Chapter Thirty-Four
Remembrance of Ecclesia: Friendship
The shift wasn't immediate, but nevertheless profound.
It was a difficult transition for both women, from reluctant partners to true comrades. One Shanoa knew she'd need to give some time, though, strange enough, she felt little internal resistance towards it. Once she'd made the decision, there was nothing left for her to fight against. Aurelia faced the greater struggle, it seemed. Shanoa's social failings came from a lack of practice. She'd never been allowed to interact with others of her own volition. Aurelia, however, seemed to have been trained to keep people out; to build up enough fortifications that no one – not even herself – could conquer. Shanoa did her best to help. Their conversations were stilted, the definition of awkward, but Aurelia did try to help foster the connection they'd made in the cave. And that effort, for the moment, was enough.
Three months passed in slow progress. Both an eternity and not long at all. At least the missions Barlowe assigned them appeared to be less heinous in nature than the fateful trip to Golaş. Their Master summoned them to the council chamber earlier that day. They were tasked with hunting down a group of kidnappers terrorizing a nearby region. The gang was elusive and changed hideouts on a regular basis. Barlowe's instructions were simple: track them down, kill them, and restore peace.
Hours later, they'd wound up here. In the busy marketplace of a town Shanoa couldn't name. She'd gotten better with crowds over the years, though the anxiety she felt never fully waned. The noise undid her the most. Shanoa shut it out as best she could while her eyes scanned the faces of countless strangers, searching for anyone who resembled the men Aurelia had described.
There was, to both her delight and dismay, a merchant's cart in the corner of the square piled high with books. No matter how much Shanoa tried to ignore it, her attention kept wandering back. It was a rare sight; books tended to be rather expensive, based on her limited knowledge of financials. She'd seen a few dedicated bookstores on her travels, though they appeared to be relegated to wealthier towns. To see books treated like this, as something commonplace instead of exclusive or forbidden, filled the young warrior with a thrill she couldn't ignore.
"You seem preoccupied," Aurelia said beside her.
Shanoa glanced at her companion. The woman had pulled the hood of her signature cloak over her head, leaving her face shrouded in a layer of darkness despite the clear, mid-day sky.
"Sorry, I'm trying to stay focused."
Aurelia quirked an eyebrow at the response. Her eyes scanned the marketplace in search of the distraction, and her lips curved in an amused smirk when her gaze landed on the book cart.
"I see," she said with a hint of mirth in her voice. "Want to go have a look?"
Shanoa shot her a curious glance. "Is that allowed?" she asked, though she already knew the answer.
"No, but I don't think you'll object," Aurelia said with a small, amused smile. "Besides, I can maintain the search for our target just fine on my own. My field of vision is much more… expansive than yours."
"How so?"
"I make sure I never lose connection to the shadows. I'm always touching some patch of darkness, whether cast by the cover of my hood or other shadows upon the ground. My natural affinity for Darkness unlocked several strange abilities, one of which you're already quite familiar with. What you don't know is I can see through shadows, to an extent. It's difficult to explain to someone who's never experienced it, but – to put it simply – one of the benefits of this cloak is it allows me to cast a perimeter around us. One I can monitor through that Dark plane. If our marks enter the square, I'll know."
"Well, that is useful." A frown tugged at Shanoa's lips. "But why did you have me help with the search if you didn't need any assistance?"
"It wasn't pointless, I assure you," Aurelia said quickly. "Barlowe wants me to train your observational skills. Learning how to scan a crowd and identify potential threats is an invaluable asset in our line of work." The albino glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. "Besides, the Elders did put you at a disadvantage. Keeping you isolated from society for most of your life. Granted, I don't fraternize with the outside world either, but I'm better at playing pretend."
Shanoa looked around them. At the horde of strangers going about their daily lives. People who lived in near total ignorance of the cosmic dangers waiting on the edges of reality; rearing to strike the moment anyone or anything opened the slightest rift. It was almost desirable, their ignorance. These people didn't know the true name of fear.
"Does being in crowds make you nervous?" Shanoa asked.
A hint of sorrow reflected in Aurelia's eyes. "I'm always nervous."
"Sounds exhausting."
"It is." Aurelia tugged on her arm and steered Shanoa towards the book cart. "Come, we don't know when the monsters will show up and ruin your chance."
Shanoa's heart began to race as they approached. The cart was a glorious thing. Stacks upon stacks of books begging to be touched; to be experienced. A wide grin formed on Shanoa's face as she began to peruse the collection. Each book had its own personality – a history found by studying its condition. None of the books were perfect. Some had been written on, their pages creased, bindings torn or frayed. Shanoa preferred them this way, bearing evidence the book had been loved. Most of Ecclesia's books were in pristine condition, but these had been cherished in a way that locking tomes up in the restricted section could never achieve.
"It's so different out here," Shanoa said, more to herself than anyone else.
Aurelia heard it, however. The albino didn't possess a fervent need to touch the books, instead having preoccupied herself with reading the spines. She turned towards Shanoa. "How so?"
"There's no restrictions. No censorship. These books aren't being kept in cages or hidden behind closed doors, regardless of the subject matter. Like, take this one, for instance." Shanoa picked up one of the first books she'd recognized. A romance novel, and she knew from personal experience it didn't skimp on any of the more sordid details. "No way in Hell would they give the acolytes free access to it, but out here? Look around us. No one gives a damn."
"First book you pick up and it's from the restricted section," Aurelia said with a small smile. "I assume you've read it before?"
A blush colored Shanoa's cheeks. She should have realized what she was admitting to.
"Well." She cleared her throat. "… I…"
Shanoa made a startled sound as Aurelia swiped the book from her hands. She watched with growing dread as the albino flipped through the pages. Aurelia's expression morphed from curiosity to genuine amusement as she got further in.
"Oh, my." She met Shanoa's horrified gaze, an unabashed smirk on her pale lips. "Who would've thought?"
"It's not, like, my favorite or anything," Shanoa said far too quickly. There was no salvaging her reputation now.
"But definitely scandalous." The mirth in Aurelia's voice wasn't patronizing, though that did nothing to assuage Shanoa's embarrassment. "Can't say I was expecting you to be a fan of bodice rippers, though I suppose you are a teenage girl."
Aurelia closed the book and handed it back to her. Shanoa immediately placed it back on the cart, hoping she'd never see another copy of it again in her life.
