A/N: Good morning, my loyal readers! I hope you're all doing well. Here we have the next installment, in which Jenny has her meeting with SecNav, shares an intimate moment with Cynthia, and Gibbs does his best to help her see just how much she means to him. Hope you like it!
Jenny was nearly knocked off her feet by the young woman in front of her, black pigtails swinging with the force of her forward momentum. The redhead laughed as she hugged her back warmly, shaking her head in confusion as she stepped back.
"Abby, you act like you haven't seen me in ages. What's the urgency?"
"Sorry," Abby said quietly, "I just didn't expect you to agree to help. I thought you would be angry."
Jenny frowned.
"Why would I be? If I can help with your case, I'm more than happy to."
"It's just...it's the last day of the month, and I know you have a meeting with SecNav today. I thought you would be too busy, and it seems like we're using what happened to you as exploitation."
"Exploitation?" Jenny repeated, "Because I can't see? It's okay, Abby. Now, what do we have?"
Abby nodded, moving away from her to stand in front of her computer and began pulling up the files they needed.
"It's the phone call from Corporal Dreher's daughter. When she called the police, she said someone had her locked in the trunk of a car. I'm wondering if there's anything in the recording that we may have missed. Something that could give us any clue of where she might be."
Now it made perfect sense as to why the scientist had asked for her help. Jenny's senses had improved drastically since her loss of vision, and if there was even the slightest chance that she could hear something others couldn't, it was worth looking into. She nodded, slowly walking closer, and Abby smiled when she found the stool quickly, sitting down gracefully.
"Go ahead."
Abby nodded, clicking the recording, and Jenny did her best to block out every other sound, sitting perfectly still as she listened. There didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary, certainly nothing that would help them, and she shook her head slowly.
"I don't think there's anything here, Abby."
The younger woman nodded sadly, reaching to turn off the recording, and just as her fingers touched the mouse, Jenny froze, her expression serious.
"Wait. Play that back. Just the last twenty seconds."
Jenny held her breath, not wanting anything to distract her, and just underneath the frightened child's breathing, she heard it. The far-off sound of someone speaking, and she frowned.
"Can you amplify the background noise? Isolate it and play it back?"
"I can try. Sometimes it can be tricky to only remove the vocals from the forefront of a recording."
As she listened to Abby clicking, Jenny leaned forward on the table in front of her, resting her chin on her hand. She needed absolute concentration, and as she waited for the recording to start, she tried to stop her racing thoughts. She was here to do a job, after all. The file began to play again, and Jenny tensed as she recognised the sounds, tapping Abby on the arm to get her attention.
"Abby, those were Girl Scouts. Find out where all the local troops are setting up to sell their cookies, and you can narrow down the locations."
Abby hugged her again, giving her a smile regardless of the fact that it would go unseen.
"You're brilliant, Director Shepard! I'll call El Jefe right now and tell him."
Jenny slid from her seat, shaking her head in amusement.
"He already knows I'm brilliant, Abs. No need to call him."
When Jenny walked back into her office, she knew she wasn't alone, and she immediately tensed, wondering who would be there without her knowing.
"Good morning, Jennifer."
Damn.
"Good morning, sir. I trust you're doing well?"
"Very well. And yourself?"
Jenny smiled, walking around to sit behind her desk, crossing her legs as she sank into the chair. Better to remind him that they were on her terrain before he could see just how nervous she really was.
"I can't complain. And how are you, Leon?"
Vance jumped, unaware that she'd noticed him sitting on her couch, and nodded slowly.
"Fine, Jenny. How'd you know I was here?"
She smiled.
"I could smell your cologne."
Secretary Winter cleared his throat, walking closer to her desk, looking at her seriously, and fought the urge to smile. He'd have been lying if he'd said he wasn't impressed with her ability to intimidate Leon Vance, and nodded.
"When I first called you a month ago, I was fully prepared to ask for your resignation, Jennifer," he began, sitting down in the chair opposite her, "I could see no possible way that you could perform the duties of your job, at least not to the ability that you had in the past. I am not one who likes to be proven wrong, and even less so to admit that I was. But, you have more than surpassed my expectations. I was wrong. You're more than able to hold your own in this agency, and I wish you nothing but the best. You've earned it."
Jenny couldn't stop the smile that came across her face, and she immediately felt as though a major weight had been lifted from her shoulders, leaving her lighter than she'd been in weeks.
"Thank you, sir."
She held out her hand, and he took it, his fingers brushing over her wedding ring, and he glanced down at it with a surprised glance.
"I didn't realise you were married, Jennifer. Congratulations."
