"You did some serious shopping." Iroh said dryly while looking around the cave. When they had woken up the next morning, Zuko had filled the small space with brand new stuff, among which a pipa and a massive golden tea set.
When Zuko and Elyrie had returned to the cave the night before, Uncle was thrilled about the fresh food. They had tried to drastically reduced the graveness of the situation, but he had seen right through them. Zuko was a terrible liar and Elyrie was not much better when it came to lying to people she cared about. But, albeit after a stern lecture, Iroh had congratulated her on her resourcefulness to restrain from firebending while defending herself.
Elyrie looked from the expensive stuff back to Zuko with an arched eyebrow, but he avoided her look as he slumped against the walls of the cave. A quick scan of the cave made her realise that his mask and new dual broadswords were not here. Probably hidden somewhere in the forest, she thought as she picked up an expensive burgundy-coloured rug, embroidered with gold. The image on the rug seemed to be a firebreathing dragon. It was so over-the-top that Elyrie had to wonder why Zuko of all things decided to take this.
"Zuko," Elyrie asked in a confused tone, "You know you don't need to do this? I can -."
"You're not going to sing anymore." Zuko interrupted her in a tone that indicated that he didn't wish to be countered, "It is far too dangerous."
"You said yourself that I managed very well yesterday!" she remarked indignantly. His sharp golden eyes snapped to her when she dropped the rug and crossed her arms.
"I did," he admitted as he crossed his arms as well and leaned back against the cave, "But that doesn't mean you need to go start looking for trouble."
In reality, he knew she was able to defend herself. He knew very well she'd manage without his help. He didn't object to her singing, but it was the fact that she managed to provide for them. It was another chip in his already wounded pride.
Since the dinner at Song's house, he had been struggling with the question what his purpose really was and what he could do with his life now that everything had fallen apart. Song said there was hope left because the Avatar had returned, but that was exactly the reason why he felt no hope at all. He had no prospects, no plans for the future and absolutely no idea how to go on like this.
And as if it wasn't humiliating enough, he felt unnecessary even with Uncle and Elyrie. Elyrie had been cheerfully skipping through these difficult times. She had made her opinion clear on the matter of stealing, but he couldn't be bothered now. It was some form of protest against her principles, to prove to her that he could get by himself. And then, she had earned money herself to feed them. It might never have been her intention to slight him, but it felt like that just the same.
Elyrie opened her mouth to fight Zuko on the matter, but she saw Uncle place his finger on his lips in the corner of her eye. Iroh shot a silent look, which was clear: let him be. Obediently, Elyrie closed her mouth but looked back with a puzzled look.
Iroh simply shook his head and motioned to the outside of the cave. He needed to talk with his nephew alone. Elyrie swiftly nodded as she understood the message.
"I'm going for a walk." Elyrie said instead and made her way out of the cave as she bit her tongue to prevent herself form adding the petty I hope that is allowed?
Zuko avoided her glare when she walked out of the cave. He remained sitting against the wall, slouching with his arms crossed.
There fell a silence when Zuko and Iroh were left alone in the cave. "Do you like your new teapot?" Zuko asked, finally breaking the silence when he saw his Uncle picking up the heavy pot.
"To be honest with you," his Uncle replied as he put down the pot, "The best tea tastes delicious whether it comes in a porcelain pot or in a tin cup."
Zuko looked away again and didn't reply. Iroh was silent for a few more seconds as he walked over to his nephew and sat down beside him.
"I know we had some difficult times lately. We've had to struggle just to get by." He said quietly as he placed his hand on Zuko's shoulder in a comforting way, "But it's nothing to be ashamed of. There is a simple honour in poverty."
Zuko closed his eyes while he listened to his Uncle. He might be right, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he had no honour left at this point. There was no honour for him in being a refugee or by starving on the side of the road.
"There's no honour for me without the Avatar." Zuko finally said while opening his eyes.
