Believe Again: Found

A/N: well evidently i have no freaking self-control so here's a double update

Saeran lay on his bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling. He wasn't tired, but he didn't have the energy to move either. All he could do was stare into space, and let his mind wander off, no thanks to Saeyoung's question earlier.

Three years. It had been a long time. Long enough that he should have forgotten and moved on. Well, maybe not forgotten, but he should definitely have moved on by now. He shouldn't be feeling that dull ache in his chest whenever she was brought up, or whenever his mind wandered to her on some days when he was in pensive mood… which was almost every other day.

Saeyoung might have hit the nail on the head with this one. Maybe it was true that he was still "hung up" over her. But whether it was because he still loved her or whether it was purely guilt now… he couldn't tell. He tended to think it was the latter, especially on the nights when he woke up in cold sweat, after having a nightmare of that scene in the dungeons, her screams echoing in his mind and giving him a piercing headache.

They all assured him that it wasn't his fault, but… wasn't it? If he hadn't gone and tangled himself up with her, if he had properly cut off contact with her, then things would have been different. She might have hurt for a while, maybe gone out another time in the rain to look for him and fallen sick a couple more times, but eventually she would have given up. She might have resented him for it, but she would have stopped, and then she wouldn't have been caught up in all that mess. His mess.

The guilt remained as fresh even after three years, though it was alleviated somewhat when he saw the sparing updates she made on social media—pictures of her smiling, pictures of her surrounded by people she loved and people who loved her.

It seemed as though she might be happy again. And he was truly glad for it.

But it also made him sad, knowing that she had probably moved on first, knowing that she might have forgotten about him, even though that was for the best. Even though that was what he wanted her to do from the beginning.

It was this feeling that made him loathe himself. It was also what made him wonder if he still had feelings for her—the woman who had reached her hand out to him first when they met. The one who tried her best to get to know him despite all the times he pushed her away, despite his repeated warnings.

Three years had gone by. And yet, he would still think of her whenever he saw couples pass by him on the streets, whenever he ate ice cream, sometimes even with just a fleeting skyward glance at the clouds. The dull ache in his chest remained whenever he remembered her.

Sometimes he wondered what he would do if he ever saw her again—not that it was likely. Would he run away? Would he simply freeze up and not say anything? Would he apologise and seek her forgiveness?

But more than that, he couldn't help but think: would they ever be able to return to how things were?

He knew that these were nothing more than idle fantasies. After all, it was impossible between them. All that was left was broken pieces between them, pieces that he didn't think they could ever recover.

Saeran closed his eyes, letting the darkness consume his vision. It covered his world in black—in nothingness. Left him in a space that consisted of him, his thoughts, and nothing else.

They said time healed all wounds. Three years seemed to have been enough for her.

As for him, he was still waiting.

It happened approximately two months later, when Saeran and Saeyoung were playing with Eun-byeol and having a tea party with her.

Saeran's phone buzzed with a notification that she had updated her Winstagram story. Idly, he swiped on it, curious to know what she was up to at the moment.

The app opened, revealing a video of a park. A park that looked a little too much like the one two hours away from here. His house. In Switzerland.

There was no caption in the video. Just a pan of her surroundings, the audio consisting of quacking ducks, the blowing wind, and chatter from the people around her.

He watched it over and over again, wondering if he was seeing things. But there was no mistaking it—he recognised the pond in front of her, he recognised the pathway, and the people around her didn't look Korean.

The realisation struck him like a sharp blow to his gut and left him breathless. And before he knew it, he was already on his feet, rushing into his room and getting changed to head out, while Saeyoung and Eun-byeol's questions and protests fell on deaf ears. He couldn't register a word that they were saying; his mind was in a whirl, and all he could think about was that video, and the possibility that she was here, that he might be able to see her again.

Was it her? Was she really here? Could it be an old video that she was simply posting from her photo album? Could it be a video that someone else sent her?

He had to confirm it. He had to go.

Saeyoung stopped him before he could grab the car keys.

"Saeran! What are you doing? You look pale, and—"

"I don't have time for this!" Saeran shrugged Saeyoung's hands off his shoulders and snatched the keys off the table, but Saeyoung stopped him again, grabbing him by the shoulders to hold him in place. Sometimes Saeran forgot that Saeyoung was actually stronger than he looked.

"Saeran, calm down first, and tell me. Where are you going?"

"She's here," he blurted, struggling to get out of Saeyoung's grasp. "I have to go now."

"Who's here?"

"Let go of me! I have to see if she's there!"

"Don't tell me…" Saeyoung gasped. "You mean—"

Saeran took advantage of Saeyoung's momentary relaxation and weaselled out of his grip, before heading straight for the door. Eun-byeol was already crying because he was leaving in the middle of her tea party, but he couldn't bring himself to bother with that. He would placate her later. For now, there was something more important he had to do:

He had to find her. It might be the only chance he had left.

The drive felt much longer than two hours. Saeran drove as fast as he could, going a bit over the speed limit on the emptier roads. All he could think about was, what if she left first? What if he missed her by just a minute? What if he lost his one and only chance to see her again?

