*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*
Seth's Point of view: The Next Day:
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask Jonah as we walk into the mall for him to get his ear pierced.
"Yes, Dad," he says, "I really want to do this."
"Okay, why do you want to get your ear pierced?"
"Because it's cool," he says, "and Mikey has his ear pierced so does my Uncle Ben."
"Ah, so you're doing this because Mikey has his ear pierced and because your Uncle Ben has his ear pierced?" I ask as we walk through the mall.
"Kind of but I think it's cool. Did you ever have your ear pierced?" he asks.
"Not really, Buddy," I say, "that just wasn't my thing."
"Oh," he says. "I think it's going to look so cool. I bet that Skylar is really going to love it," he says with a smile, "do you think Skylar will like it?"
"I don't think you should do things because you think others will like it, I like to assume that Skylar likes you for you and not what you choose to do with your body. I just want to make sure this is something that you really want to do and not just doing it because of other reasons."
"I really want to do this, Dad. I want to do it because I like the idea of wearing an earring in my ear even my Peezy has his ear pierced and his nose too! And he has a lot of tattoos. I have the coolest Peezy in the world!"
"So you like tattoos also?" I ask. "Is that the next thing you want, Jonah?"
"I don't know maybe," he says. "I have to think about that one."
"You have some time to think about it, you can't get a tattoo until you're at least 16 anyway so you still have some time."
"I know," he says as we reach the piercing kiosk.
"Can I help you, Sir?" asks the woman working behind the counter as Jonah is looking at the options for his ear.
"We are just looking to get an ear piercing," I say.
"All right, but the girl selection is over here," she points out.
"I'm NOT a girl!" says Jonah, "I am a boy."
"Oh, I apologize," she says, "It's just with your hair and your eyelashes I just assumed."
"That's because I look like my mom," he says as he goes back to looking at earrings. He gets that a lot and gets mistaken for a girl a lot ever since he was younger because his facial features do resemble Jordyn 100 % there is NOTHING of hers he doesn't have including her long eyelashes and her beautiful dark eyes, he handles it well. He just corrects them and moves on with his life. "Dad, I like this one," he says pointing out a diamond stud earring. "I think this is the one I want."
"Are you sure?" I ask.
"I'm sure," he says. "I like the bling that it gives off, this is the earring I want."
"Okay," I say before I tell the lady behind the kiosk that Jonah has picked out what earring he would like. Before we can get his ear pierced she has me sign some paperwork to give my consent to allow him to have this done and once I sign the paperwork I pay for the earring and the cleaning solution before he sits in a chair to get the piercing done. "I think you're going to look so cool," I say with a smile as I stand next to him.
"Thanks," he says, "is this going to hurt?" he asks the lady.
"It's going to be more like a quick little sting," she explains, "I will count to three, push the button and then your ear will be pierced. If anything you will probably experience a little bit of pain afterwards and you will experience some redness but that shouldn't last more than 24 hours but it's important that you get it cleaned every day to keep from infection getting into your ear that's when it will hurt so you have to make sure you clean it every day."
"Okay," he nods and lets out a deep breath. "I'm ready," he says.
"All right," she says as she prepares his ear by putting a dot on his left earlobe and then holding the piercing gun over his lobe. "1, 2,3" she says before the snap of the gun goes off and his ear is pierced. He didn't even cry, he didn't even shake, "all finished," she smiles.
"Thank-you," says Jonah with a smile. "What do you think, Dad?" he asks as he shows me his ear.
"It's pretty cool," I smile.
"Thank-you," he smiles proudly. The lady gives him a mirror to look at his ear and he smiles. "That's so cool, I love it."
"I'm glad," I say with a smile, "so now that you have your ear pierced what would you like to do now? Are you hungry, want to go shopping? It's up to you, this is our special time together so what would you like to do? Your mom is working tonight so she won't be home until later."
"Hmm," he says as I help him out of the chair. We thank the lady before we start walking through the mall. "Let's go shopping and then let's get some Chinese Food," he says.
"Okay sounds like a plan to me," I smile as I take him through the mall to do some shopping. I don't get as much time with Jonah as I used to when he was little. When I got my big WWE break I started traveling more and wasn't home as much. It's a sacrifice I had to make but I try to make the best of my time when I am home for those two days out of the week. Jordyn is a Rockstar putting up with me being gone all the time and pretty much being a single mom while trying to finish school, doing her internship and working all while taking care of Jonah. I am so grateful for her, this is how we make it work and I have never been unfaithful to her nor has she ever been unfaithful to me in the last couple years despite a lot of marriages falling into that trap like with Roman and Tayla, I never expected that but it happened. I have different standards for my family and my wife, she's it till the end for me.
