Chapter 35
The Ravenclaw Knows.
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Things manage to stay relatively normal until the next morning at breakfast. Oh sure, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw both know what happened through common room gossip, and there are a few cross-house friendships that start the rumor mill going in the other two. But as they hadn't told anybody what the actual result of that meeting in the headmaster's office had been, it isn't until the Headmaster makes the announcement that things start to get nuts.
"If I can have everyone's attention, please?"
His voice isn't particularly loud yet manages to make it to every ear in the room. It takes a few moments, but soon enough all mouths are shut and every eye is on him. The Headmaster looks tired. Older than even his advanced years would indicate.
Mindy and Dave are betting that he got about zero sleep last night.
"Due to an irreconcilable conflict of interest, Severus Snape is no longer a professor here at Hogwarts."
The shock among the students is such that he is able to continue before three-quarters of the student body are able to start cheering, forcing them to merely adopt almost uniformly wide smiles of glee. Predictably, the last quarter of the students are still trying to shake off the shock.
"For any of you in Slytherin that would like to say your goodbyes, he will be here for just under another week as he has found a new and exciting career for himself in potions research at a facility on the continent. He will be leaving to take possession of his new quarters next Sunday when they become available and is currently in the guest quarters, room two-twelve I believe. His name will be on the door so it shouldn't be difficult to find, but I would ask you to not bother the man overmuch. He has a lot to do and little time to do it before he is off on his new adventure."
He stops speaking for just a moment, his eyes sweeping the student body as he takes in the reaction. The fact that all but one house is absolutely thrilled the man is leaving is a hard pill for the old man to swallow, emphasizing as it does just how poorly received the man truly must have been.
"Your replacement potions professor and soon to once again be Head of Slytherin is unfortunately unable to take his place until the second week in October, as he is abroad and has obligations he must finish with before he will be in a position to reprise his roles here. Something that I must admit I am quite looking forward to. He is a wonderful teacher and colleague, we are frankly quite lucky that he is willing to come back to us in our hour of need."
He pauses for a moment, the sadness and exhaustion on his face slightly diminished as he considers having Slughorn back. Like everybody, the man has his faults. But that doesn't change the fact that he truly is everything to the art of education that Severus had unfortunately lacked.
"In the meantime, Professor Vector our quite acute teacher of Arithmancy has elected to take over the duties of Head of Slytherin house. A trial run to decide if this is something she would like to pursue when Slughorn has indeed determined that he has had enough and it is time to retire. Please give her a warm welcome, and know that she is Slytherin through and through herself. So any...Hazing, I believe is the term? Would undoubtedly be a vast miscalculation on your part."
The woman in question smiles and stands at the introduction, so the younger years would know who she is as her subject is neither mandatory nor taught until the third year. Though she rolls her eyes at the 'acute' statement and the 'miscalculation' comment has her all but throw her hands up in mock despair as she sits back down. Dumbledore seems oblivious to the goings-on behind him, smiling at his own cleverness as the students that had caught on titter in mild amusement.
"I would highly recommend that anybody that wishes to pass this year's potions class with a high grade make it a point to study ahead in your text as much as time..." He smiles in a grandfatherly way. "...and sanity will allow. Particularly those of you in your fifth and seventh years, the examination board will be unimpressed with excuses. Thank you for your time."
The second that he sits finds Dave, Mindy, and Luna suddenly mobbed by their housemates as wild cheering erupts from most. The sprinting of one Draco Malfoy toward the guest quarters goes all but unnoticed.
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"Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts! I am your Professor, Gilderoy Lockhart."
The pompous man with his soft, wavy hair and royal blue with maroon clothing is ridiculous even before he made the point to spice up his wardrobe today with things that he obviously seems to think make him look dashing, but make Dave and Mindy want to gag. The steel towed work boots. Edgy and muggle, maybe. Until he had apparently color charmed them lavender. That he eschews normal robes in favor of an ensemble that seems to be some kind of a hodgepodge of hunting safari-goers throughout the ages only in a ridiculous color scheme. And finally, the man is carrying a riding crop as though it is a scepter of office. A purple one.
"Being first years, I don't expect that you will need to worry too much in here as I don't intend to bring in anything truly... DANGEROUS!" His voice lowers tone and raises in volume for the last word as though he is attempting to impress a five-year-old. Orangutan. "But even if something should go awry, know that you don't have anything to worry about. There is nothing in this castle that can't be dealt with by me, and so as long as I am here? There should be nothing for you to concern yourselves with."
Mindy raises her hand. Dave facepalms. Luna can't help but giggle. She doesn't know what is about to happen, but knowing Mindy and having seen the movies she is expecting it to be quite entertaining for the Puffs and Claws in the room.
"Yes! Miss..."
She nods, a happy smile on her face. "McReady, sir."
