Chapter 36

Alex had already started crying as soon as Sephiroth pulled her close. She didn't need to hear his words to know that her child was gone. As soon as she had woken, she felt that something was missing—some part of her that she hadn't even realized she was beginning to think belonged. He continued to hold her as she finally managed to choke out a response. "I knew already. I could feel it deep down."

She had barely gotten that part out before she stiffened. She then pushed back and looked into his eyes as she said, "Our son?"

Sephiroth sighed as he pulled her closer again. She did not protest as he cradled her head to his shoulder and tried to explain. "Elder Bugenhagen wished to reassure you that your child was not a monster. However, when he performed a postmortem examination, he confirmed that I was the father."

Alex wasn't sure what to feel about that information. Part of her had hoped that was the case. Not that she had wanted to add any complications to her ambiguous relationship with the general, but at least that meant no one had taken advantage while she was unconscious—or she could tell herself that. It also meant that Hojo hadn't tried to use her to create something else.

Still, the concrete evidence that they were going to share a child made her uncomfortable. She wasn't ready to deal with that. Though those thoughts made the guilt that had already been creeping in twist harder. She pushed back and was glad that he let her. Tears were still streaming down her face as she tried to pull away and say, "I'm so sorry. Everyone knows I didn't want to be pregnant under these circumstances, but I didn't want this to be the outcome. If only I had—"

Sephiroth stopped her when he gently grasped her arms. He was fighting a frown as he said, "Do not blame yourself. While the stress did reduce your immune reactions, this was not caused by anything you did. You were sick, and none of us knew it until it was too late. You had a high fever that refused to go down for days. That, combined with your body and mind still trying to recover from everything you have gone through, is the most likely cause."

Alex wanted to believe him. If she didn't already know that her body could heal faster than most, she would have let it comfort her. None of that helped. Deep down, she could not help but believe that it was because she refused to acknowledge her pregnancy. She made no secret that she didn't want the child. She had finally started to admit that it was part hers, so it couldn't have been all bad, especially after her talk with Sephiroth. Now, it was too late to do anything but regret.

She had been trying to form some response to his empty reassurances but was not given a chance. Both Angeal and Genesis rushed in, with Lorne following. All three of them made a beeline for her bed. She ignored the look Genesis shot Sephiroth when the red-head saw the general's hands on Alex. Instead, she pulled away from Sephiroth and allowed her brother to pull her into a tight hug.

Alex let her sobs pour out as he gently patted her back and tried to reassure her that it would be all right. She wasn't sure it ever would be, but she let his calming words and actions help her stop crying. When Angeal finally let her go, they were all shocked when Genesis pulled her into a loose hug as well. His words were whispered for her ears only. "I apologize for my part in this. Had I not pushed you to your limits, things might have been different."

His words caused the pain to twist so hard that it took her breath for a moment. Was he right? Could this have been prevented if he hadn't hounded her about 'them,' or was she just looking for someone else to blame? In the end, she pushed away and shook her head as she said, "Thank you, but it wasn't you."

Genesis scoffed, but Lorne shooed him back as she made her way forward. The young woman was still smiling, but her manner had morphed into the stern taskmistress that ran the infirmary. She immediately started checking Alex's vitals as she said, "How are you feeling? Are you sore anywhere? Do you feel nauseous?"

Despite the barrage of questions, the woman's no-nonsense attitude helped Alex calm down more than the men's reassurances. She took a deep breath before she shook her head and said, "No, I'm still a little sore, but otherwise, I feel fine."

Alex's attention was drawn when the woman she had seen earlier slipped out the door, but she wasn't given long to think about it. Lorne already had the three men step away so she could close the curtain and finish the exam. Thankfully, it did not take long.

Once Lorne was satisfied that there were no complications and Alex just need a little more time to heal, She allowed Angeal back in with a limit of an hour. She then made Sephiroth and Genesis leave. Now that Alex was awake, there was no need for them to stay.

