Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls

Chapter 34: Reese Chloris, or: The OTHER Tomboy Chapter

"I don't know about this, Reese."

Reese sighed tiredly. "Look, dude – we've practiced this a ton, right?"

"Right."

"And you had it down in practice, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then what are you so concerned about? Just get on the board and go, it's really not hard."

Jaune cast a look at the hoverboard before looking back at his girlfriend. "...Okay, I know I said I was open to trying new things, but I didn't mean this."

"Tough shit, man. You gonna get on the board or are you gonna be a total bitch about it?"

"That depends. What happens if I bitch out?"

"Then I'm in control tonight, and we're going to do whatever I want."

"That doesn't sound too bad, honestly."

"You say that, but then your tongue's never been busy for several hours before. Trust me, it's not fun for you in the slightest. Of course, it's fucking great for me, which is why I'm hoping you do bitch out. Just remember that I gave you the option to avoid that when you're having trouble eating tomorrow."

Jaune frowned, then looked back at the hoverboard. "...Alright, fine. I guess I can give it a shot."

"Dude, seriously, it's not hard," Reese said, motioning to her own board. "If you can ride a bike, you can rice a board."

"Bikes don't float."

"Yeah, neither do feet. Does that make sense? Of course it doesn't. Hence why you should stop making excuses and just get on the fucking board."

Jaune stared at her, trying to think of some way to counter her asinine logic, but none came to him. Reese being Reese, she naturally took that to mean she had won the argument, rather than understanding that her argument was so monumentally stupid that there was no way to actually win against it without bringing himself down to her level.

Of course, if he did that, she'd just beat him with experience.

It's like arguing with Nora.

Anyway, it was becoming clear to him that there wasn't going to be any getting out of this, so he just sighed and started to step onto the hoverboard. He placed one foot on it, then the other, simply trying to maintain his balance.

"Good," Reese said, next to him. "Keep your balance – yeah, like that."

"Am I doing it?" Jaune asked.

"Yup! Of course, this is just step one. Now it's time to take the training wheels off."

"But the board doesn't have wheels, Reese."

"Yes, I know. Right, so now it's time to get you moving."

"...And what if I'm okay with just standing her and enjoying the view?"

"Then I hope you're also okay with four hours of non-stop pussy eating."

"That wasn't part of the deal."

"I have altered the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."

Jaune stared at her once again, and she just gave him a toothy grin in response. He rolled his eyes, sighing.

"Fine, fine," he said. "How do I go?"

"It's a hoverboard, so you can't just kick off like a regular skateboard," Reese said. "For this thing, all you have to do is lean forwards."

"Lean forwards?"

"Yes, but-"

"Okay, I'm leaning forward."

"Wait-"

Whatever she was going to tell him, Jaune never heard. He leaned forward, just as he had been instructed to do, and immediately took off like Ruby after she had eaten her standard breakfast of a dozen normal-sized double-glazed donuts and three bottles of chocolate milk. Predictably, he ended up leaving his girlfriend in his dust as he took off at a speed that he was pretty sure broke the sound barrier.

Well, maybe not that bad. But it certainly felt that way when he hit the wall of Ozpin's office, then came crashing through it.

In a daze, but somehow not completely unconscious yet, Jaune happened to look up… where he saw Ozpin sitting in nothing but his underwear – red pinstriped boxers, of course – with a bottle of lotion and the Hub up on his computer. The two of them locked eyes for a moment before Ozpin cleared his throat.

"...Please don't tell the students I live like this."

That was the thing that made Jaune actually faint.

"Look bro, I said I was sorry."

"Yes, you did," Jaune managed to get out. "Which is why I'm not sure why you're still saying it, because I told you it was cool."

"Yeah, but it's not cool," Reese said. "It's, like, the most un-cool thing I can think of. It's more uncool than Tony Eagle still trying to be relevant like fifteen years after his prime."

"...How uncool is that, exactly?"

"Picture Ruby trying to go clubbing with Yang."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, really. But my point is that pushing you like wasn't cool, and I'm sorry."

"I know, Reese."

"And I'm gonna make it up to you, starting today."

Jaune frowned. "That's really not-"

"No, it absolutely is necessary. I'm gonna be a good girlfriend for once and make it up to you."

"You're already a good girlfriend to me."

"Good girlfriends don't make their boyfriends break both their arms."

Jaune cast a glance down at his matching casts. He tried to shrug, but that was a lot harder when his arms were basically mummified against his chest. "I have aura, you know. This won't last more than a few days."

"Yeah, but that's a few days where you can't even jerk off."

"That's not nearly as big a deal as you might think. It's not like my nuts are going to explode if I don't empty them every few days."

"...For real?"

Jaune stared at her, surprised. "...What, did you actually think they would, or something?"

"I mean, kind of? I figured all that nut had to go somewhere.:"

"It does. If you don't ejaculate for a long time, you end up having wet dreams, and-" He paused. "...Why am I sitting here and explaining to you how the male anatomy works, anyway? We could be doing literally anything else that's less embarrassing."

