There Is (No) Hope

by BardInTheForest

Shinji Ikari was not a young man that lived an easy life. Each good that the universe teased him with was typically met with a greater evil. Now the only pilot capable of fielding an Evangelion against a series of reborn Angels, he will have to adapt to new allies and new foes. The world has changed, and there is no running away from it anymore.

33. Chapter 33

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Monday + 9)

Shinji had not found in himself the capacity for sleep. Tsuruko had, thankfully, but he himself was just too mentally active to find release from the fatigue built up in him. Sitting with his knees tucked up into his chest, his arms wrapped around his shins, he walked the halls of his mind searching for answers with the calm that he'd been given by having been listened to by someone and given a straight answer to something that had been plaguing him. Picking up the two letters he'd been given, and reading them for at least the tenth time, he tried to give his mind something new to use to try and piece together the world he now inhabited.

'To my most precious Shin-Shin, my most faithful Knight, my dearest Love,

'I wish I knew what was said that frightened you so, so that I might begin with an undiluted apology for the saying of it. I wish I knew who had poisoned such wishes as I have for your health and happiness, so that I might relieve them of the burden of living any longer. I wish that you could see yourself as I see you, so that you would not suffer uncertainty about my feelings for you. Wishes, as many have said in one way or another, amount to absolutely nothing without the strength to reach for them. Without the drive to turn them from fantasy to reality. Without the hope that inspires us to transition from idle dreamer to active achiever.

'It pains me more deeply than you can possibly know to hear you speak as if hope itself is dead. As if we cannot both dream of a world where our problems are no more, and act with a terrible fury to clear a path to the future for those who lack our strength. You wear two talismans already, given to you out of hope. Given by a woman who is risking everything she has in an effort to bring about what she believes to be the best possible future for those she shelters.'

Shinji considered his palms again, wondered how bad his emotional swings might have been if they weren't adorned by the Foci. He already had a difficult time strangling down his anger, and it had only become harder as the reasons to be angry continued to mount. Would he have become a monster? Lost himself to Unit-01? Worse, would he have become whatever it was that they fled from Elysium? His body was beginning to shut itself down in an effort to not lash out in rage. He was having standing fugues to stop himself from howling with frustrated impotence. Shaking his head, he went back to the beautiful handwriting before him.

'I am leaving for a time, again. Not only to abide by your desire, as any dear companion ought to, but to do what I must to bring about the best possible future that I envision. The changes you have seen, my hair, my complexion, my attitude, are not grim harbingers of some evil desire. (Though I do think you and I could spend a bit of time being naughty. Just a few moments, to help bolster our hearts against the pain of what is to come.) They are in preparation for a future that cannot be prevented, only mitigated. We, you and I, can push through the pain yet to come. We can stand, back to back, and show every living being that hope is preferable to mute fatalism. That even small acts are capable of swelling into grand victories.

'I understand that you feel far more comfortable with overt requests, instead of subtle hints. It is, I feel…cute. A term no man really wishes to have applied to them, true, but it is the best word I have to describe how I feel about it. You stand at the ready, like a racehorse at the gates, eager energy and determined enthusiasm pent up to be unleashed. All it takes, from someone that you believe dear to you, is a simple request and all that miraculous drive is unleashed to accomplish the impossible. That trait in a man with as dour a face as you've been cursed to wear is, as I said, cute.

'So, in the interest of not forcing you to ponder hidden meanings, I shall ask of you three things:

'First, accept and wear the small token of my love for you included in this letter. You and I have a history far longer than these few days, and the more time I spend around you the more I remember the repeated cycles of pain and misery we have endured. You might think it odd that a woman you've known for a week at most would speak of love rather than affection, or lust. In a normal situation, you would be right to be so cautious. Too many, men and women, abuse the term love by conflating it with unprincipled desire. Here, however, I assure you that I have seen your quality and cannot in good conscience declare you anything but the highest. I offer you my heart, with no preconditions, and if you are willing to hear my plea for your consideration…keep this treasure close.

'Second, do not hold my dear sisters to account for my words. They are innocent. If the price you ask for this request is that I never speak to you again, I will do so with a heavy heart but a clear conscience. The gifts they can offer you far outweigh the personal benefit I would receive through your love, and I would much prefer to know you were supported by women such as them than to know your touch.

'Third, though most challenging, I beg of you: do not continue to contain your emotions. Understand them. Accept them. Learn to manage them, to co-exist with them. You are familiar enough with a kitchen to understand what I mean when I say that the difference between dinner and disaster is how much pressure is applied in the cooker. You are trending far too close to the latter at the moment. (I would much prefer you become the former, I have some ideas regarding chocolate and cherries that might pique your interest for a paired dessert.)

'With all of my troubled heart,

'Her Royal Majesty in Exile, Usagi Tsukino, Sailor Moon, Queen of the Moon Kingdom'

The 'token of her love' that she'd offered him fit snugly around his left wrist. He wasn't entirely certain what it was made of, his knowledge of metallurgy and geology not broad enough to tell him more than that it contained metals, rocks, and minerals. Greens and greys, it was a beautiful work of art that would likely have commanded a high price from a jeweler. The magic inherent in it was evident by the way that it contracted to fit his lower forearm tight enough to not move about but not so tight as to constrict blood vessels or his own movements. He had put it on at Tsuruko's request, the swordswoman assuring him that it was very unlikely Suzuhara would have given him something harmful, and that she herself could sense no malign intent from it.

What bothered him the most about the letter was that it fit rather well with what he'd been told by Amaterasu. Usagi said she remembered him, Michiru said she remembered him. He could remember flashes, but those memories always had a violent pain accompanying them, like he was reaching through a realm of pure agony to even caress the edges of what had been with his fingertips. I can never remember who I will be. I thought that was just because you can't remember a future…but maybe there's something else there.