Jenny smiled, nodding once.
"Thank you."
"Perhaps now the rumours surrounding you and Agent Gibbs will stop. Not that I've ever paid much attention to idle gossip."
The temptation to laugh was nearly overwhelming, but Jenny managed to keep her amusement under control, pulling her hand free carefully.
"Thank you, sir. For everything."
He nodded, standing and giving her a smile, glancing at Vance as he walked to the door.
"Have a good day, Jennifer. Leon, perhaps we can meet for a drink before our flights?"
Vance nodded, smiling slowly.
"I'd like that."
The door closed, and Vance made his way to the desk, holding out his hand to Jenny, forgetting for a moment that she couldn't see him.
"Let me see it, Shepard. Or is it Gibbs now?"
Jenny laughed, giving him her hand, and as he examined her ring, he couldn't stop himself from smiling.
"Congratulations. You're gonna make his life hell for the rest of eternity, aren't you?"
"Do you really even have to ask?" she quipped, "And it's still Shepard, for future reference."
Vance nodded, letting go of her hand, and as Jenny stood to accompany him to the door, he suddenly hugged her, his voice low in her ear.
"Despite what you think of me, I really am happy for you, Jenny. I'm not a bad guy, and I want you to keep kicking ass."
Jenny nodded as he released her, confused by the uncharacteristic move, and it wasn't until she was left alone in the sanctity of her office that she began to think that perhaps she'd been wrong about Leon Vance. Maybe.
Gibbs frowned at the sight of the younger man walking down the steps into the squad room, and when he stopped in front of the team leader's desk, his confusion only grew.
"Something you need, Leon?"
Vance's dark eyes landed on the ring on his hand and he shook his head, flipping the toothpick between his teeth carefully.
"Thought maybe she was just messing with me. Congratulations, Gibbs. Maybe this will be the one that sticks."
Gibbs rolled his eyes, glaring at him as he walked to the elevator, and it was only after the silver doors had slid shut that Tony DiNozzo's voice cut through the silence.
"Wait...you're married?"
Gibbs didn't even have it in him to reprimand Ziva for the head slap, and he shook his head as he laughed quietly. McGee stared at Tony as though he were the slowest person alive, and rolled his eyes as he reached for his coffee.
"Seriously? How are you the Senior Field Agent? How did you not notice?"
"Nice try, Probilicious. Trying to act like you knew all along."
Gibbs took a long drink of his coffee before standing, fixing the younger man with an expression that none of them could identify. It was a cross between annoyance and amusement, and McGee thought he could detect a hint of pride in his bright blue eyes.
"He did. He was the first one of you all to notice. Ziva was second. Not their fault you're incompetent. If I were you, I'd seriously start paying more attention."
He made his way towards the stairs, pausing when he heard Tony's voice.
"Where are you going?"
"To talk to my wife," Gibbs answered pointedly, rolling his eyes again.
As he disappeared up the stairs, he allowed himself to laugh at Tony's indignant stage whisper.
"A little heads-up would have been nice, you two!"
He passed Cynthia's desk, flashing her a smile, and when he opened the door to Jenny's office, he smiled at the sight of his favourite redhead sitting behind the desk. She was idly twirling a pen between her fingers, seemingly deep in thought, and when he closed the door behind him, she glanced in his direction.
"You look busy," he commented lightly.
Jenny rolled her eyes, not bothering to respond, and he walked closer, noticing that she seemed much more relaxed than she'd been that morning before work.
"Sit down, Jethro."
"Good morning to you too, sweetheart," he deadpanned sarcastically.
"Good morning honey," she said, so falsely sweet that he laughed, "I need your opinion on something."
He nodded, waiting for her to continue, taking a drink of the coffee still held in his hand.
"Leon Vance. What do you think of him?"
Hm...that was a loaded question. Gibbs was silent as he considered his words, and finally he nodded.
"He's good at what he does. He'll back you up if you need it. I respect what he's accomplished over the years."
"Do you trust him?" Jenny asked quietly.
"No," he answered, "Not on a personal level. Professionally, yes. Do I think he'd turn on me if it would benefit him? Honestly, depends on the situation. Why do you ask?"
She sighed as her head shook, trying to sort out the complicated emotions in her mind.
"He hugged me today. He's never touched me before, except to shake my hand. I don't know what to make of it."
He nodded, leaning forward on her desk, reaching for her hand, and as he held it, he ran his thumb over the back of her hand.
"You know, he's not a bad guy, Jen. He's ambitious, but I think if he really had to make a choice between his ambition and the people he cares about, he would make the right one."
