Chapter 34: You're the Closest Thing to a Villain I'd Consider Dating.
Summary: Red Hood gets a little more than he bargained for when he runs into Thea in an alley.
I'd been cornered in an alley with Red Hood and some thugs. I didn't think they were Red Hood's thugs, necessarily, because they were shooting at HIM.
"What's a nice girl like you doing in a shitty place like this?" he said over his shoulder, while he grunted as he tried to shield me with his body.
"Watch what you call shitty, nice ass, I live four blocks away."
He'd backed us up against a wall to one side, to give us better cover.
"You don't happen to have any extra guns on you, do you? Or do you top out at two?"
"Would you even know-" Red started, when I darted out a hand and grabbed one of his guns, putting it to his temple.
"Play along," I told him, softly. "LISTEN UP, FOOLS. Who do you all work for?" I yelled across the alley. I think I'd stunned them all into silence because no one spoke for a minute or two. "DID I STUTTER."
"No, uh, no ma'am, you didn't – Scarecrow. We work for Scarecrow."
"Do any of y'all have any way to get ahold of him, or his second in command?"
"Yu-yeah, I think we can make a couple calls – ma'am, do you know who you're holding hostage? You may be better off with us,"
Red startled, as if he'd been slapped. "I beg your pardon!"
"Can you please tell whomever's up the food chain that you're currently shooting at Thea Byrne? I'm going to see Scarecrow in group on Thursday, so I'm sure he'll want to know."
"Su-sure – give us a minute," the henchmen said, sounding very apprehensive.
"Waitaminute – you know Scarecrow?" Red asked. He could not have sounded more flabbergasted.
"I am one of his therapists, at Arkham."
"No kidding."
"No kidding."
"Ma'am, the big guy said you're welcome to go, and we're very sorry for the trouble. Red Hood stays with us."
"No deal. This fool comes with me. I'm not done with him yet." I tried my best to sound pissed off, and I guess I didn't have to try that hard, because no one – not ONE of them, not even Red himself – said anything as I towed Red Hood by the back of his jacket to my car, opened the passenger side door, and threw him in. I told him to buckle up, and I could only assume he was giving me a "WHAT THE FUCK, LADY" face under the mask. But he buckled. I slid into the drivers seat and I was not disappointed. I ejected the clip of his gun with one hand, got the chambered round out and handed it back to him, each piece separately.
"Lady – WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK."
"Red, if I'm not mistaken, I just saved your life, dipshit." I paused. "Also, my father was a cop. YES I know how to use a handgun. And rifles." I rolled my eyes.
I carefully pulled out into traffic, and drove in the opposite direction of my apartment.
"So, you're on Scarecrow's Do Not Hit list." Red said, sounding thoughtful.
"I am."
"Anyone else I should know about?"
"What like, dating? Or Villain wise? Or, like dating villain wise? Because – no. No villains. You're the closest thing to a villain I'd consider dating."
"I don't know if I should be offended or not."
"Harley. Ivy. I think from a Rogue perspective, that's it, unless one of the above has put the word out."
"Not Joker?"
"Oh, FUCK that asshole – I honestly don't know why he isn't dead yet. No. I refuse to work with him."
"Lady, I hear ya. I do. Not Catwoman?"
"Uh, Chaos is more her thing, not so much fucking shit and people up. I'd say she's more like you than Joker. Also, she hasn't been at Arkham since I've started working there." I paused. "Where'dya want me to drop you? Can I see your base of operations?" I asked excitedly.
"Your place is just fine." I could hear the eye-roll in his voice. "I obviously know how to get home from there."