Setting aside the first letter, he picked up the second again. He had been surprised to see that it was from Rei Hino, with the problems they'd had the first time they met. She had apologized, not that he'd thought it necessary, but his experience with apologies weren't apparently tied neatly to what the people he now fought with believed apologies should be. Unfolding the paper carefully, treasuring the gesture as much as he treasured the knowledge within it, he read the words once more looking for deeper meanings.

'Shinji,

'I wish I knew what that moon-brained idiot was doing. I wish I knew why she suddenly felt the need to get a dye job and change her wardrobe. I wish I knew the kind of insanity you've lived through. I wish I knew the best way to offer you advice. I wish about sixteen new things every minute anymore, and a lot of them involve you in one way or another.

'My assumption is that you're hiding away from us out of fear. Fear that we might be starting down the path that took Makoto-chan and Ami-chan from us, or fear that we've been keeping our intentions as hidden as Dorko the Lunarian has, or even just fear of being yelled at by yet another person that should instead have your back. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. On the off chance I'm not, I'm going to say this:

'You have my word, given from the bottom of my heart, that you have nothing to fear from me. I want nothing more than to help you fight these monsters that are destroying Japan. I want you to stand with me as an equal, I want you to fight side by side with me as an equal, and I want to help you heal from what is evidently far deeper trauma than even I have seen in you. Don't push me away out of fear, and certainly don't push me away without giving me a chance to talk to you about that fear. Making friends is hard, believe me I know that, but I'm pretty sure that you have more of them than you believe you do. Tomorrow morning I'll come down to where you and I spoke when you gave me that branch. I'll sit there and wait for you for as long as I can. Be the brave man I've seen stand against giants, accept the hand I'm reaching out to you so that we can tackle whatever this is together instead of apart.

'Yours in good times and bad,

'Rei Hino, Sailor Mars'

Friends. He felt the corner of his mouth lift with the warmth that word brought out in him. This letter wasn't sent by someone who wanted something from him, or was hiding motivations from him, or wanted him to do terrible things for them. In his hand, he had a letter from a woman that wanted what he wanted: peace and safety for as many people as possible. The trust she was giving him by speaking to him the way she was, the lack of a demand for him to account for his panic…. Is this what trust feels like? He looked over to the sleeping Tsuruko, to a woman that had professed an interest in getting to know him better openly and honestly. I think she is giving me trust too. She's trying to help me understand. She's interested in me. She says Mizore-san is possibly interested too. She knows that Mika, Misa, and Miwa are. I'm…pretty sure that Minako-san is.

They're not the only ones, dear. Hera's voice gently intruded into his thoughts, Would you be a love and accompany me on a walk?

He quietly stood, moving towards the entrance without disturbing the slumber of the woman next to him. Nothing would be gained by ignoring Hera, and there was a great deal he stood to lose by telling her to leave him alone. Carla believes that what I'm infected with isn't contagious. Once more out under the night sky, he offered his elbow to the powerful goddess. I'm worried that they're trying to push me towards something I shouldn't be. That Usagi is…is becoming like Ami-san and Makoto-san.

She took his arm with a genuine smile, gifting him a kiss before setting their direction and pace. There is…something inside of you. More than one something, I think. If I had to guess, that is what she is referring to. Walking towards the woods, intending to find quiet amongst the trees, she kept their pace deliberately slow to lengthen the time she had with him. The snarl of emotions inside of you makes it rather challenging to determine what belongs where, and to find whether the things inside of you are malevolent, benevolent, or ambivalent would require significant investigation. They can't communicate with anything outside of you, though, which is probably why she thinks they're not a serious cause for concern. They don't interfere with your thoughts, only occasionally intrude on them. That much is evident to anyone with the ability to know your mind.

The answer made a certain amount of sense. Not only was the woman on his arm more studied, and far more travelled, she had experience as a healer. She had never once shown an inclination to lie to him, and had revealed truths and secrets without fear or favor. Hearing from her that he was, to an extent, safe made a profound difference in his heart.

I won't lie to you. Lies are as demeaning to the liar as the lied to. Lies formed the worst years of my life. Bumping against him with her hip, playfully, she tittered a laugh. I rather hope that you'll be a part of forming better memories now that that animal is dead and gone.

A memory of desperate kisses, of rising desire, reminded him of a few moments of physical bliss she'd given him what seemed like a few nights past. It also brought to mind what he'd done with Ritsuko, and how Usagi tended to treat him. The commentary on honor from several parties clung to his thoughts like tar, forcing him to question whether or not he actually had any himself.

Someone without honor wouldn't be asking that question. She tapped two fingers against the back of his hand in admonition. You have given no promises to anyone, you have taken no liberties either. Your honor remains intact, and your romantic options abundant. She caught his scowl, and sighed, pulling them both to a stop at a small clearing in the wooded grove. "I cannot help but hear your thoughts. It isn't a matter of polite or impolite, it's a physical impossibility. I do not comment on the thoughts of those around me I wish to remain on friendly terms with, and I only answer your questions to save us time. You have a great deal of baggage to unpack, my love, and having you repeat the same question fifty times until you feel you've asked the right version is a poor replacement for having you between my legs for the same duration."

I can't accept that. Carefully, but with clear intent, he recovered his arm and took a short step away from the goddess. I understand that in youkai society, and maybe even where you come from, it's possible for one person to have many loves. I was human. I was raised human. Asking me to accept hurting a woman I'm supposed to honor and cherish makes me feel gross inside. How do you think I would feel knowing they were going around sleeping with other guys? I already know I'm worthless, I don't need her finding love somewhere else to remind me of it.