Aurelia continued to watch her with amusement. "I should warn you it's not accurate in the slightest. Realistic sex isn't one of the reasons why those stories are so popular."
Shanoa felt her face turn an even deeper shade of red. "I- I wouldn't know," she said in a trembling voice.
Aurelia stared at her for a long, disconcerting moment.
"Guess that answers that question," the albino said.
"What?"
"You've stayed true to the virtues of our Order and haven't been secretly traipsing off with any of the young boys."
Shanoa gave her a horrified look, but Aurelia's mischievous smile never wavered.
"W-why was that ever a question?" Shanoa asked, wondering – not for the first time – what the other acolytes thought of her. What the Blade's reputation was among the people forbidden from speaking with her.
"It wasn't," Aurelia said.
That was it. The moment she realized Aurelia was teasing her. Oh god, they'd established a banter here, hadn't they? It was too late, though. Once Shanoa was consciously aware of it she couldn't maintain the discourse. Still, she tried.
"Have you?" Shanoa asked as her cheeks burned.
"Have I what?"
"You… you know." She made an awkward gesture. "Done that. What's in those books."
A darkness spread across Aurelia's face. The kind stemming from some deep, guttural place in a person's soul where they never dared to tread. A thing buried, but never forgotten, and Shanoa had – unwittingly, yet nevertheless – unearthed it. Aurelia began to withdraw back into the safe confines of the Shadow persona, and Shanoa scrambled to head it off.
"No, I'm sorry, just- just forget it," the young warrior said.
The entreaty in her voice halted the albino's internal advance.
"Sorry for what?" Aurelia asked.
"I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business, and I made you uncomfortable." Shanoa forced herself to hold Aurelia's gaze. She knew if she looked away the battle would be lost, and they'd be right back where they started.
"There's no need to apologize," Aurelia said; the darkness beginning to fade from her expression. "None of us have perfect social grace."
"I guess I'm still adjusting to." Shanoa paused as she gestured between the two of them. "Whatever this is."
The hint of a smile appeared in the corners of Aurelia's mouth. "As am I."
They returned to browsing through the books, falling back into an odd, yet companionable silence. The selection was far greater than Shanoa had initially thought. Both classics and newer publications alike, including plenty the young warrior had yet to read. She even came across a small stack of fresh copies of Walden, but she passed over them in a hurry. The last thing either of them needed was for Shanoa to delve headlong into her rant about the futility and inherent hypocrisy of existentialism. Even Albus had to cut her off once she'd spiraled down the path of 'I still don't understand the concept of taxes but even I know this is some kind of bullshit scheme to avoid paying them'.
Shanoa's breath hitched when her eyes fell upon one book in particular. She retrieved it from the stack and held it in her trembling hands with a sense of near reverence. The book was old, leather bound, its pages turning yellow with age. No author was listed on the cover. Nothing aside from one word in heavy embossed letters. A name that always elicited a thrill from deep inside her soul.
Beowulf.
"I take it you're fond of that one," Aurelia said.
Shanoa responded with a slow nod. "Yes, it's… well, if I had to choose a favorite book it'd be this one," the young warrior said. "It was one of the first books I checked out of the restricted section. I don't get a chance to read it often, though. If we take a book out too many times Master Omar will get suspicious. We can maybe get away with it once a year, if that."
"What's so special about it?" Aurelia asked. "Why does it resonate with you?"
"I guess it's." Shanoa paused, pondering the question. It deserved an honest response. One whose words were selected with care. "It's the quintessential hero's tale. Charts the life of a man who saves a kingdom, attains greatness, and then sacrifices his own life to defeat an ancient evil. I… I want to be like him. I want to possess that same level of bravery and conviction. I want to be the hero in my own story; one that – if written down – others would find joy in reading about for years to come." Shanoa blushed and shook her head. "I know it's a silly, childish dream, but whenever I read this book it reminds me of the kind of person I aspire to be."
Silence settled between them. Not quite uneasy, and yet it held weight. Shanoa fidgeted, wondering if she'd revealed too much, when Aurelia spoke.
"It's not silly or childish." The albino glanced at Shanoa for a moment; fighting against her own embarrassment at the sincere turn the conversation had taken. "It's a noble dream, and I think we all need something that inspires us to be better than what we are."
Shanoa knew that there was more to be said on the subject but couldn't find the words. Her eyes turned back to the crowd of people milling about them, searching for a distraction from the odd, tender moment they were sharing. She inhaled sharply, the air hissing between her teeth, as her gaze landed on a man she recognized as one of their targets. Shanoa placed the book back on the cart and turned towards Aurelia. The albino was watching him too, and the women shared a brief nod of acknowledgment before Shanoa pivoted and began to follow him.
She moved through the crowd; dodging and weaving around nameless strangers as she watched the target hail another man she vaguely recognized. After a few moments, however, Shanoa realized she was alone. The warrior looked back and saw Aurelia still standing next to the book cart. Shanoa glanced back and forth between the albino and their targets before she decided to act.
"Aurelia," she said in loud whisper as she dashed up to the cart.
The albino turned as Shanoa approached, an apologetic smile on her lips. "Yes, don't worry, I see them."
Without a word of explanation, Aurelia walked past her in the direction of the two men. Shanoa stared after her for a moment, confused, before she shook her head and followed in silence.
IXI
- That Night -
Shanoa stared into her drawer, at the three books nestled on the bottom. The false panel had been moved aside while she tried to make a decision. She'd prepared for this moment. Their last trip to the restricted section was a couple days ago and, knowing a mission was looming, Shanoa had selected three adventure novels to help relieve the post-mission stress. But none of them appealed to her. Not after seeing the copy of Beowulf in the market. She was almost tempted to go find Albus, so they could go retrieve Ecclesia's manuscript, but it had only been a few months since she'd last read it. They couldn't take the risk; regardless of how strong the desire swelled within her.
"Hi."
Shanoa jumped, slamming the dresser drawer shut as she spun around to face Aurelia. The albino was leaning against the door to her room with a sheepish grin on her lips. Shanoa took a few deep breaths to calm herself. She was tempted to return the smile with a frown but resisted the urge.
"I'll never get used to that," Shanoa said once she'd composed herself.
Aurelia shrugged her shoulders. The motion casual and almost submissive.
"I don't think there's a way around it, unfortunately. I could knock, but I don't think seeing a disembodied hand reaching out of a shadow would be any less startling."
"Why are you here?" Shanoa asked; curious but not accusatory.