His smile cranked up to a thousand watts, the man points his replacement phallus with the whippy bit at the end in her direction.
"And what might be your question? I can't imagine what you might need to know this early in the year that you couldn't have found in my published works, required for this class and available at fine bookstores everywhere!"
Mindy nods, the smile getting even wider.
"Well, I was wondering if I could leave the room for a moment to fetch another teacher? You see, you have made grand claims that I can only believe you would want to prove in a small demonstration. Besides, no matter who might win I can only say that I would love to witness a demonstration match between yourself and Professor Flitwick. He is in the castle after all and you just claimed you could 'deal with' anything within the castle. At the very least, when I tell him about this I would expect him to wish to defend his honor. He is a former dueling champion, after all."
Lockhart's smile freezes and his swishing of the riding crop stops, causing the little end of it to wave around a bit and then hang limply toward the floor. He recovers after a few moments and his smile, if anything, seems even more sparkly than it was moments before.
"Now now, I can't imagine any reason that I would have to fight a fellow professor. Dear Flitwick being the good chap that he is and all. He is quite a small fellow, I'd be quite nervous that I might hurt the poor man. Besides, I don't need to engage in such things. If you would like to see the results of my daring-do, all that is required is to use your imagination a little while reading the words printed on your textbooks. Now then..." He stops when Mindy's hand once again goes up. His smile doesn't waver, but now it also doesn't reach his eyes. "Yes, Miss McReady?"
Mindy, her smile still firmly in place, nods happily as though she is auditioning for a live-action bobble-head movie.
"I happen to know that Professor Flitwick has this period open, and he is likely just down the hall. It would be nothing to go collect him and I am quite sure he would love to assist you in showing us all how it is done." She stands and starts making her way towards the door.
"Miss McReady! I have not authorized you to leave the classroom, and moreover, even if the man has the time available, it just so happens that I do not. I have a very full lesson plan prepared, and I would appreciate it if you would take your seat and stop trying to disrupt the class. I'd hate to have to give a dirty old detention to such a promising young face."
Sitting back down, Mindy assumes a disappointed look as Lockhart passes out the quiz that he apparently gave to every year on the first day.
"This is just a little something to see if any of you have read ahead. Always a good thing to do, reading. You need to know your enemy after all."
Luna, after having seen the movies pretty much decided to read the 'texts' like the novels that they were and was able to enjoy them well enough in that capacity. She zips through the quiz easily enough. Dave and Mindy hadn't bothered to look at the things once they realized that they didn't even qualify as a skill book to their system, so they both write their names on the top and then ignore the idiot while poking around in their advanced theory charm books.
Annoying, that they can only get the first damn level from a book. But it does mean that if they really are planning to cast a Patronus they'll need to work it out based on this book and what they'd seen in the movies. It isn't like this moron could teach them.
Twenty minutes later, the quizzes are collected and the man starts going over the answers to questions like what his favorite color is, and how many times he had won the 'Most Charming Smile' award from 'Witch Weekly.'
When he gets to Mindy's quiz, he looks almost gleeful.
"No answers at all, Miss McReady? Not even an attempt? So sad. Well, I guess we can't all be overachievers."
She shrugs. "I do apologize, Professor. I was always under the impression that reading assignments were just that. Assigned reading. As I haven't yet received any of those, I was unable to answer any of these questions. Though, I have to say that I am pretty unclear on how knowing your childhood nickname is going to do anything to protect me in a dangerous situation. In fact, I found most of the quiz rather pointless from an academic standpoint." She smiles widely. "But that is undoubtedly why you are the teacher and I am the student. Please, illuminate my heart and soul with the knowledge of how knowing your birthday and favorite gift would assist me against dark creatures or wizards. I am positively beside myself with anticipation!"
The rest of the students, even the Ravenclaws at this point, are beginning to see the light.
He won't back up his claims. His test was rubbish. Perhaps most damning to the claws, the man is a Ravenclaw alumnus and this Hufflepuff is talking him into corners left, right, and center. And all while keeping a respectful tone, waiting to be called on, and never doing anything that she could actually be punished for.
He stands there again for a few seconds and then turns away, apparently choosing to ignore her in the hopes that she will go away. He doesn't call on her for the rest of the class, and they are forced to watch the man offer a reenactment of how he supposedly dealt with a banshee.
The poor Hufflepuff chosen is decidedly less than thrilled to be called up to play the part of an ugly, shrieking, green-tinged, dark creature.
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The three avoid the Great Hall altogether for lunch, eating out of one of the trunks in a small, unused classroom on the fourth floor. Dave finds himself leaned against a corner with a ham and cheese sandwich made out of a sweet roll.
"So, is this the plan for Lockhart? Embarrass him into leaving?"
Mindy laughs around a mouthful of macaroni and cheese.
"Don't be silly, I don't want the man to leave. As far as I am concerned, his being here is fucking perfect."
