Renesmee
"Well, I can't describe her exactly – except to say that she was beautiful. She was — tremendously alive." – F. Scott Fitzgerald.
"Nessie, I think you're bleeding."
I look down to see Claire's words confirmed. Along with what I'm confident is my broken water – the dull ache that's been lingering in my abdomen since Claire arrived is now sharper and impossible to ignore – there is some blood.
"Shit," I mumble, meeting Claire's eyes. "Sorry," I add, embarrassed I'd forgotten I was in the company of young ears.
"I think shit's a good word for that," she returns, and then she catches herself, too. She blushes as she mumbles her own apology.
I shake my head, eyebrows furrowing. "Can you call Jake? Tell him the baby is coming." I'm surprised to find that I sound calm and collected. It doesn't match how I feel on the inside. My heartbeat is strong and elevated with nervousness and adrenaline.
I'm gripped by what I assume is a contraction, and it causes me to double over onto the couch.
I barely hear Claire's conversation with Jake. It must be short, because by the time I can breathe again, she's off the phone.
I reach for my own phone on the cushion and dial Carlisle's number with shaky hands.
"Renesmee?" he answers, his tone already edgy.
"Carlisle, I—" Another contraction already? "I'm in labor," I groan through gritted teeth. "I think there's some blood."
"How far apart are your contractions? I'm on the way."
"Two minutes, maybe less. I had some pains, but I thought it was false labor. And then my water broke."
"Two minutes," he says to himself. "Is Jacob there with you?"
"No, he's on the way. I'm with Claire," I say, holding the phone to my ear with a vice grip.
"Sue?"
"In Seattle. Leah's in labor, too."
"What about Kim or Bethany?"
Nurses. He's asking about nurses. That's not good, is it? I groan again. "They went to Portland for the weekend."
He sighs. "I'm going to get on the next flight out. Even if you call an ambulance, I really don't think they're going to get there in time. You're in rapid labor."
I start to ask what that means, but as another contraction commands my body, I realize I already know. I should have known better than to think this was going to come close to any semblance of normalcy.
"How old is Claire?" Carlisle asks.
"Fourteen," I spit, eyes landing on Claire's face.
Claire must recognize I'm talking about her, because her eyes grow wide, and she sits up straighter.
"Put me on speaker phone," Carlisle orders.
I do as he commands. "Okay," I grumble, not even bothering to straighten back up once my contraction passes.
"Claire, you're going to help Renesmee as she delivers her baby. You're going to call an ambulance. Then get clean towels, as many as you can. A bucket of hot water, too, if you have time."
Claire scrambles up off the couch and dials the emergency number. "Nessie, what's your address?" she whispers, voice fraught with panic.
Her eyes match her voice – wide with terror. Can I do this to her? Can I ask this of her? She's fourteen.
I'm hit with another contraction, and I don't have time to think anymore. I point to the fridge, where a bill with our address is magnetized to the side.
"Renesmee, breathe," Carlisle says. "First and foremost, keep breathing. And don't push just yet."
"It's too early," I whimper. "I'm not due for three weeks."
"Everything's going to be okay," Carlisle says, his voice back to its usual calm and reassuring tone. "Your body's just trying to get back to equilibrium. It knows what to do."
"What about the blood?"
"A little is okay. Are you still bleeding?"
I have to check, and when my hand comes back blood-free, I sigh in relief. "No."
"Good. Make sure you're breathing. Focus on that."
I take a deep breath, audibly, so that Carlisle can hear it, and ask, "What else?"
"I'd recommend stripping down. When Claire comes back, go ahead and get situated on the bed, or the floor, wherever you want to do this."
"And I'm absolutely doing this here? Now?" I ask, groaning as I'm gripped by another wave of pressure.
"Most likely," Carlisle sighs. "Your contractions are less than a minute apart now, and getting stronger, by the sound of it."
My following moan of pain affirms his words.
Where do I want to do this?
I feel a sense of calm being here, in the cabin. This place has been a refuge to me for years, providing me warmth and security when Jake was unable, or when I was unwilling to accept it from him.