"Yeah, but I'm curious."

"So take a sex-ed course or something."

"Those aren't mandatory in Mistral the same way they are in Vale."

"...I'm sorry, what?"

"Yeah, for real. Apparently they think their money is better spent elsewhere."

"That sounds like it would really, really backfire."

"You're telling me. Do you have any idea how many prospective students we lose every year because they get pregnant? It fucking sucks. It's almost like the headmaster wants fewer Huntsmen around, for some reason. But anyway, it's a problem in the opposite direction, too – Nadir came to Haven not even knowing where babies come from. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable of a talk that was?"

"Uh, no."

"Yeah, you don't. At least, not until you all finally give that Ruby girl The Talk."

"...What are you talking about? Ruby knows where babies come from."

"Wait, really? I thought she was like twelve."

"She's fifteen, Reese."

"Geez, they get younger every year. Fucking prodigies, man." Her eyes lit up. "Hey, speaking of prodigies, how about I put on some get-better-soon music, courtesy of The Prodigies?"

At that, Jaune's eyes widened. "...Uh, I think I'm okay, Reese."

"Dude, don't be a chode – music is, like, the universal language. That means it's also the universal language of healing." She fished around in her pocket, pulling out her scroll.

"Here, have some big beat. Prime healing music."

Jaune could do nothing to stop her before she put on probably the most unfitting music she possibly could besides death metal. He opened his mouth to tell her to turn it down, only to catch himself when he saw her bobbing her head to the music. And unfortunately for him, he had a massive weak spot for seeing her in the zone.

"Hell yeah," Reese said. "After this, how about some fifteen-year-old alternative metal, followed by some hardcore, nu metal, and ska?"

"You know, I think it's working, actually," Jaune said. "Heh, yup. Arms are already feeling back to their old selves. I'll be back to jerking off before you know it."

"Bro, don't act like I'm an idiot. Do you have any idea how smart I have to be to ride a hoverboard in three dimensions? I'm pretty sure there's a name for that kind of math, like really advanced algebra or some shit, the kind of thing that fighter pilots have to do. What's the one with all the Z-axis shit?"

"...Trigonometry, I think?"

"Yeah, trig. I'm like a trig expert, even if I don't know I'm actually doing it. Point is, I think I'm smart enough to know when you're healed and when you're not. Which means I'm also smart enough to know when you're horny and when you're not."

He didn't have the heart to tell her that approximately none of that sentence actually made sense. That was Reese for you, he supposed – not the sharpest tool in the shed, but she had a big heart, and that was why he loved her.

"...So, what, you think I'm horny?"

"Obviously, you are," she replied. "Because otherwise you wouldn't have brought up jerking off."

"But you brought it up earlier. Does that mean you're horny?"

"I'm always horny for you, babe. The only thing stopping me from coming on to you right now is that you're injured. But I think I can figure something out."

"I'm actually afraid to ask."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, lighten up. We can save the really kinky, dangerous, hoverboard-involved sex for when you're healed."

"...I'm sorry, hoverboard sex?"

"Yeah, its exactly what it sounds like. I've always wanted to do it."

"...You know what, I'm not even going to ask how that works. I assume complex geometry is involved somehow, because there's no way we'd both be able to fit on your board."

"I just told you I'm like a trig master, geometry is nothing compared to that. I'll do whatever nerd shit that it takes to get you on the board and inside me at the same time."

"Why is this even a fetish for you, anyway? Are you just some kind of secret adrenaline junkie?"

"What's so secret about it? I thought it was pretty obvious. Yeah, I love the adrenaline rush – it actually makes me feel like I'm cumming whenever it hits. Why else do you think I ride a hoverboard as my main weapon? For the rush, Jaune."

"...So it's actually not about being effective against Grimm?" he had to question.

"Dude, it's a hoverboard. What part of that makes an effective weapon? What am I gonna do, crash into Grimm like a fucking kamikaze pilot from the Great War? That's stupid. Awesome, but stupid." She shook her head. "No, my entire combat strategy is to just sort of draw aggro, then lead them back to my teammates."

"That seems incredibly dangerous for all of you."

"But the rush, Jaune! Nothing gets the lady bits all tingly quite like avoiding instant death." She shuddered. "Just thinking about it is making me horny. I'm definitely gonna have to take care of that somehow later."

"I'm gonna ignore how hot that is instead of focusing on what's bothering me, because good Gods, there's a lot that's bothering me," Jaune deadpanned. "So, if that's been your entire strategy, how'd you even get into Haven in the first place?"

"Dude, it's a fucking hoverboard. It's not like a wall can keep me out."

"...So, what, did you sneak into Haven?"

"Yup!" she said, proud. "Flew right over the wall and joined the group of first-years when nobody was looking, then tagged along with the first person I could find during initiation and had them hard carry me while I drew aggro."

"I… I just… what?"

"Nice, huh? Real quick thinking on my part, I have to say."

