Chapter 35…
Ashley woke up with a mouth full of dirt and every single muscle in her body hurting…
When she cracked open her eyes, small black dots danced across her vision. Her pounding, almost rhythmic headache certainly wasn't helping either. The worst of all however, was the feeling of dust and mud clinging onto her tongue and teeth.
Shifting a little, Ashley opened her eyes as best she could to gauge her surroundings. From what she could see she had landed in the bottom of the shallow gorge - not a long fall, but enough to render her unconscious.
She was on an incline as well; this she knew because of the trickling stream a few feet away from her. Water always followed the path of least resistance and the stream was flowing downhill. The water was filthy looking, slow-running and carrying flecks of dirt and whatever other detritus the gorge had to offer.
But to a dehydrated Ashley, the muddy water looked like a river of solid gold…
Putting one hand in front of the other, Ashley began crawling on her stomach towards the trickling stream. Every single pull from her arms sent a pulsating wave of pain through her muscles and made her head spin even more.
'Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…'
Ashley's steady breathing technique was strained by the circumstances… but it was the only thing keeping her from blacking out again…
Finally, with great effort, Ashley crossed the distance and let her torn-up hands collapse into the filthy stream. Putting fresh wounds in unclean water was a bad idea, but the feeling of water rushing over her skin calmed her somewhat. Ashley let her head dip down and pursed her lips. She sucked the water in gradually and gently, taking a moment to swish it around in her mouth and spit out the dirt on her tongue.
With her mouth clear, Ashley dipped her head down again to drink the water. The liquid was gritty on her tongue but to her surprise, didn't taste all that bad. There was a rather sweet taste to the dirty water, which was unexpected but appreciated.
Once she had had her fill, Ashley weakly raised her lips from the water…
There was a very, very brief moment of respite before she was violently kicked in the ribs…
Ashley gasped as the tip of a boot slammed into her ribcage and rattled her breathing. She choked on the air in her mouth and the impact rolled her onto her back.
Leering down at her, with a look of malice in her blood filled eyes, was Ashley's sister.
"Hey, Ash," Faith licked her chapped lips, a smirk forming. "How'd the water taste? Are you hydrated?"
"Faith…" Ashley weakly rasped out. She managed to extend her hand upwards but the limb was swiftly batted away.
"Save your breath, you're going to need it," Faith tittered. "We can talk properly at the bottom…"
Faith reared back her leg and delivered a heavy kick to Ashley's side. The force of the impact was so great that it sent Ashley rolling down the inclined gorge.
Sharp rocks and broken twigs tore at Ashley's skin and ruined jumpsuit. Ashley had to resist the urge to cry out or scream; if she opened her mouth then the aforementioned hazards would find a way in.
Every time Ashley began slowing to a stop, a well-placed kick kept her rolling…
But Ashley wasn't sure what was worse, the blinding pain or the taunts…
"Problem child!" Faith shrieked as she landed a kick near Ashley's sternum.
Ashley blindly reached out her hands to find something to grab, but a sharp kick stubbed her fingers.
"Lousy sister!" Faith cackled as she continued to kick Ashley down the length of the gorge. "Joke of a daughter!"
"Stop!" Ashley begged, the words just barely escaping from her lips. "Please!"
"Pain in the ass!" Faith spat, delivering another harsh kick to Ashley's chest. "Worthless fucking leech!"
"Please stop!" Ashley cried. She landed hard on her side and felt a stone slice into her flesh. "No more!"
"Stop bitching!" Faith replied with a harsh tone and another kick. "This has been a long time coming!"
One last freight train kick smashed into Ashley's stomach. The woman's body crumpled around her sister's foot as she was ejected from the gorge. Ashley flew for a few feet in mid-air before landing in a crumpled heap.
"Please…" Ashley muttered, her vision black. She tried to open her eyes but couldn't, realizing in an instant that they were clouded with sticky blood. "Just… stop…"
There was the sound of boots crunching against soil. Ashley could just hear it over the sound of the blood roaring in her head.
"That was… cathartic…" Faith audibly sighed, her tone wistful.
"You did a number on her though…" Spoke another, familiar voice.