There have been so many pack meetings and parties, cups of coffee and glasses of wine. So many laughs shared with Jake and our family, countless tears shed.
Jake and I made love for the first time here, got engaged and consummated our marriage here, and there's a very good chance Marie was conceived here, too. We found out about her here, picked her name here. Our entire life is here.
Even if I had a choice, I'm not sure I'd change my mind.
Claire returns, arms full of towels, and I lead the way to the bedroom.
I try to stay focused on my breathing, but I feel like I'm cramping more than I'm not, and it's hard to force my lungs to work. I turn to Claire. "I need to undress."
She gives me a small nod, cheeks going pink, and I strip my clothes quickly while I'm still able to move. I don't have any room for modesty – I don't remember sweating much in my lifetime, but I'm practically dripping now.
I am rendered immobile by my next contraction, and I think I scream as I brace against the mattress. I hear my teeth grind, and my jaw cracks with the force behind it. So much pressure.
"Do you feel like you need to push?" Carlisle asks.
"I—can't—" I gasp through my contraction, crawling onto the bed when there's the slightest break in the pain. "Jake's not—here."
Claire hands me a towel, unable to meet my eyes, and I cover myself.
"One of you needs to reach down and see if you can see or feel the head," Carlisle says. "If you can, I'm not giving you a choice."
Claire can help, but I'm certainly not going to traumatize her in that way. In between contractions, when I can think at least somewhat clearly, I reach down between my legs.
"I don't feel—" and then my strongest contraction yet grips me, and I can't finish my thought. This time I know I scream, and I squeeze my eyes shut.
I hear the front door burst open, and heavy footsteps, but I can't force my eyes open. I can't decide if I want it to be Jake or the paramedics.
"Oh, thank God," Claire sighs from next to me. And then I hear her gasp.
"What's happening?" Carlisle asks.
"What the hell do I do, Doc?" I hear Jake yell, warm hands gripping my clenched one.
Relief floods my body as I wrench my eyes open to find his. I'm so glad it's Jacob. My safe haven, my lighthouse. Now my actual entire life is here.
And then I see why Claire gasped. Jake must have phased on the fly to get back here faster, because he's completely naked. Claire's hiding behind her hands. She's going to need therapy after today.
I'm just barely able to instruct Jake to put some shorts on. He moves at superhuman speed and is back at my side in less than ten seconds.
"What do you need?" Jake asks, pushing my hair, sticky with sweat, back from my face.
I want to tell him I need to not feel like this anymore. "I need to—" but then pressure and cramping between my legs overwhelms me, unlike anything I've ever felt. The words I'm searching for find me with a rush of unmistakable clarity. "Push. I need to push."
"Okay, Jacob, you're going to deliver your daughter," Carlisle says.
Jake moves to the end of the bed. Claire offers her hand to me, but I know with certainty that I would break it. I grip the sheets instead, and I think I hear her sigh in relief.
"Can you see the head?" Carlisle asks.
My contractions are unrelenting now, oscillating between incredibly painful and unbearable. I feel like I might actually explode.
"Holy shit," Jake breathes. "I think so."
I can't think straight, and I'm sure Jake is just as freaked out as I am. Carlisle is giving Jake instructions, and even he's not doing a good job of hiding his panic. And poor, poor Claire, I can feel her shaking.
I can't breathe, but I manage to spit out, "I don't think I can do this."
A small, cool, shaky hand pats my arm. "Of course you can, Nessie," Claire says, voice firm despite the rest of her trembling. "You're one of the strongest people I know."
"Renesmee, with your next contraction, bear down," Carlisle orders. "You'll know what to do. It will feel natural."
Natural.
It felt so natural, like I was meant to be a mother. Those were the words Emily had used after she'd given birth to Levi. She was meant to do that. And everyone – Jake, Carlisle, Claire, even Emily, who told me I was a natural when all I was doing was holding a baby – seems to think I can do this. Even if I don't.
It takes less than a second for my contractions to return to excruciating, and I do what feels natural. I push.
pressure.
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pain.
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screaming.
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fire.
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.
And then, in an instant – relief.