"...Okay, let me get this straight," Jaune began. "You use a weapon that's not even an actual weapon, and you don't even fight with it. On top of that, you managed to sneak into a Hnutsman academy in probably the dumbest way possible, and they still haven't discovered you even though your first year is almost over. And I assume you did all of this just for the adrenaline rush?"

"You bet your ass, dude. Do you have any idea how hot and bothered doing all that made me? It was like the ultimate rush." She paused. "...Why do you sound annoyed?"

"I'm not. I'm just… trying to process this."

"What's there to process? Don't tell me you thought they were actually legitimately going to let in someone who seriously uses a hoverboard as a weapon."

"I mean, kind of. I figured you'd at least use it to kill Grimm or something?"

"Have you ever seen me kill a single Grimm?"

"No."

"Yeah, and now you know why."

"But… that doesn't make any sense, Reese. Your instructors-"

"It's Haven, dude. Everyone there is corrupt as shit. I just bribe all my instructors to give me a passing grade. You'd be surprised how little it takes to get them to do what I want."

"So this entire time-"

"I've been a fraud, yup. I mean, come on, you didn't seriously think anyone was capable of using a fucking hoverboard as a weapon, did you?"

Well, now that she mentioned it, that did seem like a very poor choice of weapon, for multiple reasons he wasn't going to get into now.

If nothing else, it's at least good to know that I'm not the only fraud around here. Maybe I should have gone to Haven – it seems a lot easier to cheat your way through.

Then again, maybe that was a bad thing after all – if it was that easy to cheat your way through Haven, that meant that Reese wasn't the only one doing it, which meant there were probably a lot of very unqualified people running around pretending to be Huntsmen right now.

I guess that explains why so many of them have been going missing recently.

Shaking that thought from his mind, he turned back to his girlfriend. "I'm surprised you're being so open with this," he said. "A lot of people at this school would consider all of that a deal breaker."

"Yeah, but you're too nice to be one of them. Plus, I know what you like in bed. I'm worth keeping around just for the sex." She grinned wide enough to show her teeth. "And you know it, too. You're one of the few people to actually see exactly how fit I am underneath the hoodie."

For all her bluster, Reese wasn't lying about that – she actually was pretty fit under there. Not quite Yang or Pyrrha levels, but she looked damn good, which was certainly a plus.

Points for actually putting in the work to stay fit, I guess. Though I have no idea how you do it with all those hot chips and energy drinks you consume on a daily basis.

Seriously, skater culture was the fucking worst… except for their fashion sense, of course. You just couldn't beat girls with brightly-colored hair and baggy clothes who cussed like a sailor. Truly one of the best tomboy archetypes, right up there with pseudo-autistic warrior girls and gun bunnies.

Funny how I know one of each of those yet they don't get my motor running nearly as much as Reese does.

Then again, that was probably because Yang was kind of obnoxious and Ruby was a bit too weird even for him.

"Uh, hello?" Reese asked, waving a hand in his face. "You spaced out for a bit, Jaune."

He shook himself awake. "Sorry; got lost in my own thoughts."

"That must have been quite the thought, then. You wanna talk about it?"

Not really, because ruminating on odd, trivial, and useless bullshit like this was something that he was pretty sure only men could truly appreciate. So instead he had to come up with a replacement thing to tell her, almost like he was lying, only it was for a good cause because Reese, bless her heart, wasn't really the type to do much in the way of philosophy, presumably because she had probably taken a few too many falls off her hoverboard at some point.

"I was just, uh… wondering why you wear that paint under your eyes."

"What, this stuff?" Reese asked, bringing a hand up to motion to the lines under her eyes. "Well, I'm so glad you asked!"

This'll be good.

"Honestly, I saw a couple of guys at the skate park doing it when I was little and thought it would be cool if I did it, too. And I was right."

"Oh. That's, um… actually pretty normal, all things considered."

"Yeah, I know – it's very out-of-character for me, the adrenaline junkie, to have something in my life that's so utterly mundane. Well, except for you, but you're mundane in the good way."

"I wasn't aware there was a good way to be mundane."

"There totally is, though. Sometimes when you get through an entire day of adrenaline-induced orgasms, you just want a nice guy to come back to who can help relieve some stress the old-fashioned way. And I know better than to try and go for another adrenaline junkie – those are some of the most unreliable people I've ever met. Talk about guys who can't commit." She shook her head. "That's why I like you so much, Jaune – you'll always be there for me. Plus, it's fun, taking someone like you and trying to push you out of your comfort zone." Her eyes lit up. "Speaking of which, go ahead and sit back, Jaune – I'm gonna rock your world."

"W-wait!" he cried as Reese gently pushed him onto the bed, taking care not to aggravate his injured arms. "I really don't like the way you phrased that!"

"Oh, relax – I'm just going to try something a little new."

She started fiddling with his two belts, and Jaune squirmed, trying to shake her off.

"At least tell me what you're doing first!"

"It'll be good, trust me. I read an article online in a women's magazine saying that the male G-spot is in the ass, so I figured we'd try to find it."