"One, nobody is asking you to accept hurting anyone." Hera understood his anger, his confusion. In truth, she wished that more mortals had Shinji's ethos. One of her primary Domains was familial love and loyalty, and in the societies he'd studied and experienced, that loyalty he felt should have been far stronger than it was. She understood, but she disagreed with his conclusions. "Any woman who wishes to find a place in your life would have to understand going in that you can't limit yourself to any one woman. There must be more Titans, and only you have a chance at producing them, that's the hand we've been dealt. I cannot create more of my kind without your help. Zeus refused to give me more children after he realized that he could not birth Titans through our union, and I would never have abused Ares the way Zeus abused Aphrodite. Partnering with mortals would only produce more problems, as anything I birthed from them would be half mortal and likely find themselves shunned from all they knew amongst the mortals. You, on the other hand, are not mortal. We will be the parents of a new race, a better race. A race of beings that will understand honor, understand loyalty, understand what love actually means. A race that will protect, nurture, and guide humanity to a far better future than any before. If the price asked of me is accepting that you must gift these other gods with similar opportunities, I will not curse you for it. You, unlike that malodorous philanderer, will at least do me the kindness of not treating me like a possession. Not lording your latest conquest over my head. Not ignoring my needs, my wants, or my desires. I will have my home, a place where you and I may share with one another without anyone else intruding on our love. You will do what you must, because that is who you are. As to your second point," her eyes went flat and her temper rose slightly, "do not demean me like that again. I would not have presented myself to a worthless man, I would not have fought for a worthless man, and I would not be standing here in an orchard seeking an accord with a worthless man. I am worth far more than a position as some worthless man's genetic dumping grounds. I am Hera, Goddess of Hearth, Harvest, and Healing, not some double-dealing harlot like that whore of a woman Hephaestus lusted after. Should you agree to become my paramour, I give you my word that no other man will touch me as you do and live, because there can never be another man such as you."

Shinji blinked several times, not ready for the blunt answer he'd been given or the decree she concluded with. There was awe in his mind at the offer, and no way for him to control his thought before giving voice to it, But…isn't that unfair to you?

Hera's voice became tender, her understanding of his heart far greater than his own, "It would be unfair if you forced it upon me. I choose this fate, of my own free will. Any woman who wishes your time for more than a business transaction will do the same, or they will receive no succor from our family. What I will receive from you, the children we will have, the love you yearn to give, the care and affection begging to be set loose, far outweighs the supposed benefits of maintaining the freedom to demean myself by submitting to inferior men. You are unlikely to seek out affection from anyone unworthy of you, and should anyone play you falsely I promise they'll not live to regret that decision." With a patient smirk, she waved away his next thought. "Courtship and romance are lovely things, when used to demonstrate one's willingness to provide a lifelong partnership to another. I know the man in there," she pointed to his chest, "and I see no reason to delay testing the durability of your pelvic bones simply to listen to songs that I know you'll write for me anyway. We're a match. I'm beautiful, maternal, protective, and available. You're handsome, kind, generous, and honorable. You ask why I would seek you out, and I ask you instead why pretend that there are doubts about our suitability or unique situations?"

The counter question caused everything else to quiet down. He was used to being told how things were, to having things explained to him at times, but mostly the former. It was rare that someone cared enough about his opinion on an issue to ask it of him, and even rarer that someone asked him about something he genuinely was interested in. The first point his mind raised was emotional suitability. He wouldn't deny that Hera was beautiful, nor would he insist that her beauty was due to her being 'foreign'. She was beautiful because she was beautiful, as tautological as that might be to others. She wasn't mistaken when she said that a great deal of her charm came from how open she was with her emotions without allowing those emotions to blast outwards like certain redheads he knew. It had always been Misato's weakness in his mind, that her emotions were as stunted as his was. It was hard for him to see hist former Tactical Commander and roommate as the bombshell others did because of that. Hera was 'maternal', that was also true, but she wasn't 'mothering'. He'd listened during his psychology classes far more attentively than he did during many of the other lessons, and the trend of men who preferred older women having a tendency towards having had absent mothers worried him. He had often looked at women that were older than he was with far greater interest than those younger than or of an age with him. A large part of him had ascribed it to that trend after the lesson, but now that he was standing here before a woman older than most of the buildings around the city…he didn't see her as 'mommy'. He saw her as….

"That is a part of your charm, true." Bridging the distance between them, she laced her arms behind his neck and grinned mischievously. "Try as hard as you might, you just can't seem to define someone you are attracted to with absolute certainty. You are forever doubting that you know all there is to know about them. It gives a woman a certain thrill to know that her man understands that he will never fully understand her. Mystery brings excitement, and excitement brings passion." Kissing him again, she turned on the seduction. Never lose your passion. Embrace it. Nurture it. Share it with me, with our family, with the world. Become a man to be celebrated, to be remembered. Bring glory to yourself, to me, and to our family. Separating from his lips, she looked at him with an unshakable confidence in herself, and in him. "Do not be afraid of your greatness. Instead, be worthy of your greatness."

A sudden itch on his left hand drew his attention away from her for a second, causing him to raise the limb to where he could see it around her. The bracelet he'd been given by Usagi was quivering and tugging back towards the main gates of the shrine, What the-

Alarms around the entire shrine cried out a series of tones, the sequence detailing the direction of the anticipated attack. Neither Shinji nor Hera needed to understand the pattern to know where to go. He followed the tugging of his wrist, she kept at his side pace for pace. Whatever they ran towards would not be allowed to do harm unchecked, not while the very gods themselves had any say in the matter.

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Monday + 9)

Kyoko stood near the main gate, the alarms only having sounded for less than ten seconds, motioning for Shinji and Hera to slow down while listening to a report from the NCOIC of the night's watch. Once they were close enough that she wouldn't have to yell, she motioned for her subordinate to wait while she brought Shinji up to speed, "Possible false alarm. Proximity sensors were tripped near the base of the stairs, forward observers report they haven't seen anything. The youkai are checking for themselves. Anything to report?"