The other two look at her as though she has lost her mind. Luna finally can't take it anymore and sets down her burrito. An interesting meal option that they had introduced to the Lovegood's while they were staying there and she had fallen in love with. All the things she loves, and some she didn't even know she would love, all in a convenient wrapper.
"Why would you want him to stay if you have no respect for him as a teacher?"
Mindy laughs. "Look, yes. He is an absolutely garbage teacher. I kinda do feel bad for the people in fifth and seventh year if they are going to use his lessons and not bother with any self-study. But let's be real here. Aside from Lupin, who I remind you damn near killed three students during a full moon, he is actually the least problematic defense teacher they ever had. The worst he ever did was be dumb enough to let himself get bullied at wand point into a nasty tunnel by a couple of lunatics and be willing to fight his way back out. Think about it. Harry and Ron effectively kidnapped him and dragged him down into the lair of a basilisk and he didn't even have his wand with him. He's worthless, and he's a scummy piece of crap that is entirely too fond of stealing the accomplishments of others with his damn memory charms, but imagine what Dumbledore might replace his pointless ass with if we actually managed to get him out of here?"
She smirks at them. "That all being said, knowing what we do it should be pretty easy to keep the moron on the wrong foot and miserable just by using the Pensieve and passing it along when he lets his mouth overload his ass. I figure we'll show today's stupidity to Flitwick tonight when we go down to train. I think Sprout will be there too, she said she wanted to see us at it once before she would approve it." She giggles at this point. "Should make it so we get dinner and a show tonight."
Luna can't help the giggles that spill forth, and Dave just sighs in defeat. Mindy is just impossible when she gets like this.
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After the lunch hour, the three make it down to the grounds and prepare for one of the classes they had been alternately looking forward to and dreading.
Flying.
They are excited enough about doing more flying, the bit they had indulged in at the Lovegood's place was a lot of fun. But they aren't thrilled about having to use the school brooms to do it, which are universally reviled among the students. Madam Hooch is just as unusual here as she was in the movies, her golden-colored eyes severe and missing nothing while her hair a windblown mess, seemingly as though it prefers it that way rather than because of any actual flying done on any particular day. Getting airborne isn't difficult for most, and she is good about giving the one on one assistance to those that need it. All in all, the class goes quite well for the first half. It isn't until Mindy slaps Dave on the back of the head and screams: "You're it!" That things go sideways for them.
They spend nearly ten minutes darting around trees, threading the quidditch goal hoops, and occasionally diving to the ground as though they are planning to plow into it until the last second as they alternate slapping each other on whatever they can get their hands on. Finally, they realize that they hadn't seen anybody else in the air for a while, and looking down they can see the entire group of first-year Puffs and Claws staring at them in awe.
By unspoken agreement, they decide that playtime is now officially over and come back in to land.
Hooch just gives them a smirk and a nod.
"Not your first time I see. Nice flying, but maybe you two should stay on the ground for the rest of class. The rest of the students would like a chance to learn and your game was a little too stressful for them to want to play, I think."
The two both look a bit guilty, nod, and sit down with their backs to the castle while they look back into that damn charms book.
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"Professor Flitwick? Are you here?" Is Mindy's question as they walk in and don't immediately see the man. He walks out from behind his desk and nods, placing a folder that he must have been digging out of one of the lower drawers on his desk. A cheerful smile graces his face as he greets them.
"Hello! Yes, I am here." He laughs. "Though you'll have to wait a few minutes. Your Head of House was quite adamant that she be here to see at least the first practice, and she has to make it in from the greenhouses." Then he sees that Dave is once again carrying the Pensieve and his eyes narrow while he points at it. "Have you had more problems?"
Mindy shakes her head, smirking.
"No, not really. I mean, I kinda think that Lockhart is probably not the best teacher ever, but he wasn't mean or anything. Just worthless." She shrugs. "We actually brought it because he said some things at the beginning of class that we felt you ought to know, and then when I tried to bring him back down to earth, let's say, he responded by insulting your height."
The Head of Ravenclaw looks heavenward as if asking the Lord for patience. Then he nods and points to the desk.
"I don't doubt he did, but if I went out of my way to educate every person that underestimated me for my stature, I wouldn't have time for anything else. Set it up, and I'll take a look. It should be worth a laugh if nothing else."
Ten minutes later when Sprout arrives he is still in the memory. When she sees this, she holds her hands to her head, and after the brief explanation, pops into the memory herself and apparently, they had decided to start it over after asking for the three students' indulgence.
Forty minutes later, they both pop out.
Flitwick looks somewhere between amused and mildly annoyed, while Sprout is just pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger as if it could somehow stop the headache she can feel coming on. The three put away their advanced charms books, something that Flitwick obviously recognizes as his eyes widen a bit when he recognizes them, but he lets that go for now.