Iroh repressed an exhausted sigh. "Zuko," he said in a calm voice, hoping to get through to his nephew, "Even if you did capture the Avatar, I'm not so sure it would solve our problems." Iroh thought about their situation: Zuko was labelled a failure and both Elyrie and himself were considered enemies of the Fire Nations. The three of them were refugees with a price on their heads if they had the misfortune of running into Azula. "Not now." He added, as if the strengthen the truth that capturing the Avatar wasn't going to solve anything.
"Then there is no hope at all." Zuko said while turning away from his Uncle as he tried to stand up. He felt an emptiness inside himself as he thought about what his Uncle had said. It was true: capturing the Avatar wouldn't solve anything. Everything that had driven him the past five years was suddenly meaningless. So what was there to live for now?
"No, Zuko!" his Uncle said as he grabbed him by the shoulders, "You must never give in to despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts." Zuko leaned back as he closed his eyes again.
"In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself." His Uncle said gently, "That is the meaning of inner strength."
Zuko turned his face to his Uncle, who looked back at him with a sad look upon his face. He couldn't bear the compassion, so he abruptly stood up and pulled free from his Uncle's grasp.
Without going in a specific direction, he subconsciously followed the path he saw Elyrie take before she walked off.
Elyrie had been circling around an open spot in the forest to kill the time. She had no idea how long she had been walking there: it could have been 5 minutes or it could have been half an hour. She was a patient person, but she was terrible at telling time and she had no idea what to do while Iroh and Zuko were talking.
The leaves rustled behind her and she stopped in her tracks. Flexing her hands, she waited for the person who was responsible for the sounds.
"Zuko." She said when the familiar face came into view. He was apparently fed up, because he didn't bother to push the branches away, but set them on fire in front of him. "Going for a relaxing walk?" she asked dryly, trying to lighten the mood.
Zuko wasn't in the mood for her cheerfulness. He simply scoffed and wanted to walk past her.
"Zuko, would you please stop brooding?" she asked as he walked past her, sounding almost exhausted, "It is not going to change anything."
"Do you want me to be as insufferably cheerful as you always are?" he growled, "Is that going to change anything?"
"Well, it would make it a lot easier for me." She remarked bluntly. He averted his eyes and she immediately felt bad for snapping at him. "Look," she said, her voice much softer now, "I understand that this isn't ideal. I know you aren't happy with-,"
"Happy?" he interrupted her as he turned around with an angry expression on his face. All the frustration and all the anger he had bottled up and repressed over the past few days came rushing to the surface. He wanted to throw it all out, all at once. All the despair and anger he had felt, despite the compassion from Uncle and her. Their compassion and understanding made it somehow even worse.
"How could you possibly think that I would be happy here?" he yelled at her, surprising her as she stared at him with wide eyes, "Do you think we can sing and dance our way through this godforsaken country and live happily ever after?"
"I didn't expect you to-, " Elyrie tried, but as soon as she opened her mouth to answer, he cut her off again.
"You can never understand how it is." He continued, the dam broken as the flow of words continued, beating on her like merciless waves, "You would never understand how it feels to have your future taken away from you!"
"So you think this isn't difficult for me?" she said as her eyes darkened, "You think that it didn't take away the future I dreamed of?"
"Oh please, you told me yourself you had no plans!" Zuko growled back, "But I never choose to live as a fugitive!" To strengthen his words, he slammed one of the tree branches away from him while setting it on fire again. With this rate, he will burn down the entire forest, Elyrie thought. He was acting like a child and it bothered her immensely.
"Then you are more than welcome to hand yourself over to Azula," She replied sharply, "But things will get better, even if they don't seem like it now."
Zuko looked at her as she stood straight with her arms crossed, her chin lifted and her blue eyes calmly observing him as he put out the fire. He gritted his teeth at her cool demeanour. Normally, she had a calming effect on him but now she only seemed to enrage him even further. He knew why: she showed the inner strength that he lacked. She would never give into despair, while he was practically running towards it by now. He turned around to walk away from her, but she wasn't about to let him off that easily.
"This isn't the end." He heard her voice behind him say. He could hear the sigh in her voice, as if she was exhausted.
