-35-

Metal slicing through skin still echoed in her ears.

Ellana had been out on the balcony ever since returning to her quarters, but the sound kept cutting through the meditative peace she'd been trying to conjure for herself. Instead she found herself staring out at the dimming light and fading mountains. Her thoughts returning to the man she'd executed just a few hours before.

Erimond was not the first she killed by far, but the first where it felt more official, by her own decree, and by sword instead of magic. She had avoided issuing such punishment for so long. She'd looked for some sign of remorse from him. Some reason that could make it easier to pass a lighter sentence. But he'd given her none, even to his last breath declaring that glory would await him. And for what he'd done, decimating an order, the world nearly cast in perpetual darkness as demons roamed the land, losing Hawke in the Fade…her judgment was clear.

"Ana?"

Ellana turned to see Blackwall at the door, his figure framed by the light coming from inside. She hadn't even realized he'd come up for the night.

"I'll be in in a bit, vhenan," she replied. Despite the chill in the air, she was still too restless to go to bed.

Instead of turning back inside, Blackwall stepped out onto the balcony beside her. Ellana couldn't help lean into him, glad for his company.

"Are you thinking about today?"

Even though she couldn't see his face, Ellana easily picked up the concern in his voice. "I'm fine."

An arm slipped around her waist, squeezing it gently. "That bastard got no less than he deserved."

"I don't regret the decision," she replied, certainty pulsing within her. "It was the right one."

"Then what's bothering you?"

Her hands clinched the balcony edge, unable to ignore the weight inside of her. "On my word, a man died today. Even though I carried it out myself…" The sight of Erimond's lifeless body flashed before her. "The authority I have terrifies me sometimes."

She could predict what Blackwall would say before he even uttered a word. "There's no one I trust with it more."

"So far." Ellana inhaled a puff of air, a slight burn in her lungs from the cold, and exhaled it just as quickly. "I've already decided the fate of the mages and templars, the Grey Wardens. Creators knows what'll happen with Orlais."

It wasn't that she doubted her abilities. Ever since her magic manifested as a child, Ellana had to gain confidence and understanding in what she was capable of. But her actions were so much larger now, their impact on at least half of Thedas instead of just her clan. The scope was still dizzying to think about at times.

His hands reached for hers, uncurling them from their tight grip on the balcony.

"You'll decide how you always do. Thoughtfully, with conviction." He raised one of her hands to plant a kiss on its back. Ellana now wished both of them weren't wearing gloves so she could feel his lips against her skin. "And you're not alone in this, remember?"

She shot him a grateful smile. "I know."

Ellana never took that knowledge for granted. Yes, the decisions were ultimately hers to make and the consequences hers to bear, but the support of her advisers, their companions, him, made it easier to handle.

However their time in the Fade had churned up doubts, on top of reconciling with her newly reclaimed memories of the day everything changed.

"It's just…" She sighed, turning back to the mountains ahead, their ridges and peaks barely visible. "I just keep thinking about the Temple of Sacred Ashes. It could have been anyone that came upon the Divine. If that guard hadn't spotted me, if I hadn't tried to lose him…"

She recalled her efforts to blend in with the mages, despite the clear clan markings on her face. But then when she'd tried to break off, so she could view the proceedings from afar to decrease chances of anyone realizing she didn't belong there, she spotted that guard eying her.

So Ellana moved, losing herself in the winding corridors. Thinking herself safe when she heard a woman's cry for help. On instinct, she'd run to the door, shocked by what she saw, taking in what she now knew as Corypheus and the corrupted Wardens holding the Divine captive for their ritual, not having the faintest idea of what was going on then. And the only thing Ellana could think to do was grab the mysterious orb rolling towards her.

Her hands fell from his. "You're disappointed, aren't you? About my mark not being from Andraste?"

It hadn't a shock, in fact it'd been a relief, to know that it was by her choice rather than being marked as special by some deity. But she had also seen the momentary disappointment in Varric's eyes, Josephine's. And even though Blackwall had danced around it, she knew he'd believed too. It's partly why she'd decided not to announce it to the rest of the world. People couldn't afford to lose what hope and comfort they had.

"A bit," Blackwall finally admitted softly before cupping her face, his touch just as light. "But you're still inspiring. Holy mark or not."

Her breath caught, touched by the strength of his sincerity. That meant everything, more than she could possibly say, the faith he continued to have in her. The steady and -now she could say with certainty- loving presence he was at her side.

Rather than trying to find the words, she reached up to convey her thanks with a kiss, falling into his arms. Ellana then rested her head against his chest, content on just being held, listening to the sound of his gentle breathing above her.

Speaking of inspiring… "I saw you in the training yard this morning. Had quite the gathering going."

"Did you? Would have put on more of a show if I'd known you were watching," he replied, one of his hands sliding to her hip.

Ellana gave a small laugh, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Just in passing, vhenan." She toyed with the hair at his nape. "They seemed to hang on your every word."

"Apparently my speech at Adamant's making the rounds. Everyone wants to learn from the man who talked the Wardens down."

"It's well deserved." It was clear watching him, and the help he provided her, that he had a knack for teaching people. A natural leader. Little wonder he convinced the non-mage Wardens to doubt Erimond.

Ellana hadn't questioned it, when Blackwall made clear he was coming back to Skyhold instead of rejoining the Wardens, but she had to know for certain, that he carried no regrets.

"You're still sure, about not following Alistair and the other Wardens to Weisshaupt? You could easily lead them, help them rebuild."

Even in the dark, she could see his gaze dart away from hers. Before she had time to ponder on that, he answered, "Alistair will do just fine leading them. My place is here." His eyes came back to her. "I gave my sword to the Inquisition, to you. I'm not leaving that."

His voice had become rough, catching on the last word, as if he couldn't bear the thought. She understood the feeling, all too well. As much as Ellana accepted the vow Blackwall still had to the Wardens, that they could summon him if he was needed…the truth was she was glad. Glad he hadn't offered to lead them back at Adamant, glad he was still staying with the Inquisition.

Glad her vhenan wasn't leaving her yet.

Their time was already short enough depending on when he started hearing the real Calling. Ellana intended to make the most of every moment she had with him.

She made to resume her position against his chest again, but then caught his stifled yawn. "Tired?"

Ellana half-expected him to deny it, but instead he nodded. "Probably should go in." He pressed a kiss to her head. "You staying out here?"

She still wasn't tired, but curling up with him for the night now sounded more appealing than continuing to get lost in her thoughts.

"No, I'll come in too."

Taking his hand in hers, they both went back into her warm and bright quarters, closing the balcony door firmly shut behind them.