Aurelia pushed herself off the wall and sauntered over to the younger woman. "I… have something for you."
She was still wearing her signature brown cloak. Aurelia reached beneath the robe and produced a rectangular package wrapped in paper. Shanoa took the offered gift and pulled the paper off. Her heart beat furiously inside her chest as the wrapping fell away.
"This is…" It was the copy of Beowulf she'd found on the book cart. Shanoa traced the lettering with her fingers, reverence in the lightness of her touch. Her mouth moved for a few moments – the words not forthcoming – before she met Aurelia's gaze. One word made its way to her lips. A single syllable birthed from the odd tenderness in the albino's purple eyes. "How?"
"I bought it."
"There wasn't enough time. I left you alone for maybe twenty seconds."
"Well, it wasn't a traditional sale. I might have just tossed the money on the counter for them to find later."
A chuckle escaped Shanoa's lips. She flushed in embarrassment and looked down at the book cover again.
There was a pause before Aurelia spoke once more, her voice small, yet powerful. "Now you can read it whenever you want."
Shanoa's mind reeled. How was she supposed to respond to this? The only person she'd ever received gifts from was Albus, and even then, it was limited to her birthday or Christmas. This was beyond her expectations, and the only thing she could give in return was her gratitude. But maybe that would be enough.
"Thank you," Shanoa said.
Aurelia shuffled on her feet, and Shanoa took some small comfort in the fact they were both feeling awkward. The albino glanced at the closed drawer.
"Is that where you keep them?" She grinned when Shanoa refused to answer. "I suppose I just made the decision for you."
"Beowulf still doesn't have much competition."
"Mind if I join you?" Aurelia asked.
"What?" The word came out a bit more startled than Shanoa had intended.
Aurelia held up her hands in a plaintive gesture. "Feel free to say no, of course. I didn't mean to get in the way. I thought it might be… nice."
"No, I." Shanoa paused as she worried her lower lip between her teeth. "You can stay. I just wasn't expecting it. I can." She glanced behind her. "I can show you what I have."
"Oh, well, I might have brought my own."
Aurelia reached into her robes and withdrew another book. Shanoa's mouth fell open in surprise and horror when she saw the cover. It was the romance title; or, as Aurelia had called it, the bodice ripper.
"This can't be happening," Shanoa said, beside herself.
The albino tried to maintain her air of nonchalance. "I'm curious to see what all the fuss was about. Might not have been your intent, but you kind of sold it."
"It's really not very good."
"Then we can make fun of it together."
Shanoa looked up into her eyes. They brimmed with a subtle eagerness Aurelia was no doubt attempting to mask or hide, yet the desire was strong enough to shine through. She couldn't say no to this. It might even be enjoyable.
She acquiesced with a silent nod. The albino beamed before she stifled the reaction with a short clearing of her throat. The lamp on Shanoa's night table was the only source of light they had to work with, and after a minute of shuffling they figured out a suitable arrangement. Shanoa sat in her usual spot at the head of her bed while Aurelia settled on the floor by her feet; the albino's back resting against the bedframe.
The arrangement worked; quite well, actually. They both had enough light to read by and fell into that soothing, companionable silence which came from two people sharing a space without any social expectations attached. They didn't have to talk. They didn't have to force interaction. They existed together, delving into words, and Shanoa was surprised at how easy this was with her.
And that was it. All it took for her to realize what had happened. Family was one thing. Her relationship with Albus was something that couldn't be replaced or replicated, but she still yearned for friendship. For a bond with someone outside of her immediate family. She and Aurelia had spurned each other for so long. Playing at the roles Ecclesia had forced them into, but the shift was real; the change palpable. In that moment, as they bonded over the written word, Shanoa couldn't deny the obvious truth.
This was the beginning of a friendship.
IXI
- Age 18 -
It was cold inside the ancient, decrepit fortress. The current inhabitants only warmed the chambers which saw the most use, and any windows they'd passed had all been blocked off. Not even sunlight was allowed to enter. An odd choice considering there were no vampires living among their ranks. Shanoa amounted it to the fact their targets were trying to keep a low profile, but it still wasn't enough to hide from Ecclesia's watchful eyes.
They infiltrated the hideout without much effort. Barlowe had mentioned the words "extremist militia" and stressed the need to eliminate all members. He did reveal the group was another one of Aurelia's discoveries. Seemed they were assigned to deal with her targets more and more these days. Aurelia, working off her previous investigation, wanted to wait until the group was eating a meal before they struck. The pair had hidden themselves in the dark rafters of the fortress' dining hall. Vacant save for a few rotting long tables and the two firepits the militia had installed. Some members moved below; cooking dishes which smelled suspect.
Shanoa didn't know how much longer it would take, and she'd grown bored. While silence was preferable, they were far enough away to not be heard if they whispered. Besides, the targets were making a fair amount of noise. The cooks clanged their metal utensils and the members engaged in lively conversation filled with expletives and loud spats of infighting.
"How do you know Oriana?" Shanoa asked in a low whisper.
Aurelia shot her a curious look. "Hell of a time to ask that question," she said, her voice matching Shanoa's in volume.
"Well it's taking them a while to make a simple stew." Another bout of shouting erupted from below and Shanoa rolled her eyes as two burly men began to throw awkward punches. "I don't think they're going to finish at this rate."
Aurelia shrugged. "What's there to say? We don't talk all that often."
"But you have some kind of a relationship," Shanoa said.
The albino scoffed. "You've spoken to her, I assume. Oriana doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone."
"Yet you're her exception." Shanoa's tone wasn't admonishing, but it seemed to stir something within her companion. The warrior remembered what Oriana had said during their last meeting, years ago now. That Aurelia's emotions were too wild; enough to break her. Deep down, Shanoa found herself hoping that wasn't true.
"I go to her for advice, on occasion," Aurelia said at length. "Guidance, if you will. Ecclesia is rather lacking when it comes to female leadership, and some questions you can't ask male elders. I suppose that's why she tolerates me. She understands I have nowhere else to go, and she never turns down the opportunity to prove she's better than the men."
"I think it's more than that. She clearly cares about you."
Another silence passed between them before Aurelia replied.
"How do you know her?"
