A/N: Okay, I'm finally sitting down and finishing this damn fic. I know its been a very long time and I really appreciate you sticking with me through this. I honestly didn't expect it to take me this long to write, but life and writer's block got in the way. Anyway, there's about five or so more chapters, which I know makes this an incredible long fic – long than any other I've written, and I'm sorry.
"Cure a demon? What the hell does that mean?" Dean snapped, leaning against the edge of a desk, arms folded over his chest.
Gabriel leant back in the chair, his whole body feeling like a lead weight. "He didn't elaborate." He grumbled tiredly. "I'm sure there's something among all this." Weakly, Gabriel flicked his hand around.
"You should go back to bed." Sam said with concern, his fingers carding soothingly through Gabriel's hair. "We'll start looking."
"Looking for what exactly?" Dean grumbled tiredly.
Sam tore his worried eyes away from his boyfriend, "We'll divide the work. Charlie, you check online." The young woman gave a sharp nod and a thumbs up, then leapt out of her seat and scurried away. "Kevin, see if there's any mention of a cure on the tablets." The young man grumbled under his breath and left.
"Claire, you and I will hit the books. Dean, you and Cas can..."
"No." Dean snapped, "He can help Claire."
Sam's gaze flickered to Cas, noting the hurt look flicker across his face and sighed, "Fine. We'll search the Letters files."
"I love it when you take charge." Gabriel stage whispered, leaning closer to brush his nose against Sam's jaw. The smirk on his face was wiped away however when a cough startled to claw its way up his throat.
He turned his head away, his hand at his mouth while his body shook from the force. When it was finally over, his forehead was peppered with sweat and his palm was splattered with blood. Sam's stomach tightened painfully, and he swallowed hard. He pressed his hand to the back of Gabriel's neck, massaging it lightly. "Bed." He whispered shakily.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm going." Wiping his hand on his pyjama pants, Gabriel pushed himself shakily out of the chair and stumbled. Cas was there, hand at his brother's elbow.
"I'll see him to his room and then return to help Claire."
Sam nodded, his heart racing painfully in his chest and tears welling in his eyes as watched Cas and Gabriel make their way out of the library. Once they were out of sight, he stood, shoving his chair angrily back and looked at the remaining pair. "What are you standing around waiting for?" He snapped, voice rough with desperation. "We're running out of time." With that he marched away towards the records room, Dean hot on his heels.
/*\/*\/*\
When Sam returned from the file room twenty minutes later, Castiel is sat amongst a pile of books. He lifted his gaze at the sound of footsteps and Sam notes the way his face falls at the sight of him.
"Where's Claire?" Sam asked, dropping his pile of files on the rest across from where Cas sat.
Cas looked around, as if just now realising he was alone. "I - I don't know."
Sam would be angry, but he knew Claire wouldn't abandon such an important task, especially not with Gabe's life in the balance.
"She's probably in her room." He muttered, dragging out a chair and taking a seat. "She prefers the quiet."
Cas frowned, "It's quiet here."
Sam sighed, "It's kind of her - safe place. When things are - tense around here, she goes to her room."
The angel inclined his head slowly. "Ah. Yes."
Sam flipped open the first file and began to scan the notes.
"I regret that I'm unable to heal Gabriel." Cas announced after a few minutes.
Sam looked up through his lashes, "It's fine, Cas." He reassured rough and dismissive, tossing the unhelpful file aside.
"Also, that I was not here to help."
Sam lifted his head full, meeting the angels gaze. "Yeah?" He replied, his tone a little harsher. He couldn't help the bitterness that now filled his voice. The fact was Cas' disappearing act had made so many things that much more difficult. "I can't deny it, we could have used the back up. The last few months have been pretty rough. - For us all."
Cas lowered his eyes, shoulders slumping shamefully.
"Dean's been a nightmare. If he's not fighting with Gabriel, he's bickering with Claire. And as for Gabriel, he could do with some back up."
"He has you." Castiel said, confused and Sam sighed.