"What?! Oh, fuck no!"

"Dude, don't be a baby."

"Easy for you to say!"

"Yeah, it is, considering I've let you fuck my ass before. I know how it feels, and trust me, it's not bad at all."

"It's different for men!"

"Yeah, apparently it feels even better for you guys."

"Where'd you even read this, anyway?"

"Metropolitan magazine. I know, I know – not the usual stuff I read, but I figure if I'm going to be a good girlfriend, I might as well start picking up some tips."

She finally succeeded in undoing one of his belts, tossing it aside as she began to work on the other one. Meanwhile, Jaune frantically tried to think of a way out.

Wait a minute – Metro! That's it!

"Wait, Reese!" he said. "Metro is complete bullshit, and you shouldn't listen to them!"

"That's ridiculous," Reese said. "They're the number one women's magazine in all of Remnant. In fact, I don't think they have a single male writer on their staff."

"And that doesn't strike you as a problem? Let me ask you this – would you trust a magazine staffed only by men to write about what women like?"

"No, obviously."

"Then why do you trust a magazine staffed by all women to know what men like?"

"That's… huh," Reese said, pausing. "I never thought about it that way."

"But it makes sense, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose it was." She brought a hand up to rub at the back of her head, giving him a sheepish grin. "Heh. Guess I jumped the gun on this one. Sorry, dude."

"No problem, I guess. Just as long as you're not gonna go near my ass tonight… or any night, for that matter."

"Yeah, I guess. Besides, you don't seem super into it, anyway."

Gee, you think?!

Yes, that sounded bitter of him to say, but that was because he was bitter about it. He liked Reese being forceful and all because it could be hot as fuck, but sometimes she just didn't know when to quit. Normally that was one of those things he figured couples would talk about, but it was Reese, and she was kind of an airhead, so that was easier said than done. He still loved her and all, but she really didn't make it easy sometimes.

"Well, now I feel bad," Reese said, slumping down.

"You shouldn't," Jaune replied. "Sure, you put the fear of the Gods into me for a second there, but-"

"Let me make it up to you!" she declared.

"...I thought we just talked about-"

"We did, and I'm not taking no for an answer!"

Well, so much for that argument. "...Okay. What did you have in-"

"Sit back, Jaune," Reese said proudly. "I'm about to rock your world."

She undid his second belt, thankfully staying away from his ass this time. And then… bliss.

Let it be known that Reese was very, very good with her mouth.

If this is her idea of making it up to me, I could get used to this, Jaune thought to himself.

It had taken a few days for Jaune to recover, during which Reese was careful to try to make it up to him as best as she could. It wasn't unappreciated, but he definitely liked getting his legs back.

What he didn't like was Reese immediately having him hop onto the board again, this time trying to get him to do something even dumber.

"Remind me again what the goal is here?" he asked.

"It's simple," Reese said. "I saw this online. You go down the drop-in and smash through these panels of drywall I have set up."

"Yeah, I get that. What I want to know is why."

"Because, dude – think of that sweet, sweet DustTube revenue."

She said it with such pride, too. It actually made him concerned, how easily she bought into her own bullshit.

"...And what if I don't want to do it?" he asked.

"I'll call you a bitch and make fun of you." She rolled her eyes. "Dude, you've got, like, mountains of aura. You can handle a little drywall drop-in. Now, do you want me to be disappointed in you and probably dom you tonight, or do you want to get me soaking wet?"

That was an easy choice to make. Swallowing his fear, Jaune turned to the camera, then said the words Reese had made him memorize.

"Hi, I'm Jaune Arc and this is Jerkass."

And then he kicked off from the top of the drop-in, sliding down it on his hoverboard. To his credit, he actually rode it pretty well, somehow not managing to fall off his board.

At least, until he hit the drywall.

He crashed through all four layers as if they weren't even there, coming to a rest in a heap just after the last layer. He laid there on the ground, spitting out drywall as he felt himself over, trying to make sure he wasn't dead.

"I'm alive..." he breathed. "I'm alive! Reese, I'm alive!"

"That's nice, Jaune," she said.

Then she hit him with a stun gun.

"Ow! Reese, what the fuck?!"

"It's just a little electricity, Jaune," she insisted, bringing the stun gun back around again.

"Ow! Stop electrocuting me!"

"But viewers love the stun gun!"

"But I don't!"

She brought the stun gun towards him, and he reached out and snatched it from her before snapping it in two. Reese pouted.

"Really, dude? It's just a little electricity for views."

"Yeah, and I'm not Nora!" He huffed. "Look, I'm willing to put up with all kinds of weird and somewhat dumb shit you want me to do to chase an adrenaline high, but I draw the line at stun guns."

"Okay. Cattle prods, then?"

"Any form of electrocution! Stun guns, cattle prods, tasers, Pyrrha's vibrator hooked up to a Tesla coil… I'm not doing any of of it!"

"How do you feel about bulls?"

"No bulls, either! No bulls, no bees, no spiders, no snakes, none of that shit!"

