Celeste was just staring at the new Instagram profile she'd just created and getting ready to make the first post. She'd named it 'in_plain_sight' having briefly considered numerous French versions but ended up thinking she was pushing her luck perhaps too much if she chose those.
It had taken her nearly two weeks to get as far as taking this particular leap - getting a professional scanner and drawing pad, plus learning to use the latter to digitalize some of her best work, having taken most of the time. She now mused over the profile, trying to look at it from a bystander's perspective, trying to choose the first image she was going to post. They needed to be good, but preferably not something that would form the main draw of the book itself.
Celeste kept fluctuating between thinking this was a great idea, which from a branding and promoting aspect it was, and how she was just too old for this. Doing something like this needed patience and devotion to actually get it to work, gain followers, reposts - she wasn't sure if she had those things anymore anymore. She wanted it all and fast, searching for that feeling of achievement she'd felt before in his old life - she couldn't help comparing everything to what she'd had. She was sick of exploring her options, she just wanted to find that something that made her happy professionally already.
"Hey, Jess?" she began, wanting to pick his brain.
"Yeah?" Jess replied, as he turned around in his swivel office chair. He'd just been paying their bills, and he welcomed the change to something more interesting. Evie was already asleep, but the two had decided to hang out for a little while longer in the study, each having their own things to catch up with.
"Which one's do you think I should pick," she asked, raising from the couch and walking over to sit next to him on the window sill and handing him the tablet she'd been holding. She was choosing between a strictly non-erotic picture and one that hinted at it, having decided not to put everything she had in store out in the open straight away, not wanting it to seem too cheap.
"Do you really have to ask?" Jess replied, the corner of his mouth raising devilishly.
"You're probably right," she sighed. She should've known him to prefer the sexy ones.
"So you've got this all split up with Noah? You're handling this and he's doing the live promotions if it comes to it?" Jess inquired. He wanted to make sure she was not overdoing it, doing too much too soon. And while he loved seeing her doing something with her skills, seeing her with a purpose, he was still a little careful with her - looking for signs beyond her words on how she was really doing.
"That's the plan," Celeste replied. She'd met with Noah once more and they'd narrowed the images down to 25, still leaving some room for additions and Celeste was still planning to draw one more, but she was having a bit of an inspirational drought.
"And he's editing too or is he getting Irene to do it?" he asked curiously, referring to the former manager of the Iron Circle who'd now settled for editing in their Chicago office.
"He thinks he can handle it, we might send it over to Irene for a final consult though," she added.
Jess was struggling to bring up the topic of Lauren, having been looking for the right moment, and he was not particularly proud of not just having ripped the bandage off and done it already.
Celeste quickly posted the picture, the slightly erotic one, copying in the text Noah had put together earlier, as if feeling that if she didn't do it now, she would lose her nerve. It was like showing the world something very personal, and while still anonymously, it still felt like exposing a part of her.
"Done, and done, now I'll just share this to Noah, see what the editor thinks," she exhaled, finished doing a few more strokes and put the tablet down on the table.
"Emm… Speaking of editors," Jess began, hating how unsmooth his transition to the topic was.
"Yeah?" she said as she looked up and was a little surprised to see him hesitate.
"I didn't exactly tell you everything about Lauren," he blurted. "I'm sorry that I didn't. I guess I was just worried how you'd take it but I realize now that I should've just been straight with you," he added quickly, trying to excuse himself before she had a chance to respond.
"Tell me what exactly?" she replied, her arms taking a defensive position on her stomach, almost wanting to get up and start pacing around the room already. She really didn't like the sound of his hesitance in this context.
"We have some history," he stated, trying to make it sound like it was no big deal.
"What kind of history?" Celeste inquired, tilting her head to the side, her eyebrows raising involuntarily, beginning to really not like where this was going.
"Ancient history," Jess replied, trying to sooth the serious look she was giving off.
"Like a one-night-stand-long-time-ago kind of history or loved-and-lived together kind of history?"
"It was back in 2007, for about a year, and then briefly in 2016," he confessed, apologetically.