"Yeah, but I'm different." He slouched back in his chair with a sigh, eyes fixed on the papers in front of him. "I'm his boyfriend, but sometimes you need your family. There's stuff only a brother can help you deal with."
Cas shifted awkwardly, "Gabriel and I aren't like you and Dean. We're not - close." Once again, the angel's shoulders slumped, "Not anymore."
Sam looked up, "Anymore?"
Cas gave a long-tired sigh. "Before. A long time ago, he was the commander of my garrison. Before Anna took over. Gabriel oversaw my training, teaching about - everything, but that was his role as our leader. I was no different from the others."
Sam frowned, "I don't think that's true." He leant forward, "Gabe had always seemed fond of you. He talked about you differently than he does the others."
It's Castiel's turn to frown. "I don't see why he should. Surely, if he considered me his brother, in the same manner as you and Dean, he would not have left me alone in heaven."
"You left Dean." Sam said, winching at the accusatory tone. Cas looked up, meeting his eyes for a long moment.
The words hung in the air, soaking up the easy atmosphere of a few seconds prior. "Yes." There was so much regret and pain in that one word that Sam felt his own heart break for the angel. Simultaneously, the pair dropped his gaze to their research.
There fell into an uncomfortable tense silence, and Sam went back to his research. Just as Sam flipped closed the file and reached for the next, the sound of heavy boots echoed up from the Crow's Nest and Sam turned his head as Dean marched into the Library with an arm full of files. When Dean looks up, he startles for a brief second as his eyes land on Cas. Then he clears his throat and focuses solely on his brother. "This is the last of them." He grunted, tossing the files on the desk, and moving to leave.
"Where are you going?" Sam demanded; his ton filled with frustration. "It's all hands-on deck."
"You know I can't research without beer and pie and we're all out. I'll be back in an hour." Dean informed him, heading down the library steps.
"Dean, I can go with you." Cas said, getting to his feet.
Dean didn't stop, instead heading towards the corridor, likely to collect his jacket. Cas hovered on the threshold, waiting for the hunter to return. Sam watched from his desk. He could see the sadness and regret etched across the angel's face.
A few minutes later, Dean returned, marching through the Crow's nest towards the stairs. Cas took a step forward, "Dean. - I'm sorry." He said, earnestly.
Sam's eyes flicked through to the stairwell where Dean had frozen in place. There was a tense moment of silence, the air crackling, and then Dean turned.
"For what?" He asked, tone deceptively calm.
Castiel shook his head, "For everything."
"Everything." Dean echoed, his voice slowly growing harsher.
Sam over, watching as Dean took a few angry steps closer. "Like, uh...? Like ignoring us?"
"Yes." Castiel said quietly.
Dean took another step closer, "Like bolting with the angel tablet."
"Yes."
Another step. He was close enough now that Sam could see his brother properly. Could see the way Dean's fingers were curled into a tight white knuckled fist at his side.
"Because you didn't trust me? You didn't trust me?"
Sam tried not to stare at Dean and instead reached for another file, hurriedly flicking through the pages. He suddenly realised how uncomfortable it must have been for Dean all these months, with him and Gabriel, especially during their fights.
"Yes." Cas said quietly.
"Yeah. - Well, that's not gonna cut it." Dean seethed, his voice breaking slightly as he added, "Not this time. - So, you can take your little apology and you can cram it up your ass."
Sam shifted awkwardly in his seat and tried to focus on the words in front of him. Part of him wished Gabe were there to break the tension that was slowly eating up all the air in the room.
"Dean, I thought I was doing the right thing."
Sam's heart tightened.
"Yeah, you always do."
The room was silent for a long few seconds, but Sam hadn't even noticed, his attention taken away from his brother and Cas but a report. Looking up, his heart racing, he cleared his throat. "Hey, uh, do we have a room 7B?"