"Alright, I get it. But I think I've got one other-"

"No paintballs!"

"Damn. But I've still got one other idea."

"I'm going to regret asking this… what is it?"

"Nut shot compilation," Reese said, holding up a basketball.

Jaune's draw dropped. "...No."

"But Metro said-"

"Then not only no, but hell no. I am not getting hit in the nuts for the DustNet's amusement."

Reese stared at him for a moment before taking the basketball and throwing it square into his nuts. Jaune clutched at his crotch before sinking to his knees, growing.

"Why…?"

"Because our video needs at least one nut shot, or it's not complete," she said. "Plus, now I get to kiss it better~"

Tempting, but it wasn't quite worth the pain he was feeling now. Seriously, you'd think aura would help mitigate something like this, but it wasn't nearly enough. Still, only an idiot says no to a girl when she offers to put her mouth on your dick, so he didn't really have a choice in this matter, not if he wanted to keep his masculinity intact, anyway.

"Okay..." he wheezed.

Reese pumped her fist in victory before grabbing him by the hand and dragging him back to his room.

"Fuck no."

"Come on, dude," Reese begged.

"Reese, I am not doing it again," Jaune insisted. "I already did the stupid drop-in, and then got hit in the nuts."

"Yeah, and I sucked you off real good afterwards. Come on, just a little bit of skydiving."

"No!"

"Uh, excuse me," Weiss interrupted. "Can you both not discuss your bedroom shenanigans at the table?"

Predictably, they were all in the cafeteria, because where else were they all going to meet? Like, I know I use this setup a lot, but only because it's the most convenient. I'm not gonna cram everyone into a dorm room, because that's not as easy to get shenanigans out of it as the cafeteria.

"Spoken like a true virgin," Reese said.

Weiss bristled. "And what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, nothing. Just saying that you don't know what you're missing."

"That's true, I don't. And I'm not about to settle for Jaune, either."

"Uh, I'll have you know that Jaune's dick is pretty big and he knows how to use it very well, so there's no settling going on. I'd offer you a ride, but I'm keeping him for myself." Reese threw her arms around him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Yup, he's all mine."

Weiss was horrified. Blake, meanwhile, cleared her throat as she pulled out a pen and a notepad.

"So tell me, Reese," she said. "How did this whole relationship get started, anyway?"

Reese raised an eyebrow. "Why do you want to know?"

"I happen to be a bit of an amateur writer and I think this could make a good romance story. I can see it now – coming to a grocery store near you, The Knight and the Tomboy. A brilliant title, don't you think?"

Reese shrugged. "Whatever you say, dude. What's my cut?"

"I figure I can either give you ten percent of the royalties or I can pay you a hundred lien right here and now."

Jaune rolled his eyes. Reese wasn't the brightest, but even she had to know which side of the deal was better.

Reese's eyes lit up. "A hundred lien?! Sweet!"

Then again, she always did have ways of surprising him.

Someone should tell Blake that it isn't ethical of her to take advantage of the less-knowledge inclined among us like that. If an institutional investor did that, he'd lose his license.

Not that he was going to bring that up to Reese – she seemed pretty hyped about her hundred lien, and he didn't want to kill the mood by telling her just how raw of a deal she had actually gotten.

Also, he was worried that if Blake's shitty novel did end up selling well, that Reese would end up using all her money doing something incredibly stupid, like buying up a ton of hoverboards or funding some other ridiculous adrenaline-spiking stunt. More importantly, whatever dumbass stunt she dreamed up would almost certainly involve him in some way, so he figured the best thing to do was not let her earn that kind of money, ever.

Is this a scummy thing to do? He paused. ...Fuck it. Reese, I love you, but you're too nuts as it is even before you've started earning fat stacks. I really don't want to live in a world where you can fund everything that crosses your mind.

"Anyway," Blake said, "I paid up, so if you wouldn't mind answering my questions now?"

"Sure, sure," Reese replied. "I met Jaune while I was hoverboarding through Beacon. I turned a corner and crashed into him, which sent us both tumbling end-over-end. Neither of us were hurt because of aura, but he was there for me anyway, helping me up and asking me over and over if I was okay. I thought that was really sweet."

"Aww," Blake cooed. "The perfect start: the crash-into hello. So I assume that was where the relationship started?"

"You kidding? I called him a weenie for acting like an overly-concerned mother, then decided that I was going to toughen him up a bit by making him learn to ride a hoverboard at some point. He refused, of course, so I offered him a compromise: I go out with him and he learns to ride a hoverboard."

"Oh," Blake deadpanned. "So, what happened then?"

"What do you think happened? We went out on a date, had some pizza and went to the arcade, cool stuff like that. I had a good time and decided I'd like to do it again, so we went out a few days later. And then a few days after that. And we've been doing that for a couple weeks now." She thought for a moment. "And at some point we started fucking. I think that was before I actually managed to get him on the hoverboard, mainly because he was still being a weenie about it. But luckily for him, I kind of like weenies."

"Ain't that the truth..." Jaune muttered.