"Yeah… and?" Faith scoffed. "Are you saying that it wasn't deserved? I've been waiting years for this fucking moment…"
"I'm not saying that it wasn't deserved… just don't kill her yet. You're not the only one she owes a pound of flesh too…"
"Yeah, yeah…" Faith mumbled. There were the sounds of boots crunching against soil, but it sounded distant. "Have your fun…"
Ashley rasped out several breaths. She could taste blood in her mouth - a metallic flavour - and smelled the sweet scent of flowers on the breeze.
"Easy now…" The familiar voice rasped. "Take a second…"
Ashley felt a pair of hands grab her by the scraps of her jumpsuit. The hands moved with surprisingly gentle motion, propping Ashley's back up against what felt like a tree.
A rigid finger gently wiped at Ashley's eyes, moving away the blood that was slowly sealing them shut. With great effort, Ashley cracked open her eyes to spot the face of the one who was being so gentle towards her.
Ashley was greeted by the gag-inducing sight of a rotting face. Ruined lips curled back to reveal black teeth and filmy white eyes regarded her with an unreadable look.
"Hey, Ish-y…" Colton murmured in a low tone, his voice still garbled. "Can you hear me?"
"Colton?" Ashley spat some blood out of her mouth, it dribbled down her chin. "You…?"
"Shhh…" Colton raised a bony finger to his ripped up lips. "Your sister did a number on you… Jesus."
"Where, how… I-"
"Quiet down for a second…" Colton brushed the hair out of her eyes for her. "Get your bearings for a moment…"
Ashley turned her vision away and sucked in a few deep breaths. Try as she might she couldn't fall into a regular breathing pattern, instead having to settle for manual inhalation.
"I was… a little forceful with you back there," Colton leaned back for a second. "Sorry about that…"
"I-"
"But you never gave me a proper answer," Colton continued, not giving Ashley a chance to speak.
"Answer?"
"About how you felt… about me…" Colton's glassy white eyes were difficult to look at. Past the film Ashley could just spot the shadowed remains of his irises - he had been blinded.
"Colton…" Ashley felt herself crumple a little. "Why… why now? I don't understand…"
Colton's ruined lips moved into the familiar lopsided smirk that Ashley always remembered. The burned and mutilated man leaned back and sat gently onto the ground.
"I've had a lot of time to think, being dead and all," Colton huffed. "It's the question that always nagged me… how did you feel about me? Was I just a friend? Maybe something more? Come on… what was I?"
Ashley's lips and mouth refused to obey her. She couldn't tear her gaze away from Colton's face, which despite the burns and mutilations, was regarding her with the gentle expression she had always associated with him.
For a moment, Ashley could swear that she almost saw him like how he used to look. Dark, even skin… curly hair, with big kind eyes and a warm look on his cheeks.
"Come on," Colton breathed. For a brief moment, his handsome, fully-restored face twitched. "How did you feel about me?"
"I-" Ashley took a moment to collect herself. She stared into his dark eyes, which seemed to be viewing her with genuine concern. "I don't know how I felt about you…"
Colton's eyes stopped looking kind…
"You were a friend, a really good friend…" Ashley rasped. "Maybe I did feel something more… but I just don't-"
Colto stopped looking like Ashley remembered him. His even skin turned mottled and burned, his flesh stripped, his hair incinerated, and his eyes blinded. He moved with incredible speed, lashing out his hands and slamming Ashley against the tree.
"Bitch!" Colton hissed, bits of flesh flying from his mouth and landing on Ashley's face. "Fuck you!"
"Colton…"
"I remember the day I met you, I remember how closed off you were…" Colton snapped. "I remember when you told me to fuck off when I asked you out for drinks. For years I built up trust… I became your friend because I knew you were alone. Fuck, I even thought that there was something more-"
"Colton," Ashley choked out. "Please…"
"But then you left me to burn alive," Colton laughed, but there was no amusement in his rasping tone. "What a fucking reward…"
Colton released Ashley and she promptly crumpled to the ground in a heap.
"You- You're not Colton…" Ashley struggled out. "You're not him…"
"And what makes you say that?" Colton peeled back his lips in a grin. "Hmm?"
"Colton was never forceful… he never would have hurt me like this. You're not him…" Ashley struggled to breathe.
"Ish-y…" Colton tittered and bent down. "You got off Demeter. You saw the light but you didn't feel the heat. So forgive me for being a little harsh on you…"
"Go away…"
"Oh… how convenient!" Colton snorted. "If I go away then the pain goes away, right? Is that how it works? Now you can go and spend another two years day-drinking and crying yourself to sleep every night… you're living the dream!"