Alex was touched that everyone had been worried, but once they were gone, the near silence allowed her tangled thoughts to come back. She was just glad that her brother didn't need to ask what was wrong. Instead, he reassured her again that she wasn't alone and tried to comfort her as she let it all out.

Despite protests, the next morning, Alex made her way up to the observatory. Not that she planned to work. Lorne had made it clear that she had to take a few days even if she was mostly healed. No, she simply wanted to thank the elder for everything he had done so far.

After Angeal had left the night before, Alex had been unable to go back to sleep—probably because she had been sleeping for days. Instead, she laid awake and thought about everything that had happened in the last five months; it was too much. She wasn't sure how any of them were keeping it together.

She also came to the conclusion that they couldn't stay. Once she was deemed well enough to travel, she wanted to leave. Part of it was the lack of a solution, but she had to admit that she wanted to get away. She could learn to deal with everything, but not in Cosmo Canyon. She had a feeling that it would be a long time before she would ever be comfortable coming back.

Those thoughts were what had her heading toward the elder's observatory. Though, she hadn't expected to be accompanied by all three Soldiers. Not that she was shocked. At least she knew her brother was close, and it comforted her.

Bugenhagen looked surprised to see them all when he answered the door. "Ho, ho, ho, what do we have here? I wasn't expecting you back for several days, much less with everyone else in tow."

Alex managed a slight smile as she said, "I apologize if this is an interruption. I wasn't planning to work, but I did want to thank you for everything."

The elder floated back to clear the door as he said, "You are not interrupting at all, though I have a feeling there is more you wish to share."

Alex felt her gut squirm uncomfortably at the look he gave her but chose not to say anything and instead followed him in with the others. It was not long until they were all seated comfortably in the elder's study, and the man turned to Alex expectantly.

She took a steadying breath before she said, "You were right. I do have more to speak with you about, but first, I want to thank you for all your help. You didn't have to believe us, nor did you have to help. Even though we haven't found anything yet, we will forever be in your debt."

Bugenhagen chuckled under his breath as he said, "I could not turn you away, not when I heard what happened. However, it seems to me as though you are saying goodbye."

Alex gave him an uncomfortable look, but she nodded anyway. "Yes, I think it would be best if we move on soon for many reasons, but please don't think it has anything to do with you."

The Elder chuckled again as he said, "I am glad you have brought it up. There is little else we can do here, but perhaps if we had better resources, I could help further."

Alex felt her stomach churn. Another thing she had thought about while she couldn't sleep was this exact problem. She didn't have a good solution, but she did have a couple of ideas. She forced her jaw to unclench so she could say, "I understood our limitations from the beginning. However, I think there might be a couple of alternatives."

"Oh, ho, ho, really? You believe you may have access to better equipment?"

Alex nodded as she said, "Yes. I didn't bring them up before we came here because they both have drawbacks. Still, they are possible options."

Genesis took that opportunity to speak. "If you had other potential locations, why are you just now mentioning them? Would it not have been prudent to do so before?"

Alex had to bite back on her anger as she answered, "I said they both have drawbacks. Not the least of which is that there will be no one there to help. More than equipment, I need a second set of eyes—someone that can perhaps see something I missed."

Angeal spoke before Genesis could say anything to make the tension worse. "I understand that, but will a different location be helpful if you don't have people there to be that second set of eyes?"

Bugenhagen surprised them all with a laugh as he said, "I would be willing to travel to help. Though, I would ask that you keep in mind I am nothing more than an old man and would likely slow you down."

Alex instantly shook her head. "You are far more than an old man, and any help you would be willing to give would be appreciated."

The elder smiled at her vehemence but only said, "Well, let's hear your possibilities. Where should we travel?"

Alex glanced at her brother, and his smile of encouragement helped to loosen her nerves. That didn't mean she liked what she was about to say, but it needed to come out. "There are two locations where we might find better resources. The first is the safer of the two, but I am unsure what equipment might be waiting. There is a strong probability that it isn't much better than here, plus it is the further of the two. The other location definitely has equipment we could use, but it is old. It is also dangerous."