"By accident." Shanoa briefly recounted her first meeting with the old woman. How she'd chosen Oriana's door by – apparent – chance. She left out the details of their conversation, however. It felt inappropriate to share, especially considering Aurelia's uncle was one of the men Oriana had tried to rally her against. "I've only sought her council once, though. I think if it wasn't for that chance first meeting she'd still be a stranger to me. She's outright said the Elders have forbidden her from speaking with me, and for whatever reason that's a rule she's unwilling to break unless I force her."
"I see." Aurelia paused. "My story is… similar, in some respects, though I met her on purpose."
Aurelia didn't continue right away, but Shanoa had learned – if she let a sense of eager anticipation hang in the air – her friend would concede eventually. She watched the targets as she waited. The brawl seemed to have resolved itself. One of the men lay prone, unmoving on the floor while two others tried to revive him. The victor was gloating; Shanoa could see the large grin on his face even from this far away.
"Oriana has always been sort of… I guess 'legendary' would be an appropriate word here. A figure few have seen but many talked about." Aurelia tilted her head back as she let the memories wash over her. "She's Ecclesia's version of Baba Yaga, in a way. This was a bit before your time, but the other children often spoke of her in whispers. I would hear older kids telling the younger one's tales of the witch that lived in the east wing. If you were unlucky or foolish enough to wander into her apartment she'd eat you alive and carve your bones into charms. Those stories might have scared others, but they only encouraged me. I guess I've always been drawn to monstrous things. Curious to see what makes them monsters in the first place.
"I was about ten, I think, when it happened. It was easy to figure out where her apartment was. I fashioned a crude lockpick and broke in during lunch hour when everyone was in the dining hall. The rooms were empty, it seemed, but I wasn't expecting to find the paintings. I stood there for a while, staring up at them, fascinated by this style I'd never seen before. Long enough for her to come back and find me.
"She was angry, at first, and yelled at me in a language I didn't understand. I don't know why I didn't run. I don't even remember being scared. I waited for her to finish shouting before I pointed at the paintings and asked her how she made them. I must have caught her off guard because she stared at me for a couple minutes before replying. And, well, that's how we ended up spending two hours talking about paper marbling."
"What a scoundrel," Shanoa said; her voice laced with mirth.
Aurelia shrugged. "But the kind she seems to appreciate. Ever since then I've visited her somewhat regularly. I'd leave if she asked, but she never does."
"What do you talk about?"
"All sorts of things, really. Usually the deeper subjects, I'd suppose you'd call them. History and philosophy and what causes Chaos to breed in the world. Sometimes we talk about my life, though. Not just the work I do and the goals I have, but the smaller things. My uncle knows how to raise children into warriors, not adults. Oriana's the closest thing to a mother or grandmother I've had. She answers the questions he can't."
"She's family," Shanoa said.
Aurelia hesitated a moment. "Maybe, though family isn't something you can choose."
"I disagree. Albus and I-"
"Were bound by Barlowe," Aurelia interrupted. "The Elders chose for you."
"But that didn't make us family." Shanoa met the albino's gaze and held it. "We forged our bond. We connected and learned how to love; to support one another. Barlowe made a decree but left it at that. The rest we had to do on our own, and I know Albus better than anyone. He'll only make the effort for someone worthwhile. He's never made a secret of that fact."
"Well then." Aurelia looked away. "My relationship with Oriana is somewhat similar, if I must compare her with Albus."
"Do you not like him either?" Shanoa asked before she could think better of it.
"I didn't inherit Oriana's blind misandry. I don't have any real opinions regarding your brother. I've never interacted with him, for starters." An almost sorrowful expression swam behind Aurelia's eyes. "You're not the only member of Ecclesia I hid from."
"Do you think he knows about you?"
"Probably, he works in the archives and I'm still on record." Aurelia paused for a long moment. "Do you talk about me? With him, that is."
Shanoa had to ponder the question. She looked back over the recent years, searching for an answer, though the immediate blank she drew was more than enough.
"… No," she said at length.
"That's odd."
"Why?"
"I figured you told him everything," Aurelia said; a slight hint of something in her voice. An emotion Shanoa couldn't quite place.
"We have separate lives, you know. Especially now that he's been promoted to Head Researcher. Still, I don't think you've ever come up in conversation. I've been ordered to maintain secrecy regarding my missions and he's never asked."
"That may be, but I doubt he has nothing to say about me." Aurelia's gaze turned back to their targets. "He's rather protective of you, and I'm a mysterious entity. Can't let that go uninvestigated."
A contemplative silence settled over them. Shanoa pondered the comment as she watched the militia members pass out bowls and utensils; their meal apparently finished cooking. A few more strangers filed into the makeshift mess hall. Aurelia had informed her there were about twenty targets in total. So far, Shanoa only counted a dozen people below them. Still, it wouldn't be much longer, and she didn't want to let the conversation die yet.
"How about Oriana?" she asked the albino. "Do you talk to her about me or our missions?"
"I can't tell her any details about what we do, but yes, you come up every so often. I try to keep those discussions short, however." A wistful smile creeped into Aurelia's expression. "Oriana has always had strong opinions about the friends I keep."
They both realized it at the same time. Aurelia's eyes widened in tandem with Shanoa's. The world ground to a halt for a moment. Shanoa fought to say something – anything – yet could only manage one strangled word.
"Friends?"
"Well, I think that's enough waiting," Aurelia said as she stood up, balancing on the rafters. "The others will show up once they hear the noise."
"Wait, we're not-?"
"No, it's fine, we're good."
"Aurelia!"
But the albino had already jumped into a shadow. Two seconds later there was the sound of a strangled cry as one of the men – the same stranger who'd won the earlier brawl – had his throat sliced open by a blade that came from the darkness. Shanoa rolled her eyes as she dropped from the rafters, swinging from the beam for a moment before she let herself fall to the floor.
Aurelia could throw up distractions all she wanted, Shanoa thought as the now alert targets caught sight of her, but they would talk about this. They couldn't run forever.
IXI
"So, there's something that we need to… discuss," Shanoa said in as unconfrontational a tone as possible. A week had passed since they'd wiped out the militia, and – as fate would have it – both women found themselves overwhelmed by their normal duties. Master Torey had implemented one of his routine, strict training regimens meant to ensure her battle skills never waned. Shanoa wasn't quite sure what Aurelia did on a daily basis (aside from shadowing the younger warrior), but the albino had been absent from the fortress. No hint of her presence stemmed from the darkness, either.