Jenny sighed again, still not sure how she felt on the matter.
"Let's hope we never have to find out."
Hours later, long after Gibbs had left to follow up on a lead, Jenny was sitting in her office, trying to talk herself out of the panic attack she could feel building. She could feel that strange tightening in her chest that always accompanied one, and she was currently trying to regulate her breathing, holding her head in her hands as she sat behind her desk.
"Just breathe," she whispered to herself, "You're okay. Nothing is wrong, just keep breathing."
It wasn't working, and she stood quickly, feeling the need to move, pacing back and forth as she repeated the words over and over again.
"You're fine, Jenny. You're fine. Just get it together."
Except you're not fine, her mind whispered back, You might have done okay so far, but we both know you're going to fail. You're going to fuck this up so badly that you'll be fired without a second thought. Vance will take over, McGee and Beth won't trust you with Zelda, Heather will turn back to drugs, and Jethro will get tired of this. He didn't marry you to be your caregiver. You'll just be the last in a long line of failed marriages for him.
"Shut up," Jenny said quietly, shaking her head, "You're wrong."
You'd like that, wouldn't you? Face it, Jenny, you're worthless. You're blind, you're insane, nothing but a burden to everyone around you. He might not say as much, but Jethro resents you for all of this. He wants a wife that can be his equal, not someone who falls apart at every turn. That feeling of hopelessness, that crushing sadness, the fear that you're going to die with nothing to show for it? You know it's all true. You know you'd be better off dead. God knows Jethro would be better off. He could get on with his life and not waste his time taking care of a pathetic woman like you. He deserves better than you. You know what you have to do. Stop being so fucking weak, Jenny! Do something right for once in your life and end everyone else's pain. Not only theirs, but yours.
"Stop it. Please."
You need to hear this, Jenny. You've been running from the truth for so long that you've tricked yourself. Made yourself think you can pretend to be okay. We both know it's a lie. What's the point of prolonging your pain? Why are you making everyone around you suffer? You're so fucking selfish. Do what needs to be done. You could even make it look like an accident, to make it easier for Jethro to explain. Let's be honest with each other here: we always knew it would come to this. From the moment you realised that you wanted to die, even at thirteen, we knew it would end this way.
Jenny had long since stopped pacing, her hands tangled in her long red hair, her entire body shaking, and when she was finally able to open her eyes, she felt a new wave of despair when she remembered it didn't matter now. She still saw nothing, and as she fell to her knees, she shook her head, taking a ragged breath.
"You're not fine," she whispered to herself, her voice breaking.
If Cynthia Sumner was surprised when the phone on her desk rang, she didn't show it, and as she picked it up, she smiled, hoping she didn't sound as tired as she felt.
"Director's office. How may I help you?"
"Cynthia, can you come to my office?"
She frowned, confused as to why her boss hadn't used her intercom, and when she noticed that her voice sounded slightly off, her perplexity intensified.
"Of course, Director. I'll be right in."
Hanging up, she stood and smoothed her skirt, reaching the door in four steps, opening it slowly. Her eyes widened when she peered around the door and saw the redhead sitting on the floor, tears falling from her eyes. She ran into the room, closing the door quickly, and when she knelt down by the older woman, she was unsure if she should touch her.
"Director Shepard, are you okay?"
Jenny's head shook, and Cynthia began immediately looking for any injuries, frowning when she found nothing of concern.
"How can I help? Anything you need, I'll be happy to—"
"Will you just stay here? I don't want—I don't think I should be alone right now."
Though Cynthia had never been more confused in her life, she nodded, moving to sit more comfortably by the woman on the floor next to her. She'd never seen Jenny look quite so broken, and it made her heart break to witness it now. They sat in silence for nearly ten minutes as the redhead tried to organise her thoughts, but she soon found it was pointless.
"How old are you, Cynthia?" Jenny asked suddenly.
"Thirty-three, Director. Why?"
"Just curious. Do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Any pets?"
Cynthia nodded, feeling more than a little thrown by this turn of events, and frowned.
"I have a boyfriend, his name is Damon. I have a kitten, just got her, actually. She's so little, gray and white, absolutely adorable. Why do you ask?"
"I need to get out of my head," came Jenny's honest answer, "I need to focus on something other than my own thoughts."
This is pointless, Jenny. What are you going to do, keep Cynthia here until Jethro comes back? That's unrealistic, and it's only temporary, anyway. You can't run from your own thoughts. You're wasting her valuable time.
Cynthia watched her carefully, noticing that even with her questions, Jenny wasn't really focused on her, that she was still locked in her own head, and she frowned. This clearly wasn't enough to distract her, and she reached for the other woman's hand, her touch making her jump.