Sephiroth had a slight furrow between his brow as he said, "If there is the possibility of danger, why list it as an option? Where are the two locations?"

Alex wished she didn't need to bring it up. She gave them two options because part of her wanted to avoid the second place like the plague, but she knew it was their best bet. Somehow, she managed to find her voice and said, "The first location is where Professor Gast escaped to after he left Shinra. Everything should still be there, but I don't believe it was a full lab."

That statement had both Sephiroth and Bugenhagen sitting forward. The elder was the first to speak. "My old friend came here for a short while, but we both felt it would be best if he kept his destination to himself. How did you find out?"

Alex paused at that point. She knew this needed to come out, but if she wasn't careful, the men around her would start asking questions she couldn't answer. At least not if she wanted them to continue thinking she was sane. She finally answered, "Because the professor didn't leave Shinra alone, and Hojo was unwilling to let Ifalna go. He tracked them down and had Gast killed before he took Ifalna and her daughter back."

Sephiroth sat back stiffly, and Alex knew he was upset, even if it didn't show. She wished she could comfort him somehow, but Bugenhagen drew her attention when he sighed and said, "I had not heard from him in years. I hoped he was still out there somewhere, but I cannot say I am shocked."

He then paused and gave her a curious look as he asked, "Does that mean Ifalna is still within Shinra?"

Alex shook her head sadly. "No, she escaped again years ago and took her daughter with her."

Bugenhagen sighed again as he muttered, "I suppose that's good then."

Alex barely caught a grimace. She wished she could tell him everything, but there was no way she could have known what happened to Ifalna and Aerith after they left. Not without the goddess's help.

Thankfully, she was not given long to worry about it. Her brother stepped in and said, "It makes sense that you would consider his previous location an option, but Shinra knows where it is. Plus, you said it might not have everything there. Does that mean the other location is a better option?"

Alex tried not to let her worry show as she answered, "In so much that it has more equipment, yes. However, it is also a dangerous location. It is where Hojo carried out all the Project S experiments, but it has been abandoned for years."

Genesis had a hand on his chin as he said, "I suppose it makes sense why that would be the better location. Shinra knows where both are, so the one that is better equipped should be where we go."

Alex hated it, but she didn't disagree. She nodded as she said, "That is my suggestion. The labs and library are still supposed to be there. The only thing is—" She paused and had to swallow a couple of times before she could get the rest out. "Nibelheim is also where Hojo is storing the remains of Jenova."

Her statement caused a brief uproar that was finally calmed when Angeal stood and frowned at them all. Bugenhagen took the opportunity to say, "That is surprising. I had thought the boy would have kept it closer to Midgar. Still, this could prove beneficial."

Alex instantly said, "I wouldn't count on it. That thing needs to be destroyed before more damage can be done." She regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth. How was she supposed to explain that there was a possibility that the alien could still affect them? Thankfully, she didn't need to.

Bugenhagen had nodded at her outburst and said, "I do agree that much could have been avoided if my old friend had incinerated that hideous thing before he left, but that does not mean we could not use it to help before we do so."

Alex wanted to argue, but she didn't know how. Plus, she was already tired. Sitting here trying to figure out what to say and what not to was wearying. Thankfully, her brother must have noticed as he said, "Well, I suppose we all agree that Nibelheim should be our next destination. Now that we have that decided, I think Alex should get back and rest some more. We can make arrangements to leave as soon as she feels up to it."

Alex gave her brother a grateful smile, but before she could even stand, Bugenhagen called out. "One more thing before you leave."

She turned back with a curious look, and he continued. "I am aware that this is likely still a difficult subject, but I wanted to ask if you would like to erect a memorial here for your son? The elders all agree that it would be no hardship."

