands as if to calm me, but I was already calm. Didn't she see that? I was in control, and I didn't care what any of these people thought.

Mino stood behind Lisa with his hands on his head, surveying the damage to Lisa's car. His eyes were so wide that I thought they would pop out of his head. The school's windows were nearly spilling with bodies anxious to get a glimpse of the display.

Fuck them.

"Jennie…" Lisa said timidly, eyeing the weapon in my hand.

"Stay away from me, or it'll be more than your car getting busted up the next time," I warned.

I didn't know if it was my words or my flat tone that surprised her, but she hesitated.

She stared at me like I was someone she didn't know.