"Jenny?"
Using her given name felt strange to the younger woman, but it somehow seemed like the right thing to do.
"Why don't we try something else? I'll talk, you'll listen. Ten minutes. Then we switch. But you have to pay attention because I'm going to test you."
The redhead nodded, trying to focus, and as Cynthia began speaking, she hoped it wouldn't take long for Gibbs to return. She didn't know what she would do if he didn't make it back soon.
Ducky frowned as the phone on his desk rang, curious as to who could possibly be calling him, and as he held it to his ear, he picked up his tea.
"Autopsy."
"Doctor Mallard, this is Cynthia, Director Shepard's assistant. Is there any way you could come up to her office? It's kind of important."
"Of course. I'll be right up."
He set down his cup, heading for the door, and as he stepped into the elevator, he hoped it wasn't a life or death situation. After all, it wasn't like Cynthia to call him, and if Jenny was incapable of making the call herself, it didn't look promising. The lift seemed to move in slow motion, and when it finally stopped on the proper floor, he made his quickly to the office, frowning when he realised the door was locked. He knocked lightly on the silver metal, and when Cynthia opened it, she gave him a relieved smile.
"Thank you."
Ducky looked over her shoulder, frowning when he noticed Jenny still sitting on the floor, and he looked at the younger woman.
"What's happened?"
"She's...she said she needed to get out of her head. I tried talking to her, getting her to talk to me, but it's not working. I can tell she's not really listening. She's been shaking the entire time, and she said she doesn't want to be alone. I don't know what to do."
Ducky nodded, walking closer, noticing that Cynthia locked the door behind them again, and when he knelt down in front of the redhead, he placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Jennifer? What's going on in your mind?"
She shook her head, unsure of how much to tell him, and he sat down, moving so that he was directly in front of her. Cynthia stayed close by, not wanting to intrude, but wanting to help if at all possible.
"Talk to me," Ducky said softly, "Tell me what's bothering you."
"I can't make it stop," she whispered finally, "I don't want to feel this way, but I can't change it. I'm putting everyone through so much pain, and that's not fair. It isn't right. But I don't want to be alone. I can't trust myself, Ducky. If Cynthia hadn't been here, I would've—I just..."
Her words trailed off, nodding her head in the direction of her desk where he knew her sidearm rested in the bottom drawer, and Ducky reached for her hand, noticing how badly she was shaking.
"You would have what?" he prodded.
"Ducky...if I could have just died in that accident, everything would be fine. I don't...I don't want to live like this anymore. Or at all, really. I want this to all be over."
Ducky shook his head, holding her hand tighter.
"Oh, Jennifer," he said gently, "You're so wrong."
"I've lost so many people that I thought I knew," she said quietly, "Why does everyone else seem to have it all figured out? Am I the only one who's lost and running out of faith? Does it always hurt this much to be alive? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I just want to die, Ducky. It would help so many people."
The Scottish doctor frowned, glancing over his shoulder at the young woman still standing near the door, and shook his head again.
"How? How would your death benefit anyone?"
"No one would have to be burdened by me. No one would have to worry. Jethro would be able to move on with his life and be with someone who can be his equal, who can make him happy. The agency would be run by someone who doesn't need special accommodations, Zelda would have a godmother who can actually see her and take care of her."
"That's crazy," Cynthia said suddenly, making her way to them, sitting down on Jenny's other side, "Speaking as someone who works for you, I can say that there is no one else I would rather be employed by. You've done so much for this agency, for me, and any assistance I can give you is my pleasure."
Jenny frowned, confused.
"But...you have to do so much more now. Things that go above and beyond your job description. This, for example. You shouldn't have to be here for this, shouldn't have to oversee my ops and report them to me, you—"
"Jenny...I'm not doing any of those things because I have to. I'm doing them because I want to. You're an amazing boss, an amazing woman, and you're my friend. I'm honoured that you trusted me enough to come to me, and I'm sure everyone else feels the same way."
"Do you really believe Jethro would have married you if he felt as though you were a burden to him? That man loves you more than anything in the world, my dear. I've never seen him love anyone as much as he loves you, and I was present for three of his four marriages prior to this one," Ducky added with a smile, "He was a wreck without you. When you left all those years ago, he was hollow. He never smiled, drank more than anyone humanly should, and do you remember what I told you about the night of the accident? He was devastated at the mere thought of losing you. If he had to go on without you, I don't think he would make it very long. It was your love for him and his for you that got him through Matthew's death, through everything that you've both been through over the last few years."