The albino shot her a surreptitious glance over her shoulder. She'd shown up unannounced about half an hour earlier; book in tow and a clear agenda on her mind. They'd taken up their usual reading spots in Shanoa's bedroom. Shanoa had tried to convince the older woman she could sit next to her on the mattress, knowing it'd be more comfortable than the floor, but Aurelia always refused. Perhaps that physical closeness was still too intimate, despite everything they'd shared.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Aurelia said.
Shanoa couldn't suppress the frown that creased her lips. "Don't you dare. You know exactly what I'm referring to."
"Still." Aurelia's eyes returned to her book. "There's nothing to say."
"Aurelia." Shanoa let the word hang in the air. A plea carried in her voice.
Aurelia sighed and placed the book on the ground beside her. "You can't be serious." She looked back at Shanoa. "Why do we need to discuss it? It's just a word, it doesn't matter."
"Of course it does!" Shanoa placed her own book aside. "This changes, well, everything. How we interact, what we do together, and why. You can't call us 'friends' and then pretend it means nothing."
"Do you even know what a friend is?"
"I know it's someone you care about. A person you share things with; your dreams and vulnerabilities." Shanoa held Aurelia's gaze, not even daring to blink. "It happened back in the cave, didn't it? I don't think either of us walked away from that conversation unchanged. And you're not the type of person to share something so personal with someone you didn't trust."
Aurelia's eyes widened and – for the first time – she couldn't banish the emotions or hide them beneath the Shadow mask. The albino looked away, her breathing grew heavy, as a pervasive silence filled the room. Shanoa waited, firm in her resolve. She wouldn't run away from this, regardless of how terrifying the subject might be.
"It's futile, isn't it?" Aurelia said under her breath. The words clearly meant for herself rather than Shanoa. The albino closed her eyes with a long, deep sigh. "I'll make a deal with you. Quid pro quo, as it were. I'll talk about it – answer your question – if you answer one of mine."
"Deal," Shanoa said without hesitation.
Aurelia glanced back at her. "Not so fast. I get to go first."
"Yeah, sure, so long as you promise."
"I guess I do." Aurelia rotated her body until they were sitting face to face. The height difference was still a little awkward, but Aurelia seemed intent on maintaining the distance. "Why do you read romance novels?" Her purple eyes cut to the book Shanoa was reading. Another typical bodice ripper, as she'd come to know them, with a name she didn't bother to memorize. The book was no more unique than the rest in the genre. "You clearly don't enjoy them. You always have the same complaints. You've never been able to name one that you actually like. So, why do you keep going back to them? What's the draw?"
As far as questions went, it was one of the last Shanoa would have expected. She pondered it; racked her brain for an answer. She'd wondered about it herself over the years, but never found need to put the thoughts into words.
"I'm… looking for something," Shanoa said. It felt heavy to say the sentence out loud. A weight to the words she couldn't quite place. "They all lack a, a missing element, maybe? It's strange, I'm supposed to want this. To pine for this. I'm still a teenage girl, right? You said so yourself, once. Yet, I… I don't want it. I want something else, I think, but I can't figure out what." She shook her head. "Maybe I'm trying to find something that doesn't exist. All I know for sure is these stories are the same thing, over and over, and somehow it's enough for everyone else, but not for me."
"You want something." Aurelia paused for a long moment. "Unconventional, perhaps."
"Could be, I just don't know what that would look like. Whatever it is, I haven't found it in any of these books."
"Might be something you have to discover for yourself," Aurelia said in a near whisper.
Shanoa stared at her; mustering the courage to ask the question again. "And you? What kind of love do you want?"
"I've." The albino cleared her throat. "I guess I'm typical, in a way, but also not. It's difficult to explain. I've only been attracted to a handful of men, though none of them ever turned into the kind of relationship you'd read about." Her purple eyes glazed over as she stared at some point in the middle distance. "Suppose that's why I read them. To escape. To pretend I could…"
Silence permeated once again. A great fear held between them, though Shanoa couldn't name it. A beast beyond her knowledge, and she knew instinctively it wasn't hers to tame.
"My turn," Shanoa said, diverting Aurelia's attention away from the foul thing in the room.
Aurelia held her gaze; still wrestling with the answer despite her commitment.
"We're not supposed to be friends," she said at last. Her voice tried to maintain an even keel but wavered on the last word.
Shanoa didn't think about it. Pondering would only cause her to hesitate. She took the step forward; into this great unknown.
"But we are," Shanoa said with finality.
Aurelia couldn't look away. Not even for the sake of all of Ecclesia's laws. Shanoa saw – then – that they'd committed heresy. Forged something against the orders of their Masters. Yet, for the life of her, Shanoa couldn't find evil in this, only joy. Perhaps that should have frightened her, set the young warrior to cower in the face of what it meant, yet she reveled in it.
Aurelia spoke in the smallest voice. Loud enough to shatter mountains.
"Yes."
IXI
Despite how much time she was spending with Aurelia, Albus' importance in her life never waned. Their daily lives were completely separate now, the duties of Blade and Head Researcher never intersected, but they still insisted on eating meals together in the dining hall whenever possible. Albus' habit of sneaking into her room at night was a wonderful constant. At least twice a week (unless one of them was out on a long mission) he showed up at her door after curfew with games or a trip to the library or with a wish to simply spend time in her company. She always met her brother with a smile, and never turned him down.
Tonight's sibling bonding experience was another excursion to the Restricted section. Shanoa picked her way through the library shelves, her hunt not yet complete. Aurelia – damn her – had challenged the young warrior to find the romance book with the most ridiculous title and check it out for "inspection". Shanoa knew this game would end in nothing but embarrassment for both of them, but she was hard pressed to say no to her only friend. So far, the reigning champion was a newer volume bearing the moniker A Flower in Winter, though Shanoa had the sneaking suspicion there were even greater horrors to be found within the archives.
She heard Albus clear his throat behind her, and she turned around, facing him. He had a book under his arm, she couldn't read the name from this angle, but he always finished before her. He leaned against the shelves in what was meant to be a casual manner, except its forced nature made it come off awkward. She quirked an eyebrow as he adjusted his position; her curiosity peaked. Albus' eyes darted around for a few moments before he met her gaze.
"So." He paused. "Aurelia."
It was the way he said it, with an air of overt caution and suspicion, which set Shanoa on edge.
"What about her?" she asked, her eyes turning back to the books on the shelf.
"You didn't tell me she was your partner."
"Barlowe ordered me not to."
"Still," he trailed off.