"Life without the Avatar-", Zuko answered without turning around.
"- Is still life." She interrupted him, "You can still find something to live for."
"Like what? Like you?" he snarled at her as he spun around to face her. He had enough of people telling him to be happy and to be content with the situation.
Elyrie's eyes narrowed for a second before she composed herself. "Don't be ugly." She replied smoothly, but she dug her nails into the palm of her hand. It did hurt to hear him sneer at her like she didn't mean anything to him.
"No, I will be as insufferably cheerful as you are while everybody just hands you stuff."
They glared at each other before Zuko turned around again. Elyrie sighed deeply as she tried to recollect her thoughts. "I am so insufferably cheerful because I believe we can make something of this."
"Easy talk," Zuko said, "You can return to the Northern Tribe whenever you want. This is like a vacation to you, isn't it?"
He was being unreasonable and he knew it. She knew it too. She sighed and turned to walk away from this useless discussion.
"What?" she heard him call to her, "To hard for you to hear it?"
"No," she replied as she turned around, her blue eyes glittering with anger, "Too hard for me to see it. It breaks my heart seeing you this way."
"Don't pity me." He growled at her. He was angrier than ever and filled with despair. The last thing he needed was someone pitying him. This was humiliating enough as it was.
"I'm not pitying you." she spat and she looked at him with such a cold gaze that it rivalled the cold he had felt on the North Pole.
"No, you just care so much, don't you?" he roared as smoke came out of his nostrils and small flames escaped his lips.
"Listen to me, and listen very carefully," Elyrie said in a low voice, her compassion melting away like ice in the scorching sun "I am not here for you. I am here because I want to protect the people that I love because my very presence is the reason they might be attacked again."
Zuko looked at her with narrowed eyes. For some reason, hearing her say that she wasn't here for him, but to protect her newfound family hurt more than her pity. It hurt to think that she would have otherwise left him, like everybody seemed to do. I don't want you to leave me, he silently thought as she approached him with fire in her eyes.
"You are my friend and I care for you, but I am not naïve. As your friend, I want to help you but I am not going to hold you by the hand as you try to figure out what you want to do. Do you think Uncle and I know what we are doing here? We are refugees as well, but you don't see us whining about the situation."
Zuko wanted to interrupted her, but something in her blue eyes made him stop. Besides, even if he tried to interrupt her now, she didn't give him the opportunity.
"You have two choices now: stay and make the best of it with us, or leave and figure it out on your own."
She had never spoken to him like this. She wasn't out of control, she didn't raise her voice or even showed a sign of a rising temper. But all the same, she was terrifying in her control over her emotions.
He wanted to respond, to outwit her, to make her feel at a loss for words. But he couldn't. He didn't have the strength to fight her. He didn't have the will anymore to fight her. So, without answering her, he turned around and ran further into the forest.
Hours had passed before Zuko returned to the cave.
"Uncle." his baritone made Elyrie look up. She turned to him and saw that his face had taken on a peaceful look, as if all the stress had left him. It made her feel hopeful: he might have come to his senses. Nevertheless, she frowned when he purposefully ignored her.
Iroh turned around as well when he heard his nephews voice. Zuko's serious face betrayed no emotion as he said: "I thought a lot about what you said."
"You did?" Iroh replied as he felt his face brighten, "Good. Good."
"It's helped me realise something," Zuko said while taking a step closer to the cave, still trying to avoid looking at Elyrie's blue eyes. He could only disappoint one person. Two was too much, even now. "We no longer have anything to gain by travelling together. I need to find my own way."
Elyrie felt as is someone had punched her in the chest. A sideways glance made her realise that Uncle was just as surprised by the news as she was. "But-," she began, not really knowing what to say. Zuko didn't look at her, but picked up his bag and swung it over his shoulder. Without saying another word, he untied one of the ostrich-horses and mounted it.