Jenny sat quietly, shaking her head as she tried to sort through the thoughts and emotions fighting for dominance in her mind, and she closed her eyes as she spoke.
"I know you're right, logically. I know that it's just my mind messing with me, but...it's so loud, and it's so convincing."
Ducky nodded, wrapping his arm around her, pulling her into his arms, kissing her hair softly.
"That's unfortunately true. It's the nature of your illness, but you can't let those thoughts win. You're so much stronger than any chemical imbalance, and the medications you're taking are going to help sort it out. It takes time, but you'll get there."
"I'm so tired of fighting it, Ducky," Jenny whispered, laying her head on his shoulder.
"I know, my dear," he answered gently, "Dealing with a mental illness is exhausting, and it's not just a physical tiredness. It's emotionally and mentally draining as well, and if you don't experience it first-hand, it isn't likely that you'll understand it. Your mind is doing everything it can to make you give up, to make you think that you'd be better off dead. But nothing could be farther from the truth."
"No one should have to go through this," she said, moving as close to his warmth as she could.
His hand gently combed through her hair, smoothing the tangles in the long red strands, and Cynthia quietly reached out to touch Jenny's shoulder, her voice soft as she spoke.
"If you ever want to talk, or if you just need someone to be here in the room with you, I'm always right outside the door."
Jenny shook her head.
"I couldn't ask you to do that."
"You're not," Cynthia assured her, "I'm offering. Because I meant what I said, Jenny. You're my friend, even if we're not that close. I'd like to change that, get to know each other better, if you're okay with that."
"Asking for help doesn't make you weak or a burden, Jennifer. You have so many people who would do anything for you if you asked. You don't always have to do this alone. It doesn't make you weak if you needed someone. It means you were strong enough to fight this far and when you realised you needed help, you weren't afraid to ask. You've always kept people at a distance because you're scared of getting hurt, and even in your relationship with Jethro, you felt like he proved your fears right, didn't you? In the beginning, you tried to ignore the way you felt about him, and then when it was too obvious, when you'd finally let him get close, he did exactly what you expected him to. He rejected you because he was dealing with his own pain and fear."
Jenny nodded in spite of herself, and spoke softly, still keeping her head on his shoulder.
"It hurt so much to leave, but I couldn't stay after that. I'd already made up my mind, but if he'd answered me differently that day, I would have stayed. I didn't know at the time why he couldn't say he loved me, but I think if I had, it would have made his reaction easier to handle. I would have been willing to wait. Or maybe I wouldn't have said it so soon."
"And if you had stayed, you wouldn't be here now. You wouldn't have gained the experiences that made you ready for the Director's chair, you wouldn't have the strength those years apart gave you. Because without Jethro there to catch you, you were forced to realise your own potential. You had to rely on your own intelligence and cunning to save you. You needed to leave to grow as an individual."
"It was so hard for me to trust him when I came back," Jenny said softly, "As soon as I saw him again, as soon as I looked into those bright blue eyes of his, it all came rushing back. Every fight, every kiss, every touch, every memory, every word he'd ever said...and I knew that I'd never really stopped loving him, no matter what I'd tried to make myself believe."
Ducky laughed, kissing her hair again.
"He said almost the same thing about you, my dear. He knew he'd hurt you, just as you knew you'd hurt him by leaving, and he had no idea how it was going to play out. Not long into your time as Director, he came to me after a fight you'd had and said "I don't know if I can work with her again. We fight just as much now as we always did." and I reminded him that you're both incredibly stubborn, and he said "I can't fix it like I used to. Before, I could just kiss her to shut her up and we'd get over it". You forced him to grow up a bit, Jennifer. He had to learn that nothing can be solved by ignoring the problem. When you were in California, after you'd been taken to hospital, he got extremely drunk and called me. I've only known Jethro to be that upset twice before and he kept asking me if I thought you would ever be able to forgive him, trust him again. I told him that it would take time, that he would have to let the walls he'd built down, and eventually it worked."
"I—after everything with La Grenouille, I never thought he would ever want to even see me again."
Cynthia smiled, shaking her head.
"Jenny, anyone with eyes can see how much Agent Gibbs loves you. I don't think anything in the world would change that. You could shoot the President, and he would still try to protect you."
Ducky kissed her cheek, smiling as she wiped away her tears, and when she lifted her head from his shoulder, she smiled weakly.
"Thank you," she whispered, "Both of you."
Their comforting hugs gave her more strength than she'd ever realised she needed.