It took a second, but slowly Dean turned to him, lips pressed into a thin line. With a quick cursory glance to Cas, Dean turned around. "Let's find out." He yanked angrily at his jacket, tossing it haphazardly on the Map Table. Sam shoved back his chair and hurried after his brother, pausing briefly to give Cas' shoulder a reassuring squeeze along the way.
/*\/*\/*\
Gabriel lay in bed for twenty minutes, staring at the ceiling, listening to the sound of his own heartbeat, and replaying the conversation with his father. To say it wasn't what he'd excepted from a family reunion was an understatement. When he'd thought about him over the past millennia, it had been with bitterness and anger. However, Gabriel was self-aware enough to know that he would, like his brothers, buckle to his fathers will. - Or at least, that what he'd expected.
He'd surprised himself. Once faced with the man and his glory, Gabriel had found that instead of awe, all he'd felt was fury and disgust. As he'd stared at him, wearing a face that he'd stolen from his own son, centuries of conflict came flooding in. Memories of the panic and fear, of the in fighting as Michael and Raphael blamed Lucifer and of Michael's despair
"If he hadn't had rebelled, father would still be here."
It had all been too much, the noise, the anger, the desperation.
"If we fulfil his plan, he'll return."
He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stay and listen and watch his family tear itself to pieces. He hadn't considered the consequences of his actions. It hadn't occurred to him to stay and try to curb his brother's zealous plans.
Gabriel throws back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed. Neither had he considered Castiel. - He'd blamed his father for what had happened to Cas, but the truth was, it was on him. He'd abandoned his brother to the desperate insanity of the host. He hadn't considered what it would mean for him. A fish out of water who had no recollection of his own name, and no idea of how to be like the others. Their father had entrusted Castiel to him, and he'd failed them both.
Gabriel exhaled a long guilty sigh and leant heavily on his knees, his head falling into his hands. How would he ever make it up to him? Dean, he would help mend things with Dean. Give Cas the happiness he deserved. At least one of them should get a happy ever after.
Nodding, he shoved himself up from the bed. Pausing as the room span slightly. Which he'd regained his equilibrium; he squared his shoulders and headed for the door. If he were going to have a mano e mano chat with Dean, they'd need beer. So, he headed for the kitchen.
To his surprise, he found Castiel sat at the table, a look of utter rejection on his face, and Gabriel's shoulders slumped. This wasn't going to be as easy as he expected.
Cas looked up when he entered, "You should be in bed. Sam was very insistent."
Gabe scoffed, heading for the fridge. "Sam's always insistent." He replied, shooting his brother a wink that goes right over the younger man's head. Shaking his own head, Gabriel scans the fridge and finds - no beer. "Dammit."
"What are you looking for?"
"Beer."
"Should you be drinking?" Cas asked, concerned and judgemental all at once.
Throwing the door closed, he met his brothers gave. "When has that ever stopped me?"
"Yes, but you're human now." Cas said gravely.
Gabriel stared, his shoulders slumping. "I am." He sighed, padding over to join Castiel at the table. "What are you doing in here? I thought Sam had you on research duty."
Castiel exhaled and his shoulders slumped, "I was." He muttered quietly.
"And?"
"Dean and I had a fight. He doesn't want me here, and I don't blame him."
Gabriel leant forward on the table. "He's just angry right now."
"I should never have come back."
"No." Gabriel held up a finger, "You should never have left in the first place."
Castiel stared at him, suddenly defensive. "I couldn't stay, Naomi knew exactly how to find me, and she would have - " He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "She would have hurt Dean; I couldn't allow that to happen."
Gabe leant further forward, his voice low. "What did she do to you, Cas?"
His eyes darkened and he shook his head again. "It doesn't matter." He pushed himself up off the small seat.
"Where are you going?"
"Dean was going to visit a store before Sam dragged him away. I should go in his stead."
"You can't go alone." Gabriel said, getting to his feet. "I'll come with you."
"No. You're too sick." Castiel argued.
"I'm not dead yet, Cas. And I really need to get out of this place." He grumbled, "Get some fresh air. Who knows, maybe it'll help."
