OLIVIA:

When I woke up it was still dark outside and my alarm hadn't rung. But suddenly the blanket was moving. By the time I had realized someone had snug into bed with me, it was too late and I was already sitting straight, having let out a little scream and ready to defend myself.

"Shit, sorry. I didn't want to wake you up so I..." Namjoon said so incredibly quickly that I almost didn't understand. "The fuck..." I let out, still a little out of breath before I turned on the light on my bedside table.

There he was. With his eyes wide open he looked almost as if I had scared the shit out of him. Not the other way around. "Oh my god! I thought I was...ughhh." My heart was beating so hard against my chest, I let myself fall back into bed. "Namjoon, what the hell. What are you doing here..." He had the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, I could hardly see his eyes, but his lower lip was quivering. "Sorry." he murmured and pushed his hands through his hair, taking the hood down. "I just... I couldn't take it anymore and thought I should just..." He shrugged. "I am sorry."

As soon as my heart pace had slowed down I felt a feeling deep in my stomach. I wasn't even completely awake yet, but everything came back to me. What had happened over the last couple of days. Or rather hadn't happened.

"Now? In the middle of the night?" I asked in a sigh and couldn't help but frown. "Sorry." He said again and fidgeted with his hands. "I... I just really missed you and couldn't take it any longer." Another sigh from my side. "So you come here and just sneak into bed with me?"

Namjoon was pressing his lips together, apparently now also considering that that had maybe not been the best idea, but then nodded and lay down next to me on his side, his hand on mine after a while. "I am sorry. I don't know what is going on. Well. I do know. But I have no idea why I let it out on you. And I am sorry." I took a deep breath, not sure whether I wanted him to hold my hand. Or hear him out. Or ever hear the word sorry again. But instead, I let out a little "I know."

I really did. And I knew that he wasn't the only one who should apologize. Deep down I knew that I had ignored him for two days just to make him suffer a little. Okay, suffer was maybe a bit strong. But I had wanted him to feel bad about all this. When really I shouldn't have snapped either. And I was about to say that when... "I missed you so much. I know you just wanted to cheer me up and..." He had moved in closer, his hand now on my upper arm. "...and I wish I could take it all back. I am sorry. I love you."

For a few seconds, I just lay there. Staring at him. Had he really just said that? "Joon...what? Why would you..." "I do!" "You can't be serious. Why now... that is..." I moved my face into my hands and turned until I was on my stomach, my side leaned against him, not able to comprehend that this was really happening. "That is so not the right moment for this." I eventually murmured into my hands, my voice coming out all muffled. "Oh... I didn't think about that. I just wanted to explain but..." He got quiet again and we lay there for a while before I finally turned on my side again. "How am I supposed to be mad at you when you tell me that? Super unfair!" "Then... just don't be mad at me anymore? We can just... think of it as our first fight and laugh about it... eventually?"

I knew he wanted to make me laugh but it didn't work, I just looked up in frustration. "Aren't you the one who always preaches to the others to talk it out? To be honest and..." I stopped midsentence because I knew I couldn't apply this here. After all, I hadn't talked about it either. I should have said something weeks ago, but instead, I had tried to pretend every day was a new chance at things going back to normal. So I just crossed my arms and then sighed. "You are an idiot, you know that?" I murmured. "Yeah...but I am cute?" "I hate you" "I love you" "Stop saying that!" "No, I do..."

Now we were both laughing. But I was still mad. Very confusing. I don't know when I had started playing with the sleeve of his hoodie. "I missed you too. But that doesn't mean you can just show up here in the middle of the night and think we can just sweep all this under the carpet. I am really worried about you and I want to help. Or give you space. Or be there for you. Whatever it is you need. I am trying my best really, I just don't know what to do."

When his hand touched my cheek I knew I would give in, I just knew. Maybe that was for the best but it felt weird after two days of sulking like a teenager. "I know. I knew that the whole time. I just don't think I can tell you either. I feel so helpless. I don't feel like myself...and I'm scared."

Hearing Namjoon - Namjoon of all people - say he was scared was incredibly hard. So I just gave in and closed the little distance still between us to hug him, his long arms around my body seconds later. "Fuck." I murmured and he let out a little tired laugh. "Yeah." "What are we gonna do?" "I... I just have to get through it. And while I do that I'll try to not let it out on you. And... be a better boyfriend and tell you how I am honestly feeling?" Sounded hard. Sounded like a lot to promise. "I've... never done this before?" "What?" "The boyfriend thing. I mean. I had girlfriends and...other...relationships that lasted a while but... it's still different. I do really love you, you know?"