Jenny and Cynthia were in MTAC when Gibbs returned, and though he knew she was busy, he was finding it difficult to keep from interrupting their work. He couldn't wait to tell her that they'd found Corporal Dreher's daughter, and just as he was about to make his way to the locked door, he heard someone call his name. He turned, smiling at Ducky as he walked up the stairs, and the older man nodded at him as he came closer.
"Were you about to disturb our lovely Director while she's in the middle of working?"
Gibbs shrugged.
"Thought about it, yeah."
"Don't. Whatever it is, it can wait. I need to talk to you."
The urgency in the doctor's voice made him pause, and the former marine nodded as Ducky led him into Jenny's office, locking the door behind him. Gibbs frowned as he was instructed to sit, and when he did so, he noticed that he'd never seen Ducky look quite so conflicted before.
"What's wrong, Duck?"
"I'm not sure if I should tell you, being that it was told to Cynthia and myself in confidence, but...well, if I didn't say anything and something happened, I would never forgive myself."
Gibbs tilted his head in confusion, and Ducky continued, his voice quiet.
"While you were gone today, Jennifer was...she had quite a serious panic attack. I would almost venture to call it an emotional breakdown. She was extremely upset, and she confided in me that if Cynthia hadn't come into her office and stayed with her, she would have gotten her gun from her desk. I don't think I need to tell you just what she would have done with it."
"What caused it? What happened?"
"I don't know," the doctor admitted, "she said that she'd been struggling with the pain of being alive. She feels as though she's a burden to everyone, but to you especially, and she seems to think that you would be better off if she weren't around anymore to cause you any pain. She's gone through so much this past year, and her mind is amplifying all of the insecurities and depression that she's always had, making it much worse for her to deal with. She's exhausted, and I think she's convinced that there isn't any point in continuing to try."
"That's...Ducky, that's crazy. She's not a burden to me at all. Doesn't she know how much I love her? How much it would kill me to lose her?"
Ducky smiled sadly, his eyes meeting Gibbs' slowly.
"Of course she does. But mental illness, especially bipolar depression, makes it difficult for her to remember that. Logically, she knows you love her and that her death would cause you unimaginable pain, but right now she feels like her life doesn't matter. That you're going to resent her because of her limitations, and she thinks it would be easier to remove herself from the equation. Her mind is lying to her, telling her that you don't really love her, that you're only with her out of some noble obligation, and though she's managed so far to ignore it, I think she's close to giving up."
"How do I help her? Tell me. Anything that I can do, I'll do it."
Ducky frowned, thinking carefully, and finally nodded.
"Take time to be with her. In a non-sexual way. You two have never had any problems in that area."
Gibbs laughed quietly, and the doctor continued.
"Just...maybe spend the night talking. Have a drink or two, take time to just enjoy being together, to enjoy each other's presence. Tell her just how much she means to you. Remind her that you're in this together, no matter what happens. I know you aren't much for talking, but make an exception. Don't just rely on actions tonight. They're louder than words, yes, but sometimes it's good to hear how much you mean to someone."
The younger man nodded, making his way to the opposite side of Jenny's desk, and as he opened the desk drawer, Ducky frowned. His unspoken question was answered when he saw the agent pocket the firearm in his hand, and as he walked to the door, Gibbs fixed him with a look of gratitude.
"Thanks, Duck."
Ducky smiled.
"Anytime, Jethro. Just take care of our girl."
"Always."
Jenny frowned when she walked down the stairs after her shower, more than a little confused to find her husband playing with Aries in the living room rather than the basement, and she ran her hand through her damp hair.
"Jethro? You're not working on the boat?"
He shook his head, carefully pouring a bit of bourbon into a glass, and when she walked closer, she smiled as Aries jumped up on her legs.
"Hi, baby. What did you do while Mommy was in the shower?"
"Waited outside the bathroom door," Gibbs muttered, reaching for her hand as she came nearer, "Same thing he always does. Damn dog is way too attached to you."
Jenny laughed, shaking her head.
"He knows who takes care of him. He loves me."
Gibbs pulled her to the couch, wrapping his arm around her as she fell onto the cushions, and kissed her softly.
"He's not the only one who loves you," he said gently.
"You're right," she agreed, "Z is pretty partial to me, too."
He nodded, kissing her again, and as he twisted her lightly curling hair around his finger, she frowned.
"What's wrong?"
Now it was his turn to be confused.
"Nothing. But I do have something to tell you."
She waited, and as he reached for his drink with his free hand, she moved closer to make room for Aries as he jumped up next to her.
"We found Corporal Dreher's daughter. Because of you, Jen. You found something that no one else would have noticed. That girl owes her life to you."