And crying. It's not me crying, though, because I can still hardly take in any oxygen. I force my eyes open to find the source of the wails.
"Hi there, beautiful, it's Dad," Jake breathes, tears streaming down his own face. Still not the source. "Ness," he says as he steps around the bed toward me. "Meet our daughter."
Jake places a bloody mess of a towel on my chest, and I tear my eyes away from his face to look down. Even through the chaos of this moment, my head still spinning and my chest still heaving, I clearly see perfect pink lips, plump red cheeks, and dark, dark locks of matted hair. The most beautiful sight in the world.
My daughter. Marie.
Relief and joy flood my entire body, and there's no stopping the tears that spring to my eyes as I reach up to stroke her face. "Hey, baby girl," I choke out. I shush her as I wipe her face with a gentle touch, never wanting to see her cry like this again.
"Jacob," I breathe, finding his blurry figure and doing my best to reach for his face.
He drops to his knees beside me, pulling my hand to his wet cheek. I feel him shaking underneath my touch - or maybe that's still me.
There's nothing I can say, no words that will do this moment justice. So I show him instead.
He clutches my hand to his tightly with his own, and his tears saturate my hair as he leans down and presses his lips hard to my hair, my forehead, my cheek, my lips.
Even over the wailing, I hear sirens in the distance. Jake moves his mouth to my hair again. "About fucking time," Jake mumbles under his shaky breath.
I glance to Claire, worried that she's heard his language. She hasn't, but she does look absolutely pale as she stares down at Marie on my chest. She mumbles, "I'm never having kids."
"What about Claire?"
"Isn't Marie Claire a magazine or something?" Jake returns.
"Jacob," I sigh, meeting his eyes with a disapproving glare.
He chuckles, leaning down to give me a kiss. "I was joking, Ness. Of course that's her name. It's perfect. She's perfect," he says, running the back of his finger over Marie's round cheek as he sits next to me.
The paramedics had been shocked when they arrived to find mother and baby safe and doing well – it hadn't even been ten minutes since Claire called. Jake was less than happy about the response time, but he also looked proud as he recounted what he'd done to the paramedics, and I couldn't help but think he was excited that he was the one to deliver our daughter.
Quil had arrived shortly after the ambulance, hearing the sound and fearing the worst about where Claire had run off to. I'm not sure if he'd been relieved by the scene that greeted him, or horrified.
Marie is sleeping in my arms now. Claire and Quil are somewhere in the hospital having what I can tell is an awkward conversation about everything that girl has been through today.
"Are you tired?" Jake asks. "I can hold her if you want to sleep."
I let out a laugh, and I can't help but notice the little sigh that Marie gives at the sound. "You can hold her, but I feel fine. Definitely not like I gave birth unexpectedly in our cabin."
He smiles. "At least now we can finally get that new bed," he says, accepting her from my arms. He wasn't joking, either. We left a mess behind. "You really feel fine?"
I nod. "Back to normal. I can even hear Quil and Claire talking."
He chuckles. "Yeah, me too. Poor Quil."
"Quil? What about Claire? She saw both of us naked today."
Jake's ears go red. "I panicked."
"I could tell," I say with a giggle. "I hope Embry's ready, because it looks like paternity leave starts now."
"You know, I've been thinking. There's enough business, so there's really not any reason he shouldn't stay on full time."
A knock on the door interrupts our conversation, and Tina comes in, holding the door open for Billy.
"I knew there was a reason I wasn't supposed to go fishing today," Billy says as he wheels himself through the doorway, holding out his hands expectantly.
Jake stands. "C'mon Marie, let's meet Grandpa," he says, cradling Marie to his chest.
Billy's eyes shine as recognition sweeps across his face. "Marie," he repeats as Jake places her in his arms. "A strong name for a strong lady."
Tina runs her finger across the back of Marie's cheek, her other hand on Billy's shoulder. "You certainly don't look like you just gave birth, Nessie."
Jake and I share a knowing look. "I'm very lucky," I say.
Billy meets my eyes, giving me a wink. "Aren't we all?"
