35
LUPIN wondered how it had come to this. The night had started off like so many others over the last few weeks, at least it had seemed that way the longer he spent in Dora's company, though the weight and crushing guilt of Sirius's letter, along with what his former friend was asking him to do sat on his heart.
He could tell as he looked across the small wooden round table tucked in the furthermost corner of the Three Broomsticks, in a corner where they were sure not to be overheard, that she was thinking the same thing.
How could they possibly be here, enjoying themselves, when tomorrow, they ran the possibility of everything changing? There was no telling what Sirius would do to Tonks, or how Tonks was going to react, much less how he would react when the entire truth came to light. His mind felt like it was reeling from everything he had just learned.
Lupin let out a tired sigh and sipped at his glass of Fire Whiskey, looking around the pub and observing everything else. There was Hagrid, sitting alongside Professor Vectra, who was looking utterly flabbergasted and slightly repulsed at the amount of butterbeer Hagrid was able to tuck away.
Remus smiled softly, the corners of his mouth twitching upward as he didn't bother to tamper down the soft smile as he turned his attention back towards Tonks, thinking that it was nice that other people were having such a good time.
His smile almost instantly faltered as he studied the worried look on Dora's pale, somewhat ashen features. "I…"
He started to think of something—anything—to say to her that would put her mind at ease but found he couldn't.
Remus froze as he watched the young pink-haired Auror trace the beads of condensation along the outside of her glass of Fire Whiskey, her lips pursed in a thin, unmovable line, and a rather pensive look on her features that was odd.
A beat passed before the implication sunk in, and Remus realized that Tonks was probably still thinking of last night.
He stammered as a light pink blush speckled its way along his cheeks and he turned his head to the side so she wouldn't see.
"Are you ashamed that you and I…that we…?" Tonks asked softly, her words tapering off, as her voice was so hushed and faint that it was barely above a light whisper.
Remus felt his eyes widen in shock and terror, and his head whiplashed sharply back towards Tonks as he looked at her with raised eyebrows. "N—no, I—I'm not," he insisted. "I—I just…" He stammered, pausing to allow himself a moment to collect his thoughts while he stared down into his mug of butterbeer, searching for the right words. His brows furrowed for a moment in concentration, but then his entire face softened, as if in mild bewilderment.
Finally, Lupin decided that the truth would be best. Something within his heart told him Dora could handle it.
"I just…I never thought that it would happen to me," he murmured, his cheeks flushing high with color, though there was a burning intensity in Dora's gaze that told Remus not to look away, and even if he wanted to, he couldn't.
Her gaze held him captive there and ensnared him. Tonks frowned, her thin brows knitting together with worry, her heart aching a little at hearing such painful words coming from someone as kind and gentle as Lupin.
She supposed she shouldn't be at all surprised by this sentiment. The poor man's initial disbelief of her desire to sleep with him last night should have been telling enough.
Nevertheless, knowing and understanding where such horrible self-deprecating thoughts were coming from brought out a fierce sense of protectiveness within Tonks.
Willing herself to calm down a little, she propped her elbows up on the little wooden table and rested her face in her hands, smiling softly across the way at her new partner. Well. Boyfriend, she supposed, was the better word, here.
Tonks smiled as she reached across the table and gave his arm an affectionate little squeeze. "I—I didn't know when…I would find someone else to spend my life with, after…after Ollie left me, but I…" She paused, gathering her thoughts. Tonks told him softly, her gaze softening as she met Lupin's gaze with her own. "But I'm glad it's happened with you, Remus."
Slowly, Remus somehow managed to lift his chin and meet her gaze, and though the light pink color never left his emaciated cheeks, Lupin seemed a little bit comforted. With a sheepish smile, shoving his drink aside, he leaned across the table and took hold of both of Nymphadora's hands.
"I'm glad too," he murmured, and this time, it was Lupin who took the initiative for a change, closing the gap of space between them with a gentle but passionate kiss, no longer caring if any of the patrons in the tavern saw them.
