Nikki walked into the familiar studio for her class in six months.

"Nicole," madame greeted, "are you ready to be back?

"I think so " Nikki said, "Dr Torres cleared me for barre and adage with no pointe. I can turn supporting on my right but not my left yet. She'll check in two weeks."

"It's a start," Madame said, "training with the eighth graders?"

"It's a start I haven't danced in six months," Nikki replied, "slow and gentle to start."

"Is that Nicole McRae," one of the kids asked.

"Isn't she the one that did the assembly with the soldiers last year," said another.

"I thought she graduated to PNB," a third whispered.

"Didn't you hear," a fourth hissed, "she was in the accident with Corrina Spencer and Sydney Parsons. Corrina died and Sydney broke her back."

"Good morning," Madame greeted, " welcome back to the second term. I hope everyone had a restful Christmas Holiday. Today we have Nicole McCrae joining us, she is rehabbing after a major injury last July that required three surgeries to correct. I expect you are all respectful of Nicole, she is currently an apprentice with the company."

"Nicole let me know if you have any limitations from your doctors and physiotherapist," Madame said.

"What we discussed this morning with Mr. Becker," Nikki replied, "barre, adage, gentle center then go back to Dr. Torres in a month for an evaluation to make sure it's still stable."

"What was your injury," a girl asked.

"Shattered tibula and fibula, broken femur, torn achilles, dislocated patella, spleen and liver lacerations," Nikki said, "almost 100 days in hospital."

"And you can dance," a boy asked.

"That's what we're seeing," Nikki replied with a smile. She was happy to be back in the studio in her black leotard and pink tights. She knew she was out of shape and would have to build back to full strength slowly and cautiously. She also knew she had a solid backup plan now, but she wasn't ready to tell her mom. She was having coffee with Owen after her chem class and would discuss it with him first. Her brother was her sounding board, he would give her his advice and tell her what he thought she should do but she knew Owen supported her and her dreams.

"Girls we are not going to discuss last summer's tragedy," Madame said, "it cost us Corinna's life and Sydney is now a parapalegic. We hope Nicole can dance. But to the barre girls."

Nikki found a spot near the back of the barre, it wasn't her favourite spot but she couldn't go to her favorite spot near the window where she had once stood with Corinna and Sydney. Corrina was gone, Sydney would never walk. Barre work was painful on her left leg, she had no mobility in the ankle but she had to try.

"Just do your best Nikki," Madame said as she came by, "your alignment looks good."

Nikki took a deep breath and pushed her develope higher.

"Nikki hold that steady at 90," Madame said, "don't push it. It's your first class back in 6 months."

Nikki was noticing big differences between her right and left. Both were shaky but her left seemed to have totally forgotten how to dance.

At the end of class Nikki joined madame by the door.

"Thank you for having me today," Nikki said.

"It was good to have you back," Madame smiled.

"It was interesting," Nikki said, "I have a ton of work to do."

"You remembered how to do it," Madame said, "give yourself time."

"I don't have time," Nikki said, "the company needs to know before they start selecting the next set of apprentices."

"You worked through it today," Madame said, "you come back Wednesday and Friday and each class will get better."

"I hope so," Nikki replied, "I should get changed, I have a class at UW."

"What are you taking," Madame asked.

"Today is my english class. But I'm taking Calculus, Physics, Chemistry and English," Nikki said, "it's something to do."

"You've always been smart Nikki," Madame said, "go enjoy your class."

Nikki changed in the familiar change room before driving to school. She walked to her english class and took out her laptop ready to take notes.

A boy sat down beside her, "I'm Jeff."

"Nikki," Nikki smiled.

"What are you majoring in," Jeff asked.

"Undecided," Nikki replied, "you?"

"Aeronautical engineering," Jeff replied, "what are you leaning towards."

"Math or physics," Nikki answered.

"You like numbers," Jeff said.

"I do," Nikki answered, "other than school what do you do?"

"Work," Jeff answered, "I life guard at a pool a couple miles away and teach swimming lessons. What about you?"

"I nanny for my brother and his fiancee as well as another of their friends and dance with PNB," Nikki answered.

"Your brother," Jeff asked.

"My brother is almost 20 years older, his daughter is almost one. I look after Allison a few evenings and on Saturdays so Owen and Teddy can work," Nikki said.