Jenny smiled, laying her head on his shoulder, and when he reached for her hand, she frowned as he placed a glass in her palm.
"What's this?"
"Thought after your meeting with SecNav today, you could use a drink. I'm guessing it went okay?"
"Yeah. Still can't believe Vance hugged me, though."
"I should kick his ass for that."
"Jealous, are we?"
He laughed quietly, taking a drink of his bourbon.
"No, I just don't like the idea of him touching you. That's my job."
Taking a drink of her bourbon, Jenny sighed, still feeling like there was something he wasn't telling her, and she frowned as she placed the glass back on the table in front of her.
"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"
Gibbs shook his head.
"No. I just know you've been stressed lately, and I wanted to help if I can. I love you Jen, and I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me if you need to."
Though she could tell he was waiting for her to confide in him, she didn't think she could handle talking about the chaos in her head for the second time that day. She shook her head, reaching for his hand, and he smiled as she entwined their fingers together.
"Jethro?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we just lay here for awhile? Just you, me and Aries?"
He nodded, shifting so that he could hold her more securely in his arms, and as he kissed the top of her head, he breathed in the sweet scent of her perfume.
"Anything you want, Jen."
"Really?"
"Yep."
They laid in silence for a long moment, Gibbs running his fingers lightly up and down Jenny's arm, smiling when he felt her bury her head in his chest.
"I love you, Jen," he whispered, "So much. I hope you know just how much you mean to me."
She frowned, wondering what had caused him to suddenly want to spend so much time with her, and raised up to face him.
"What did you do? Who did you kill?"
"No one," he assured her with a quiet laugh, "but I know you've been having a rough time. I want to make it better. I might not always know how to do that, but if you tell me what you need, I'll do anything in the world."
His words made her smile, and as she laid her head on his chest, she took his hand in hers, running her fingers over his wedding band.
"Would you kill someone?"
"Pretty sure I have killed for you. I took out Svetlana, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Forgot about that," she said jokingly.
"I didn't," he answered seriously, "She's the reason we're together now. If you hadn't almost died in California, I don't think I could have convinced you to give us another try."
"That's not true, Jethro," her voice was quiet, almost wistful, "Don't you remember the night I took care of Carson? I asked you to stay that night and you said no."
"Technically, you never asked. You said that in the past, you would have."
Jenny rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
"Semantics. You knew what I meant, and you still said no."
"I thought you were just trying to prove a point."
"What point could I have possibly been trying to prove?" she asked in confusion.
"I...have no idea," he admitted, "I just thought it was a trap."
"Oh, it was," she said without hesitation, "I always knew you still loved me."
"Did you now?" he laughed.
She was silent for a long moment, and when her head shook, he frowned at the sadness that filled his heart.
"No. I didn't. I thought you loved her. Hollis."
He shook his head, kissing her hair gently.
"It's always been you, Jen. From the minute you threw a stapler at Burley's head for calling you "Strawberry Shortcake"."
Jenny burst into laughter, causing Aries to lift his head from her lap, looking at her curiously. She ran her hand over his head slowly, coaxing him to lie back down, and she shook her head as she tried to breathe.
"I forgot all about that."
"I never forgot that moment, not even when I lost my memory. Your aim was perfect, Burley had a bump on his head for weeks after that, and did you know that when you get really angry, your skin has this slight flush to it? It's beautiful."
Rolling her eyes, Jenny shook her head, turning to face him slowly.
"Jethro, are you looking at me?"
"Yep."
She promptly flipped him off, causing him to laugh, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest.
"I love you, you annoying bastard."
He kissed her slowly, running his fingers through her hair, and she smiled as she traced the lines of his jaw with her fingertips.
"I love you too, you crazy psychopath."
The low vibration of her phone ringing made Jenny groan in frustration as she was roused from her sleep, and as her fingers searched for the offending device, she sat up slowly. A loud clatter made her swear as the phone fell from the bedside table, and she felt Gibbs turn to look at her as he turned on the light.
"What are you looking for?"
"My phone," she answered, "Because people don't know how to call at a normal time of day."
Gibbs frowned.
"How do you know what time it is?"
"If you're in bed, it's late. You never come up before midnight."
He smirked, nodding as he swung his legs from the bed, searching for her phone on the ground. He found it just as it stopped ringing, and he handed it to her with a frown.
"Beth. Want me to call her back?"
She nodded, and as he pressed the button for her, he leaned in, his lips brushing against hers gently. Jenny playfully shoved him away from her as she heard the familiar click, and as McGee's voice filled her ear, she tried to find a more comfortable position.
