When they got to the house, Loke was frantic with worry. He was waiting at the threshold of the dining room, dividing his attention between the front door and Gray, visibly sighing in relief at the sight of his friends' arrival.

Lucy went straight for her spirit while the others went to see to Gray. Before she could even ask Loke how he was doing, they were interrupted by Natsu's indignant shout.

"What the hell is he tied down for?!"

"Loke, what's the meaning of this?" cried Lyon as he started trying to loosen the ropes.

"You didn't tell them what happened?!" Loke asked Virgo incredulously.

"They were more concerned with getting here quickly than for the reason of your summons," she calmly replied.

Wendy was studying Gray with a critical eye, noting the watered down blood pooling below him, and the now familiar calmness of his features, which was contradicted by the sheen of sweat on his skin and the taint of fear that still clung to his scent. He was tied upright in one of the dining room chairs, hands bound to his sides, attached to each back leg. His wrists were already bruised and bleeding from his earlier struggles to free himself.

"He's drifting," she said as Erza cut the ropes loose.

"Gee, I wonder why?" said Natsu.

"Loke, what happened? You know how he reacts to being restrained. Why..." Lucy trailed off, knowing her spirit must have had good cause for resorting to this measure.

"I had to leave to get Virgo—"

"—You left him alone?!" cried Lyon.

"I had to! He needed help, but he wouldn't allow anyone else to come! I wasn't even gone that long. I didn't expect him to spiral out of control so quickly. You never told me he was having a nervous breakdown! Look at his arm! All this week, didn't you notice?! He does that every time he drifts!"

Their attention drawn to the arm that Wendy was now turning over, they each reacted in their own ways to the horror they felt, as they looked upon those ghastly marks, and thought of the implications behind them.

"... Every time!... She sliced these damned things into my arm... every time she forced me awake... to keep a f*cking count!"

"Oh, Gray. No..." Lucy said in shock.

"My God. I had no idea. How was he able to hide those?" lamented Lyon.

"He implied that something would happen every time you fell asleep. When we returned, he was screaming in terror at something that wasn't even there. He fought us off when we tried to help, and his wounds were reopening. He was hurting himself. We had to restrain him. I just managed to get him seated long enough for Virgo to tie him down. He went absolutely batshit afterwards. That's when I sent Virgo to get you all while I stayed to try to talk some sense into him. He finally started drifting. At least I could treat the wounds, then. They were infected. I cleaned them with water from the Celestial Realm. He's been out ever since."

Natsu and Erza moved Gray to the couch while Wendy asked Carla to retrieve a suture kit from the first aid supplies. Virgo took it upon herself to clean up the mess left on the floor. Afterwards, Lucy sent her home with much appreciation for her help today. Loke opted to stay until this issue was resolved, one way or another.

Wendy had finished the last stitch, and was wrapping Gray's arm in fresh dressings, when he began to stir.

"Everyone back away," Lyon quietly requested.

His return to awareness was more dramatic than they were used to. His eyes shot open and he gasped, arms coming down to push himself up, only to be stopped when Lyon held him down. That had been his plan at least. The fatigue must have slowed Lyon's reflexes, as he soon found himself on the floor with a fractured eye socket before he even noticed the pain. Everyone's cries of alarm merely alerted Gray that he was surrounded , but not by whom. He scrambled to his feet, fighting the sudden onset of nausea and vertigo. He slapped Loke's hand away when he tried to steady him, and stumbled into the living room, stopping short as if he'd almost crashed into an invisible barrier. They thought it strange when he seemed to skirt around that area, until he bumped against the corner of the desk and stayed there, leaning against it, arms crossed as if he were trying to hold himself together.

While Wendy used her powers to heal Lyon's eye, the rest of the team kept Gray surrounded, but at a distance, hoping he wouldn't try to flee, not that he'd get very far under his own power. For some reason, he seemed to avoid looking at that particular spot again, every once in a while directing his gaze there, only to turn away, fear ever present in his eyes. He kept his guard up against the presences he could sense around him, but he was constantly vigilant against It.