"Was the entire class like that? Bragging, worthless quizzes, and amateur theatrics?"
Mindy nods. "Yeah, pretty much. To be honest, I really wasn't expecting any more than that. I made it about twenty pages into one of his books and gave up on the guy. We'll do self-study for that one too, but he isn't cruel or anything. So we don't mind going to his class. Mostly I just thought it was kinda funny and in your case Professor Flitwick, I didn't know if there were traditions or protocols here in Europe when somebody talks smack like that behind your back."
The charms professor shakes his head, chuckling. "Well, I thank you for your efforts to defend my skills, but no. I could take umbrage, but I honestly don't think it would be worth my time." He looks outside and notes the position of the sun. "I apologize for taking up so much of your club time in your Pensieve, please. Let's see what you can do in the next hour or so before we go down to dinner."
Luna steps off to the side and sits down on a chair while Flitwick uses his wand and a silent cast to cause all the other chairs and tables to quickly and efficiently stack themselves on the sides of the classroom. Then they see Flitwick cast a couple more quick charms that he doesn't explain, and he motions them to begin.
So begin they do. By previous agreement, they keep things a bit more under control than they normally would in an effort to not scare Sprout into canceling the club before it can even get off the ground. But unfortunately for them, one of the spectators knows his way around the competitive circuit. While he has only rarely seen a hand-to-hand competition like this one, there are some things that are fairly ubiquitous across any kind of competition circles. Something that Flitwick and Sprout find themselves discussing behind his meticulously cast soundproofing wards.
"They are holding back. A lot."
Sprout looks at him, her eyes already wide as she takes in the gleefully vicious looks on their faces while fists fly and bruises appear. Mostly on Dave, but they are both moving at a level of skill she couldn't have imagined before this.
"You cannot possibly be serious!"
The charms teacher nods.
"Oh, yes I am. You can tell it in how they move. They are always in perfect balance. Their attacks are never a millimeter off target, though the other might make it that way by dodging or blocking. I know they are not working at anything close to their full capacity because they aren't having to take any risks. They never overreach, they always know exactly what their next move is, and... This has the feeling of something choreographed. I don't think it is, precisely. But the feeling is similar. I'll promise you, they are fighting at no more than half their ability just now. Possibly far less."
Sprout pales. What has she got in her house?
"Why do you suppose they would do that?"
Flitwick shrugs. "Probably trying to keep you from canceling their opportunity to practice altogether. The effort they must have put into getting this good? It's extraordinary. Their dedication for a pair so young is truly astounding, why I am even beginning to wonder if they have actually managed to channel their magic into their bodies to get better performance. It's something done in India, ran into that a bit while I was on the circuit. Rare to see, but frustrating to duel them for the first half. Less so for the second, when their reserves began to run low." He looks at her, his smile unwavering for all that his tone is serious. "It would be a true disservice to them were we to deny them a chance to reach for a goal they have obviously worked so hard for, Pomona. In a couple of years when their magical foundations are sufficient, I am very tempted to take them under my wing and prepare them for the magical dueling circuit. As fast as they move, if their spellwork can achieve even half of this they could easily exceed my own records. If you will forgive a moment of pride, that would be something worth seeing."
After a few more minutes of bedlam, Sprout turns to him. "Should we ask them to stop holding back?"
The half-goblin smirks. "I don't think so. Let them think they are getting away with something. But when they do wander off on occasion to get real work in to achieve their goals? Well, just don't be surprised if they make it to the hospital wing every now and again. The kind of thing they are working toward can leave a mark, but stifling it will only mean that you'll never know what they are doing at all and they will suffer with their pains rather than have Poppy tattle on them. I have no faith we can get them to stop." The man rolls his right shoulder, as if in memory of something that had left a mark on him.
Their Head of House shakes her head in despair as she sees them continue to beat the hell out of each other. "This right here is why I am so glad I am not the head of Gryffindor, Filius. I don't know that I can deal with my Puffs doing these kinds of things to each other." She winces as a particularly loud smack makes it through the one-way sound charms that keep their conversation from being heard and yet allow them to hear what is going on. One of the few attacks that Dave manages to get through, causing Mindy to take a short eight-foot flight and yet somehow flip in midair to land on two feet and one hand. Launching herself back at her opponent with renewed vigor milliseconds later. Laughing under his breath, Filius just shakes his head.
"As I said, I'll keep an eye on them. Frankly, I am dreadfully curious to see what they can actually do if they cut loose. If it looks like it is actually getting too dangerous, I'll deal with it."
She looks at him thankfully, and they continue to watch until they need to stop the two so they have time to clean up a bit for dinner.
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Author's Note:
We have probably no more than two more chapters of basic setup before we can start doing time skips, but there are just a few more basics I need to get out of the way.
Thanks for reading!