Jonah and I spend about an hour and a half shopping at some of his favorite places so he can get some more clothes that he likes, some new sneakers and of course a trip to the toy store to get him a new toy before we head to the food court to get Chinese food. "So how is school going?" I ask him as we are eating.
"Good," he says with a nod. "I go to 1st grade for reading now because kindergarten reading was too easy, 1st grade is still too easy BUT that's where they want me to be," he shrugs. "I can read bigger words."
"I know you can, Buddy," I say with a proud smile. Jonah is an amazing kid, he's so smart and no matter what he's doing he's always giving it his best. He's a little bit of a perfectionist and he continues to make Jordyn and I proud every day. "You should be very proud of yourself."
"I am," he smiles. "Mom said I am smart just like she was."
"Your mom is still very smart, Buddy, and she works hard, I'm proud of her too."
"Me too," he smiles in agreement. "Do you leave tomorrow?"
"Yeah," I sigh, "I have to go back out on the road and then I will be back home."
"You just came home," he says, "why do you have to go back so soon? I miss you when you're gone."
"I miss you too," I say "and I know it's a lot of work but everything I do is for you and your mom so that you can have a good life. I know it takes me away for a long time but I always think about you while I am gone and hopefully I will be able to take some time off soon to be home a little longer. I think we need a nice family vacation what do you think?" I ask.
"That sounds good, where would we go?" he asks.
"I don't know your mom and I have to talk about it, do you have any ideas?"
"What about we go to the beach somewhere?" he asks.
"You don't get enough of the beach here in Florida?" I ask with a smile.
"A different beach," he says, "but I don't know where."
"Well, your mom and I will talk about it and figure something out," I say, "how does that sound?"
"Good," he says. "I love you, Dad," he smiles.
"I love you too," I say with a smile back.
"Dad, I have a question," he says.
"Okay, what's up?" I ask.
"I know you're not my real dad because you adopted me so where is my real dad?" he asks.
I let out a sigh, it's a question I wasn't expecting, but I knew he would question it someday. "Your real dad just wasn't a good person," I explain. "I wouldn't use the term real dad when I mention him, he hasn't really done much for you, he doesn't even know you, he just knows of you. Your mom made some choices in her life when she was younger, some choices she's not happy about and the man that helped create you was one of those choices. He's not a good man, Jonah, he did a lot of bad things that hurt your mom and other people. He signed his rights away. He's just not a man that your mom wants in your life but I have been here for you since you were a baby, I couldn't imagine my life any other way or without you in it. Whether I helped your mom create you or not I have loved you since Day 1 and I have been here for you most of your life and I will be here for you all your life, I love you like you're my own son and you are, Jonah, you are my son whether I helped create you or not I have done everything for you. I love you, Buddy."
"I love you too, Dad, you're the best dad in the world," he smiles.
"I try to be."
JORDYN's Point of View:
I am sitting in a circle of a group of recovering addicts for one of our weekly evening group sessions. This is just a time for clients to get together, to talk with other recovering addicts to get advice, share their stories and ask questions knowing they are not the only ones following the 12 step program of recovery. The 12 step program is one of the hardest things a drug addict has to endure in their recovery, it's when they have to stop and take accountability for their actions, recognize their short comings, making amends with those that you hurt in a nonphysical way. To be able to look at yourself and accept everything you did wrong, accept your shortcomings and then admitting to others you were wrong and trying to make amends is not as easy as many would believe. I stumbled at the making amends step because of my own embarrassment for what I had done; running away from my parents even though they gave me the world, stealing from my own sister and her step-daughter and so on. I did a lot of bad things that I am not proud of and admitting those things and making amends for the wrongs I did were the hardest part and here I am helping others that are in the same position I was in just 6 years ago. "Jordyn," says one of the women in the group, "does it always hurt to think about what you've done to hurt others? And was it hard for you to make amends with others after what you did to them because that's my biggest struggle."
"It can hurt for a while," I say honestly, "for me I was embarrassed by everything I had done, everything I put my family through from my own bad choices. I stole from my own sister who was doing nothing but trying to help me. It was horrible. Making amends is never easy but I managed to do it, the hardest part is facing those that you hurt hoping they forgive you and can trust you again after everything you've done. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of strength to get there but you will get there."