Natsu could tell he was panicking, but from what he wasn't sure, though he did suspect. Gray wasn't saying anything, as if he was trying not to draw attention to himself. He was acting like a frightened rabbit who knew he was being stalked by apex predators. He was cornered, and he knew it. His breathing was becoming more erratic, and Natsu could hear his heart beating uncontrollably. Without his medicine to slow is heart rate and ease his stress, he was experiencing the full weight of his anxieties. Whatever happened, they had to avoid anything that could trigger a reaction that might threaten his heart again.

Natsu brought his finger to his lips, signaling the girls to keep quiet. That's one possible trigger down. He had to be careful not to activate his powers for any reason, as well. Even the heat could set him off. Gray kept shifting his head around, as if he was trying to hear what had him cornered. Perhaps he couldn't help himself, because he once again glanced at that one spot that he kept trying to avoid. His anxiety was increasing. Was he... was he crying? He grabbed his head and started shaking it in denial, closing his eyes as if that would make the illusion go away. He finally started talking, and Natsu wasn't surprised by his words.

"No! Not her. It's not her!"

Natsu had been right. Everything pointed to the possibility that he'd been seeing his mom here. He felt sickened at the thought that Gray was in this state because of what they'd done. They should have waited, or thought of a more gentle way to bring her up, or... anything! He was never ready to face this, but now he had no choice, and neither did they.

Lyon stepped up, still rubbing and blinking his eye to get it to focus, before readying himself for whatever would happen next.

Calmly, softly, speaking as clearly and gently as he could, Lyon said, "Gray, it's okay. I'm sorry I left you, but I'm here now. I won't let anything hurt you."

"Lyon? You're here?... You... you came back?"

Gray looked so pitiful just then, keeping his hands closer to his body than he normally would as he gestured, his motions shaky and unsure. Did he actually believe he'd been abandoned?

"I'm sorry I took so long. I needed some help," he answered, bracing for the anger, "... so a brought your team with me."

"No... No! You f*cking bastard! Why did you bring them here?!" His motions were no longer so closed off.

"They're your friends. They only want to help."

"They brought that thing here! They had NO right to invite it in, but they opened the door, and I could never close it again! I was doing fine! I was getting better! Why?! Why did they have to force it into my thoughts again?! I had it locked away, where it couldn't find me. I was functioning! I was making it work! Why the Hell couldn't that be enough for them?!"

"Because you weren't getting better!" Lucy tearfully yelled, the only one in their team who understood all he'd said, as he'd only gestured this time, only wanting to talk to Lyon. "That secret pain was weighing you down, preventing you from healing completely. You needed to face what happened, but you refused to talk about it, not even with your best friends. I know we've made mistakes, and bringing up your mother was —"

"—That thing was NEVER my mother!"

Without missing a beat, she continued, "—the worse of them. I know we've lost your trust. Again! But you've known some of us since childhood. You must know, deep down, that we would never purposely hurt you. We are so sorry for making you face this before you were ready. We never meant to hurt you. But if you're ever going to get through this, you have to confront whatever is making you so scared!"

"But I want to forget! Why can't you understand that? I never wanted to ever have to think about that thing again!"

"But you were thinking about her," added Loke, "I think you've thought about her, or at least what she'd done, every single day. There's no possible way you could have gone one day without being reminded of what that thing did to you. You told us yourself, about the pain you still live with, and of the scars you bear. She's been haunting you, hasn't she? Just like the necromancer... Always there... But unlike the lurker in your bedroom, you'd managed to suppress her image from your mind, hadn't you? Until we forced you to remember her, to always see her now... Gray, you're the only one who can tell us what's really going on. You don't want to be alone, so please, stop pushing us away. Let us help you."

Gray tried to put some distance between him and them, until he tripped on the rug, landing amidst the furniture. He didn't bother trying to stand up again, but pulled himself against the ottoman, leaning against its sturdy frame, pulling his knees in, trying to make himself smaller. He was shaking his head no, and his gestures became shaky, hesitant.

"Stop..."

"We won't stop. We couldn't possibly stop, knowing that doing so would keep you caged and tormented. Please... let us share your pain," Erza pleaded.

"... please... just stop..."