He waited for a moment and turned back. The sad look he read in his Uncle's eyes was painful, but he knew he had to leave. Then, because he couldn't help himself, he finally looked at Elyrie. His golden eyes met her sapphire eyes. He could read the hurt in her eyes, but it wasn't enough to convince him to stay. Then, he headed off and didn't look back.
"Why is he so incredibly stubborn?" Elyrie asked, kicking one of the pebbles in an attempt to have an outlet for her frustrations, "As if we are so happy with all of this."
She tried to feel sympathy for him, but she was angrier than she had ever been at him. She could live with the idea that he was angry at her, but the thing that frustrated her the most was the fact that he left his Uncle without so much as a goodbye. His Uncle, who had stand by him during all his struggles. She looked to her side but was surprised to see a serene look on the face of the older General.
"Uncle?" she asked with a puzzled look as she reached out to him, "Are you not frustrated?"
"No, dear." Iroh said while he took her hand and patted it in a soothing way, "Zuko will come around after he found his path again."
"Ahh," she replied in a sarcastisc tone, "That will only take five more years. How fun."
Iroh shook his head as he watched the girl press her lips together. It was a fascination sight: if she didn't want to show her emotions, her face could be unreadable. But when she didn't need to watch herself, she had such an expressive face that you could read her emotions effortlessly. Like now, when she was obviously angry and frustrated.
He let out a small chuckle, which made Elyrie raise her eyebrows. "Try to be patient, dear," he said gently, "He doesn't have the same luxury you have."
"And what luxury is that?" she asked, while still kicking the pebbles. For some reason, she wasn't in the mood for Uncle's wisdom at the moment. She was here as well, wasn't she? It wasn't as if this whole ordeal was a relaxing vacation for her.
"The fact that you knew, despite everything, that you were loved." Iroh replied calmy. As soon as he said it, she froze halfway another kick. Her blue eyes widened as she looked at him. Slowly nodding, he saw that she immediately understood what he was talking about. Zuko and she could not be more different, both in character and in upbringing. And that was exactly the reason why Zuko was so desperate now, while she had adapted to the situation quickly.
Elyrie never thought that one sentence could cut so deep so fast. Uncle didn't say it to make her feel guilty, but it was to let her remember how different Zuko's life had been compared to hers. Zuko was forced out of his country by his own father and his mother had simply disappeared one day. She, on the other hand, knew that despite her parents untimely deaths, that they had loved her unconditionally. They would never have left her, no matter what she did. Being loved wasn't something she considered a luxury, it was just how it had been. Only now did she realise how much of her confidence came from the love and nurture that she received. Not only from her mother and father, but from everyone around her.
Zuko, on the other hand, had to fight and excel to earn Ozai's affections. And even if he did excel, it was for the briefest moment. The kind of love he was used to wasn't given; it had to be earned. Such a shortage couldn't easily be filled.
At that moment, she vowed that she would never have Zuko question her love for him. Just like he never had to question Uncle's love for him, even though he might not realise it just yet.
"What are we to do now?" she asked quietly as she wrapped her arms around herself in a soothing manner.
"Did you think I was about to let him wander off on his own?" Iroh replied with a playful smile.
"But," Elyrie said, furring her brow, "You said that-,"
"I said that he would find his path again," Iroh repeated slowly and with a glimmer in his eyes, "He doesn't want us to be around right now, but if he needs us; we will be there." A sly smile crossed his face when he added: "It is not as if we have anything else to do, right?"
A slow smile spread across her lips as she thought about the goodness of the old man. If only Zuko realised how much we love him, she mused as she gave Uncle a tight hug. He patted her on her short curls, like he did when she was younger.
"You truly are too good for this world, Uncle."
"You flatter me," he said, although he was touched by her kind words, "So, what do you say?"
"I'm in." she answered with a cocky smile, "He wouldn't last three days without us."
Even though it pained me to separate them (again!), I felt that I needed to stay true to the original material. Moreover, I think Zuko really needed to hit his rock bottom so we can see his growth, like we saw with Elyrie in Book 1. And of course, Zuko Alone is one of my favourite episodes, so I needed to keep it in.