Blake stared at her, looking none too amused. "That is the exact opposite of a good storybook romance! How am I supposed to market this book to middle-aged suburban housewives with horrifically repressed sex drives living in a loveless marriage and working a dead-end career with multiple snot-nosed kids at home if this isn't like something fresh out of a storybook, so they can live vicariously through my writing?"

"That is very, very oddly specific," Yang pointed out.

"Business 101: know your target audience. Right, Weiss?"

"...You're not wrong, but I'm disturbed by just how much thought you've put into this," Weiss answered.

"Yeah, why couldn't you be this focused on schoolwork or getting to know me better?" Ruby asked.

"Because this is actually important!" Blake insisted, causing Ruby to pout and Yang to glare at her. Ignoring both of them, she turned back to Reese. "Anyway, how's he in bed? Please tell me you do really kinky stuff together."

"Oh yeah, super kinky," Reese said, nodding.

"Okay, great. Go into detail, please."

"I'm not listening to this," Weiss declared. She reached over into Yang's pocket, pulling out her scroll and earbuds.

"Hey!" Yang exclaimed.

"What? I left my scroll and headphones in my dorm by mistake. I figure you and Ruby can take this degeneracy, but I can't. So I need some kind of escape."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, lighten up, I didn't mean anything by it. I just know for a fact that you two like vulgar humor, and I don't – I find it crass. Therefore, I choose to check out. Good day to all of you."

Weiss huffed, then put in Yang's headphones and turned Yang's scroll on, intending to drown out the impending conversation with Yang's music. It lasted for only a few seconds before she grimaced, pulling the earbuds out.

"Mother of Gods, it's all toilet sounds!"

"Uh, excuse me, but that's my workout music you're shit-talking," Yang said.

"Why are they screaming?!"

"It gets me hyped!"

"Where's all the piano? The string ensemble? The percussion? This is just a bunch of idiots with electric guitars yelling into a mic!"

"Yeah, and it's badass!"

Jaune groaned. "Blake, for the love of the Gods, just start asking questions. I really don't want to get into a discussion about the merits of one genre of music over the other."

"With pleasure," Blake replied. "So, Reese, go on. You said you and Jaune were getting up to some incredibly kinky stuff?"

"You know what? I'm out," Weiss declared. "This is just getting more and more disgusting. You've got people excreting into microphones, people talking about their bedroom habits… why do I hang out with you people again? I'd request a transfer to another team if I wasn't so sure that Ruby would cry her eyes out over it."

"I don't even know what's going on!" Ruby complained. "This is all just a random onslaught of stuff that makes no sense! I'm leaving. Yang, are you coming with me?"

"Sure," Yang said, standing up. "This is a conversation about nothing and I refuse to partake."

The three of them all left, which made Jaune breathe a sigh of relief, because he really wanted as few people as possible to hear about his private time with Reese.

Unfortunately, there was still the other side of the table to contend with.

Nora leaned in. "Yeah, tell us all about it, Reese."

"Nora," Ren chastised.

"What? If they're gonna kick us out every night to get it on, I at least wanna know that it's worth it and the sex is good."

"It's great," Reese promised.

"Yes, but great how?" Blake pressed. "Be specific. Very specific. Use purple prose, if you can – it'll save me some work later on."

"Well, to start with, I'm a total adrenaline junkie. I love all the stuff that really gets the blood pumping. Asphyxiation, hair pulling, light BDSM, surprise anal… I live for that shit."

"Mm-hm," Blake muttered, taking notes the whole time. "And how would you say all of this made you feel?"

"...Good, I guess?"

"More specific, please."

"Really good."

Blake stared at her for a moment. "...Okay, let me fill in the blanks for you: it made you feel like a piece of meat, being degraded like that. It was everything you never knew you wanted. You knew it wasn't right, letting a man like Jaune do that to you, but at the same time, it just felt so good. It was the forbidden fruit – the idea that the degradation could turn you on so much only made it feel even sweeter. You had never been quite so wet, and it only made the moment he finally stopped teasing you and actually entered you feel all the more sublime."

"...What the fuck are you talking about? Have you ever even had sex?"

"I wouldn't call sleeping with Adam Taurus sex, but yes. It was bland, unfulfilling, and not worth repeating."

"This feels less like a genuine complaint about his character and more like you're just taking cheap shots at him like a jealous ex," Nora pointed out.

"Yeah, well, at least I don't have a pancake fetish."

"Don't knock it till you try it, sister." Immediately after saying that, Nora reached down her shirt, pulling a pancake from between her breasts. "Mmmm, still warm and everything!"

She took a big bite out of it as everyone gave her a disgusted look.

"Well," Jaune said, "now that Nora's scarred all of us for life, I suppose this is where I leave."

He went up to leave, but Blake stood up and used her weapon's ribbon like a makeshift lasso, tying him up and forcing him back into his seat.

"Sit down," Blake commanded. "You and Reese are here until I get my money's worth."