"Never!" cried Natsu, "Yeah, we blew it, big time. We shouldn't have forced those painful memories on you. But it's too late to turn back. The secret's out, and it's killing you. It's killing you, Gray! I still don't understand all this crap about post trauma whatevers, or psycho-some-active pains, or how your own brain can sabotage you; but I can tell it's not gonna let you go unless you fight it with everything you've got. Use everything, including your friends! You've always had us, to fight with you and for you. It doesn't have to be just your fight! We never saw it that way! Just let us in!"

He was trembling and gritting his teeth now, desperately trying to hold onto the control he never really had, his emotions finally taking hold as he fought back tears.

"... Please... I... I can't..."

It was tearing them all up inside to see him fall apart like this, but if it resulted in his walls falling down as well, they had to keep going. They were almost through. Just a little deeper, a little further.

"It's going to be okay," said Wendy, stepping out of her comfort zone once more, trying to bring relief in a way she wasn't used to. Healing physical damage was so easy for her, compared to easing emotional wounds. "We've heard you. We know, and understand. That thing that hurt you, it wasn't your mom. It never was. We believe you. I can't imagine what that must have been like, and it must have been so hard to keep it together while you were still a prisoner. But you made it out of there, and you always stayed strong, and never believed the lies they told you. You did that! All on your own. They couldn't break you. Please. You've done your part. You survived. You don't have to keep fighting this on your own."

"... I..."

He could no longer talk, just tried to hide himself away, covering his head with his arms, trying to make the noise stop, gasping and trembling in his anguish. He wanted to believe them. Fear stood in his way. Fear of his ghosts. Fear of himself. Fear of what he'd become. Fear of even his loved ones. But beyond his fear grew a seed of anger that had also been sown so long ago. It's had many opportunities to cultivate over the last few months. Little incidents here, larger ones there. One sting of disappointment, frustration, or betrayal after another. He feared his anger. And he was angry at his fear. He was always trapped.

Lyon approached, kneeling before him, not too close, but close enough to where he could speak gently, hoping to sooth him with quiet words and his presence alone.

"Gray, please... just listen. We're sorry. About everything we've done. About everything you've gone through. Not a day goes by without me wondering what we could have done differently, or what if something else had happened, in order to prevent any of this from ever taking place. But you have to move forward, now. We all do. I know you hold strongly to the belief that the past belongs in the past. That you must face your fears, and not let sadness keep you from moving on. It's okay to move on... Please, let us help you let go. Tell us why you're so scared. What are you so afraid of?"

He was shaking, sobbing, breaking before their eyes. He could have been talking for all they knew, but with his face covered, his arms locked around his head, they couldn't tell.

Natsu kneeled next to Lyon, hoping his closeness wouldn't set him off again, that he was more receptive to having them there now.

"Come on, Ice Block. It's okay. We'll help you carry this burden. You don't have to bear it alone anymore."

Everyone stayed where they were, daring not to move, hardly breathing, simply waiting. There really wasn't much more they could say. It was all on him now.

Minutes passed, with nothing but the sounds of sniffling and gasping, with the occasional creak from the ottoman that he still leaned against, all seemingly punctuated by the rhythmic ticking from the mantle clock. After several minutes more, he seemed to calm down by degrees, and he timidly brought his hands down. His eyes were red, and still leaking tears, his hair disheveled, and his body shook as he tried to control his shuddering breaths.

He took several more minutes to gather himself, receiving all the time he needed. No one would rush him in this. Finally, using gestures and mouthing alike, so he wouldn't be interrupted by interpretations, he spoke.

"...I know... I know I've said... that It was never my mom... And I believed it... Oh, God, I've always believed it. Every moment I was in that chamber, I never once doubted who was really... torturing me... I know it wasn't her. It wasn't!..."

Everyone sat or took a knee now, wanting to be as close as they could while still giving him space.

"I know... it wasn't... but... but it was! *sob* ... It was her face... her voice... her hands... I know it wasn't her, but it was her! It was!... But it wasn't!... And I don't... understand... why it's so hard to separate them!... Why I can't just KNOW, and that'd be enough. And I'm so confused, and scared... and pissed off at myself for being so scared...

