Erin had tried not to mope, to not allow Alex's silence get to her as much as it was, since she knew the reason for it, but it seemed like that absence had been a brick too many on her back, breaking something inside her. It didn't help that the last six days had also been completely rainy, so she had been unable to head outside, since John didn't want her to catch sick. She understood the reasoning, but it was just another thing that beat her spirit further down.
Around lunch time, John opened the hatch to deliver her food, and she turned her head listlessly to look at him, not really feeling in the mood for food. "You've been down for the last few days, Erin. Is it the rain and the fact that you can't get outside? Did you forget that you are my captive, and any times that I let you outside was a privilege that you didn't deserve?"
His words were so cruel, a complete difference from the way he had been treating her lately, and that was all it took to break her completely in that moment. Bursting into deep sobs, she turned from him and picked up Tabitha's stuffed bear, clutching it to her chest as she desperately tried to get control of her emotions. "Just, leave the tray there, John. I am clearly not in the mood today to deal with this bullshit."
"Erin?"
"I am at the end of my rope. It's been nearly a week since I've breathed fresh air, I have nothing living in here to take care of, and I just want to go home and tend my garden. Except it's not my garden any more, and who knows what the new owners of my home have done to it. My roses, my succulents, everything that I worked so hard on in order to get them to thrive and produce lovely flowers is probably dead now. Just like everyone thinks I am."
Her words were punctuated by hiccups and sobs, and she vaguely heard the whole door open. The sound of the tray settling down on the table caught her attention, and she looked up to see that John had entered her room, a concerned look on her face, as if he was regretting taunting her so meanly. When he took a seat on the bed next to her, she stiffened, not knowing how to react to this sudden turn of events, but then he was reaching out and resting his hand almost kindly on her shoulder, and before she could stop herself, Erin leaned over and sobbed into his shoulder. It was as if the desire for comfort and a kind hand had outweighed her rational mind that was telling her to stay wary of him. Though it was easy enough to pretend that John was David or Alex, and she allowed herself to sob out a year's worth of frustration and sorrow against his chest as he held her. "Would it help if I took you outside right now? There's a short break in the rain."
"Really?" she asked as she sat up, swiping at her eyes as she gave him an almost hopeful smile. "You're not just humoring me?"
"No, Erin, I'm not. I'll be by the door while you get your shoes and raincoat on."
Nodding eagerly, she disentangled herself from him, embarrassed that she had allowed her emotions to cloud her judgement, since this had been another opportunity that she could have used to escape from him. Instead, she was going to be cuffed to his wrist once more, unable to escape his control. Still, Erin knew that she would have a brief taste of the freedom she craved, even if it wasn't with her arm in Alex's, or with her children milling around her, asking for her undivided attention that she valiantly tried to give them all. It was a struggle to get her shoes tied, her motions jerky and hurried, which led to tangles and knots more than anything. Finally, though, the shoes were tied, and she had slipped into her raincoat before joining John, holding out her left wrist.
A shudder ran down her spine when she felt the cold steel close around her, but she tried to shove that from her mind as she brushed past him to make her way upstairs, pulling him behind her in her eagerness to get outside. Once out the door, Erin took a few great gulping breaths, dragging the clean air into her lungs as she struggled to keep from breaking down once more. Once she felt calm enough, Erin started down the path towards the lake, needing to see the water. Everything was so grey that afternoon, but it was still beautiful, because it was free. Knowing she couldn't sit down, as she didn't want the dampness to seep into her clothing, she instead made her way as close to the shore as she possibly could, relishing the cold, wet, slap of air against her face as she closed her eyes and drank in the sounds and smells of a rainy summer day.
"You always look so beautiful when you forget about the world around you."
Erin hated those words the moment they left John's lips, because they told her just how much his feelings had changed towards her in the year she had been his captive. Clearly, he was starting to see her as his possession, not as someone that he was going to kill, and she wondered how his partner felt about that development. Not wanting to rock the boat, she turned her head and gave him a brief smile before facing the water once more, her eyes slowly opening. Though she was in time to watch as a pair of ducks landed on the water, and her heart skipped a beat or two as she watched the way they elegantly glided across the lake, unbothered by the weather. "I've always loved nature, I just never had much opportunity to be out in it," she finally answered. "All my career, I've longed for time to just let go of everything and commune with nature, and though this is not the way I would have wanted it to come about, I am glad for moments like this that help me take stock of my life."
There was a slight pause before John responded. "So, I guess that you should be thanking me more for what I've done for you."
"You've also separated me from my babies, and have them believing that I'm dead. Don't get too large a head," she snapped back as she focused on the water once more, trying to allow the peace of the ripples there fill her spirit so that she wouldn't do anything stupid and antagonize him further. "But it is so nice to be out here. I just thought that April was supposed to be the rainy month, so that May could have flowers. Next year, you'll have to let me plant a garden, to make the yard look a little more like a home, rather than just a place to come when you need an escape."
"We'll have to see about that, Erin." She could tell by the tone of his voice that she had planted a seed in fertile ground, which helped to ease her nerves about him killing her. A part of her mind preened over the fact that she had very neatly maneuvered him into this position, since that meant she had less to worry about from him, though she knew that she still had his partner to consider. But the closer she grew to John, at least on a superficial level, the more she knew that John would protect her from that partner, maybe long enough for her to formulate a way to escape safely and be reunited with her loved ones once more.