Jaune looked to Reese for help, but she just shrugged. "She's got a point, dude. She did pay me, after all. It's only fair."

Jaune sighed tiredly. "...Alright, fine. Ask away, Blake."

"Maybe it'd be better if I asked you instead of her," Blake pondered. "I mean, I obviously need a female perspective on this sort of thing if I want to write trashy romance, but you could probably do a better job of answering my questions than she could."

"Does this mean I can choose to get royalties?"

"No. Okay, first off: what was it that attracted you to Reese?"

"Yeah, Jaune," Reese said, leaning in expectantly. "What drew you to me in the first place? I'd like to know."

He had to resist the urge to sigh, knowing that she was fishing for compliments. "...Alright, fine. What drew me to Reese was her overall personality. It's not often that I come across a girl as confident, spunky, outgoing, and overall brash as she is, and who also has absolutely no filter."

"The fuck are you talking about?" Nora asked. "You know at least two people who fit the bill for that. Are you describing Reese, or me and Yang?"

"Reese doesn't pull pancakes out from between her cleavage or snore loud enough for me to hear it across the hall," Jaune deadpanned. "That's not to say she doesn't have her own unique quirks, but they're nowhere near as bad."

Blake raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Don't tell her!" Reese insisted.

Jaune turned to her. "I don't know, babe. This is my first real opportunity to get revenge on you for making me do all that dumb shit for your Jerkass videos. My nuts still hurt, by the way."

"If you tell her, I'm gonna be mad."

"Tell me what?" Blake asked.

"Don't encourage him!" Reese shouted. Blake held up her hands in surrender, causing Reese to sigh in relief and turn back to Jaune. "Now then, we can work something out."

"We could… but revenge is so sweet. That and I'm not interested in blackmail."

"Even if it's really good blackmail?"

"Even then."

"But you haven't even heard my opening offer. I was going to start with a wake-up BJ every day for a month."

"Tempting, but revenge is sweeter." He looked over to Blake. "Reese has a secret girly side she doesn't want anyone to know about."

"Jaune!" Reese shouted.

"She's got a stuffed animal collection she keeps hidden under her bed!" Jaune shouted as Reese looked on in horror. "Her favorite is her old teddy bear, Mister Cuddlesworth!"

Reese's mouth dropped open at just how much he was revealing, but he wasn't done.

"She wears white panties with cartoon bears on them! It's really cute, actually!"

By this point, everyone in the cafeteria was listening in, all while Reese looked on in shock. Still, Jaune continued – he was in too deep to back out now.

"When she's all alone and nobody else is around, she likes to watch her favorite Wisney animated movies from when she was little and sing along to all the songs!"

Silence suddenly fell over the rest of the cafeteria. Jaune looked around, only to find everyone staring at him with wide eyes, including Blake. Idly, he was aware of the fact that he might have just crossed the line. Cursing himself, he turned to Reese to apologize to her, only to find that she had jumped up from her seat and started to run away out of embarrassment.

"Reese, wait!" he called, only for her to keep running. He sighed as he watched her go, knowing he had just fucked up.

"Damn, dude," Nora said after a few seconds. "That was ice cold. Are you two going to stay together after that?"

"Nora," Ren chastised.

"But it was! He just went and screamed out her deepest secrets to the whole world. What's not ice cold about that? There's no way they're still together now."

"There's being right and there's being nice."

Jaune just sighed, knowing that he had just massively fucked up and was going to have to fix it somehow. Thankfully, he had someone who seemed to be all about cheesy romance plots who could almost certainly help him fix what he had broken.

"Blake," he said. "We need to talk."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why are you getting me involved in this?"

"Because this is technically your fault."

"No it's not. I didn't pressure you into revealing her secrets or anything, you just went and did that yourself. My hands are clean."

"Even still, you ought to help me out of this mess."

"And why is that?"

"Because if Reese and I stay broken up, you'll have no more material for your book."

Blake paused. "...Okay, point taken. Alright, yeah, I can see what you're talking about. Luckily for you, I've got just the plan." She turned to a new sheet of paper in her notepad, then began to write.

"Right, here's what you need to do..."

Just as Blake had told him, Jaune waited a day before approaching Reese, in order to give her time to herself. As soon as the twenty-four hours were up, he was at Reese's door.

I really, really hope this works, and Blake wasn't just blowing smoke up my ass.

Raising a hand, he knocked on the door.

"Reese, it's me," he announced. "Can I talk to you?"

Predictably, there was no response. He sighed. "Look, I know I messed up big time, okay? I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again. But I really, really want to make things right, Reese. All I ask for is one chance, and if you're still not happy, then I'll leave like you want me to."

Again, there was silence, but only for a moment before the door opened a crack. A single teal eye staring back at him. For as little as it was, it still made his heart flutter.

"...What did you have in mind?" Reese asked, quiet.

Jaune rubbed his head. "Well, I figured a good place to start was by being a bit less of a stick in the mud. I know there's a lot of stuff you wanted to do together that I vetoed, but I think we should do it."

"Like what?"