"Director Shepard? Are you busy?"
"No. Is everything okay? Why are you calling me with Beth's phone?"
"I didn't know if you would answer for me. I—I need your help. I'm really worried about Beth."
Jenny frowned, sitting up slowly, and Gibbs looked at her worriedly as he climbed back into the bed next to her.
"What's going on?"
"I don't know. She won't talk to me, she won't even play with Zelda. I thought maybe she was just having a bad day at first, but it's been almost two weeks now. She's not eating, not even getting out of bed. What do I do? How do I help her?"
"Where is she now?"
"In our bedroom. I'm in the living room with the baby. I'm really starting to get worried."
Nodding once, Jenny stood from the bed, gesturing for Gibbs to do the same.
"McGee, I'm on my way over. Can you handle things until I get there?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good."
She hung up, and even without being able to see him, she knew Gibbs was looking at her.
"Help me find something sensible to wear. McGee needs our help. Can you give me a ride?"
"Everything okay?"
She shook her head.
"I don't know."
He handed her a pair of yoga pants that were so long they covered her feet, and when combined with his over-sized Marines sweatshirt, it gave her the appearance of being so much younger, causing him to smile.
"Think you're getting shorter in your old age, Jen."
"Shut the hell up," she snapped, shaking her head.
She swept her hair into a messy ponytail, and as he steered her to the door, she could feel his hand moving lower than her lower back, and she smacked his chest lightly.
"Hands off, old man. I might be another year older, but I can still kick your ass even blind."
"Never doubted it for a second."
"Go to Hell, Jethro."
Jenny immediately kissed Zelda's hair as she held her in her arms and as McGee led her into the bedroom, she frowned. She could sense a change in the atmosphere at once, though she couldn't have told anyone exactly what it was, and she shook her head as she stopped in the doorway.
"Beth? Are you awake?"
There was no answer, and McGee touched Jenny's shoulder gently.
"She's awake," he whispered, "I saw her nod."
Jenny nodded, turning in his direction, and glanced at what she hoped was his face.
"McGee, take Zelda. You and Gibbs stay out there, and let him play with his goddaughter. I'll let you know if we need anything."
McGee took his daughter from her after she gave her one final kiss, and Jenny closed the bedroom door behind him, facing the bed once more.
"Beth, I'm going to come sit with you, if that's okay."
Still, the younger woman said nothing, and Jenny took a few hesitant steps closer, swearing softly when her foot connected with the dresser to her right.
"This would be easier with your help," she said, hoping to get an answer.
Finally, she made it to the bed, sitting down on the edge, and when she felt Beth shift just enough to give her room to be more comfortable, she smiled.
"What's wrong? You've got McGee scared shitless. Talk to me."
When there was no reply, Jenny shook her head, trying to keep her tone light.
"At least let me know you're alive. Give me something, honey. I'm working blind here. Literally."
"I don't know what's wrong, Jenny. I just...don't care. About anything. I feel like everything is so pointless. I know I shouldn't, I have a good man, a beautiful little girl, but...why do I feel this way?"
Jenny moved closer, her searching fingers finally finding Beth's tangled hair, and as she slowly began to work out the matted strands, she shook her head sadly.
"Emotions don't follow logic, honey. Believe me, I know what it's like to feel depressed and not understand the reasons behind it. But you keep going, because there are better days waiting for you. You'll get to see Zelda take her first steps, hear her first laugh, her first word...and those are things that make all of the bad shit in your head just fade away."
"How do you get through it?"
"I take time to let myself acknowledge the feeling for awhile, and then I try to sort through it. Analyse it, and find the underlying cause. In my case, I know it's a chemical imbalance, and I think it might be in yours, too. Postpartum depression is very common, and if it doesn't get better soon, mention it to your doctor. They can help you. I try to find ways of distracting myself, and when all of that isn't enough, I talk to the people I love. I turn to the people that I know will always support me, and I let them help. It isn't easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but it does work."
"So...I'm not crazy?"
"Oh no, you are," Jenny said with a quiet laugh, "but not because of this. You let your fiance name your daughter Zelda. Do you know how much teasing she'll get?"
"Most of the kids her age will probably think it's cool. Named after a princess and all."
Jenny shook her head, smiling at her warmly.
"I wasn't talking about the kids. I was talking about Tony."
Beth's quiet laughter made Jenny feel more productive than she had in months. For the first time in forever, she felt as though she'd made a meaningful impact on someone, and that made her smile brighter than the summer sun.
A/N: I kind of really want to write a one-shot about the stapler incident with Burley. What do you think?