"Where do they work to need a Nanny on the weekends," Jeff asked.

"Seattle Grace," Nikki answered, "both are surgeons, they have weird schedules so I hang out with Allison. It works well for all of us."

"Do you like babysitting," Jeff asked.

"It's okay," Nikki answered, "better than when I worked for some of the other surgeons. I babysit Allison and one other kid. I'm looking for another job. How's life guarding?"

"I prefer swimming lessons," Jeff said, "actually be in the water."

"Swimming isn't my strong suit," Nikki said, "do you play any sports?"

"Water polo, and I swim for the school team," Jeff answered, "you?"

"Ballet," Nikki answered, "I'm an apprentice with Pacific Northwest Ballet."

"What does that mean," Jeff asked.

"I'm half way between ballet school and a professional company," Nikki said, "I perform with PNB when they need me and train with the company."

"How does that work with school," Jeff asked.

"I'm recovering from an injury so just in the studio a few hours a week right now," Nikki replied.

"Injury," Jeff asked.

"Car accident a few months ago," Nikki said, downplaying what had happened.

"Do you want to have coffee after class," Jeff asked.

"I do," Nikki smiled.

The professor started the class picking up where the had left off the week before on symbolism in short stories.

Nikki texted Owen, "I will be late for coffee. Can we do after dinner?"

Owen, "I can. Why?"

Nikki, "cute boy in English wants to have coffee after class."

Owen, "ditching me for a boy? Do I get a name?"

Nikki, "Jeff. not ditching rescheduling. You ditched me all the time for Beth you can't talk."

Owen, "this once. 7:30 okay?"

Nikki, "see you then."

Teddy sat beside Owen at the cafeteria table, "you don't look happy."

"Nikki just blew off coffee with me for the cute boy in her english class," Owen said.

"Good," Teddy smiled, "she should go for coffee. Did you get a name?"

"Jeff is all she told me," Owen said, "it's my baby sister."

"Owen she's 18," Teddy said, "Nikki should have coffee with a boy from her class. It's normal."

"What's normal," Nathan asked joining them.

"Nikki rescheduled coffee with me to hang out with a boy from her english class," Owen groaned.

"No," Nathan said, "she's like 7 and wants us to play candy land and give her ice cream."

"She's 18," Teddy echoed, "in her first semester at UW."

"She's going to school," Nathan said.

"Four classes on campus," Owen said, "double last semester."

"Dance class today was hard," Teddy said, "first class back she texted me that it really hurt."

"Time," Owen said, "she has to give it time."

"She just wants back to normal," Teddy said, "she missed Corinna and Sydney."

"The other victim," Nathan said.

"Sydney," Teddy confirmed, "she'll never walk."

"They were close," Nathan said.

"The three girls in the car that night were best friends," Teddy said.

"Nikki, Syd and Corrie," Owen said.

"I'm glad she's making friends at school," Teddy said, "she needs to build a life outside the studio. She's not going to be able to dance the same way we all know that. She's refusing to listen so she has to try. Let her figure it out. She wanted to talk to you Owen not me. She asked for you. She didn't want me today, she wanted you."

"That's a first," Owen agreed, "I'm usually the second choice when she can't have you."

After dinner Nikki met Owen for coffee.

"You wanted to talk squirt," Owen said.

"About a few things," Nikki said.

"What's going on," Owen asked.

"I don't know how to explain it," Nikki said.

"How was dance today," Owen asked, "it was your first day back."

"It sucked," Nikki admitted, "it felt wrong to be there without Corinna and Sydney. We've danced together since we were three. I couldn't even go to my spot."

"It's hard to go back to those places and know the people you cared about are missing. You walk in and you see their shadow where they usually stood," Owen said, "you see them working beside you and doing what they always did."

"I saw Corrie," Nikki admitted, "like she was in her spot. Waiting to play frogs when Madame's back was turned."

"It happens," Owen said, "or you feel them moving beside you. I know."

It felt weird," Nikki complained, "an madame was soft with me, it was wrong."

"She's looking out for you," Owen said.

"Why was Corrie there," Nikki asked.

"It's your brain coping with the loss," Owen said, "it's like when we think we hear Meg."