Cas didn't look convinced.
"Look. It's a trip to the Gas-n-Sip across town. I won't even leave the car." He held up a hand, "I swear."
"I don't know."
"I do."
/*\/*\/*\
It didn't take them all that long to find the room. Dean having apparently spent the last few months wandering the halls of the Bunker and making a mental map of all the rooms. He shoved open the door to 7B and waved his brother inside.
Sam looked around the storage room. It was small than a lot of the other room, and a hell of a lot smaller than the file room. His eyes scanned the shelves, "Why aren't these in the file room?" He asked, not really needing an answer.
Which was lucky because Dean wasn't in the mood to give one. He simply followed Sam inside and stared blowing dust of random boxes.
"Go easy on Cas, okay." Sam said suddenly, "He's one of the good guys."
Dean turned, fixing his brother with a wide-eyed angry glare. "Look, if anybody else, I mean anybody, pulled that kind of crap I'd stab them in their neck on principle. Why should I give him a free pass?"
"Because it's Cas." Sam said, eyes burning into Dean knowingly. The muscle in Dean jaw tightened and he turned away.
"What are we supposed to be looking for down here?" He demanded, changing the subject.
Sam exhaled, rubbing at hand through his hair. He was taking tired and worried to deal with Dean's disastrous love life. "Um, anything on case 1138. It was a Class 5 infernal event. St. Louis, March 8th. 1957."
"Class 5 infernal event?"
"Yeah. See, the Letters had this whole rating system. The Exorcist would have been a Class 2."
Dean tugged at a few files on the top shelf, "All right, so, what makes this puppet show so special?"
"It was weird." Sam replied, shrugging.
"Weird how?"
Sam shot his brother a confused stare) "No clue, one of the files just had a note written in the margin about room 7B and the word "weird" with three exclamation points."
"Good times." Dean muttered.
They continued to their search in silence for a few minutes more, the room filling with displaced dust as boxes and files were tugged off shelves. Sam startled slightly when Dean broke the settled silence.
"That makes it worse."
Sam frowned, confused. "What?"
"It's exactly because it's Cas, that it's worse. - I - He ran. I don't care why." Dean muttered to the open box in front of him. "He didn't trust me, us, to protect him. And he's only here now because Claire used some mojo to summon him."
Sam let out a sigh. The anger and hurt in Dean's voice made it abundantly clear this all went deeper than Cas' supposed betrayal and Sam felt his own guilt flared to life. He stared at his brother and couldn't help but wonder if Gabe had felt the same way when he'd left. And Cas had a much better reason for leaving that he'd had.
"He did it to protect you, you know that." Sam quietly reminded him.
"I don't need his protection." Dean snapped. "I'm not some fucking damsel waiting around to be rescued by a handsome prince. I'm a hunter. I've killed everything there is to kill, and I could have help. He should have trusted me to keep him safe."
Sam sighed again. "And how many times have we actually been there for him?"
Dean froze, turning to stare at his brother. "What?"
"I mean, we haven't exactly been practically supportive in the past, have we? He was fighting a war in heaven and we were focused on ourselves. He thinks he needs to deal with it on his own."
"We were trying to get your soul back!" Dean argued defensively.
Sam scoffed, "Yeah, except, it wasn't life and death, was it?"
"You were..."
"I was alive and doing my job." Sam argued. "I wasn't dying. I wasn't even struggling. It could have waited, Dean. We should have helped Cas, and maybe if we had we could have stopped him before..." He trailed off, knowing he didn't need to explain what their selfishness had done.
Dean turned away, "Well, if none of that had happen, lover boy would still be trapped in Purgatory." He reminded Sam.
Sam's hand hovered over a box and his chest tightened, the past two years spiralling through his mind. Alone with the future he had stretching out in front of him, a future without Gabriel. "Perhaps it would have been better." The moment the words slipped from his lips he knew he didn't actually mean it.
"What?" Dean gaped.
