meri47 asked:
for the drabble request event: Shunsui/Nanao, "there's an overnight IT person at school who always answers the phone when i call about a problem with my computer and i totally have a crush on their voice and their exasperation and ALSO the bakery down the street is always running out of my fave scones and the adorable person behind the counter can't hide their amusement and i think it's super rude but also super cute AU" (from a prompt list)

So, normally, I am not a fan of Nanao/Shunsui, but I forgot to put it on my list of no-go ships, and as... convoluted as this scenario is, I actually had kind of a way to make it work. I checked with the asker first, and they said it was okay to put Juushirou in it, too. I feel like the point of the prompt list this was from was to have two possible ships in any case, otherwise I don't understand at all how it would work. Anyway, I tried to make it shippy-but-only-if-you-squint on both sides, I hope it's okay. I really just wanted to write about IT and scone flavors anyway.

Oh, also, I have no respect for Shunsui, so sorry for that, but at least I had fun.

Professor Kyouraku Shunsui of the Seireitei University Mathematics Department was very pleased with himself. He had timed his arrival at his favorite campus coffee shop for ten minutes before the end of a class period, exactly at the time when the students would be departing for their 10 o'clocks, but the 9 o'clocks had not yet finished. He had been able to score his favorite table, the one next to the front window, so he could watch the foot traffic. He'd laid out his workspace perfectly: laptop front and center; a fresh, fragrant Americano just off to the right, and his little notebook of handwritten instructions to his left. With everything laid out so nicely, he was sure to be very productive. He just needed to remake a few plots for that journal paper. It was only a week overdue at this point, but those editors got so antsy when you just went a smidge over a deadline.

Humming to himself, he ran his finger down the list of procedures as he completed each one. "Amazing!" he exclaimed when a black window popped up on his screen, his own username displayed and a little white cursor cheerfully blinking beside it. "Look at me, a computer genius! I should call my good friend Nanao. I'm sure she would love to hear how well I was able to follow her instructions."

Shunshui wiggled his fingers, gleefully typed "matlab &" after the prompt, and hit "enter" with a flourish.

Nothing happened.

Shunsui tried again.

Once again, nothing happened.

"Well, that's a shame," he frowned, and picked up his phone.

He selected the main campus IT helpline from his contacts, then entered the extension for the math department special helpline, and then he typed in the super-secret extension for the math department special helpline manager.

It rang 9 times. Finally, a clipped voice answered. "Math Department IT Helpline, may I have your name, please?"

"Hellooooooo, Nanaoooooo! It's meeeeeeee!"

"Your name, please."

"I'm so hurt, Nanao. It's your good friend, Shunsui, of course!"

There was a loud clacking of keys from the other end of the line. "And how may I assist you today, Professor Kyouraku?"

"Would you believe it, Nanao, but Matlab won't open again?"

There was a long silence on the other end, and finally, a dragged out sigh. "What step are you on?"

"I made it all the way to the end of the steps. I even typed in the little ampersand, but nothing! I am all ready to make these figures, and Matlab just doesn't want to get out of bed, you know?"

"So, you successfully used PuTTY to open a Bash terminal?"

"That's right, I am very skilled at computers, you know."

"If you say so. Close it."

"Close it? But I just got it open!"

"Close it."

Shunsui sighed. "Goodbye, little friend," he lamented, hitting the 'x'. "It is gone."

"Okay, open PuTTY again. Are you using the saved session I helped you set up last time?"

"Doot doot doot," Shunsui sang as he double clicked on the PuTTY icon. "There it is! Yes, I am using my saved session, the Shunsui-at-Work one."

"Great. Select that session and hit 'load.'"

"I did it."

"Perfect. Now, over on the menus on the left, expand 'SSH' and pick 'X11'."

"Ahh, Nanao, what a brilliant person you are to remember all these things!"

"I do this all day, Professor Kyouraku."

"And you're so polite, too! You know you can call me Shunsui, though. Yes, here I am, at 'X11'."

"There's a little box that says 'Enable X11 forwarding, you need to check that."

"It's already checked."

There was a pause. "It is?"

"Yes, there's a little 'X' in it."

"Oh."

"We set that up before, I think."

"I never know with you. Okay, let's brainstorm. You aren't part of the cloud computing pilot, are you?"

"I am, actually!"

There was a low muttering, followed by Nanao clearing her throat. "You aren't trying to launch Matlab from the sentinel node, are you? You use PuTTY to connect to the sentinel, but then you have to manually SSH to your cloud server from there, do you remember?"

"Oh, Nanao, I don't know what any of those words mean. I am not actually trying to get on the cloud right now, I am just trying to use the department server, does that help?

"Oh, thank God," Nanao's beautiful voice muttered.

"I didn't even know I could use the cloud servers if I wasn't in my office," Shunsui mused.

"You can, you just have a different IP you need to- wait, you're not in your office?"

"I am in the little coffee shop on the north end of campus. They have the most delightfully lemon ricotta scones-"

"I have been there, the scones are great. Are you connected to the VPN?"