She continued to look through the books, avoiding the question left hanging in the air. She wanted him to say it out loud.
"Do you enjoy spending time with her?" he asked at length.
"Aurelia's a good traveling companion. Nice, too, once you dig beneath her apathetic exterior. We work well together."
"Do you trust her?"
Shanoa's eyes cut to Albus. There was a slight frown on his lips.
"Yes," she said.
"You shouldn't."
A chill settled in the air. Something invisible broached in the uttering of those two words. Shanoa straightened, her spine rigid, as she turned her full attention towards her brother. He watched her with that same intensity, but the flames of an ancient fear flickered behind his eyes.
"Why?" Shanoa asked, voice clear but hard.
"There's too much mystery surrounding her. She hides herself, even from the people who are supposed to be her allies."
"She has to." Shanoa cut in. "That's the role of Ecclesia's Shadow. To be a sword in the darkness. The force of justice who goes unseen."
"That may sound poetic on paper, but it doesn't translate well to real life." He crossed his arms over his chest. "There's records of everyone else in this fortress. Even your movements, classified as they may be, are well documented. But the effort I had to go through to even find out she was the one they were sending you on missions with-"
"Wait, what?" Shanoa's eyes narrowed. "You've been digging up information on us?"
"I've been charting your progress, that's all," Albus said; his stance and tone shifted to the defensive. "I don't even have free access to your mission records. I found where Master Omar keeps them and I was… curious. Concerned, as any brother would be. I read a few, and while they're written from an outside perspective, you're the only agent listed by name. The other is the ominously titled 'Ecclesia's Shadow'. I wanted to assuage my fears, make sure you're being kept safe, and you're out there with someone I can trust. But I didn't even know this Aurelia existed. I'm Ecclesia's Head Researcher, retainer of so many of our organization's secrets, I know what everyone does, Shanoa. What all our acolytes are capable of. The might of our power against Chaos, yet I don't know her. I delved into the deepest of archives searching for an answer, and all I could find was the description of her title, nothing more. Nothing on who she is, only what she is."
"You were spying," Shanoa said. The words slow and accusatory.
"No, spying is done for one's own sake. I'm trying to protect you, Shanoa." There was a plea in his eyes. That fear burned ever brighter. "Glyphs turned you into a weapon. Into something far beyond what most people could ever dream of being, and there's no shortage of people who'd try to use that power for their own gain. Aurelia-"
"Is an acolyte. The same as any of us."
"An acolyte to whom? Not to Ecclesia. Ecclesia requires you to forfeit personal secrets. To share them with the whole. It's true she may be an internal agent, but she's held to standards that don't align with Ecclesia's oaths." Albus shook his head. "I can't abide this, Shanoa. Not when your life may be on the line."
"This isn't about you!" Shanoa all but shouted. Her usual trepidation about being in the restricted section gone. "This is my life; my decisions; my experiences! I trust her, Albus. The things I've seen, what we've shared." Memories of the cave flashed in her mind. Of the vulnerable young girl she'd seen. "You don't know her, but I do."
He shook his head and took a single, bold step forward.
"She's Ecclesia's Shadow. An assassin." Anger joined the fear swirling within his eyes. "Deceit is in her very nature. There's a reason why she's such a natural fit for the role. Ecclesia's good at doing that. Finding who works."
Shanoa stared at him for a long moment. Her stomach churned at the realization; what she was now beginning to understand.
"Why do you always do this?" she asked.
"What?"
"Put so much emphasis on roles. On the parts people are supposed to play rather than." She paused, the words catching in her throat under the emotional fervor. Shanoa rolled her bottom lip between her teeth before she continued. "Especially with me. We're brother and sister. One is the protector and the other a thing to be protected. You claim we're more than titles, so why do you always have to do this? Try to save me from something? Do you really think I'm so helpless? You said it yourself, Glyphs made me into a weapon, but even that fact doesn't mean I'm strong enough to stand on my own, does it? I'm still the naïve child. The little sister."
"Shanoa…" He didn't offer any further protest, though. Maybe he couldn't find the words, but she knew – to some degree – she'd hit on a truth he was hard pressed to retort.
"I'm more than that, Albus. I'm more than an acolyte; more than a Blade; more than someone's little sister. I know truth when I see it. I know when I'm being deceived, even if you don't believe that."
"I never said-"
"Yes, you did. Not in those exact words, but if I made sound decisions then I wouldn't need protection, would I?" Her shoulders sagged as she placed the romance book back on the shelf. She needed to leave; put some space between her and this flawed person that she loved despite all the ways he frustrated her. "I don't ever want to lose you, Albus. I love you. You mean more to me than anyone, including Aurelia, but I… I wish you had the same degree of faith in me that I do in you."
Shanoa brushed past him, heading for the exit lying a few twisting turns away. Albus didn't say anything at first. She'd almost reached the end of the aisle before he spoke.
"Shanoa!"
She stopped, paused a moment, then turned with hope burning deep inside her. His unsure gaze met her own. All she wanted was for him to say she was wrong. Anything to assuage these fears.
"Are… are you getting a book?" he asked.
Her heart sank in her chest.
"No." The young warrior pivoted. Her feet resumed their lonely path out of the accursed library. "I always have one."
IXI
- A Few Days Later -
By far, Shanoa's favorite missions were the monster hunts. While eliminating evil humans or humanoid monstrosities carried its own brand of satisfaction, she still had some difficulty reconciling the thrill of victory with the death surrounding it. Killing true, bestial monsters, however, didn't carry the same lingering sense of guilt or trepidation. They were unquestionable aberrations. Things that had no right to exist in the mortal plane. Destroying a Chimera, Devil, or Cave Troll was a deed she took pride in.
Their current quest was to slay an Armored Beast. A rather gory monstrosity – based on Aurelia's description – though one Shanoa had never fought before. They'd started early in the day; following the beast's trail as it led them to a mid-size fishing town on the shores of a massive lake. The residents weren't wary of strangers, even ones of such peculiar physical appearance, and divulged stories of recent, terrifying encounters by those who wandered too far off the nearby roads. It was difficult to pinpoint the location of the monster's lair, however, and by sundown they were no closer to the answer than when they'd started.
"I was worried about this," Aurelia said as they walked along the lakeshore docks. The group of fishermen they'd just spoken to were kind, but unhelpful. "Armored Beasts can roam a large territory, especially if there aren't any natural predators strong enough to challenge them. We might need to resort to tracking it ourselves."