"Uh-uh, ancient history," she mumbled, rolling her eyes. 2016 really didn't seem to her that long ago. Sure, it was before their time, but not that long before. She'd asked about his previous relationships when they first started seeing each other and he'd always been rather nonchalant about it - like none of them were really a big deal. She knew better of course by now - that Rory had once been a sort of a big deal, though on his defence she knew he really hadn't been mature enough for her at the time. And now there was this, slowly filling in the gaps of his life and she really wasn't sure she cared to know what the 9 year gap in her knowledge about his history was all about.
"It is, it doesn't matter. She's just the best editor I know, she's helped me with four of my books. I honestly don't want to go looking for anyone else for the job, and she's excellent at keeping these things separate," Jess explained.
"Well clearly it matters a little, if you hesitated to tell me and made me feel all silly for being jealous the other day," Celeste arguest.
So she was jealous - Jess' mind trailed off. It kind of felt nice, to be honest - but surely he didn't want to blow up to something bigger than it was.
"I didn't tell you because I thought there was no reason to tell you, she's not a threat to you and I didn't want you to overthink it. I didn't want this!" he defended himself.
"Then why did you?" she asked, not quite following.
Jess took a deep breath of air realizing that he'd dug himself into a hole.
"She told you to?" Celeste filled in the silence.
"She did," he confirmed.
"So you just weren't ever going to tell me? Just go on working with her and not tell me you had history?" she huffed.
It was only as she'd spelled it out like that she realized that she wasn't all that innocent herself - she knew something about Noah that Jess didn't too.
"I would've, she just sort of urged me to do it sooner rather than later," he pleaded.
Celeste steadied her breathing realizing that she was probably overreacting, her own guilt forcing her to go easier on him. She didn't like it, but with having kept some information from him too, she really didn't feel like she could be this upset at him. Surely, the man had history with other women - this one just continued to have some role in his current life. But she had to admit, the fact that Lauren had insisted he should tell her, did make her breathe a little easier - surely if there was anything - that would have not been Lauren's preferred course of action.
"There's nothing romantic there anymore. I haven't seen her in ages. This isn't some long lost love. I broke it off the last time, if that helps. She wasn't good for me, made me all angry and stressed. I didn't want to be that person. But professionally she's still my best critic and that's the type of tough love I need with my writing," he explained. "There's no-one I want besides you, I love you," he assured, wanting to stroke her shoulder.
"Fine," she muttered, relenting, allowing him to wrap her in his arms.
It was the first time Celeste hadn't chosen an evening dress based on how hot it made her look, but actually putting some thought into hiding the bits of her that she wasn't terribly proud of at the moment. Sure, the dress was still pretty, and definitely not unsexy - it just covered a lot more skin than any of the dresses she'd ever worn to this thing - the half sleeve and thicker fabric with ruched details at the stomach hiding well every extra pound she preferred to keep hidden. The deep V-neck made up for it though, giving her confidence to pretend that she didn't give a damn what others thought. Besides, Jess' adoring words had certainly helped too.
Their little quarrel from the night before had subsided, on the surface at least. She wasn't completely happy with things but she just didn't feel like she was in a place to make any sort of demands, besides he too deserved to fulfill his needs when it came to his writing - she would've been a hypocrite if she was going to stop him after having suggested he should herself.
As they now stepped into the Tribeca rooftop, decorated beautifully with lush greens, and low lighting, letting the skyline be the main attraction. It was a beautiful evening, the weather favouring an outdoor event like this. As usual, the spring gala was slightly trendier than the Christmas gala, a much simpler instrumental Jazz tiro instead of the big band, playing some relaxed tunes.
"Ah, there they are," Celeste noted, seeing Rory and Logan by the bar, Logan having been drawn into a lengthy discussion with some men in their 60s by the looks of them, while Rory was already looking a little bored. The two walked over, Rory excusing herself, looking relieved to have found the perfect excuse.
"Hey, you look great," Rory commented looking over the two, both dressed in dark blue.
"So do you, we match," Celeste returned the compliment smilingly noting Rory's navy blue lace-sleeved maternity gown. It was perhaps a little heavier for this heat than would've been ideal, but Rory didn't exactly have a wardrobe full of maternity evening dresses, this certainly being the most formal evening out of all of her plans.
"Everything go alright at the funeral?" Jess asked, caringly. The funeral had just been a few days ago, but Logan had been reluctant to call off or postpone the spring gala just because of him. This was the event where even the people working at the more humble positions were invited to, many looking forward to it, him not wanting to ruin their expectations. Besides, he wanted to push past this.