He let out a content sigh as he tilted his head, though Tonks was the first to break off the kiss, and as she reeled back, she looked as though Lupin had slapped her, and she'd likely have fallen off her chair had she not shot out her arms and seized onto fistfuls of Remus's sweater for support just now.
Lupin's face paled as he bolted upright from his chair, almost overturning it in his haste to go around the length of the table to appear at Dora's side. She looked physically ill.
Remus was quick to decide he did not like how Tonks was looking dangerously past him, looking as though she was remembering something very important, something…new.
"Damn," she cursed under her breath through gritted teeth, and the sudden shift in countenance startled Lupin.
"What?" he demanded, the edges of his voice hardening, not sure that he liked the darker cloud appearing in her pale grey-blue irises, the one Dora tended to shelter herself with whenever the topic of the Black side of her family was brought up. He had learned since being her partner over the course of several months to avoid discussing such matters.
Tonks slowly blinked, his face coming back into focus. The man's light brown irises were wide with concern, his scarred lips parted with an unvoiced, obvious question.
"Are you sick?" he asked, pushing aside a few locks of her bubblegum pink hair to feel her forehead. A little clammy, but Tonks didn't feel feverish, so why this sudden change?
"N—no, not…not quite. I—I just need to go right now. Before…before it's too late," she whispered in a faint voice.
Though before Tonks could tug out of his grasp, his arms shot out in front of her and immediately tugged her back, where she let out a muffled squeak of surprise as she leaned into Lupin's chest, though he was internally relieved when she allowed herself to relax into his warm, comforting hold.
"Will you slow down and tell me what's wrong, Dora?" Remus pleaded, his voice gentle but earnest and worried.
At the sound of the man's pleading request, the young Auror seemed to come back to him a little and out of her daze, her movements still as she relaxed in the man's arms.
Tonks was looking like she wanted nothing more than to grab her bag and bolt for the front door of The Three Broomsticks, but Lupin refused to let himself believe she would. After everything the two of them had talked about, after what they had been through and done last night, he had to believe that Dora would just leave him so coldly.
He knew Nymphadora Tonks much better than that. Tonks hesitated, her gaze shifting nervously from him towards the front door of the tavern, looking as though she wanted nothing more than to bolt.
"I…I have to go home, Remus. My parents deserve to know what's going on. They—they won't like that Sirius wants to meet with me alone tomorrow, but my mum and dad deserve to know the truth. The full truth," she quickly explained, drawing in a deep, shaking exhale before continuing. "I…I fear what's going to happen to my parents when people…when people know the truth. The media's going to get wind. The Daily Prophet's going to be the first to know with a scumbag reporter like Rita Skeeter at the helm of their stupid gossip column," Tonks admitted sheepishly, nervously biting on her lower lip and tucking a wisp of her pink hair back behind the contour of her ear where it went. "I don't care so much about what happens to me, but I want to save my parents the torment if I'm able to, and the best way to do that is to warn them" she grumbled, a dark look flitting across her features as she lifted her gaze to meet Lupin. "What about you?"
"Don't worry about me, Dora. Let's just say that I…well, I'm used to it," he admitted, his expression pained to see her look so distraught and worried over what she thought all of this was going to do to him and his newfound reputation.
"But the way people like you and Norah are treated when they find out what you are doesn't make it all right for it to happen, Remus." Tonks bit down on her lower lip and folded her arms across her chest. She turned away from him and walked away from their table in the Three Broomsticks, but not before grabbing her coat and bag and slinging them over her arm, not bothering to acknowledge the severed voodoo heads hanging on the door on her way out the door.
She stalked down the path of Hogsmeade, away from the Three Broomsticks, leaving Lupin following close behind right at her heels. It was clear by Tonks's lengthy strides that the young Auror had no intention of checking out the rest of the shops, as he had been hoping they would tonight.
Though if Lupin were being honest with himself at the moment, despite the immense disappointment that their date hadn't gone quite as planned, Remus supposed neither one of them would be able to have a good time with the weight of both of their meetings with Sirius Black tomorrow practically looming over their heads and consciences like a darkened rain cloud that was currently dampening the mood.