"Speaking of Meg, mom mentioned something about the army paying mom a chunk of money because of what happened," Nikki said, "she said it was enough to pay my first few years of college if I wanted to go to school. But it feels wrong like blood money."

"I knew about that," Owen said, "how do you think mom paid your tuition for this year?"

"Mom said she had it covered," Nikki said, "I didn't question."

"Mom and I talked about it," Owen said, "mom was the beneficiary of you were still under 18 for both Meg and I. We decided together that if you were 18 it would go to you with a note for it to help you get ahead, education or something like that. It was in Megs letter to mom because she rewrote yours every time she was home. I explained it in my letter to you."

"What letter," Nikki asked.

"I wrote them like Meg did," Owen said, "they were in my dresser at moms. Meg knew where they were. I knew where hers were but wasn't going to tell you and mom until they changed her status. You were only to get them if we died."

"Do I get to know what you said," Nikki asked.

"No," Owen declared, "because I would write it differently now. You were 13 when I wrote it. Your not the same kid. But I had some big brother advice I neede you to have."

"Like what," Nikki asked.

"Like what happened with Jason," Owen said, "a man won't touch you if you don't want him to. He will listen if you say no. You can always say no at anytime and he has to respect it. If you said yes today you could say no tomorrow and a real man will respect it squirt."

"Why are you telling me this now," Nikki asked, "Teddy and I have had this conversation twice."

"Twice," Owen said, "I knew about one."

"When I started seeing Jason she let me know that he had to be respectful," Nikki said.

"This boy from English was he respectfull," Owen asked.

"We walked from our lecture to a coffee place on campus and talked," Nikki said, "it was just a friendly coffee Owen. It doesn't mean anything. I'm not exactly dateable."

"Not dateable," Owen asked, "what do you mean?"

"Nerd, covered in scars, no real plan yet," Nikki said, "I don't even have a real job."

"You nanny for us and Bailey," Owen said, "nannying is a real job."

"I can't use my brother and sister in law as a reference," Nikki said.

"McRae, Hunt, Atman, no one would ever know ," Owen said, "you can use Bailey as a reference."

"I might apply for a real job," Nikki said, "if every class is how dance was today I can't do that."

"Mentally or physically," Owen asked.

"Both," Nikki said, "I don't want to do this without Syd and Corrie."

"It's hard," Owen agreed, "it was really hard every time I lost a friend. It got down to me and Teddy left then I got sent home because I wasn't coping well."

"You weren't," Nikki asked.

"No," Owen said, "I only survived because of Teddy. She saved me. Squirt you will find it easier every time you go into the OR. About a week after Meg disappeared I called for her to scrub in with me. It was just habit when they came in that rough for me to get Meghan to help me but she wasn't there. Teddy had to remind me. And she scrubbed in Teddy worked with me to save that kid. He was your age 18."

"What if I can't get past it," Nikki asked.

"Then you find somewhere else to dance or something else that makes you happy," Owen said.

"I'm really liking school," Nikki said, "more than I thought I would."

"What do you like about it," Owen asked.

"They want me to think and have an opinion," Nikki replied, "the people in my classes want to learn. They want to be in classes. It's not something they have to do to dance. I think I was dancing sometimes to be different from you and from her. I thought that if I danced and got really good at it I'd stop being compared to you."

"What do you want," Owen asked, "not pleasing mom or me or what you think Meghan would want you to do."

"I want to get my degree in math," Nikki whispered almost afraid to say it out loud.

"What do you need to do," Owen asked.

"I don't know," Nikki said, "I don't know if I'm smart enough for college."

"You got in," Owen said, "you did well last semester."

"It's not the plan," Nikki said, "but I don't know if I can do the plan. I could barely do a tendu on my left today the ankle won't extend."

"Keep trying," Owen said, "what if you could go to school and get your math degree?"

"What will mom say," Nikki asked.

"She'll support it," Owen said, "she wants us to be happy."

"But she's put so much money into tuition , shoes, costumes, exams, entries," Nikki said, "yes I had a needs based scholarship but it didn't cover everything."

"Mom will understand," Owen said, "and it's something that will be considered in the lawsuit."

"We won't see the money," Nikki said, "Sydney needs it more than I do and Corrinas family."

"It will be shared fairly," Owen said.

"If I don't dance I'm giving up on all three of our dream," Nikki said.

