Nikita didn't mean to flinch. She didn't really jump back in response or startle, but her arms crossed tighter across herself. It was a stupid reaction. She wasn't in any danger, and no one around her would ever harm her. It was just the loud, sudden, and violent noise that made her body revolt in fear. After years of training and fighting, she thought she didn't have that reflex anymore. But apparently, no matter how prepared or strong she was, her first reaction to fierce outbursts was to try to protect herself. She seriously had to get herself together. It wasn't about her, or how startled she was by the crashing objects. Things were simply spiraling out of control.
It should've been enough that Division was behind the deaths of Ryan's brother, Michael's wife and daughter, and Alex's father. It should've been enough that Sean's mother was a member of Oversight, that Alex's mother handed her over to Semak then went on the run, and that Nikita's old friend turned on her in favor of Percy. It should've been enough that the team was thrown to the wolves and had to make impossible decision after impossible decision. Yet that was just wishful thinking. None of them had ever been lucky enough to not have their hearts broken. As long as the war with Division raged, they were never going to know peace.
The latest blow seemed to hit the hardest. Maybe because it struck after they had been knocked down so many times. Or maybe because it involved someone so innocent. Their enemies had made moves against people who shouldn't have been brought into the pain of the war before. But that time was different. Lies, betrayal, backstabs, and death surrounded a child. He was going to get hurt in the crossfire if nothing was done. Whether their enemies were alright with that thought was beyond the team. Considering the harm Alex had faced as a preteen, however, no one would put it past them.
Ryan exploded at the news. The team couldn't blame him. Nikita ended the call with Alex and Sean and moved to settle her friend. Yet that was when he violently swiped at the dishes on the counter. Her flinch was a stupid overreaction to his anger. He had every right to be furious. They had trusted Cassandra; they had helped her live peacefully with her son. And the whole time she was Gogol. The whole time she was working with people that wanted to kill them. That wasn't the greatest concern, though. They had experienced that pain before. The worst of it all was Max. There was no doubt he was going to get hurt, or worse.
"Where are you going?" Michael's question snapped Nikita back to the present. Ryan had grabbed for his gun, and was moving rapidly near the door. It didn't appear as though he was thinking; his blue eyes were wide and rapid as he tried not to run on autopilot. Whatever internal struggle he was having didn't appear to be going in his favor, though. He had to get out of the safehouse. They couldn't just sit on the news of Cassandra being a mole- they had to act. But what that action entailed, he had no idea. Well, he had some idea. The thought gripped at his heart and frantically controlled his movements.
"To get my son," Voice harsh and choked, Ryan nearly shouted. His anger simmered down to one point- he had to ensure his son was safe. Ever since he had discovered that Max was his (a result of a long ago Division seduction mission) he had felt increasingly and incredibly protective of him. He never thought that he'd ever experience such strong feelings; he never thought that he'd be a father. And although to his knowledge that had only been the case for a couple of months, he wouldn't have it any other way. He loved Max. That was how simple the statement was. He had someone in his life that was pure and joyful and made things so easy. He couldn't let anything happen that would diminish that light.
"Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You have to think," Attempting to capture the agent's waning attention, Michael did his best to be the voice of reason. Of course they were going to protect Max; that went without question. However, rushing off without a plan wasn't going to help him. Any wrong move would hurt him. They actually had to think about what Cassandra's Gogol ties meant. Ryan didn't seem as though he could manage that at the moment, not that the analyst could blame him. He knew if it was Hayley caught in the middle of that hell, he'd do anything he could to keep her safe. But that didn't mean all rationality had to be pushed aside.
Staring at his friend as though he was some sort of lifeline, Ryan found his resolve tightening. Michael knew exactly what it was like to lose a child. The risk of the agent losing his son was no doubt eating away at his mind. With that understanding, then he knew they had to separate Max from the threat as soon as possible. The team could plan and think on the way. They could explore the file Alex sent them and be rational later. He had seen Nikita take off on a reckless mission without thought before, so why couldn't he. Why couldn't he risk it all for his son, "I am thinking. I have to protect my son. Max has to be safe."
"And he'll be safe here, where nothing terrible happens at all?" Nikita finally expressed her opinion on the matter. She thought Michael had the situation underhand. He was a father as well; he knew what Ryan was experiencing and how to combat the fear. But their friend just kept spiraling. She had to bring him back to Earth with a biting remark. So they got Max, then what. Where could they possibly go to escape Division and Gogol. There wasn't going to be safety for Max until they put an end to the destruction and war around them. They had to be smart and think of the consequences. Emotions, no matter how powerful, couldn't dictate their actions.