Quickly I moved my hand in front of his mouth, but that made him laugh even more. "Why do you not want me to say that?" "Because I don't want the first time you tell me you love me to be part of an apology after a fight." "Too late I guess?" "Horrible." "I love you." "I am not saying it back, Joon." "But you forgive me, yeah?"

His eyes were so easy to read at that moment. Hopeful and scared and tired. I had missed him so much, the truth was I could have stared at him forever. I sighed and nodded. "And I am sorry as well. Just for the books." He hugged me tighter. "How is your shoulder?" I asked after a while when I suddenly remembered and he shrugged. "Fine." "Nope. You can't already 'fine' me. How is your shoulder?"

We had eventually fallen asleep, but it had taken a while and by the time the alarm woke us up the next morning I felt like I had not slept at all. Joon was also awake right away, which surprised me, but didn't keep me from cuddling back into his side after I had turned the alarm off. I knew that the problems hadn't disappeared. That we both shouldn't be proud of what had happened and that there were probably more things to talk about, but for now I was just relieved to have him by my side again. "So... I feel like asking whether you want to come to Big Hit with me today. Maybe say Hi to the guys and then have lunch with us later? Maybe the physiotherapist can meet you there? But... you tell me how I should act now. What do you need me to do? Stop smothering you? Or make you come with me?" Namjoon yawned. "It's okay. Maybe for the best. I am starting to hate my apartment." "It's not the apartments fault! It's a great apartment!" I murmured and kissed his cheek lightly, then his neck. He smiled. "I know. I know."

SUE: "I mean... acting like a 14-year-old oddly suits you." Georgia commented when I checked my phone for what felt like the 17th time. "Hm?" She rolled her eyes. "You know how when you had a crush in school. And you could have hung out with him all weekend, but instead, you waited for school to start to be all googly eyes over him." "Where you really like that, Georgia?" "No. But I imagine you were. I don't really understand what you are waiting for, but... hey, whatever works for you."

I closed my eyes for a second while I shook my head with a smile. She was so annoying sometimes but I really loved that girl. She never judged. She observed and sometimes it would have been better to keep her thoughts to herself, but she really didn't seem to try to convince me to anything.

In a way, Georgia was right of course. Why text Jin all weekend instead of seeing him? Why not finally go to dinner? Maybe all this anticipation just felt too good. When I had been in actual high school my crushes had always been very much onesided. And still, it had been so exciting to go to school to see that person. Going to work these days felt like that on crack. Work was still work and hard and stressful and rewarding. But even though his presence sometimes distracted me... I felt light. Boring little tasks didn't bother me. Long hours didn't bother me. Maybe I was actually high.

"But one thing really bothers me... the fact that you still haven't gotten the hint." Georgia said, stretching in her seat. I looked up again, no idea what she was talking about. "What?" "You know how 20 minutes ago Jin came by?" "I am aware. It was 20 minutes ago. And I am not blind." "And he told Hobi and then Ollie that he was going to take a nap on the couch in Namjoon's studio?" "Yes. Again. I was there." "Oh my god, Sue." "I don't... what do you want from me?" "Why would he tell everyone - much louder than he was speaking for the rest of the conversation by the way - that he was going to take a nap. Neither Ollie nor Hobi cared. Why would he tell them if he didn't want someone else to hear him?" Still, no bells ringing. "If he didn't want someone else to be able to find him." "Oh." "Oh!" "But that's so..." "High School?" "Shit. You really think that is what he was doing?" "Sue. Both times he said it he looked directly at you, you just were too busy looking anywhere but at him." For a second I tried to read Georgia's face, almost as if that would give me the definitive answer to the question of whether this had actually happened. But she seemed so sure of herself that she actually lost all interest in this conversation and turned around to her computer again. "Okay. I am taking my lunch break." I said and got up, which at least made her smile. "Yeah, go get some, girl."

I was absolutely not going to get anything at all, but I was too tempted to ignore the situation completely. So instead of going to the cafeteria, I found my way through hallways I by now knew like the back of my hand. Joon's office was two floors up, I knocked before I got in... and then realized in horror that Jin was actually lying on the couch, his eyes closed. Asleep.

But not for long because he opened his eyes when I stood there, ready to turn around. "Oh wow. You are... actually taking a nap! I am so sorry!" I was about to take a step back but he just smiled at me and opened his arms - like it was the most normal thing in the world. "Well... I figured you wouldn't come so I thought I might as well." Now I was smiling too. His arms were still stretched out but slowly lowering themselves so I made the few steps towards the couch, ignored the fact that I was a little nervous, and somewhat awkwardly got down on the couch next to him. He had made enough room for me and still, there wasn't a whole lot. But instead of thinking I just let my head sink against his chest and my arms around his sides. And his were on my lower back soon, making sure I wouldn't fall off the couch if I moved.