"We should meet here sometime! I love to come here, it's so relaxing and both the tea and coffee are always so fresh. Do you like matcha?"

"I hate matcha. Are you connected to the VPN?"

"I hate matcha, too! How funny! I just heard from one of my colleagues that they do a really good matcha latte here and I thought-"

"The VPN, man, are you connected to it?"

"Ahhhh... no. Do I need to be? I thought that was only when I was at home. I'm still on campus."

"You're still on campus, but if you're not in your office, you're not on the department LAN and you need to connect through the VPN."

"Ohhhhhhh."

"Do you know how to connect to the VPN?"

"Ah, I should, I do this when I am working from home. Let's see, it's over here on the bottom right…"

"Yes, exactly."

"Right click… select Cisco…" Shunsui picked up his coffee. "I think my coffee is just about the perfect temperature right now." He took a sip. It was delicious. "I probably should have had my coffee before I called you, eh?"

There was a muffled thud on the other end of the line.

"Nanao, did you fall? Are you all right? I can come over and help you if you need."

"It's fine. Someone, uh, dropped something."

"The VPN is connected."

"Fantastic. Just… just go through the steps you did before to get to the Bash terminal. Can you do that? I will just sit here and drink my own coffee."

"You have your own coffee? Oh, that's delightful! We're coffee friends!"

"Just try to start Matlab again, please."

"Everything just takes so long to connect, you know, once you're on the VPN. This coffee shop should have better wifi, in my opinion."

"Mm-hmm."

"Any plans for the weekend?"

"Probably helping you open Matlab again."

"Ha, ha, oh, Nanao, you're such a kidder! You know I don't work on the weekend. I bet you have many exciting hobbies, like going to the theater… or writing poetry…"

There was a long pause. "I'm actually really into historic costume recreation, and a friend and I are going to a millinery workshop."

"Ah, I knew you were artistic as well as brilliant," Shunsui sighed, carefully typing in his password once again. "Here we go, Nanao, do you have your fingers crossed for me?"

"I have all my fingers crossed for you."

"I am typing in 'matlab ampersand' again, that should do it, right?"

"Look, the ampersand has nothing to do with the graphical display, it just runs the program as a background process so you can still type things into your terminal."

"Amazing how you can remember so much! I am hitting 'enter' and- and-"

"What's happening?!"

"Ah, that beautiful orange saddle surface is here to greet me, once again," Shunsui sighed as the Matlab logo filled the screen. "You have saved me once again, Nanao. You must allow me to buy you dinner sometime, or at least a coffee."

"You can tell your department head how much you use the helpdesk, and that I deserve a raise and three more work-study students."

"I will certainly do that. Have a tremendous day, Nanao!"

"You, too, Professor Kyouraku."

Shunsui stretched and interlaced his fingers behind his head. All that hard work was exhausting. He'd been so ready to get started, and now his rhythm was off. There was no way he could jump directly into those plots. He stood up and meandered over to the counter.

The cute barista was on duty today. His pale hair was tied up in a casual bun, and the sleeves of his sweater pushed up over his forearms. "Good morning, Professor," he said with a sunny grin. "Working hard or hardly working?"

"Oh, causing trouble for our IT department, once again," Shunsui sighed.

"The one you have a crush on? Did you ask for her number?"

"I have her number, I call it every day when I cannot figure out how to use my computer. She has no interest in an old fellow like myself. She is far too good for me, Juushirou! But speaking of things that are too good for me, please tell me that you have one of my favorite scones for me today?"

"Hmm, we just had a big rush at breakfast time," Juushirou frowned. "I'll have to go check. Oh, we have a new flavor today!" He leaned forward over the counter and waggled his eyebrows. "Strawberry basil?"

"I am sure they are a delight, but I have had a very harrowing morning, and I need the comfort of the familiar."

"I understand!" Juushirou shook a finger sternly. "Shunsui's favorite flavor… Shunsui's favorite flavor… it's not orange ginger, he finds those too zingy... maple bacon, too trendy… the less we say about the matcha scones the better… oh dear, oh dear, it appears the lemon ricotta basket is empty."

Shunsui flung his arm over his eyes. "I knew I should have ordered one with my coffee! I have been trying to cut calories, but today has been so trying…"

"I've got Morning Glory muffins? Or egg white breakfast cups?"

Shunsui made a face. "Thank you, but I think I would rather just go without."

Juushirou gave off his hearty laugh. "I've never seen anyone make such a sad face over scones." He furrowed his brows. "Those lemon ricotta scones are very popular, you know. We run out of them almost every day."

"I am a man of discerning taste, Juushirou, who is frequently disappointed."

"You know what you need?" Juushirou suggested perkily. "A savory scone. Completely different flavor profile. It'll take your mind right off the lemon. We have cheddar chive? Pancetta sage?"

"Juushirou," said Shunsui. "I will take a white chocolate blackberry scone."

"Wonderful choice!" Juushirou agreed, and then leaned forward conspiratorially. "Those are my favorites."

"I know," Shunsui replied.