"He has been gifted a charm by Selene, it impelled him towards this area before the hue and cry. I would be hard pressed to believe it reacted solely based on the imminent sounding of your war horns." Hera kept her eyes moving around the area, not liking the situation in the least.

Shinji's nod of agreement gave the General what she needed to be more confident in her orders. Turning back to the NCO, she set him in motion, "Four-man fireteams, full perimeter sweep. Tell Bravo and Echo to search every structure on the campus. Check your targets, but don't hesitate to engage. Move." Setting her hand on Shinji's back, she pushed him away from the closed gates and spoke in a low tone, "I appreciate that you have the sense of responsibility to act independently, but I believe I asked that you get some sleep." Her gaze wasn't harsh, instead it held concern. She wished to know his mind so that she could help him.

Using Hera to translate, Shinji explained himself, I couldn't sleep. Too many things happening, too many questions that I'm searching for answers on. I can't get my mind to switch off enough to sleep, and eventually Hera-san asked if I would walk with her. He noticed that Tsuruko was approaching from the mess tent, having checked several areas for potential harm to the non-combatants nearby there. Switching to Sign, he continued, 'Tsuruko-san and I…had a…productive?' He looked to her cautiously.

"We spoke on the past, on how it informs the future, and why what we think of ourselves is often far worse than what might be considered true." The swordswoman gave Shinji a slightly raised eyebrow, asking without saying anything why she awoke alone.

"I asked that he join me for a walk, sister dear." Hera inclined her head in apology as she explained his absence. "He was unable to find rest, and I thought perhaps I might…reinforce your points. We are, after all, of a mind on this matter…yes?"

Another shadow drifting across the grounds of the shrine drew Shinji's attention away from the discussion for a moment. At first, he was looking for the position of the moon to tell what phase it was, as he tended to. Then it struck him that there were no clouds that evening. The sky looked clear in all directions, the stars twinkling with their cold fire around a moon that was waning. The size of the shadow replayed in his mind several times, the way it cast against the tent, the way it moved across the ground. It was round. Knowing he'd have to apologize later, Shinji tore Kyoko's binoculars from her belt and began looking around for what he feared to be true.

"Pilot, talk to me." Kyoko began scanning the skies around them as well, trusting in a man that refused to fail.

It looked like a ball. It had black and white stripes wrapping chaotically around it. In my world, it was huge. Bigger than the towers around it by far. The flames around the temple were making it hard to see anything in the sky itself, the binoculars limiting his field of view too much. It's why I'm here. It swallowed me, dragged me through a sea of red-tinged nothingness, puked me out into this insanity.

"Technically, it was just the tunnel you travelled through," a new voice spoke from one of the newly built walls. Khlorya stood with her fingers laced behind her head, her hip cocked out to the side. "They had very little to do with you coming here, Sweetie. The pathetic being that thought it was stronger than inevitability tried to bring the fire-crotch and missed."

The only reason Shinji hadn't attacked was that he saw the soldiers hanging upside down by their boots at her feet, flashing lights indicating some form of explosives lashed to their knees. Handing Kyoko back her binoculars, he restrained Unit-01 to avoid being responsible for the youma setting off those charges. Where is it?

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, that's not how you ask for something, silly." Stretching her arms playfully out to the sides, she let a manic grin take over her face. "If you want to know, you have to offer something in return."

Go. Look for a sphere. Shinji begged Hera and Tsuruko to act, taking his eyes off his enemy to urge them away. Spread the word, please, do not attack it. I don't want anyone dying.

"It's so fascinating watching you try and save people from the unavoidable." Khlorya crouched down as the goddess and the swordswoman took off in different directions. "I notice you didn't send said fire-crotch's mirror mama away."

"He is not giving you anything." Kyoko eased her sidearm out of the holster, casually aiming it at the enemy before her. "We are not negotiating with you for corpses." Four shots pierced the upper torsos of the soldiers, none of which reacted beyond a slight shudder as the kinetic force was exchanged, proving that they had already been killed before being set out as bait.

"Fiesty! I like you!" The youma laughed as she danced along the wall to evade Shinji's charge. "Come on, then," dodging several slashes of the knife he'd made from nothing, she taunted him during the exchange, "put on your work clothes. Or take off the clothes you're wearing so we can get to the real fun."

"He's not interested." Mizore leapt up to the wall from outside the shrine and blasted the irritating woman off the wall into the compound, slowing down Khlorya's movements by coating her limbs in ice. "General, get ready for an assault, we've got this bitch." After Kyoko ran off to try and rally her men, Mizore worked to position their foe where they would be at the greatest relative advantage to her.

It was alarmingly easy for Shinji to slip into fighting in tandem with the yuki-onna. No communication was needed, no discussion of tactics. He knew where she would be before she was there, and he knew when he was about to overextend himself so that he could use it as a feint for Mizore to use. The last thing he wanted was to use Unit-01 right then. Letting Unit-01 out meant possibly losing control, meant possibly destroying Rei Hino's home, or killing everyone there. Instead, he began to lean on his capacity as a supposedly eldritch being. When knives were too short, he created a polearm. When a polearm was too unwieldly, he created a mace. Their tactics shifted with his weapons, his decisions based solely on the information before him.

What had begun as an amused tolerance of her foes slowly drained away to a grudging irritation, and eventually an angered distaste. Khlorya began to lose focus, taking several cuts and bruises despite paying them back in kind. She was as powerful as he remembered, if not more so, but her decisions were what eventually led to him slapping her backwards with an explosion of oak branches in the shape of a fist, then pulling Mizore up short to stop her from engaging further.

She's a distraction. Summoning another giant fist, this time made of rock, from below the youma he seized her and forced her to struggle for freedom. Where's everyone else? Why are we the only ones fighting? When Khlorya stopped attempting to liberate herself, simpering out a giggle, he looked at her with cold hate in his heart.