"Hey." He murmured. "Hey." I responded, giggling into his chest. I could hear him laughing against my head as well, while one of his hands was lazily stroking my back. "I don't think I will be actually able to sleep like this." I murmured after a while because even though I felt comfortable, I could also feel my heart beating in my throat. "That's okay, isn't it? Just close your eyes for a minute. I set an alarm for in 30 minutes just in case." He said, his voice sounded sleepy and I nodded against his chest, cuddling into him more. And somehow I drifted off. Maybe because he was warm and the couch was comfortable, maybe because I was actually tired. When I opened my eyes again I could feel him squirm. "Sorry. My arm fell asleep." He murmured, his eyes small as if he had fallen asleep as well. I smiled at him and lifted my body off his arm and then couldn't help myself. I moved over him a little and kissed him. Just a peck. When I moved away again his lips were still pursed, he was smiling, but also looked a little surprised. It was as simple as that but it made me incredibly happy.

Jin looked at me for a while, then moved in closer and pressed his lips against my face, until he was kissing my cheek, then my forehead, then my nose and I was laughing. Aaand... then the alarm went off. "Well. Great nap. 10/10. Would nap with you again." He said with a sigh and reached for his phone. "Maybe next time I get the hint before Georgia has to tell me. Or... you could just ask." I said, trying to get up without kicking him with my knees. "Yeah... I guess." He said and looked a little caught. And that was when the door opened and Joon got in.

At least I wasn't lying next to Jin anymore. "Oh...hello..." Joon said, first surprised, then amused. I hadn't seen Namjoon at BigHit in weeks but of course, he would come back the day that I took a nap with his best friend on his couch. "Sorry to interrupt..." I had frozen, my eyes wide in horror, my cheeks red right away. Jin seemed to be less phased. "That is a great couch you have there Joon-ah." He said while getting up, straightening his shirt a little. "I know." Was all Namjoon could reply. "Should I... come back later?" "No, we are all done." "Great. Do I need to deep clean it now or..." "Just a nap. Figured since you aren't around I could use your couch to nap from time to time. Don't think I was the only one." "Great."

I basically wanted to die.

"Good to have you back, man." Jin said, took my hand and used the other one to pat Namjoon's back. Who looked like he still didn't know exactly how to feel about all this. But before he could decide Jin had already dragged me out of the studio. I let go of his hand and didn't say anything while we walked to the stairs.

"Come on, really that bad?" Jin asked after a while, a slight smile in the corner of his mouth. "It's just Joon." I hid my face behind my hand, but couldn't help a little laugh myself anymore. I felt really embarrassed but at the same time, Namjoon's face had been pretty funny. "Do you think he will be mad?" "No. And if so at me, not you. But I doubt it." Jin put an arm loosely around my shoulder and kissed my cheek for a good two seconds while we were walking down the stairs together. "I'm sorry. Was maybe not the best idea." I shook my head. "No, was a great idea." We smiled at each other, he leaned in closer, his eyes on mine and I nodded, so he kissed me. Gently.

"I really like pasta." He was still so close and for a second I thought I had imagined that he had just said that. "Uhm. Cool. Me too?" I had furrowed my eyebrows, basically questions marks in my eyes. "Good. So. When we get to Italy next week...we should eat some together." I laughed a little. So that was what that was about. Dinner. Still. For a second I wondered why it was so important to him until I remembered how much Jin liked food. "Dinner and a movie?" I asked with a smile and Jin nodded enthusiastically.

"I can't believe it's only a week until we go back on tour..." I murmured when I got back into the office. Georgia had left, but Ollie was there now. "I know. Time really flew by." She said in a sigh. "I saw Joon earlier." I admitted, which made her look up and smile. "Is he... well, is he better then?" "I hope so. For now, I guess and the physiotherapist said this morning he can join but I am worried this will just end in him being in constant pain again by the end of the European leg." "Ufff..." was my only response. Because what else was there to say. So instead of saying anything, I decided to give her a hug. Which probably looked quite weird because Olivia was sitting and I was just wrapping my arms around her shoulder standing behind her. She laughed a little but patted my arm. "Thank you." She said in a chuckle and turned around to me. "How was your nap?" I froze. "Man, news travels quickly around here."