"I am just worried that after I make amends they will never trust me, does your family trust you?" she asks.
"Actually, my family and I have a really good relationship now. I live very close to one of my brothers and I talk to my sister every day, I talk to my mom and dad every day. It didn't just happen overnight, it took a lot of time to get to this point. Trust is a hard thing to get back once you break that trust, I broke a lot of trust and I had to prove to my family that I was bettering myself and I wasn't going to turn back to drugs. At the end of the day, trust is earned and it takes a lot to get that trust back we have all gone through drug addiction. I am not ashamed of that like I used to be. Being a drug addict has made me a stronger person, it made me a better person. I made some poor choices that I am not happy about one of those choices being running away with a 35 year old man when I was 15 years old because I thought he could give me a better life. My parents gave me the world, I had so many opportunities at my feet and I had everything in front of me that I could possibly have but because I lived in my sister's shadow and always told why can't I be more like her is where it all went wrong, I thought I was never going to be good enough for my family, never be the person they wanted me to be so I made the choice to leave home at 15 thinking I was an adult and could live my best life but that man did not have my best interest at heart it was just about making money and gaining control over a vulnerable little girl that had no business out on the streets. I belonged at home and I hurt my parents when I left and when I finally got off the streets after nearly losing my life I was mad at them for sending me away, sending me to Florida because I thought they didn't love me, they didn't care about me and they didn't want me, the truth is they loved me and love me more than I could ever imagine, they removed me from a toxic city where there were still friends of the man I had turned against, still the temptation to go back to drugs, they wanted me to have a new start somewhere I could be safe and somewhere I could make myself better. The truth is not one of us woke up one day and said, 'I think I'm going to become a drug addict today' no, not one of us said that. I know I didn't expect to become a drug addict at 15 years old and then have to fight to remain sober the rest of my life and continue being a recovering drug addict the rest of my life. All of our circumstances are different on how we got addicted to drugs whether we chose to put that needle into our arms or snort that line of coke or maybe we were forced to put that needle into our arms. I know for me I was forced to stick a needle into my arm nearly every day for about two weeks, getting that high and once I had that high I was addicted and getting off of it was the hardest thing I ever did, just like I know it's the hardest thing for you. It's a daily fight but you are here, you're alive and you're becoming stronger every day, the stronger you get, the longer you stay sober the more trust from those you love you're going to gain. It takes a lot and it's not an easy overnight process but you will get there but as you're working toward gaining that trust back don't get discouraged, don't think you're failing because you woke up this morning and you're still fighting, you're still becoming stronger each day, you are gaining the trust in yourself to remain sober and that's the most important thing you can do," I say.
"What makes you so strong?" she asks.
"In all honesty everything I have done has been for my 5 year old son. I almost lost him but somehow God saved me and saved my son and I am able to have a life with him, watch him grow up, love him and just have him in my life. God didn't do that for nothing so I owe it to my son and to God to keep myself sober so that I can give my son the world. He's my biggest motivator and he always will be. I just love him and for him I will keep myself a better person and keep myself sober he deserves the best part of me and deserves the best me and he will always get the best me no matter what."
"What would you say the hardest part of being sober is?" she asks.
"The hardest part of being sober? Just fighting that battle every day, not giving up. You can run into circumstances or times where you want to use again but that's when you prove how strong you are, how strong you can be to resist that urge. You can focus on other vices; writing, coloring, dancing whatever your other vice may be when you get that urge go to that vice to remain sober, sobriety is one of the hardest things to maintain but you can do it, I promise, I promise you can do it," I say with encouragement.
After a rough night facing my past as I use it to encourage them to remain sober, encourage them to make amends with those they love I arrive back home to the house I share with my husband reminding me how lucky I am, how far I have come in the last 6 years of my life. I park my car in the garage and walk into the house through the kitchen door. As soon as I am inside I turn the alarm on after locking everything up. I am greeted by our dog Max, "hey Max," I say with a smile as I rub his head surprised he's not sleeping with Jonah like he usually does. I walk into the living room to see Seth sitting on the couch watching TV. "Hey, Handsome," I say with a smile.
"Hey, Beautiful," he says with a smile. "How was work?"