"Yeah, I'm feeling kind of bad that I didn't go," Celeste added. Her not coming had been a strategic move, knowing the event involved a lot of the people who'd also been at hers and Logan's pretend wedding. She wanted to show her support but it would've been utterly stupid to go hopping around the room claiming that she was someone else when so many people had met Odette in person.
"Oh yea, definitely hard, but it went fine, I'd just rather not mention it too much to him if I were you, he's getting condolences left and right as it is," Rory whispered.
"Right," Celeste noted.
"I'll go get us a drink, you want anything, Este?" Jess asked.
"Water is fine," Celeste replied.
"Looks like we'll probably be the only two sober people at this thing tonight," Rory commented, noting Celeste seemed a little off.
"Yeah," she sighed. "I honestly could really use a drink, but I know, I shouldn't," she added dissapointedly.
"Everything okay?" Rory asked.
"Hello, ladies, may I just say you two look like the most beautiful creatures in this place," Noah said as he approached, leaving Celeste no time to really reply to Rory's question, simply smiled in her direction.
"Why, thank you," Rory replied. At this point she took any compliment she could take, despite knowing all too well he was only being polite. She knew it wasn't that bad, but she just felt big, bloated and missed wearing heels that always boosted her confidence.
"I saw your post," Noah said to Celeste, adding, "and now I guess we just need to keep posting. Feel free to add inspirational photos in between, not everything needs to be drawings, whatever rings a bell," he suggested.
"Yeah, I know. But I have to admit that I feel kind of old to be doing this. I don't really go snapping pictures of what I eat or everything I do..," Celeste noted.
"Then you'll just have to think of a good hashtag that people can post their own stuff with," Rory suggested.
"Yeah, like if someone sees staff treated poorly or someone having too many pairs of shoes but claims she can't afford to donate to the foodbank or something," Noah said.
"I suggest you leave any shoes out of it," Rory chuckled, elbowing Celeste playfully, getting a giggle in response.
"Of course, just an example," Noah replied, smilingly.
"But you could do a lot with metaphors," Rory said. "You know, rose with thorns and so on," she added, just bringing an example.
"Hm-hm," Celeste nodded. "Well, either way, if any of you stumble upon something like that, feel free to take a picture and send it to me," she suggested, still not feeling too confident in this. For her it would've been easy to promote an company or something, but promoting herself essentially was a lot more challenging - the problem being she wasn't really all that sure who she was, besides being a wife, mother and a friend.
"Finally," Logan exhaled, finally having escaped some board members who hadn't been able to attend the funeral, and took a large sip of his scotch.
"Easy there," Rory steadied him, "remember, you're too old for that," she added laughingly. Rory had taken a nice long nap just before coming there that evening, hence she was feeling quite energetic.
"Too old for what?" Noah asked, missing the joke.
"For hangovers," Logan replied.
"Never thought I'd hear that," he laughed in response.
"Well, I don't know what it is - but I'd definitely not be able to keep up with you at the beer garden these days," Logan replied, patting his shoulder.
"So did you guys hang out a lot back in Hamburg?" Rory inquired. She knew they'd been friends, but that was pretty much the extent of it.
"Most weekends, sometimes starting as early as Thursdays though," Logan admitted. He'd lived in Hamburg on and off for a few years, alternating between London, and it was where he'd ran into Rory after all those years. But until he did, his life had been rather different - full of parties and work.
"Hamburg is definitely not the best place for going out, not compared to Berlin where I grew up, but the scene is very liberal. I definitely miss the wine drinking in the park at nights like these," Noah confessed.
"You miss Germany a lot?" Celeste asked.
"Sometimes. It's the little things - some people, places, picnics, free healthcare, how easy it's to recycle…," he chortled, realizing that he was pretty much listing a number of very significant things.
"I can relate," Celeste replied with a sigh, almost surprising herself by admitting to not being from around here so publicly. Though her initial shock soon subsided, realizing that all these people really did know her in that sense.
"Here," Jess returned, handing her the water, having decided for a whiskey sour himself.
"Well what I miss about London is the fact that so many cool places are only a few hours away and… the Ivy, I guess," Logan continued, putting his arm around Rory. The Ivy had always been a special place for them.
