Chapter 34

"What are you talking about? She isn't dead. She is on a mission…I've already called…"

"No, dead…saw…it…S…Sarah…she stabbed her…several time…she…she…blood…had to watch…punish me…for…Donovan. They…they…"

"No, Babe. No. They didn't. I swear."

Danny sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning against the backrest as well and put an arm around his still crying, sobbing and now trembling friend.

"It's fine Steve. She is fine. They just made you believe it."

Steve turned a bit and grabbed Danny's shirt, clawed at it and said "No, I saw...'s real…said she deserved…being with me…I begged not to…laughed…slit throat. Dead…dead…Cath...I am sorry."

He buried his face into Danny's shoulder and cried his heart out, wetting his friend's shirt in the process.

"I…love…her…Danny."

"I know you do."

"And now she's dead…b'cause 'f me."

Danny knew he wouldn't get through to Steve today with any kind of arguments, so he went back to talking and touching him.

It didn't work.

In the end Helen had no other choice than to give Steve a slight sedative.

That helped to calm his breathing and to get down his heartrate, but he was still clinging to Danny's shirt.

A few minutes later he fell asleep again – still silently crying.

Danny held him for ten more minutes before he and Helen eased him back down, positioned him on his back with the obligatory pillows around him and tucked him into his blanket.

"He is going to sleep for a few hours. You should do the same. If you need help with that, I can bring something for you too."

"No thanks. I am good. Just let me stay here for a few more minutes."

"Yeah, sure. You didn't lie when you said "Cath" is still alive did you?"

"Of course not."

"Can you contact her?"

"No, she is still unavailable. That's at least what her CO had told me. I had already talked to Dr. Lexington about it."

"That's a pity. I think it would help him a lot if he could at least hear her voice."

"It definitely would. But as I said that is not possible."

"You sure?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

Steve slept through the next eight hours without anymore incidents and practically without moving.

Danny managed six and after his usual morning routine he sat beside Steve's bed.

He was hungry, but he didn't want to risk not being there when Steve would wake up. The doctors had ranked last night as serious which meant that Steve now got some more visits from the nurses again.

Esther would have stayed while Danny had been gone, but he declined the offer. Knowing the effect Danny had on their patient and in what kind of condition their patient would possibly be in, Esther didn't argue when Danny said he'd skip breakfast today. Instead, she went and reserved something for later.

When Danny noticed a change in Steve's breathing pattern, he touched his friend's arm and rubbing it carefully he said almost whispering "Hey, good morning babe."

"Cath?"

"No, babe. It's me Danno."

Steve opened his eyes and looked directly at Danny.

"Danno…thanks for coming."

Danny had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat before he could answer.

"Of course. Where else would I be?"

"They didn't have to kill her you know. They just did it for fun." His eyes welled up with tears again.

Danny squeezed his arm.

"Steve. She – Catherine – IS NOT DEAD, okay. She is overseas on a mission – for almost two months now. They mad you believe that. Suggesting things, showing you things, telling you things while you were high on LSD.

You imagined everything, because you had no control over your mind at the time. Do you hear me? Do you understand what I am saying?"

Another squeeze.

"Steve?"

"Yes, no. But…but...I saw…Danny."

"Yes, you did, but it wasn't real."

"But if felt real."

"I know, but it wasn't."

"Can I talk to her?"

"No, she is on a mission, remember? CO told me he would tell her as soon as the mission is over. But he said it will be at least another four months. I am sorry."

"You…you…sure? Not dead?"

"Absolutely, babe."

"That…that is good. You…swear?"

"Yes, I do. I swear it is the truth."

"Head hurts…thirsty." Steve closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Good morning, gentlemen," Dr. Lexington said while entering the room.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Steve.

"…head hurts, thirsty."

While Danny passed Steve his cup, Dr. Lexington said "How bad is the pain?"

"…seven."

"Okay, I'll give you something in a minute. I assume you've already talked?"

"Yes. Danny said I imagined that…that…Cath…they didn't…that she is fine."

"But you don't believe him?"

"I do. He never lied to me. I trust him, but it is...it is hard to accept. I mean it is good, but…but I saw it and believed it. It was real. And now it is not. It's like…like it is beyond my grasp.

I want, I need and I do believe Danny, but I still have that image in my head. D…d…dead and…"

"I know. It is complicated. You will need some time to get over this, but I am very confident you'll do. I know you are not exactly a friend of psychologists, but if you want to talk to someone just tell me.

I will give you something for your headache now. Try and drink as much as possible and Esther will be in with something to eat for you. It would be good if you can manage at least half of it.

And detective: I suggest you do the same."

When Danny was on his way back from "breakfast", Dr. Lexington stopped him.

"Detective Williams. How are you doing?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you. I know last night wasn't easy for you either. All the attention was going to the commander, but you are a part of this system at the moment. That means of you need help with anything we are going to be there for you too."

"No, I am good. Thank you."

"Just wanted to let you know."

"Appreciate that very much. Thanks. But I have a question or two."

"Go ahead."

"Last night…was that a setback for Steve?"

"No, not necessarily. It was a nightmare of his ordeal and there might come even more – about real things and/or about something he thinks was real or even about something he knows wasn't – but it is not a setback. It is just normal after a traumatic event. Why do you think that? We had talked about the possibility or better the high probability that this would happen at some point."

"He needed some more time for his answers again and last night he had some trouble forming words and sentences."

"That is fine. He just needs some time to process. He had practically relived the moment. A moment that was very traumatic, painful and real for him. And as far as I understood this woman is very important to him."

"You can say that."

"Then it is even more a pity that we can't get a hold of her. Anything else?"

"Is it possible that his had been the event that is "blocking" him?"

"It might and I hope it was. We will see in a few days."