"It was good," I say sitting down next to him. He wraps his arm around my shoulder before muting the TV. "It was a hard one it gave me time to talk about my past and the things I have gone through. Sometimes looking back and thinking about it is hard but then it also makes me feel good knowing I have come this far. When I was 16 years old I never would have thought or expected to be in college ready to graduate, have a husband that I love so much, a handsome little boy that holds my heart, this beautiful house and have a great job, I have come so far."
"You should be proud of yourself," he smiles, "I know I am proud of you."
"Thank-you," I say with a smile. "So I take it Jonah is in bed?"
"Yeah," he says, "he wanted to wait up for you so you could see his earring but I told him you would see it in the morning."
"Oh so he went through with it?" I ask with a smile as I rest my head on his chest and take his hand into mine, lacing our fingers together.
"Yes and he's very proud of it," he smiles before kissing the top of my head. "He swears Skylar is going to love it."
"I think Skylar loves him regardless because he has such a good heart," I say. "I am so proud of him and everything he is. I could have my challenge kid with him but I don't. He's amazing."
"I have to agree with you there," he says, "he is a pretty amazing kid, you have done a great job with him."
"Not just me, Seth, you, you're his father and you have done just as much as I have."
"That brings me to a point," he says. "We had an interesting conversation."
"Oh yeah?" I ask knowing that I'm probably not going to like what he says.
"Yeah," he says, "he asked me where his real dad is."
"Well, that's unexpected," I say. "What did you say to him?" I have tried to keep it under wraps that Seth isn't biologically Jonah's dad because honestly Seth has done EVERYTHING for Jonah but somehow it got out and Jonah found out about it that Seth adopted him and he wasn't his biological dad. I don't use the term "real" dad when it comes to Kris I save that title for Seth.
"I told him I wouldn't use the term real dad to talk about his dad. I told him that you made some choices that you weren't happy about and his dad being one of them. I told him that he's not a good person and that he signed his rights away, I adopted him but I have loved him since day 1 and that I have done a lot for him. I didn't know what else to say honestly."
"I think you did a great job at handling that. I know that wasn't easy for you, he's too young to know the truth about Kris. How did it make you feel when he asked you that?" I ask knowing that he's hurt, I can hear it in his voice.
"It kind of hurts you know? I have done so much for Jonah and to have him ask where his real dad is kind of hurts, I always considered myself his real dad because even if I didn't help create him I have been here most of his life."
"I know it hurts you, Seth and I am sorry that it hurt you. I don't care what any DNA says you are Jonah's real dad, any man can give a woman sperm to create a baby but it takes a real man to stand up and be a father which is exactly what you have done the last 6 years pretty much. He loves you no matter what, he's just trying to understand but he knows you're his dad regardless. Kris sold him because he didn't want him, Kris tried to cause me to miscarry him because he didn't want him. You came into his life and you two have been buddies since. You love him beyond words could ever say and I am so grateful that you have always been the father in his life that he needs. You have always loved him and given him everything that Kris never has. As far as I am concerned YOU are his REAL dad no DNA test or anything can ever change that. You have been such a great father to Jonah and I love your relationship with him and I know one day you and I are going to create a little baby together and you're going to love that baby just as much as you love Jonah and you are going to give that baby the world just like you continue to give Jonah the world. I love you, Seth you are an amazing father."
He lets out a breath and says, "Jordyn, I know but sometimes I am scared, what if Jonah wants a relationship with Kris we can't stop that and he does deserve that right or what if Kris comes back?"
"Kris is NOT coming back he's not allowed around me or Jonah, he signed his rights away, it's done and it's over with you adopted Jonah and you have been the father he deserves. Kris is long gone and when Jonah is old enough to know the truth about Kris I will gladly tell him how his father forced me to do drugs, put me out on the street, tried to kill him when he was in my stomach and then sold him because he didn't want him and I will let him know how you have ALWAYS been there for him, done everything for him, he will know the truth when he gets older and I don't expect him to want to go look or form a relationship with his sperm donor, you are his father and you always will be."
"I know," he says, "Jordyn, I love you so much, I love Jonah too, you two are everything to me, all I ever wanted and all I ever needed in this life."
"I love you too," I say with a smile, "you're all I ever wanted and all I ever needed in my life and all that Jonah has ever needed. I can't wait to continue this life with you, create a life with you and continue to grow with you. I love you, Seth."
"I love you too," he says with a soft smile before we share a soft kiss.
A/N: What did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.