"I kind of miss the quiet of Stars Hollow sometimes," Rory admitted. Opening a window in Manhattan was never followed by quiet - sure she loved the bustle of the city, she had all the options right there within grasp, but now that she felt a little trapped, not really wanting to take on a drive longer than a half an hour or so, she was beginning to miss it. "Just the quiet and cosiness of it, I miss Luke's cooking," she added.
"Who's Luke?" Noah inquired.
"Ah, sorry, he's my stepfather, or well...my mother's husband, pretty much like a stepfather really even though they weren't involved when I was little," Rory explained, realizing that was perhaps a little bit more detail than was necessary.
"He owns a diner, the classical kind. Best coffee," Logan explained, answering Noah's next question before he had a chance to ask it.
"I sometimes miss a good Geno's steak, and I don't know - there's just something about people in places besides this place - they seem more genuine somehow," Jess added.
"Well we can go get you that steak tomorrow if you want," Celeste suggested. Jess had fairly well accepted the healthy eating habits along with Celeste, so she was a little surprised to hear that he was craving something out of the ordinary.
"You're going to Philly?" Rory asked.
"Jess has a meeting with his editor," Celeste replied, feeling a little proud of the fact that he was writing again, though the look upon his face was a less than appreciative of her sharing the news.
"Ah, it's no big deal," Jess brushed it off.
"Hah, writers," Noah chuckled, on the expense of his boss. He'd worked with so many, and there were definitely the two kinds of writers - one that denied everything, hardly admitting to the fact their work was worth anything and the other that barely did the work and couldn't stop boasting about it. Jess clearly seemed to belong among the former.
"He's just modest. Anyways we decided to stay for a day, make it a small holiday for us," Celeste added.
"I don't actually think I've ever been to Philadelphia," Noah continued.
"Well you should, it's a little different, slight change of pace," Jess noted casually.
"Hey, we better go, I'll have to make a speech soon," Logan said, having noted the time. Time had already flown by.
It was a few hours later when they'd eaten, the menu contained surprisingly good vegetarian dishes, the main speeches had been given and some recognitions for work anniversaries given and new partnerships announced. After having done that, Logan had let himself enjoy the party a little more, having relented on having a few more drinks. This was his best version of drunk - the perfectly articulated, smooth yet more adventurous and spontaneous version, which Rory quite enjoyed, hence she didn't object as he pulled her onto the dance floor for a few dances.
There was still some tension between Jess and Celeste, while she tried to appear fine and Jess tried not to remind her of last night's reveal about Lauren.
"Do you want to dance?" Jess asked her, hoping the physical contact would relieve some of those tensions, as it often did for them.
Celeste took his hand without reply, allowing him to pull her up close to him as they danced, the smell of him, the firmness of him as he held her, definitely pulling a number on whatever anger she had had over him. She almost hated he had that power over here, especially now when she almost wanted to stay a little mad at him.
Their second dance was, however, interrupted by the ringing of Jess' phone.
"I got to take this, it's Adrian. I've been trying to catch him all week, I'm sorry," Jess said, answering the phone leaving Celeste on the dance floor momentarily. She was already beginning to return to their table, when Noah, gentlemanly as he was, bowed gallantly and offered to take over. She relented, while not entirely comfortable with it, but she had been enjoying the music and dancing was always something she liked to do at these things rather than stuffing her face with more food. Surely, one dance couldn't hurt.
He was quite a lot taller than Jess, and the way he held her felt very different - not a bad different, just different. What made this awkward though was the fact that Celeste felt tongue tied. She hadn't really been that close to another man for years, and knowing that he'd once liked her made her feel a little conflicted. She could feel his hand placed on her hip, and from the corner of her eye she could even feel him looking at her, not saying a word either. She avoided eye contact though, as if scared to meet his gaze.
"I don't bite, you know," Noah added, noting how she looked tense.
She just muttered affirmatively, not really knowing what to say and tried to relax herself by taking a deep breath.
Jess returned from the railing where he'd been speaking to one of his best friends who also resided in Philly, having pondered if he was around so they might drop by on Saturday. He noted his wife dancing with Noah, and while he didn't particularly like what he saw - he tried to put his jealousy aside - after last night who was he to act all protective. It was surely just a dance. He briefly considered going to interrupt them, but went back to his table to get a sip of Celeste's water for a change. Having not much other to do he noticed he'd just gotten an e-mail that needed his attention hence he stayed to reply to it, taking a seat for a moment.