"Fuck you…"
"Hmpth, weak," Colton licked his ruined lips. "Guess I'll just have to take what I'm owed…"
Ashley's eyes widened when Colton began to lean in. He placed one hand against the tree for support and pressed the other one against her shoulders to keep her pinned. Moving his head down, Colton angled himself so that his lips would be planted right onto hers.
"No…" Ashley pleaded. "Stop…"
"Shut up, you owe me this…" Colton's lips curled at the edges. "I always wondered what-"
"Stop."
Colton paused at the sound of the new voice. He visibly sniffed in annoyance and turned his head over his shoulder.
"What?"
"No more of this…" Rasped the new voice. "Let her go… I will not see this be done to my daughter…"
"Dad?" Ashley whispered. She turned her body so that she could peer around Colton's body.
Standing only a few feet away from them, in a small patch of multi-coloured wildflowers, was Reo Ishikara. He was withered and gaunt, his clothing hung off of him like oversized rags. Despite this, he stood tall with his shoulders squared. Only a few feet behind him a shallow grave had been dug in the dirt.
"Come here, Ashley," Reo wheezed, his voice just barely escaping his thin lips. "Come…"
To Ashley's surprise, Colton instantly released her. The man grumbled something inaudible before crossing his arms and stepping back.
Ashley stood up from her spot on the ground - a painful effort - and approached her withered father. The golden glow of early morning sunlight was filtering through the trees, illuminating the woods around them.
The dark eyes-woman promptly collapsed into her father's arms, feeling his entire body shake as he struggled to hold her.
"I'm sorry…" Ashley struggled to speak through the tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry…"
"Shh, child," Reo pet the back of her head gently, which soothed Ashley somewhat. "Walk with me…"
"Dad?"
"Please, Ashley," a smile stretched the sunken skin of Reo's face. "Come with me, dear…"
Father and daughter walked hand-in-hand off into the colourful woods. Ashley was only just able to walk, every single muscle in her legs protesting. She could feel blood oozing and trickling from multiple open wounds on her body.
"Where are we going?" Ashley muttered, her vision spinning. She nearly tripped and fell, only for Reo to reach out and steady her.
"I am taking you to see someone…" Reo whispered. "He is not far… and I know that he wants to see you…"
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you helping me…?" Ashley could feel more tears leaking from her eyes. "Out of everyone… I always treated you the worst…"
"Yes," Reo affirmed. "That may be true… but you took care of me when I was sick, yes? Did you not hold my hand as I died? Did you not give me one final comfort?"
Ashley's vision spun and she nearly fell again, but Reo caught her.
"Despite all that you have done, some good outweighs the bad," Reo soothed Ashley. "Come, he is not far now..."
The morning sunlight filtered through the branches, stinging Ashley's eyes and blinding her a little.
"I wish that I had been better to you, and to Faith," Ashley admitted.
For a moment, Reo's face darkened. "Do not do this, Ashley."
"What?"
"Do not live in the past," Reo frowned and shook his head. "You have wasted years of your life away on regret. Please know that I am at peace…"
"What about Faith, and all the others?" Ashley replied.
"You see them as angry, spiteful, and vindictive," Reo shook his head. "Tell me… do you remember them as they were?"
"I don't understand…"
"Anger has a way of twisting us, but its effects are only temporary. Guilt, however, will gnaw at you until you are nothing but bone..." Reo paused for a moment. "Tell me… did Faith or your teammates ever beat you? Or scream at you?"
"No…"
"Perhaps you are remembering them incorrectly then," Reo huffed. "Or perhaps you want to be beaten… or to be screamed at. Do you think that this will make you feel better? Will punishment alleviate the guilt that you feel? Do you see any of them as they truly were, Ashley?"
"I- I don't know…" Ashley trailed off.
Reo stopped walking abruptly. He reached out a hand to steady Ashley and turned her to face him. "We are here… you should go on ahead, alone. He wants to see you…"
"Who is 'he'?"
"A friend," another smile stretched across Reo's cheeks.
Ashley suddenly remembered him like how he used to look; with a full face, dark hair, and gentle eyes.
"Thank you, dad," Ashley choked out.