Sam shrugged, his hand finally coming to reset on the box. "He's - He's dying Dean." His voice broke on the words and tears filled his eyes. "And I can't save him. I'm going to have to do it again. Watch someone I love die, and I - I don't know if I can go through that again." He choked out.
"We'll save him." Dean insisted, but Sam could hear it in his voice. He didn't believe that any more than Sam did.
"Just be grateful you still have Cas, okay." Sam snapped, turning hard watery eyes on his brother. "He's alive and he's here. It doesn't matter how; you should just be fucking grateful he's here."
Dean's stared, mouth hanging open as if to argue, but Sam didn't give him a chance, yanking something from inside the box. "Got it." He opened the sealed envelope and reached inside. When his hand came out again, it was holding an ancient reel of film. "Looks like we're having a movie night."
Swallowing thickly, Dean turned away to put the lid back on the box. Something caught his attention and he frowned, clearing his throat. "Sammy, check this out." He said, tugging at the shelving unit. To his and Sam's surprise, it swung open to reveal a large room beyond.
"Is - " Sam coughed, clearing his throat, "Is that a devil's trap."
/*\/*\/*\
Gabriel settled back into the seat, "I don't know why I can't drive. I'm not dead yet."
Cas said nothing, his focus locked on the road ahead of them.
Glancing out the window, Gabe slumped lower in his seat and rested his head on the window, the gentle hum of the engine soothing him, almost to the point of sleep.
"So, where have you been these last few months?" Gabriel finally asked. He'd been holding off interrogating his kid brother since the moment he was conscious enough to actually be aware he was there.
"Hiding from Naomi."
"No shit, Sherlock. Where?"
Cas gave a weary sigh and his shoulders slumped tiredly, "Everywhere." He muttered, fingers relaxing on the wheel. "I've been travelling all over the country. I haven't used my powers in months, so they couldn't track me."
Gabriel turned slightly in his seat, "How were you travelling?"
"Bus. Foot. - Car." He gave a small gesture with his hand.
"Ah." Gabriel nodded.
"I never stay in one place too long. - Until now."
Gabriel stared at the side of his brother's face, in his mind's eye, he could see a different visage, but the same weary look. The same need to stop and rest. Only then, there had been lines etched into his features and grey at his temple. "You never were one to shirk a calling."
Turning his head, Cas frowned. "Pardon."
"Nothing." Gabe shook his head, turning to stare out the window, watching the dawn begin to peer over the houses they passed.
"Gabriel?"
"Hmmm?"
There was nothing more said. the silence drawing Gabriel's attention back to his brother. "What?"
Cas shifted in his seat, and Gabe noted the way he flexed his fingers on the steering wheel.
"Come on Cassie, out with it."
The younger angel cleared his throat, "You and Sam..." He stared quietly, glancing over briefly.
"Me and Sam..." Gabe said, circling his wrist to keep Cas talking.
"How did you... - I mean... What did you - do - to...?"
"Win his love and devotion?" Gabriel smirked, enjoying the way his brother's flushed. Then his shoulders slumped, "Honestly bro, I'm not sure. - I - I don't even know if it is love. - At least for him."
Cas looked at him, eyes wide. "I don't understand?"
Gabriel shrugged, "Its complicated, as all good love stories are." He sighed wistfully. "I mean, look at you and Dean-o, you're the pinnacle of complicated love stories."
"Dean and I aren't... - I mean, he doesn't..."
Gabriel snorted, "Trust me bro, he wouldn't be as pissed as he is, if he saw you as just a bro."
Castiel shot him a disbelieving look. "That's not true. I've seen him be equally as angry with Sam."
"You're forgetting, I've spent the last six months living with the man. I've seen it with my own two eyes and smelt it on more than one occasion. This goes far beyond feeling pissed at his 'bro'. If Dean had behaved, the way he's been acting the last six months when Sam shacked up with that demon bitch, well I certainly wouldn't be sharing Sammy's bed every night." He said meaningfully, his nose winkling at the insinuation. "Dean-o has been on a path of self-destruction since Purgatory."