"That's an interesting sight," Rory noted as she continued to dance with Logan, referring to Noah and Celeste.
"I'd be more cautious about that sight if I was Jess though," Logan replied.
"Why? I mean she's clearly doing a lot better mentally, it shouldn't be an issue," Rory inquired, feeling a little confused by his statement. Sure he knew what she had tried to sabotage her relationship with Jess with him, but surely that was not topical anymore. As much as she'd heard Celeste and Jess were reliving their honeymoon phase in a way.
"He used to have a thing for her, a long time ago, but honestly, I don't quite think he's over it," Logan explained. That was the reason why he'd told Celeste about it in the first place, and as he really wasn't that well informed by how and in what format they were working together, he hadn't really seen the need to emphasize it.
"Does she know?" Rory asked, staring at her slightly jolly husband in disbelief.
"That he had a thing for her, yes, she's never reciprocated though as far as I know," Logan replied. Logan didn't know all the details of Celeste's breakdown, Rory having promised to keep some of it in closer circles.
"Does Jess know?" Rory continued, her face growing ever more stern.
"I haven't told him, unless she has. But I can't imagine that ending well. As long as she doesn't act on any of it there shouldn't be an issue," Logan replied, clearly taking things a lot more casually than Rory at that moment, replying with a frown.
"That's it, I need a bathroom break," Rory replied with a sigh, needing a moment to gather her thoughts. "Logan, go take over that dance will you, you haven't talked to her in ages," she insisted, hoping that would dissolve the awkwardness. Logan didn't think much more of it other than Rory was overreacting, his own senses being a little blurry anyways, but he complied nonetheless knowing better than to argue over pointless things like this with his pregnant wife.
Rory was grateful the bathroom didn't have a line, having gone quickly, now she simply looked at herself in the mirror, the strange lighting in the bronze mirrors making everyone seem a little a little prettier than in real life. Would she want to know if it was Logan up there dancing with a former fling, even if it was one-sided? The answer was an outright 'yes'.
As she returned, Logan was still dancing with Celeste, the two finding a lot more to talk about. She only now thought of the fact that minus some deeper romantic connection Logan was up there right now dancing with a former-almost-wife in fact, but that just made her almost laugh at the crazy past they'd had.
"Jess, dance with me," Rory requested, as if ordering around a brother. That was what their relationship was these days - he really did feel like a brother and frankly the fact that they'd never gotten further from kissing had significantly helped. Sure, he'd been that forbidden bad boy, and that had had its draw back in the day, but there was nothing there today.
Jess put his phone back in his pocket and followed her lead, having almost forgotten what it felt like to dance with someone who was pregnant, leaving any room between them being impossible, but neither seemed to mind.
"Was that a kick I just felt?" he asked after a brief moment.
"Uh-uh, sometimes I think they're teaching each-other karate in there," Rory noted smilingly. She was still unsure if she should tell him what she'd learned, and she was also unsure whether she should be the one to tell him, knowing how this might complicate Celeste's life as well.
"It's kind of amazing - you having twins," Jess replied, as they moved.
"It is. Scary kind of amazing though," Rory added.
"Listen, Jess. I think I need to tell you something," she began before he had a chance to say anything else.
"Sure, what?" he asked.
"You need to take it very calmly, keeping in mind that Celeste is still recovering," she began hoping he wouldn't make a big deal of it.
"You're not making me very calm right now, Rory," he raised his eyebrow at her.
"Logan just told me Noah used to have a thing for Celeste, she didn't, but just I think under the circumstances… with what happened in March… I just think you should be a little careful with them. I know she loves you and doesn't knowingly want to hurt you in any way but just… be cautious, okay?" Rory explained with concern.
Jess didn't really know how to respond to that, last night's conversation, the dance he'd witnessed a few minutes ago, that day in March with Celeste sobbing her eyes out on the floor like that - all transforming into a cloud of questions in his mind.
"Remember what I told you, she's still healing," Rory repeated.
"Yeah, I know," Jess replied simply, knowing he needed to keep a straight face and do nothing for the time being.