"Don't you see? You can't win. You're alone!" Moaning in ecstasy as she felt the rock crushing against her, her speech became ragged with delight, "They can't win without you. But you can't be everywhere. Come with me…help me stop everything." Working her tongue out aggressively between her teeth, she looked as insane as he believed her to be. "You can't avoid it. We were made for one another."

Using the enormous earthen mitt to throw her into the air, he crafted an equally massive baseball bat from more of the rock around them and smashed her with it, sending her well beyond the visible horizon before dismissing both of his creations back to the ground below. Looking to Mizore, he tried to think of what Minako or Misato would do, Where are the humans? They'll be the weak link.

"The main hall, that's where the priests are holed up for right now." Mizore was already in motion, agreeing with prioritizing the entities that stood the least chance of effectively defending themselves. Pressing herself hard, she balanced haste with caution to avoid pushing them into another ambush. "I saw the Hunter move towards where we've put the children, we can leave them to her and her sister for now. After we…." Rounding the corner of the tents that had been set up for the remaining military forces, they both slowed briefly at the sight of the decorative doors leading into their destination.

Large portions of the wood that made up the front of the main hall were missing, the structure itself sagging down at an angle towards the outward corner. Inside was what remained of the shrine's priests: feet, arms, and the occasional torso or head. The sight of the slaughter prompted a brief debate for Shinji, the need to check for survivors measured against the now desperate need to check on the women he'd dragged into this mess. Ultimately, it was cold pragmatism that won out over honor and veneration, We need to go check on Tsuruko, then get upstairs and help the Sailors evacuate Ritsuko and the wounded.

Mizore agreed with his priorities and shared his distaste for abandoning the bodies of those who'd dedicated their lives to honoring a pact that nearly all other humans had forgotten about ages long past, "Follow me."

There was silence clinging to everything. That was the latest realization Shinji had about why he felt increasingly anxious about everything. He'd noticed that it was a rare event for people to be murdered quietly, that the push and pull of battle between even slightly balanced forces created a great deal of noise. People calling out directions, calling for help, calling to their ancestors or friends as they breathe their last…. The only thing he heard was his own heavy steps as he ran.

After creating a ramp of snow and frost up to the second floor, Mizore coated a portion of the building in thin ice for Shinji to break through the wall and kept her request to his mind instead of trying to be heard over the sound of his feet compacting the frozen water, Through there is the common room, into the hall and turn left to find where we need to go.

His recent capabilities regarding the shaping and use of stone allowed him to peel the wall apart, the interlocking cement and mortar curling outwards like crusting wallpaper, without sending any debris inwards or any potential shrapnel outwards. He knew she'd wanted him to simply bulldoze through, but the last thing he wanted was to find Sarah or Shinobu on the other side dead because he didn't think before acting. As soon as their path was clear, he heard the first signs of life that both heartened him and drove him to move faster: swords clashing against organic objects.

Mizore let him take the lead, owing to most of his offensive potential lying within melee range. After he turned left as she'd indicated, she checked what would become their six o'clock and verified that nothing was lurking or dying in that direction before gauging the situation they were interceding in. The hallway was not broad enough for anyone to fight shoulder to shoulder, and the defenders had taken advantage of that to slow the advance of semi-humanoid abominations. Twelve corpses had been split open further down towards the main staircase, another thirty attempted to use the sheer press of numbers to overcome Tsuruko's and Motoko's blockade. The sisters fought with well-practiced ease, trading positions as a favorable strike became available to them. They had been giving ground grudgingly, and would have been overwhelmed where they stood at the doorway to where Yuko, Megumi, Sarah, and Shinobu were hiding were it not for the stampede in the shape of Evangelion armor that arrived at the last moment.

Slipping between the two swordswomen, not touching either of them despite there not being sufficient room to accomplish the task, Unit-01 trampled the first five ranks of mutated dead and sent the other twenty stumbling back. Mizore, take Yuko and the rest up the outside of the building. Dodging a lashing tentacle, he grabbed it at the midpoint and ripped it off the monster it belonged to. Yuko, tell Tsuruko and Motoko to go with you! We need to consolidate everyone where they can be defended. He couldn't spare any time to see if he'd been listened to, wading into the wall of flesh and bile before him, doing what damage he could without bringing the building down on himself.

In her half-human, half-feline guise the nekomata that was Yuko Miyamura didn't bother arguing the point. "Ok, ladies, we're going to leave this to the Silent One. He's going to hold the line long enough for us to go somewhere safer, and then he's going to fall back and help defend us." Pushing everyone else out and towards their impromptu exit, she nodded to the youkai responsible for their escape with grim gratitude.

The addendum to Shinji's instructions garnered a grin from Mizore, who urged the two swordswomen to join in the escape, "Ladies, we need to go. We've seen what even a modest wound caused by these things can do, let's not give them more of an opportunity."

Tsuruko reached over and grabbed her sister by the back of the shirt, throwing her towards Mizore before squaring up her stance to backup Shinji. "We do indeed, my friend." Turning her face to the side to look behind her, she allowed the yuki-onna to see what had happened before they arrived. "Keep them safe, if you would."

The hideous wound adorning the lower half of her left cheek was evidence enough that any words other than those she gave her would be wasted, and Mizore did as requested and entrapped Motoko in ice to force the issue. "Die well, Hunter. Your honor will be remembered among my clan." Dragging the stunned younger Aoyama along with her, she carefully retraced her steps to hurry Shinji's chance to retreat himself.

With her sister and their charges off towards the relative safety that could be provided, Tsuruko closed her eyes and sheathed her sword with a sigh. Her emotions were not as jumbled as she'd always thought they'd be, now that she stood on the precipice of the last great adventure. She could feel Shinji fight with a ferocity born from an innate desire to see to it that nobody suffered like he had. She could hear his mind, as oddly formed as it had been by the circumstances of his birth, pulsing with the music that dominated his thoughts. He was deliberate, methodical, analytical…he was incapable of understanding the emotions of other people around him. He thought that everyone was angry with him all the time, he forever blamed himself for things that were the fault of others. In short, he cared. He was truly someone she would not have minded spending her days loving, and that formed the core of her regret as she opened her eyes and set her final course.