Billy and Tina visit for a while longer and pass along the information that Rachel is planning to stop by tomorrow. Billy said when he called Rachel, she sounded frantic and wanted to drive back from Portland right away. He also said that she sounded intoxicated, even in the early afternoon, and he urged her to stay the night.
It would have been fitting, though. Jake and I showed up drunk for the birth of the twins.
Quil and Claire eventually return from their long talk, and Claire seems much more receptive of Marie now that everyone's cleaned off and clothed. Claire even holds Marie for a little bit, and all of her apprehension flies out the window when we tell her the middle name.
There's a soft knock on the door in the afternoon, and Carlisle pokes his head through.
"Hey, Doc, wanna meet my daughter?" Jake asks, grinning ear to ear as he stands to his feet.
"I'd love to, Jacob," Carlisle says, closing the door quietly behind him.
Carlisle accepts Marie from Jake. "Congratulations, both of you," he says earnestly. "She's beautiful. Your parents are on the way, Renesmee. They stopped to hunt. I do apologize, but I thought we had more time."
Jake laughs, taking my hand in his. "I think we all did."
"Dr. Gerandy is perplexed," Carlisle says as he gives Marie a sweet smile. "Your body is efficient, to say the least. When it decided it was time to go back to equilibrium it did so in the fastest way it knew how."
"Things like that don't usually happen, do they?" I ask.
He chuckles. "Not usually, no. There have been cases of sex inducing labor, but even women who stay hyperactive don't tend to have labor that fast."
I have to laugh, especially when I turn my head to look at Jake's face. Jake can't fake embarrassment as he says, "I think we were more than hyperactive, Doc."
"Really?" Carlisle asks interestedly.
Jake answers with a cheeky grin and a confident shrug.
"Jake," I hiss, a blush rising to my cheeks, but he's already explaining his urges to Carlisle.
Carlisle finds it interesting that Jake's impulses were so strong, even seemingly among the other wolves. He speculates that it has to do with his Alpha status, and after Jake lets it slip that we'd even had sex last night ("really great sex", according to Jake), Carlisle is confident that our active sex life was, in fact, at least one factor in my swift delivery.
Marie starts to fuss, and Carlisle passes her to me wordlessly. "How do you feel?" he asks.
"My hearing's back," I say, knowing it will pique his interest and hoping it will stop him from prying into our bedroom any further. Marie settles comfortably back into my arms.
There's a knock at the door, and two much-missed faces enter.
"Mom, Dad!" I call, my voice dripping with excitement and pride.
Dad and Jake shake hands. "Sorry we're late," Dad says, grinning ear to ear.
Mom comes to my side, peering down at Marie. "She's so beautiful," she says, smoothing down my hair.
I lean into her embrace before looking up at her. "This is Marie."
I'm not expecting my mother to look so surprised. Had Dad really kept it a secret for two months? When I glance to him, he's smiling knowingly at me. His mind is a safe place, too, I realize.
He gives me a small smile, placing his hand on my foot in acknowledgement of my thoughts.
After Jake and I recount the delivery to them, Dad chuckles. "Our family certainly has a flair for the dramatic, don't we?"
My parents and Carlisle leave together, off to stay at the cottage for the rest of the weekend, but not before letting us know that the rest of my family will be coming to us for Christmas this year. It's a good thing they decided against selling the houses after all.
There's still one person I want to see, check in on, although I know she won't be walking through the door.
So while Jake is out grabbing non-hospital food for the two of us for dinner, I settle for sending a text, snapping a picture of a sleeping Marie and accompanying it with, I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
Leah calls me before I've had time to set my phone down. "You go first," she greets.
"Not much to say," I laugh. "I was hanging out with Claire, and my water broke, and five minutes later she was here. Jake delivered her in the cabin."
"You lucky bitch," she mumbles. "Five minutes? I was pushing for two hours. Just sent you a picture."
I chuckle. "How is baby boy?"
"He's perfect. Absolute perfection. I can't stop staring."
"I know that feeling," I say, eyes flicking down to Marie as I pull back to view the picture Leah sent across. "Leah, he's gorgeous. Look at those cheeks."