"I'm fed up with all of this, Remus. The cruel words, the fighting, the hatred towards people like you and I, it only happens to people like us. People who are different, not…not people who are bad," Tonks whispered in a hushed voice.
Her voice broke a little as she paused just outside of the Shrieking Shack, and with her back turned towards Remus, it was almost impossible for him to gauge her expression.
Lupin watched, feeling helpless as her shoulders started to shake, her fingers digging into the fabric of her sweater's sleeves. Though he could not blame Dora for getting upset, it did not change the fact that it broke his heart to see her like this. Cautiously, he reached out and gingerly touched her shoulder.
"Tonks…I'm not going to let anything happen. To me or to you. Whatever happens, we'll be fine."
Without so much as a warning, his new girlfriend turned and practically flung herself at him. She very nearly knocked him back, the element of surprise unbalancing him.
Dora's cheek was warm against the dip of his neck, and Tonks's grip was unfailingly tight and protective and warm.
It took Lupin a moment or two to understand just what had happened before wrapping his arms around her shivering form, pulling Tonks close and resting his chin on top of her hair, taking comfort in the warmth she gave off.
"Thank you, Remus. You're one of the kindest men I've ever met in my entire life," Tonks whispered in a small, faint voice. "I—I don't want to see you get hurt like everyone else I've known. Everyone I've ever known has either died or left me. Everyone except for you," she confessed, pulling back to study his face, biting down on her lip in a skittish manner. "So, don't even try to think of saying that I would be safer with someone else, Lupin, because…the truth is, I would just be more scared," Tonks confessed, her voice cracking.
Lupin felt like his heart leaped up into his throat, stifling whatever words of comfort he had been prepared to spout.
No one had ever said something quite like it to him before. It was poetry. Much less had a woman ever held him so close in his arms like this. Rooted to his spot, he stood in silence as Dora's body shivered violently with light sobs.
She did not bother to raise her head, and Remus was glad for it, for Tonks would have seen his own eyes filling with wretched tears that escaped from his lids before he could even think about trying to blink them back. He didn't care.
The intoxicating smell of whatever shampoo she used smelled like apples and rainwater clung to her scent and filled Lupin's wolfish senses as he tightened his arms around her. He raised a trembling hand and touched the base of her skull, hoping it would convey his meaning that was now stuck in his throat as his tongue refused its release.
Tonks exhaled a shaking breath, trying to steady her breathing, thinking how nice it felt, good to feel satisfied and safe in Remus John Lupin's arms. She wouldn't be anywhere else. His next words to her made her breaths catch in her throat.
"No one will touch you, Dora, as long as I'm around." His hands caressed the small of her back as his breath tickled her ear. "It's up to us now to see this through tomorrow."
Tonks looked up at Lupin and nodded, trusting Remus's words. However difficult confronting Sirius was going to be tomorrow, she was going to defy the odds and bring him in.
She had to. The two of them gazed at each other for a long moment until Tonks leaned forward to softly kiss his lips.
Tonks pulled apart first and caught his hand in hers the moment he moved to retreat back into himself. "Come on." Without waiting for Lupin to say anything, Tonks gave his hand a gentle squeeze and began to drag him back towards the castle, away from Hogsmeade. "Come with me," she said.
Lupin was still somewhat dazed from their kiss, his mind not altogether focused. It took him a moment or two to realize what she had said. "Go? Wh—where?" Lupin stammered, feeling a light pink blush creep onto his cheeks.
The incredulous look Tonks was currently shooting him as she slowly lifted her head and locked her gaze with his made him feel as though he'd sprouted antlers or something.
He flinched, thinking he'd overstepped by asking her.
Though what she did next, surprised him. A tiny, shy smile flitted across her pale heart-shaped face that Remus hoped he could see more of in the coming days of their new relationship.
When she found her voice, her tone was so faint that if Lupin hadn't already had Dora pressed firmly against his chest, not willing to relinquish his grip on her, he felt sure that he'd have missed Tonks's words completely.
"To meet my parents."