Saeran had never felt more desperate in his life. He didn't care that he might have looked crazy, haphazardly parking the car in the lot and then immediately running out in search of a single person in this big park—a person who might not even be here anymore. He could feel people sending him odd stares as he ran along the path, head swinging left and right to check his surroundings.

He ran and ran until he was out of breath and his legs burned for want of rest. Eventually he had to stop to catch his breath, bending over and wheezing while perspiration trickled down the sides of his face. The sun was already setting, and he still couldn't find her. He couldn't even find the exact spot she had been in in the video. There was no sign of her anywhere, but he didn't have the stamina to continue searching.

He checked her Winstagam story again in case she updated her location, but there was still only that single video. He refreshed the page a couple of times, but nothing changed. Of course not. He was being delusional.

Saeran wanted to throw his phone to the ground, smash it and stomp it underfoot. The frustration and despair building up in him was close to breaking the dam of emotions that had been sitting in him for so long.

She was here just two hours ago, so painfully close to his reach.

And he had managed to lose her. Again.

It seemed that was all he was ever able to do. First he lost her to Mint Eye, then he had to cut off all contact with her and everyone else back in Korea, and now this. A third time.

Would he ever learn?

Tears pricked his eyes. Tears of frustration, disappointment and loathing. He should be happy. He had started afresh here, he had his family here safe and sound, he was doing well in university and he had made new friends. It should be enough to move on and forget, just like she had.

But why? Why couldn't it be enough?

The sound of a light, ringing bell interrupted his thoughts. He recognised it as coming from an ice cream truck—they were fairly common here too.

It made him snap to his senses stop his tears before he ended up crying in public. What was he, a child? He should have expected this—in the first place there was only a very slim chance of him being able to find her here, two hours after she posted that video. It wasn't something worth crying over. He knew better.

It took a while more, and a couple of deep breaths for him to compose himself again. The disappointment remained however, weighing like a stone in his chest.

Maybe getting some ice cream would help. He was feeling stuffy after doing all that running, and getting something sweet would help to clear his thoughts.

Saeran turned around, noticing a bunch of kids eagerly running past him towards the ice cream truck now parked by the side of the road.

But before he could take a step towards it, he froze, his entire body stiffening up. The only thing moving was his racing heart. Except now it was picking up speed rapidly, and it wasn't from the running.

His mouth went dry then, and his lips parted, quivering slightly when his wide eyes singled in on a person standing in front of the truck.

Her hair was blowing in the wind, strands of hair covering her face, but even from this distance he knew. How could he not? He would recognise her anywhere—her face, her smile, her voice… He had never been able to forget, no matter how hard he tried to erase her from his memories, from his thoughts.

When her eyes met his, time seemed to slow down. Like in a movie, when the leaves started to float in mid-air, and everyone around him seemed to move in slow motion. The noise around him faded into a dull hum. All that he could focus on was her, standing in front of him, in the flesh.

Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he had finally snapped and his mind was now conjuring up a hallucination of her.

But he wasn't. He could tell, because the ache in his chest had returned, and it hurt with each tremor of his heart against his ribcage. He could tell because his legs were burning so much it hurt to stay still and it hurt to move.

The syllables of her name formed on the tip of his tongue—a name he hadn't uttered in the longest time. A name he thought he would never mention again.

It was like time had stopped, and he was back to when they first met. Except, everything was different now: a different park, a different ice cream truck, a different sky with different clouds.

And yet, with their gazes now locked, their bodies unmoving, it felt like nothing had changed at all. Everything felt the same, and everything felt right. She was there and he was here, and that was all he had dreamed of for the longest time.

He wished time could stop right then. He wasn't asking for much; he just wanted a few more minutes to stay like this, with the silence and emptiness between them.

Because this was a dream he didn't want to wake up from just yet.

Against all the odds, he had found her. Or maybe it should be that she had found him again, just like she had the first time with that curious look in her eyes.

Seeing her again was making him waver. Waver in what little resolve he had to move on, to pluck his feet off the ground and to leave her and all their broken pieces behind.

He decided he didn't mind. He had fallen for her long ago, crashed and hit the ground and his bones had shattered into a million pieces. Pieces that continued to pierce and cut his heart whenever he thought of her.

He just wanted time to stop, because this was a dream he didn't want to wake up from just yet.

Just like before, he found himself wavering. Found himself on the edge of the cliff he'd walked onto the day he realised he had feelings for her, when he realised he had already started to fall before he realised it.

Seeing her again made him realise he had never stopped, his body in a constant freefall ever since they separated. He just wished time could stop moving for a little while, because he didn't want to hit the ground just yet. He didn't want to

If only time could stop moving, even if just for a little while, because this was a dream he didn't want to wake up. Not yet.

A/N: aaaaaaaaaa ok i hope the ending was okay, i wrote all this in 2 hours so :") Okay for real though the next update will take a little while longer (definitely not coming today) since I have some plot stuff to iron out first before I can continue. :) Thanks for reading, hope you liked this reunion hehe. :)