"How's your daughter?" she asks, and I can perfectly picture the smug smile on her face.
I give a light laugh. "Marie is also absolute perfection."
"Marie…" she says slowly. "Cute. Did you know they'll actually let you leave if you don't have an official name?"
"Still nothing?"
She chuckles. "Actually, I'm pretty sure his name is Caleb. Caleb Michael, after my great-grandpa and his grandfather."
Leah and I catch up for a few more minutes, until I hear her stifle a yawn and urge her to get off the phone and take a nap.
I consider napping too until Jake gets back, but I'm really not that tired, and all I want to do is stare at Marie. So I do exactly that.
We have a steady stream of visitors the next day. Paul brings the twins by, but without Rachel, he has his hands full, and they don't end up staying long. Rachel, Bethany, and Kim stop by on their way home from Portland, and they all apologize profusely.
Sam and Emily bring Levi by, and while Sam and Jake chat, I share my memory of the delivery with Emily, showing her that her words had encouraged me. She starts crying, and I'm not even sure if she realizes that she's placed her hand across her stomach. She doesn't mention it, though, and so I don't say anything either. I know that before Marie was born, it would have slipped by unnoticed. Maybe it already had.
Embry brings Sadie to visit, and she sits in his lap as he teaches her how to hold a newborn baby. When Jake asks him to stay on full time at the shop, Embry doesn't miss a beat before responding with, "About darn time."
Even Seth and Katie stop by on their way to Seattle to visit Leah. After they leave, Jake and I have to bite back laughter when Seth starts begging Katie for a baby of their own. I can practically hear Katie's eye roll – it sounds like this is a conversation they've had several times before.
Jake refuses to leave or set Marie down at all. I'm able to grab a few pictures of the two of them as they doze off in the chair by my bedside. Their mouths hang open in the same way, and my heart feels like it might burst. I make it the background on my phone.
When I finally get the all-clear to leave on Monday morning, which I think Dr. Gerandy only gave because Carlisle assured him he'd look after me and not because he was ready to let me out of his care, I've never felt more excited or ready to go home.
I'm buzzing in the backseat by the time we arrive at the cabin. Quil and Embry had brought Jake's truck up Saturday night. They even installed the car seat.
I can hear Jake laughing as I work hastily to pull Marie's car seat from the truck. "Easy, Ness. You just had a baby," he says, grabbing our bag from the other side of the backseat.
I smile over the car seat at him. "We both know I'm back to normal."
Jake's eyes trail down. "Those aren't back to normal," he says as he stares blatantly at my engorged breasts.
"Down, boy. I haven't been cleared for that quite yet." I finally free the car seat, hauling it carefully out of the truck. A quick glance down confirms Marie is still sleeping soundly.
He scoffs. "Carlisle said you're basically already there," he says as we walk toward the door.
Jake pushes open the door for me, allowing me in first. Even the smell, the perfect blend of Jake and me, makes my heart happy. What I don't smell is the aftermath we'd left in our wake. I wonder which wolf – Quil or Embry – had thought to clean up. Maybe Sam returned the favor.
"Welcome home, Marie," I say, showing her the cabin like she can see anything around her. Who knows? Maybe she can.
"Actually, it's more like welcome back," Jake says, kissing the top of my head and then the top of Marie's before he drops the bag on the kitchen table.
"Jake," I say. "Can you hold her?"
"Are you okay?" he asks as he plucks Marie from my arms. Marie starts fussing, and Jake bounces her in an attempt to soothe her.
I move swiftly to the piano. "Yes. I have a surprise for you."
As soon as I play the opening notes of Marie's lullaby, I see her still in Jake's arms.
"What is this?" he asks. "She stopped crying."
I laugh lightly, my fingers continuing the melody I'd slaved and worked on for months. "Marie's lullaby."
Jake balks. "You wrote this?" When I nod, he blows out a breath as he looks back and forth between the two of us. "No wonder she loves it. You're amazing, Ness, you know that?"
I give him a wink. "Still nice to hear."
He smiles. "Then I'll tell you every day. Every single day for forever."