"Do what you can," Owen said, "after that surgery you will have limitations we knew that."

"I don't want to give up," Nikki said, "but it really really hurt. As bad as my first day of physio."

"It was day one," Owen assured.

"What if it doesn't get better," Nikki asked.

"Then we talk about it then," Owen said.

"I think I want to go to school," Nikki said.

"You can," Owen replied, "it's up to you."

"Is it giving up," Nikki asked.

"No," Owen said, "it's refocusing. You're 18 you can change your mind as many times as you want."

"What if I can't do it," Nikki asked.

"You can," Owen said.

"Owen I'm not smart enough," Nikki said.

"You are," Owen said, "what did Derek's test show?"

"That shows potential," Nikki said, "what I could do in a perfect world. What about my ADHD?"

"We'll help you figure it out," Owen.

"You or Teddy," Nikki asked.

"Both of us," Owen said, "Teddy and I are a team. We will both be here however you want us. Why did you call me today?"

"Because I need my brother," Nikki admitted.

"I'm here squirt," Owen assured, "always. You know that."

"I feel bad because it's time you should be with Allison and Teddy," Nikki said.

"No," Owen said, "I would have told you if it didn't work. I might bring Allison or have you come to our place if Teddy is out but I always want to talk to you."

"Really," Nikki asked.

"I will only say no if I am with a patient because I have to tune everything else out when I'm working," Owen said, "I even ignore Teddy unless she's working on it with me."

"Okay," Nikki agreed.

"I mean it Nikki I am always here," Owen said, "I know I sucked at the big brother thing when you were little but I want to be around."

"I was always too young and too different from you and meg," Nikki said.

"You were a lot younger," Owen agreed, "I didn't know how to do the baby and little kid things with you. Then you didn't like me. The day you came into the ER two years ago you screamed at me and told me you hated me. Every resident I sent you was rejected and yelled at. Grey, Kepner, Little Grey. You're still the only patient to reject Kepner. You almost rejected Teddy."

"I knew the voice," Nikki said, "I just forgot it was hers. I hadn't seen her in two years."

"I know," Owen said, "she was a day early to take that job. I was glad to see her."

"Pawn me off on your best friend," Nikki teased, "why didn't you tell mom and I when you started dating?"

"We were figuring it out," Owen said, "my lease on my place was up she needed somewhere so when I found the two bedroom place she agreed to rent it with me for a year as my best friend. We knew each other really well it was a natural step to start dating. We really intended to be best friends and roommates but it became something else because we both realized we loved each other. "

"Allison," Nikki asked.

"We didn't plan that," Owen admitted, "but it's how it worked. I'm happy with it. Are you okay with Teddy and I getting married?"

"You've basically been married since she came home," Nikki observed, "I liked her the first time she came home."

"I know you did," Owen said, "you were about 12."

"11," Nikki said, "christmas time. Mom had three gingerbread house kits. You and Beth, Meghan and Nathan and I got paired up with Teddy."

"Every time she came," Owen chuckled.

"She was your fifth wheel so the baby sister was the only option," Nikki said, "was she okay with it?"

"She was just happy to feel like she was part of a family. Mom mothered her, she liked you," Owen said, "you would follow her and Meghan around like a little shadow."

"You yelled at me," Nikki said, "and Beth detested me."

"She wanted my attention," Owen said.

"She was a bitch to me," Nikki said, "and not much better to mom and Meghan."

"I know you didn't like each other," Owen said, "but you like Teddy?"

"Love. why do you think I asked her to come shop for my prom dress with mom and I," Nikki said, "I don't remember much from the night of the accident. Mom wasn't there was she. It was Teddy with you."

"It was," Owen said, "Teddy and I. I had one hand she had the other."

Nikki saw the time, "I should go do my homework. I have a physics quiz tomorrow. Thanks for doing this Owl."

"Any time squirt," Owen replied, "text me when you get home."

"You sound like mom," Nikki groaned.

"I get to be the protective big brother," Owen said, "go study."

"See you tomorrow," Nikki said zipping up her coat, "I'm babysitting starting at 5."

"Can you do 4:30," Owen asked, "I want to be in the hospital at 5."

"4:30 it is," Nikki agreed, "see you tomorrow."

"Night squirt," Owen said.