Shinji wasn't ready to have someone as inordinately strong as Tsuruko grab him from behind. His balance, at that moment, was not placed appropriately to guard against an assault from that vector. He understood neither where, nor how, she managed to send the ten remaining zombies back with a ball of pure ki. His mind attempted to form a plan of action to accommodate whatever it was that she was doing, and stuttered to a halt when he caught sight of the ragged flesh remaining after the bite that had set her life's clock hurtling towards zero. N-no….

Pressing her lips to where Unit-01's horn had been, she forced him to take her sword before stepping back and revealing a bouquet of grenades that she'd stolen from the corpses of several Marines. "Please be certain that my sister receives that, if you would." Yanking on the cord that she'd wound throughout the pins, she gifted him with a smile that in any other circumstance would have warmed him through and through. "I am sorry."

He was too dumbstruck by the suddenness of it all. Later on, he'd berate himself for not forcing away the grenades and covering them both with his A.T. Field, or placing a wall of marble between them and the explosion. He'd conjure scenario after scenario where he attempted to heal whatever it was that had begun molesting the sanctity of the dead and transmuting the bodies of the living into mindless abominations. He'd find a way to blame himself for not saying anything in farewell, for just standing there, staring…watching as a brilliant warrior, a beautiful protector, exploded into a chunky mist of blood, gore, and shrapnel that cut down the last ten foes in that hall. At that moment, when his chance to act had come and gone, all he could summon was hate.

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Monday + 9)

Mizore had prepared herself for a number of scenarios herself. What kind of man she would be faced with when he stepped onto the platform they intended to use to move up to the top floor would likely depend greatly on how Shinji's mind handled what he'd been shown. She had muzzled Motoko, unwilling to allow the young woman to vent her sorrow just right then when a man who had lost far more was likely to need attention and calm. She had set Yuko and Megumi to comforting the others, heartened by the way that the human woman had never once seemed genuinely afraid. She knew that preparing for everything was impossible, but she honestly had not imagined a need to prepare for what happened.

Unit-01 stepped calmly out of the building, viscera and dust clinging to it. Without saying anything, its eyes lifeless, it gestured vaguely upwards, jamming Tsuruko's sheathed sword into the snow next to Motoko. When it was asked if Tsuruko was coming by the other denizens of the Hinata Inn, it remained staring up at their destination. Yuko's cautious mental query as to whether or not Shinji was awake or aware was met with stony silence. There wasn't even a hint of thought present, there was only antipathy.

Lacking a reason to do otherwise, she sent the platform of snow she'd created upwards. Anyone on the other floors would have to fend for themselves for a moment, her hope being that the Sailors might have fared better and could assist in clearing out the building. She had also been worried about the silence around them, the lack of the hum of youkai minds contacting other youkai minds. The lack of screams, or the explosion of gunpowder. The absence of several of the women that she would have anticipated would be fighting to save lives. As she reached the split between the balcony belonging to the Sailors and the balcony belonging to Ritsuko Akagi, she realized she was even concerned about where Hera might be, if simply to not have to fight one of these zombies with the power of a child of Titans.

The exterior wall between the two apartments, the wall that completed the hallway between the two, ripped itself free and sailed off into the night to land somewhere else. Unit-01 walked into the void left behind, looking first to the left, then to the right. Turning around, it simply gestured for Mizore to move towards the Sailors. Whether to fight, to bolster, or to hide she wasn't able to know. It then turned and walked through the wall into Ritsuko's apartment as if it were constructed of the vague daydreams of a puppy instead of Mujina-fastened stone.

"All right, everyone move. Let's see what's in this apartment." Mizore wanted to follow him. She did not, however, want to be responsible for disobeying an enraged Elder. Muttering to herself as everyone clambered onto the apartment balcony leading to the Sailor's apartment, she grimaced out, "I hate diplomacy. I suck so bad at it."

+++++ Akagi Apartment, Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Monday + 9)

Struggling to contain the growing gap in reality, Hera and Clara both were covered in a thick layer of sweat. The sudden appearance of the striped spherical Angel in Ritsuko's room had drawn the former's attention as the brunette professor's mind suddenly became possessed by terror, the latter's attention had already been turned to the woman in question owing to the misunderstanding between Shinji and Ritsuko. Both agreed silently to do what they could to both hold the inky void open and prevent it from opening further. Both believed that eventually Shinji would show up to bring his experience to bear, knowing what they did about how he felt about Ritsuko even if he himself could not make sense of it. Neither were any more prepared than Mizore for what showed up in his place.

Unit-01 walked into the room, seemed to consider the youma and the Olympian for a moment, and then directed its attention to the shadowy body of the elephant in the room. Its mind was both filled and empty, its assessment of the situation completed before they could recover enough to speak to it. With one more step, it dropped down into the maw of the Twelfth Angel with no more emotion than a teenager entering a swimming pool for the day's lesson.

The resistance they had felt as the being that would be known as Leliel attempted to either consume them or escape them vanished, the hole in the world locking in place. Hera's heart was in her throat, the utter madness that had just happened before her beyond even her comprehension. "Did…did he…?"

"That wasn't a 'he'." Clara slumped down to the ground, despair finally overwhelming her. "I-I think…I think it's chosen."

+++++ Inside the Twelfth Angel. (Monday + 9)

It didn't take long for Unit-01 to discover what it had been looking for. The red-tinged nothingness that was whatever realm lay within the Angel made it both difficult to determine distance or direction due to low lighting and extremely easy to spot what you were looking for by the virtue of it being the only non-Angel landmark available outside of itself. Floating, immobile, it seemed to contemplate what to do, unaware of the shifting colors on its form. Sickly neon green became furious blood red, regal purple became dull silver. There would be devastation for what had been done this night. For too long had the world gone unpunished for taking from the being born as Ikari. The punishment had come due. Few might be spared.