"Despite all that has happened to you and all that you have done - all of the bad and all of the good… I have only ever wanted you to be happy," Reo smiled softly. "Remember this… and be better. Now go…"
Reo gently turned Ashley around and pointed off into the sunlit woods.
In the distance… a glowing red light could be seen amongst the brambles…
Ashley hurried as best as she could, being careful to step over roots and pits. Twigs and branches rubbed against her cheeks but she ignored the discomfort. Pushing past a small bunch of branches, Ashley found the individual her father had been referring to.
Splayed out on the ground, with his central cockpit resting against a tree, was Cain. His scarred metallic body was tangled up in vines, leaves and branches, and his dark blue paint had been worn down beyond repair.
Cain's central cockpit was messily sheared in two, a massive fissure running down the middle. Despite being in two separate pieces, both halves of his optic glowed with a familiar red light.
"Cain…?" Ashley murmured, feeling fresh tears spring from her eyes.
There was a rumbling noise from the broken chassis.
"H- H- He- Hello Ashley…" Came a garbled voice.
Ashley's knees felt like jelly and finally gave out from beneath her. The woman crumpled and rested her head on the ground, curling her raw fingers into the soil and grabbing fistfuls of dirt.
"Cain…" Ashley rasped through the fresh tears. "I'm so sorry…"
"C- C- Clar- Clarify," Cain responded, the red lights in his sheared optic pulsating with a gentle glow. "W- Why are y- you apologizing…?"
"Because I was a hypocrite… I turned my back on the IMC when I said that I wouldn't...," Ashley sobbed. "Because I got you killed… you died for me…"
For a long moment there was silence. Cain's chassis whirred as if he was moving, but the titan did not move from his resting place.
"M- My actions as- as- assured your survival," Cain finally responded. "In accordance with P- P- Protocol T- Three…"
"But-"
"To be killed implies that I was a- alive," Cain garbled out. "This l- logic is flawed, I- I- I- I am a machine."
"You were someone. You were my… friend…" The last word rolled off of Ashley's lips. "You were my friend and I-"
"You are forgiven."
Ashley felt the air leave her lungs and she weakly raised her head. "What?"
"I- I am a machine, I am- am bound to my programming," Cain grumbled. "There are aspects to the human condition that I- I will ne- never understand. Des- Despite this, I k- know that you are feeling guilt…"
"Of course I'm feeling guilty! I've felt nothing but guilt for years!" Ashley cried, spittle flying from her lips. "I'm a pathetic drunk! Everyone I've ever cared about I've gotten killed! You included…"
"Nevertheless, you are forgiven," Cain's halved red optic was unflinching. "Ashley, we o- once discussed the sensation of being r- res- restrained. Perhaps, you are restrained, in some s- sense…"
Ashley let the tears fall and laid her head back down against the soil.
"You are restrained by g- guilt, disgust, and f- fear…" Cain murmured. "I myself cannot feel these emotions…"
"Then why even bring them up…?"
"Because for a moment… when I ensured your survival, I felt… satisfied…"
Ashley's black eyes peeked up from the soil.
"I- I had fulfilled my purpose, I had en- ensured your survival…" Cain murmured. "I ful- fulfilled Protocol Three. Although I was destroyed, I was satisfied with the choice I made to protect you…"
Cain's chassis whirred for a moment.
"You cann- cannot change how you feel," Cain garbled out. "But you ne- never transgressed against me. M- My choices were my own. Please know that you are forgiven…"
"Cain…" Ashley's voice was hoarse. Her vision was blurry from the moisture of tears. "Thank you…"
The dark haired woman rose from the filthy ground and sat back on her scraped up knees.
"I- I know this might be selfish," Ashley messily wiped her eyes with her forearm. "But I don't feel safe here, can I-"
Perhaps reading her mind, Cain lifted his metal arms from the ground and dug his fingers into the fissure on his cockpit. With a metallic screech he forcefully widened the opening - just enough for Ashley to squeeze in.
Wordlessly, Ashley crawled towards Cain's cockpit and slipped into the fissure. She curled up against the torn up seat and used her hands to hold her legs.
For the first time in a while… Ashley felt some level of safety…
"Thank you, Cain," Ashley whispered, her eyes feeling heavy.
"P- Protocol Three, protect the pilot."
This time, Ashley fell unconscious out of her own volition.