Shanoa glanced up at the darkening sky. "It's getting late." She paused. "Of course, if you want to start tonight-"
"Lord, no, I'm just as tired as you are," Aurelia said with mirth in her voice. "Besides, we'll have better luck in the morning, when we're both rested and can see the ground in front of us."
Shanoa nodded as her eyes scanned her immediate surroundings. Most of the villagers were packing up for the night themselves. The docks somewhat crowded as fishermen unloaded their catches and tied down the boats. Her skin crawled with a fear she recognized. This was a possibility they'd discussed earlier, but her nerves were always quiet until reality reared its head.
"Have you ever spent a night outside Ecclesia?" Aurelia asked; sensing what the problem was. "And, no, I'm not counting night missions."
Shanoa nodded. "Yes, but only once. A few years ago, now. Back when I still went on missions with Albus."
"Then you know it's not something to be nervous about."
"It's me." Shanoa gave her a wry smile. "One day I'll stop fretting, but until then we're going to have to live with it."
The town was large enough to have a few inns to choose from. Aurelia immediately steered them towards the biggest one; its front porch alone took up an entire side of the town square. There were two main doors. The more prominent led into the adjoined tavern, but the women entered through the one set off to the side. They found themselves in a smaller room with a clerk's desk and a single worker. Aurelia spoke to the man behind the counter and after a quick exchange of coins he led them up a nearby flight of stairs and down a long hallway. He opened a door at the far end, gave Aurelia two sets of keys, and with a slight bow left them alone.
The room itself was cozy, Shanoa noted as they entered. Large enough to fit two beds, though not too spacious. There was an empty wood burning stove in the far corner. She doubted they'd need it, this being the early days of summer, but there was still a small stack of logs placed beside it just in case. The only other furnishing were a wardrobe and dresser for their clothes and belongings. A bathroom stood off to the side of the entrance. Dark, for now, but Shanoa was keen to use it later.
They didn't carry much with them besides the usual traveling gear. The women stowed their bags away in the wardrobe before selecting beds. Shanoa chose the one near the window, even as she walked over and closed the curtains against wandering eyes.
"How does this place compare to where you stayed last time?" Aurelia asked as she folded her cloak before placing it in one of the dresser drawers.
"It's cleaner, that's for sure." Shanoa's stomach rumbled. "Could you pass me some rations? I just realized we haven't eaten since lunch."
"We're standing right above a tavern and you want to settle for rations?" Aurelia asked with a small smile.
Shanoa fought in vain against the blush burning her cheeks. "I suppose that's your call, not mine."
"Well then." Aurelia's grin widened. "As the leader of this mission I order us to go downstairs and enjoy a proper meal. Any resistance will be treated as insubordination and punished appropriately."
"I'm still having trouble believing you're this dramatic."
"You get what you ask for, now come on."
They left the room and made their way back to reception. At the bottom of the stairs, across from the clerk's desk, was a set of double doors. Aurelia pulled them open and they walked into a large, well-kept tavern. The wood floor and tables were recently polished and had a slight sheen on them. While a few patrons smoked at their tables or against the bar the space had good enough ventilation the haze didn't linger in the air. There was an empty stage built along the right wall within good view of the entire tavern.
Aurelia guided her towards an empty table in the far corner. Not too far out of the way to seem conspicuous, but it also kept their backs against the walls. Shanoa looked around as they took their seats. The tavern was filling up as the workday ended, though the noise had yet to become overbearing. Snippets of conversations slipped in and out of her consciousness, but Shanoa didn't pay them much heed. Mere moments after they sat down a woman in serving clothes made her way through the gaggle of tables towards them.
"Evenin', ladies, what can I get you?" the stranger asked once she was within earshot.
"What do you recommend?" Aurelia asked with an easy smile.
"Fresh catch of the day is always a good choice," the waitress said; her lips curving into a small grin at Aurelia's friendliness. "They've been hauling in a lot of carp, lately. We serve it with our house-made wine. Local favorite, I might add."
"We'll take two," Aurelia said.
The stranger nodded and resumed making her rounds. Shanoa was a bit surprised she didn't take notes, but, granted, this was maybe her second time eating at a restaurant. Perhaps they didn't all follow the same rules.
"You ordered us wine," Shanoa said once they were left alone.
One of Aurelia's eyebrows quirked in either puzzlement or amusement; perhaps both. "And? Drinking's not a crime."
"Not out here, but Ecclesia has some harsh opinions about drunkards."
"You can enjoy a glass of wine without getting drunk," Aurelia said with a slight roll of her eyes. "It'll take more than that to get us in trouble."
Shanoa fell silent. In truth, she had no real objections. Her response was born out of obligation more than anything else. Her gaze wandered about the tavern once more. Even in the short interim a sizeable crowd had formed. The tables near them were starting to get filled with people.
"I wonder if it's like this every night," Shanoa said. An internal musing she voiced aloud; one she didn't expect a response to.
Aurelia, however, cleared her throat. "Well, there might be another reason why I insisted on staying at this inn."
"What?!" Shanoa asked; her voice raised an octave.
"Patience, Shanoa." Aurelia shot her a sheepish grin. "You'll ruin the surprise."
They stared at each other for a long moment. Shanoa found herself wrestling with a thought; one that still hurt to think about yet was unavoidable.
"I have an… awkward question," Shanoa said.
"You usually do," the albino said, though her tone wasn't admonishing.
"Albus asked me about you. He was… concerned, to put it lightly. Said he had to dig deep into the archives to find your name. That even he – the Head Researcher – didn't know the identity of Ecclesia's Shadow. He doesn't know who you are, period. But the thing is, you can't be much older than him. He must have seen you at some point before you were given your role. Before you had to hide from everyone, even the acolytes. You're memorable, you've acknowledged that yourself, but this was the first he'd heard of you." Shanoa tried to catch Aurelia's gaze, but the albino was making it a point to avert her eyes. "You've always been in hiding, haven't you?"
Aurelia took a slow, deep breath before exhaling through her nose.
"Yes," she whispered.
"Why?"
"That's a dangerous question." The albino continued to look away; her eyes lingering on the nameless crowd. "But one I can't blame you for asking." She paused for another long moment. "The Elders always knew I was… different. Torey, in particular, saw great virtue in me. Where my parents took my complexion to be a sign of evil, he perceived it as quite the opposite. White is the color of innocence, after all. The mark of virgins; of light; of children untainted by the Chaos of this world. He believed my albinism was a gift from the Lord. That I was the one they'd been searching for. So, they hid me, even from the other acolytes, in the hopes that nothing – not even the slim vices of our Order – would corrupt the child Master Torey was adamant would be our Blade."