Give you a shiny nickel if you don't do that. Lithion shimmered into existence next to it, facing away from the listlessly floating corpse of Ritsuko Akagi, and looking calmly into the face of hatred itself. Promise. I found one while walking around the streets of a small town outside Portland, Oregon over in the United States. If you could find it in yourself to not…whatever it is you're about to do, it's yours.

The absurdity of both the request and the offer, more than any real interest in dialogue, brought Unit-01's gaze over to the blue-tinted gentleman. There was nothing hostile in the man's bearing, nothing that indicated even the most minute hint of ill-intent. There was a purity that seemed almost farcical instead, a devout belief that what he was offering it would somehow balance out what had been taken.

But it is, he stated with an open shrug. You see, I found the nickel after a young man dropped it on the ground before going to try and save a young child from being crushed by a forklift. The driver wasn't paying attention, and the young man saw the tragedy unfolding. He acted, the child was saved from a terrible death, and his left leg was crushed. Without drawing attention to his actions, Lithion began to use his magic to pull Ritsuko's body towards them. During the investigation that followed, it was found that the driver of the forklift hadn't been sleeping well, leading to his inattentiveness. He hadn't been sleeping well because he had an undiagnosed cancerous tumor pressing against his windpipe, causing sleep apnea. At the trial, that evidence was presented to help alleviate some of the responsibility from him, instead putting the onus on the company he worked for because they didn't provide appropriate sick leave despite their contract stating they had to. He had been unable to make a doctor's appointment for fear of losing his job, endangering the lives of people around him. In effect, the young man suffered a terrible injury that ended his high school football career to save a child from dying, a man from cancer, and to prompt a business that was exploiting its workers to pay a massive settlement to their employees. With Ritsuko close enough for them to touch, he tilted his head and put the final touches on his shot at stopping the end of the world. The young girl grew up to become a serial rapist, preying on the men in her classes at the University of Oregon. The young man who saved her became a trial lawyer that specialized in labor relations. The driver got to meet his grandchildren after surviving cancer and saved four other children from a burning bus during his post chemotherapy recovery exercise.

Shinji, baffled by the story, had found enough clarity to reach out and touch the dead body of a woman he never wanted to hurt. I…I don't understand. Unit-01 remained scarlet and silver, the hate glowing outwards in a shimmering halo.

Well, the thing is that the nickel I found was what caused him to notice the child. He'd paid for an ice cream cone for a young woman he'd been hoping to win the affections of from a street vendor, and had fumbled the coin after the vendor gave it to him to settle the bill. His intent had been to put it into the jar the vendor kept for people to give him a gratuity, to demonstrate to the lady with him that he had a generous spirit and an understanding of social obligation. His act, in saving the child, prompted the woman he was interested in to dedicate herself to helping him recover. She learned more about him after spending years watching his dedication to doing what was right, regardless of the costs to himself. She went through university and law school with him after they graduated high school as Valedictorian and Salutatorian. They married, they adopted two children when they found that he was sterile, and they loved each other deeply for several decades afterwards. He gained the acclaim of his community, the love of a good woman and their adopted children, and the chance to make his world better…all for the cost of a nickel. I'd say that's a good trade, in the grand scheme of things.

The world deserved to suffer. But he saved a monster.

And a hero who had been dealt a terrible hand.

The hate had to go somewhere. Take her…. Cold, lifeless, metal caressed Ritsuko's cold, lifeless, cheek. She had given him so many chances…he'd placed a world above her in return. Leave.

Certainly. With a small flourish, Lithion used his thumb to flick the small coin towards Unit-01 before taking Ritsuko into his arms with reverence. My part of the deal, then. Since I know you do understand what I've said here, and trust you to do the right thing.

Shinji caught the offering easily, looking down at the coin's styling of the face of a man he'd heard of in his World History classes. Lithion vanished with his terrible burden, leaving the Eva-bound pilot to consider the face of a man who had helped form the basis of what had become the world's pre-eminent superpower before Second Impact. A man who'd loved a woman from a much different world than he himself. A man who'd done things both heinous and miraculous. A man who'd fought for people to have the freedom to do things, things that were both heinous and miraculous. A man…flawed and imperfect, who had done the best he could with the tools he had available to himself. Much of the Eighteenth and Nineteenth centuries were set in motion through that man's actions. Much of the death, the misery, the chaos…the innovation, the progress, the rise of humanity towards better days.

Tossing the coin out into the void with an indifferent backhanded throw, Shinji realized that he did understand what Lithion said. It wouldn't change the fate of the Angel he stood within, but he understood. The world is going to suffer…but you? Unit-01 gazed out amongst the void. You're going to wish that suffering was all you had to look forward to.

+++++ Hikawa Shrine, Azabu-Juban, Japan. (Monday + 9)

Hours after the assault Kyoko Soryu was extremely low on human capital, where before the assault she was simply at a critical lack of the same. She was grateful that the youkai were not only willing, but eager to assist her in dealing with the examinations of the remnants of their defenses and evaluations of the standing structures. Her decision to split her forces in an effort to locate the attacking force had proved to be a stroke of luck, owing to the unintended consequence of forcing the enemy to change what had been their battle strategy. Instead of massing just outside the gates, drawing her limited resources there, they had instead spread out to try and pick off the fireteams individually. It was a tactical blunder on the enemy's part, as a massed ambush would have put her at a distinct disadvantage due to the radio interference that had been preventing her from reporting the assault to headquarters after the phone lines were severed. Without the ability to coordinate with one another, her fireteams were already on heightened alert and acted independently. They had taken a third of their number in fatalities, and an additional seven necessary terminations to avoid the infection's ultimate purpose, but they were still able to coordinate a defense of the hill for the short term.