"... l never... I never forgot my mother's face... She... she was so beautiful... so soft, and kind... She always smiled... even when she was sad, she'd hide her sadness behind the most beautiful smile... That smile was the last one she ever gave me... before she was killed... But now I can't see that smile... without seeing something sinister behind it... My last memory of her... of her smile as she pushed me out of the way... was replaced... Now it's that face... That heartless face is the last thing I ever saw... before she... she... Oh my God...*sob*

His friends were mesmerized and grief stricken. This was truly what he'd been holding onto this whole time?

"Her voice... it... I... can't... I couldn't... remember her voice... My mom's voice... I wanted to cry, when I realized I'd finally heard it again... For just a moment... I was grateful... Because it was hers... her voice... I was happy to hear it again...

...

"... The last thing she ever said to me... was that she'd always be there, if I'd just remember her... But now, I'd give anything, if I could just forget!"

He tried so hard to keep going, to not break down as he tried to get through this. He gritted his teeth once more, tried to breathe deeply to deny another sob, and continued.

"She acted like she cared!... She forced me... to use my powers... until there was nothing left... until I couldn't protect myself... I couldn't breathe, couldn't think... I thought I screamed, but I couldn't hear... the pain was too much... too much... and I couldn't fight... couldn't make it stop... couldn't make her stop...

"... She...she won't stop singing... even now... that song... humming and singing... she won't ... stop... Stop!... Stop singing!"

He stopped talking, once again wrapping his arms around his head, trying to stop the noise. Natsu got up close, tentatively raising his hand to Gray's arm, reminding him that he wasn't alone.

"Gray?" Lyon spoke up, "We can stop if you need to..."

"*sob* I hate her," he finally gestured shakily.

"You... you have every right to," said Lucy, "what she did was—"

"No! I hate HER! I'm scared to death of HER. My mom... My REAL MOM!..."

At that shocking revelation, Wendy started to cry, hugging Carla close as she tried to stifle her sobs. Loke handed Lucy a kerchief for her own tears, while Erza did an admiral job of controlling her rage at finally discovering the full extent of the damage her friend had suffered.

"You... you keep saying that I beat them, that I didn't break... but something in me did... They told so many lies... tried to manipulate my thoughts... tried so hard... to make me hate my father... but they... that BITCH... she made me hate HER... my own mother!... And I hate myself for feeling this way!... She... she loved me... She DIED for me... and I can't picture her in my head anymore, without wanting to throw up, or scream, or rage at something... They took her away from me, and replaced her with a monster that I can't unsee... I can't separate them! And I'm so pissed off... that I can't stop hating her... but... I can't... make myself stop loving her, either..."

He started crying in anguish now, and Natsu wrapped him in a tight embrace, just held him as he cried and screamed. No one could deny the tears as they fell from their own eyes. They were heartbroken. This was far more than anyone had ever dreaded.

Wendy especially was saddened. She thought she had a way to help, but would it really? Should she bring it up? Should she ask the others what they thought first? She and Porlyusica both had worked tirelessly over the last month, researching and perfecting the Milky Way spell to work on human souls. But they hadn't tested it yet. Who could they test it on? Would Gray even want to try? Could she find the courage to even ask him? Just as she'd learned, she didn't want to get his hopes up, only to fail.

All she could do, all any of them could do, was to be there for him. That's really all they've ever been able to do. They still felt deep down like they could and should be doing more. But to Gray, simply being there had always been enough.

...

...

... It was so potent... so perfect...

...

... This fear... despair... anger... hate...

...

... beyond sorrow

...

... the embodiment of curses

...

...

... soon...

So it wasn't just the fear. There was also the helplessness of not being able to fight back, and the overwhelming guilt at his feelings of hatred towards his real mom. He still loves her, but that love compounds the pain for him, and he can't remember why he loves her. He's tried. He's gotten to the point where he thinks it would just be easier if he could erase that love, to make the hate easier to bear. but he cant do that either. Like his own personal curse of contradictions.

Next chapter: Wendy makes her offer. And Lyon and Natsu put some clues together, and come to a realization.