The room fell silent instantly, and Alex barely noticed the concerned looks she was getting from everyone. Her heart was twisting painfully in her chest, and she could scarcely breathe. It wasn't until her eyes flicked over to Sephiroth and she saw the worried look on his face that she was able to get herself together. She had to take a few deep breaths before she could say, "Thank you for the offer. However, I think it would be more appropriate to wait until I can go back home to Banora. I will put something for him there after this is all behind us." She looked over to Sephiroth once more and was glad to see his nod. He agreed.

She looked back at the elder once more, and he gave her an understanding smile. "There is often no place like that we call home. While he has already rejoined the lifestream, I agree that would be a fitting location for him to be remembered."

Alex was honestly thankful that the elder had thought to ask, but she was ready to leave. She started to stand once more, but she was stopped again when Bugenhagen asked, "Did you think of a name for him? If nothing else, we can add it to a list of those we have helped to pass on to the planet."

Alex felt her heart rip all over again. She grabbed her brother's arm for support, but she was looking squarely at Sephiroth as she said, "I—I hadn't thought of that yet."

Sephiroth's brow was furrowed, and it looked as though he had not considered it yet either. However, neither was allowed to say more before Genesis glared over at Alex as he asked, "Why are you looking at Sephiroth? What in this matter concerns him?"

Alex barely spared a glance at the angry red-head before she looked back at Sephiroth. His blank mask fell into place as he said, "I wished to wait to speak with you before anything was said."

Alex closed her eyes against a new wave of pain. Of course he had waited. She rubbed her temple to ease the ache forming, but her eyes opened again when Sephiroth continued, "I will leave the choice to you."

Unfortunately, Genesis was unwilling to wait. "What choice? There is obviously something going on here, and it seems to have been kept from most of us."

Alex glared at the man. She could tell that he had already figured it out but wanted to hear her say it. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were flashing. She sighed before she finally said, "Bugenhagen wanted to help me, so he examined my son before—before he was consigned to the lifestream. When he did, he found out that Hojo did not use me to create some monster. Instead, he impregnated me with Sephiroth's child."

Genesis shot up, and his fists clenched next to him. He spoke through gritted teeth as he said, "That child was Sephiroth's?"

Alex could tell there was more behind that question, but she had already had enough. She was in no mood to put up with his attitude. Before he could say more, she said, "Yes, but it is still none of your business. Genesis, I don't want to shut you out, but I refuse to put up with your tantrums. It wasn't like I asked for this to happen. Neither of us did. Please—"

She choked off before she could say the rest. The morning had been too much already, and she was done. However, Genesis shocked her when he said, "I apologize. I think it would be best if I take some time to assimilate everything. Please excuse me. I will find you all this evening."

He had not been glaring as he said that, but no one had a chance to respond before he turned on his heel and walked out. Alex sighed. She had expected his anger, but she wasn't going to complain that he didn't blow up any more than he had.

She was pulled from her thoughts when Angeal tried to help her stand. She allowed it as he said, "Well, it seems we have a lot to plan for. Why don't you let me take you down to get some rest?" He then paused and looked over at Sephiroth. "I can find you afterward, and we can get a list of what we will need before we leave."

The general gave them a nod, but it was Bugenhagen that said, "Let me know what date you plan to leave. If I am to accompany you, there are many things I need to consider as well."

Sephiroth gave the man a curt nod and said, "Of course. Once we have tentative plans, I will ensure you are kept in the loop."

With that, Alex leaned on her brother as they made their way down. She didn't even complain when he led her back to the infirmary instead of to her room. After her ordeal and a sleepless night, she was ready to pass out once more.

A/N: Sorry everyone. I planned to have this out yesterday, but it was one of those days. You know, the ones where you wake up at 2:30 in the morning with a migraine that keeps you in bed all day? Yeah, one of those. Anyway, I hope this was worth the wait. We still have a few things to tackle before we leave Cosmo Canyon, but we are not far from the next 'arc'. I'll be working on it when I can. Also, I wanted to let you all know that my first book has been published, and I am working on the sequel, so there might be a few delays. I promise I won't let them linger for too long. Thanks for reading and cheers!