Reliqui's forces had taken casualties themselves, in lower numbers but with no less dignity and respect earned for their dedication. A Tengu stood next to the General, looking up at the top floor of the apartment complex where they had heard that the Silent One had entered an odd portal to fight an Angel. "The witches were rendered helpless, Warmaster. Some sort of paralyzing agent in their evening tea, based on where they fell." He was unamused at the approach of one of the two youma to receive approval from the Silent One to exist in his area, and it showed in his tone, "Were it not for the Silent One insisting on the Frostmother checking on them, they would have suffocated to death one and all. Our losses are already significant enough without losing their aid."

Approaching slowly, so as not to anger the already frustrated youkai, Lithion shared what he had learned of Ritsuko's fate. "Suffocation. If I were to venture a guess, the holey one up there chose her at the behest of that gaseous irritant." He had grown more nervous himself, the longer it took for Shinji to return to their world. "Militarily, I'd say it was a successful attack. Despite what I shared with him, it is all together possible that he will simply request that we go perform some anatomically impossible challenges with ourselves before going his own way. The loss of the Hunter this evening, in addition to the Professor…is not optimal for our chances to convince him otherwise."

"This may come across as either offensive or uneducated, and I apologize in advance, but is there truly nothing that could have been done about Doctor Akagi?" Kyoko didn't care which, of any of the potential human women around her, it was that kept Shinji connected to the human world. The loss of two prime options because her defense plans couldn't have taken into account the ability of the latest Angel to deliver forces inside the cordon without detection managed to frustrate her to the point of nearly becoming intemperate. "Was she asphyxiated for too long?"

"There was no soul, Warmaster." The Tengu took no offense, he had hardly expected that a human would know of their limitations. "Without a soul, restoring the body is meaningless at best."

"Terrifying beyond any sane reason at worst, given the present situation," Lithion agreed. "It might have been possible, if we had an Elder at hand that controlled the borders of life and death. Or perhaps if her soul hadn't already left her vessel before we discovered her. To their credit, both the Olympian and my colleague deduced her as a potential target and were able to assess the outcome of events owing to their arrival coinciding with the good doctor's hand slipping past their grasp as the last piece to submerge. They held the line and bought us a chance to find her body and eliminate the enemy before they do this again. Regardless, if we were to reanimate the body without the guiding light within it is altogether possible that we would have to simply kill her again."

"…Unfortunate." She had her answers, and now Kyoko had to deal with the reality before her. "I would appreciate it if you pass along my gratitude to Miss Scheele. Despite the loss of Doctor Akagi, as you said she put herself at great risk to give us a…."

The sky above the Shrine folded in upon itself, the light of the world around distorting, distending, disfiguring, and finally disintegrating. Every living eye around was drawn to act as a witness for a true impossibility, the juxtaposition of a realm of infinite negative energy being forced to manifest itself in the plane of positive energy they occupied. Reality fought against the act, physics struggled to hold firm against this violation of the natural order, math itself ceased to present meaningful answers to the questions being posed to it. After seconds that dragged into hours then reverted back to where nothing became something, Unit-01 descended through the mouth of the vision of madness to gently alight on the ground.

Still silver, with red trim, Unit-01 looked around without once stopping on anyone or anything. With the door to insanity left open above, the armored powerhouse could easily have been mistaken for a demon. After a brief gesture, the hole vanished and the sky wobbled back to its proper place in space and time. Without further comment or explanation, Unit-01 walked away. Despite questions needing answers, despite obvious physical harm to the Evangelion itself, no one dared query him as to his eventual destination. Whatever had exited the Angel was no longer the being they once knew, and there was no way to know if it would respond with violence if irritated.

+++++ Author's Notes:

Guest: RE: Ritsuko.

Punchlines only work if the joke is properly set up beforehand. I find the same to be true of what is referred to as 'whamlines'.

Ghost Man: RE: A.T. Fields and heat.

Tsuruko is canonically possessed of the ability to sense auras, so long as they are strong enough to be noticeable over the planet's hum. To her, Shinji's A.T. Field would come across as a major source of heat. Much the same way that standing in front of the Elephant's Foot in Pripyat would roast someone alive with radiation, standing in front of Shinji with the ability to sense his soul would be just as full of sensation.

GunMetalSnail429: RE: Shinji and autism.

I'm not sure if Anno-sensei wrote him with autism in mind or not, I haven't had the pleasure of speaking to the man, but a lot of his socialization issues fit neatly into what Milton called the 'double empathy problem'. Society does not understand autism, or autistic people, nearly well enough to be empathetic towards the challenges they face. They declare those children "off", and ostracize them from normal socialization that would otherwise benefit both society and the autistic person by improving the latter's understanding of what society wants from them. Through that, the autist does not understand society, and society does not understand the autist. I can state without equivocation that I have lived for decades in dire frustration over what I can and cannot express to other people as someone who grew up 'on the spectrum' before the spectrum was even mildly understood. Being creative, intelligent, and filled with a desire to help others but also not understanding their emotional swings, seeing everyone as angry or upset at me all the time, and failing standardized tests because the test was not written in a way that makes sense to me I see the same side of Shinji that you point out. He's 'stunted'. He wasn't allowed to live a normal life, wasn't allowed to have normal friends, wasn't allowed to process the world like normal children. His brain, just as much as his circumstances, created the monster that collapsed under the weight of unreasonable expectations. Instead of a savant, or prodigy, he's just hyper focused on completing the tasks given to him. Without guidance, he has no idea what to do. Without a carrot dangling before him, he fails to even move. He doesn't quit because he's given up, he quits because he literally cannot understand what it is that people want from him. It's a terrible life to live, and most assuredly led him to his death.