There was a palpable shift in the air. An admittance Shanoa was ill equipped to face. She stared across the table at Aurelia – her friend – as the true burden of all she carried made itself evident. What was it like, to grow up promised something, only to have it denied? To spend years of your life forced to watch the person who took it from you? To protect them? To reconcile all those conflicting emotions as they clawed their way through your defenses; all the while being a constant reminder of the things you could never achieve?
No wonder Aurelia had fought so hard against this. In the face of such a truth, Shanoa realized, she would have done the same.
"I… wasn't." Aurelia paused again. "But I was given a role that carried just as much importance. Second only to Ecclesia's Blade. The fact that I was already a hidden member of our Order served as a boon. One that pertains even to this day."
She fell silent, and it became evident Aurelia had nothing else to say. Still, Shanoa couldn't resist the urge, knowing full well the question would haunt her if she failed to voice it aloud.
"Did you want it?" the young Blade asked.
Aurelia looked at her, then. A liquid film coated her purple eyes. "I wanted to matter." She shook her head but couldn't quite banish the unshed tears. "To be something a parent wouldn't try to kill."
"Albus doesn't trust you," Shanoa whispered.
"I can't blame him. Some days I don't trust myself."
"It's not fair," the young warrior said with surprising adamance.
Their eyes met once more, and Aurelia tried to offer a small, encouraging smile.
"Life is never fair," the albino said.
They were interrupted by the sudden arrival of their food. A welcome distraction, as Shanoa was at a loss for what to say in response to Aurelia's comment. She watched as the waitress from earlier set a large plate and glass of white wine on the table in front of her. The meal – as promised – looked and smelled appetizing. A pan seared filet of fish seasoned with fresh herbs and accompanied by roasted potatoes and vegetables. The waitress didn't linger. Once the dishes were served she was off; attending to her surge of other patrons. Shanoa picked up her fork and took a cursory bite of the fish.
"Oh my god," she muttered around the mouthful of food.
Aurelia nodded as she chewed her own bite. "I agree, it's quite delicious."
"I think this might be as good as Claude's cooking," Shanoa said once she'd swallowed.
Aurelia shot her an admonishing look. "Best you don't tell him about this. If there's one thing that man has it's an overabundance of pride."
Shanoa opened her mouth to respond but paused when she saw someone climb onto the nearby stage. It was a man; dressed in a gaudy, colorful outfit and wearing a hat far too big for his head. He had an assortment of instruments strapped to his person, though she was only able to recognize the guitar and harmonica. He was followed by a woman in similar attire, but the only instruments she carried were a violin and a pan flute.
"What's going on?" Shanoa asked.
While most of the tavern patrons had taken notice of the strange pair, they didn't seem to think it odd or alarming.
Aurelia settled back in her chair with a knowing grin. "It's the surprise."
"Welcome, fair folk, welcome!" the peculiar man belted. Shanoa started at the proclamation; her head swiveled to look at him in shock. The other patrons stilled at the sound of his voice. Their conversations lulled as all eyes turned towards the stage. They weren't outraged at the interruption, as far as Shanoa could tell. In fact, they appeared almost… eager; excited, even.
"It's wonderful to be back here tonight," the man continued. His voice raised loud enough to carry throughout the large tavern. "I see many familiar faces, but a few new ones as well. For those who have not had the pleasure, I'd like to introduce myself." The man clapped his heels together and extended his arms with extravagant flourish. "I am Bjorn!"
"I am Britta!" the woman exclaimed with the same dramatic flair.
"And together we travel across the country, bringing the joy of song, dance, and story to all we meet!"
The announcement was met by enthusiastic cheers from the audience. Shanoa sat, completely still, unsure of whether she should join in.
"Tonight, my good people, we bring you a tale of adventure, horror, and romance," the woman said, accentuating the last word with a few notes played on her violin.
"Yes, a classic of this region," the man continued, "one wreathed in both myth and fact. Is it history? Is it a mere legend? None can say, but what we know for sure is the tale is a favorite across centuries." Both performers took on a somber air as the man began to strum a low note on his guitar. "Last night we told a gruesome tale. The birth of darkness; of all wretched things that crawl in the dead of night."
"The name that haunts the bones of this land," the woman said in a deep voice. "The Dark Lord who sleeps between the realms, waiting to be unleashed upon the peaceful countryside, ready to devour it whole."
"Its name…"
"Is…"
A loud chord bellowed from the guitar.
"Dracula!" they shouted in unison.
The crowd gasped in turn. A reaction that almost seemed rehearsed.
"Do not despair, good people! For there is a light shining in the darkest of places!" The man played more joyous notes on his guitar. "Heroes who survive the test of time! Who stand and fight the Dark Lord and his evil minions! You know their names, my friends. Their tragic origin, their shrouded history, their legendary deeds!"
"Yes, shout it with me!" the woman cried, holding out her hands to the crowd, who raised their fists and yelled in unison. "The Belmont clan!"
Cheers erupted, and – despite herself – Shanoa couldn't resist joining along with them.
"Tonight, we shall relay the tale of Trevor Belmont and his heroic fight to slay the Dark Lord Dracula," the man said. "Joined by his friends and allies, Trevor was the first human to slay the Dark Lord. A deed that echoes throughout history and was the first culmination of an age-old oath."
"Yes, my friends." The woman gave the crowd a wicked smile. "To slay the night."
Shanoa watched, entranced, as the duo began to sing, dance, and act out the tale she'd read countless times. Of that first triumph over the realm of Castlevania. While it was enjoyable to read, seeing it brought to life was something else entirely. A liveliness to the story that rivaled her own imagination. Before she knew it, Shanoa had been pulled in, laughing and cheering and crying out with the rest of the tavern crowd. After a while she glanced across the table and saw Aurelia watching her, a sly grin on her pale lips.
"You fiend," Shanoa said, just loud enough for her friend to hear her.
Aurelia winked and took a sip from her wine glass. "The worst."
And Shanoa loved every moment of it.
End Note: It's been almost ten years since I was last in a literature course and yes, I will still jump on every opportunity to bad mouth Thoreau. Joyce only gets a pass because he wasn't alive yet.