"Cassandra's Gogol. Anywhere's safer for him than with her," Ryan snapped. His anxiety had definitely taken over. He wasn't approaching things as the commanding and capable agent that he was. He was gripped with the terror of losing another person he loved. It wasn't important how new or surprising or raw the feeling of fatherly love was; he couldn't stand by and do nothing while Max faced the chance of falling prey to their enemies. His son's mother had turned on them all and led them to that horrific fate. Any option for the little boy had to be better than staying with her.
"So you're going to take him away and raise him yourself? You don't know how to be a parent," However, Nikita was so vehemently opposed to that idea. Although she expressed it in a bitter tone, she truly believed Ryan shouldn't be the one raising Max. Not only was it extremely dangerous with the team and Division, but his son didn't know him that well. He'd be confused and untrusting, thinking something bad was happening. It didn't help that the agent had no idea how to be a father. He knew how to be a teacher, a friend, and a spy, absolutely. Yet being a parent and providing for another person wasn't something to pick up on a whim. It was a very serious role to undertake.
"Michael can help me learn," Ryan believed he could do it, though, as long as he had help. Except Michael didn't seem so keen on the idea either. It wasn't clear what he was thinking. His thoughts could've wandered to Hayley and Elizabeth, or what he would do in the situation, or how they could survive everything. Regardless, he knew the agent's idea wasn't going to work. None of them could run off with a child. It wouldn't work well for anybody; how experienced they were, if they got help, or how righteous and loving their intentions were didn't matter in the long run. Only disaster was awaiting them. It wasn't fair to Max to save him from one danger to only throw him into another.
"That's your plan? Raise a kid as a group like some shitty 80's sitcom?" It wasn't necessarily anger that overcame Nikita, she simply needed Ryan to snap out of it. Gogol, Division, Cassandra, Max, they were all greater than his raging emotions. She probably wasn't the best person to speak against the lack of plans, but a child's life was at risk. Michael and Ryan might have had a father's love and understanding coursing through their veins. Yet she knew what it was like to be the child caught in the middle of all of that hell. Sometimes, although not ideal, it was better to keep the family whole instead of tearing it apart at the seams, "We can't take Max away from his mother to be raised by strangers. That'll just mess him up. Trust me."
Michael cast Nikita a concerned glance. Her desperation almost matched Ryan's with the declaration. She would not be the cause of Max potentially having a life like hers. There had to be some other way they could save him and deal with Cassandra without tearing them apart. Her fiancée agreed with her. It was true that he had been thinking a lot of Hayley and how'd he feel if she got caught in her parents' war like Max. He might've wanted to just take his daughter and run like Ryan felt he had to do with his son. But he had to admit that wouldn't be ideal for any child to go through, "Look. We don't know everything that's going on. We can't afford to jump to any conclusions. But from what we do know, Cassandra wouldn't hurt Max. She'd do everything to keep him safe too. We need to figure things out, take a second before we rush off."
Cassandra was Gogol, that wasn't anything the team could argue against. However, she had shown time and time again that Max was her priority. Even when it came to MI6 missions, her focus was only on her son. Her affiliations with the Russian black ops group, though dangerous, didn't change her feelings for her child. Nikita and Michael could see that and understand that in some way. Ryan, on the other hand, continued to struggle thinking any other way. Protectiveness and blinding love for his son stopped any other thought or feeling. He believed he was the only person who could keep Max safe.
That couldn't possibly be true. He had a mother that thought of him as her whole world (as complicated and messed up as it was) and the team was fighting for Max's security as well. Everyone had the little boy's best interest at heart; they could figure out what to do and how they were going to solve the shitstorm that settled on their shoulders. Ryan just had to breathe. It was difficult, but he wasn't alone. Michael and Nikita were going to be by his side throughout the fight, starting with taking over the planning so he could settle his racing heart, "Ryan. Go calm down. We've got this. It'll be alright."
"It won't be like last time," Was she making a promise, was she asking a question, or was she putting on a brave face. Michael didn't know, and so didn't Nikita. But the words stuttered past her lips while Ryan left the room to calm down. The analyst moved close to the rogue, losing the assurance he once had. They couldn't even consider what they were about to do a normal operation. There was more at stake than there ever had been. Max couldn't be another innocent lost to the war. He had to stay removed and above it all. That was the priority.
"It can't be. We're going to make sure everyone makes it home alive."