Castiel released a regretful sigh and slumped back in the seat once more. "He seemed fine before..."
"Before you disappeared? No shit." Gabriel scoffed, "Because you were there, genius.
"Come on, Cas, you know as well as I do how completely fuck up these two idiots are. They're the worst as dealing their emotions, especially Dean. That boy had abandonment issues up the wazoo, with a nice side serving of daddy issues, decorated with a nice garnish of closest case.
"The fact is Cas; you did what you had to do. For you and for them, and when Dean gets his head out of his ass, he'll see that." Cas looked doubtful. "Of course, you could skip all this damn drama and just - kiss the guy." He sang.
The look of horror on Castiel's face had Gabriel laughing so hard, he wound up coughing. Removing his palm from his mouth, he found it spotted with blood.
"We should go back." Cas said, brows pinched together as he stared anxiously at his brother. "This can wait."
"It's just a bit of blood, Cas." Gabriel argued, his voice rougher than before. "It's nothing new. I'm not going to drop dead right now." His breathing had picked up, and he let his head fall back against the headrest and tried to calm his racing heart. It was fear more than anything, and if there was one thing Gabriel had become excellent at, it was burying his fears. "Let's just get the shopping done. Beer and pie will do wonders for Dean's mood, I promise."
Castiel remained unconvinced, but kept driving anyway. In an attempt to distract his brother, and himself, Gabriel reached forward and turned on the radio.
As the music filled the truck, the conversation was forgotten. Gabriel filled the silence by singing along with the music, bouncing his leg, and throwing himself wholeheartedly into the distraction. Leaning, he nudged Cas, nodding him to join in. With a disgruntled look, Castiel shook his head.
"Don't be shy, Cassie, I know you've got the voice of an angel." He laughed, grinning with his whole face.
Cas shot him an annoyed glare, "You know that isn't true, Gabriel." His shoulders slumped sadly, "I've never been like the other angels."
Gabriel, stared at him for a long moment, before forcing the smile back onto his face. "It doesn't matter how well you sing, it's about the enjoyment of it." The song changed, and Gabe chuckled, swaying along with the music as he started singing along. "Heading down south to the land of the pines, I'm thumbing my way into North Caroline. Staring up the road and pray to God I see headlights." He slapped at his thigh, keeping time with the music, "I made it down the coast in seventeen hours, picking me a bouquet of dogwood flowers, And I'm a-hopin' for Raleigh, I can see my baby tonight. So, rock me mama like a wagon wheel. Rock me mama any way you feel. Hey, mama rock me. Come on Cas?"
"I don't know this song." Castiel grumbled, causing Gabriel to roll his eyes as the second verse continued without him.
"You've been on Earth for what? Seven years now, and you haven't picked up anything?" He narrowed his eyes at his brother, "With the amount of cultural references Dean make's I'm flabbergasted." He shook his head. "Well, now's your chance, Rock me mama any way you feel. Hey, mama rock me." Gabriel sang, nudging Castiel to join in the chorus.
However, it wasn't until the third time that Cas finally gave into his brother's demands and sang along, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
The pair sang their way through three songs when the Gas-n-Sip came into view, and Cas drew the truck up out front. "You stay here." He ordered Gabriel.
"I..." Gabriel started to argue, only for a cough to take hold.
"Stay." Castiel said firmly, shoving open the door and climbing out.
"Fine. - Don't forget the pie." Gabriel wheezed out, still managing to shoot Cas a meaningful wink.
Gabriel slumped miserably against his own door, fighting to regain his breath after the coughing fit. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, enjoying the chilled fresh air, and letting the music fill his peaceful mind. Soon Gabriel was lost in his own head, so much so he missed the subtle change in the air. It doesn't register when the air becomes a little bit fresher, a little bit cleaner, a little bit more electric. It's not until that cleanness becomes saturated with the foul stench of sulphur that his eyes fly open and his reaching for the door.