He hesitated for a moment, knowing that saying this could actually kill him. Still, what was a life worth living if Reese wasn't by his side? As far as he was concerned, that made it more than worth it.

"I managed to talk Port into it. He's got the Bullhead ready to go."

Reese blinked, surprised, before shutting the door. For a moment, Jaune was worried that he'd fucked up again, but his worries were put to rest when the door came flying open and Reese stepped out, looking bewildered.

"...For real?"

He nodded. "For real. Now, do you want to-"

Reese didn't even say anything, instead taking him by the hand and sprinting over to the landing pad with him.

"Okay, remind me what I have to do again," Jaune said, trying his best not to sound like he was about to shit himself out of fear as he looked outside the Bullhead.

"Jump, wait a few seconds, pull the cord," Reese replied as she finished strapping the parachute onto his back. "There, that should do it."

"B-but I have so many questions! How many seconds do I have to wait? When do I pull the cord? What if the parachute doesn't deploy? Where am I aiming for?"

Reese waved him off. "Details, details. I'll be right behind you, bro, so don't worry your pretty little head."

"But-"

"See you at the bottom!"

With that, she shoved him out of the Bullhead. Jaune screamed as he fell, though thankfully the wind rushing all around him drowned out the noise of his girly screeches of terror. He made the mistake of looking below him and seeing the ground fast approaching, and sent a quick thankful prayer up to the Gods that he had remembered to use the bathroom before stepping into the Bullhead.

Jaune fell for a few seconds before something flew past him. Looking, he saw that it was Reese, and she was falling a lot more stylishly than he was. She turned towards him, flashed him a grin and a thumbs-up, and then pulled her parachute cord. Seeing that it was apparently now time, Jaune ripped his cord with all his might, and felt his stomach leap into his chest when the parachute deployed, dropping his speed down dramatically.

Taking several gulps of fresh air as he descended, Jaune finally touched down on the ground in a heap, collapsing to his hands and knees as he fell and assumed vomit position. He dry-heaved for several seconds before he heard someone jogging up, and didn't even have to look to know that it was Reese.

"Dude, that was awesome!" she exclaimed.

"Glad you enjoyed yourself..." Jaune breathed. "Excuse me while I pass out."

"Oh, no you don't," Reese said. She grabbed him under his arms and pulled him to his feet, then flashed him a big smile. "Bro, the adrenaline rush is fucking killer! I'm super horny right now."

Well, that was an improvement, at least. "...Uh-"

"Don't 'uh' me! Are you in, or are you out?"

"In," Jaune said. "...Can I have a moment, though? My legs feel like jelly."

She shook her head. "Nah, I'll carry you."

He had no time to respond before she swept him up in a princess carry. Normally he would have bitched about feeling like his manhood was under attack or something, but given that he couldn't walk, this was actually pretty nice.

The two of them made it back to Reese's room in no time, neither one caring about the stares they attracted along the way. Reese threw him onto her bed, and Jaune took a moment to close his eyes and take a deep breath.

It was relaxing until she handcuffed him to the headboard.

His eyes flew open. "Uh, Reese?"

"Yeah, man?" she asked.

"Why am I handcuffed to the bed?"

"You didn't really think it was going to take one skydiving session to undo all that damage, did you? I'm absolutely gonna take you back and all, but this is my one chance to try out all kinds of freaky shit I wanted to do but was too afraid to ask of you. So we're doing it now. You gonna get dommed, Jaune."

"Reese, no! Mister Cuddlesworth is watching!"

Needless to say, he didn't get out of it. But at least it was worth it to get his cute tomboy skater GF back.

So I've never skated in my life, meaning my exposure to skater culture has been pretty limited. I was kind of forced to think back to the few things I actually had some experience with in regards to it, which was basically these three things and nothing else – the friends I had in middle/high school who actually did skate, the limited experience I had with those old Tony Hawk games I got the chance to play when I was a kid, and the Jackass crew. Hopefully that was enough, but I'm sure that if it wasn't, you'll all be tearing me a new one about it.

Anyway, that's mainly where I got my inspiration for Reese from, hence why I made her a bit of an airhead with a tomboyish streak – because every single skater I've ever known personally, especially the female skaters, was essentially the same way. That's not to say that it's indicative of all skaters, but when I think of skaters, those are generally the traits I think of due to my own personal history with them. The same goes for music tastes – that little list is pretty much everything my skater friends were listening to in middle/high school. And for the record, I'm a fan of some of those genres, too.

Now, all that aside, Reese was an interesting one for sure. I certainly won't say no to another tomboy chapter, but specifically one based on the tomboy skater archetype? Well, consider me interested. It's been fun, taking a break from the sheer insanity in favor of some of the more low-key chapters. They can't all be apocalyptic or full of crazy shenanigans; sometimes it's just nice to sit back, relax, and see how I can work with some of the more mundane character archetypes this show offers up to me.

That being said, the insanity will absolutely return at some point. I'm just not sure when, or for how long.

Next update: Saturday, March 6.