Lost In Camelot

by RLD Flame-point Callie-co

A mysterious old man sends Bo and Kenzi hundreds of years into the past. Merlin and Arthur find them and take them to Camelot, where they must navigate a complex maze of medieval society, new romantic entanglements, and magical enemies while searching for a way home and learning some surprising truths about themselves.

37. Dilemmas and Distractions

I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get this chapter posted this month or not - especially since it ended up being Lost In Camelot's longest yet, though not the longest one I've ever written - but so many of my activities were cancelled or postponed due to the polar vortex that I had more writing time than I'd anticipated - as long as the power stayed on, that is. I hope everyone reading this is safe and made it through the storms with no major damage. Stay warm, everybody.

While the castle's inhabitants settled down for the night, Kilgharrah perked up, listening intently to the thoughts of those in the world above. The last two weeks had been full of bitter disappointment for the Great Dragon; not only had his efforts at undermining Morgana's defenses failed to make her expose herself to the Witchfinder (she had come very close to breaking under his interrogation but escaped by sacrificing Gaius in her place, exactly the kind of selfish action Kilgharrah expected of her), her subsequent discovery of Merlin's relationship with Bo hadn't even driven her away from the young warlock. Instead that troublesome succubus had intervened yet again, and the three of them became closer than ever.

Kilgharrah had nearly despaired then, but now he had received an unexpected gift with the arrival of the wolf-shifter - an unpredictable breed given their dual nature, yet he'd learned from the minds of the succubus and her human that this particular shifter's future self had been one of the succubus' lovers. The thought of such an unlikely pairing, between a creature destined to mate for life and one practically incapable of monogamy almost made him laugh out loud, but ludicrous or not, he would use it to his advantage.

If he could push her back into the arms of her former (in a manner of speaking) love interest, he was confident Merlin's bond with the witch would fall apart in short order; the fact that he still didn't fully trust her should definitely help to hasten its dissolution. Settling onto his favorite rock, Kilgharrah went to work, reaching out to touch the succubus' mind as she lay sleeping...

###

The next morning, Bo woke up to find Merlin and Morgana propped up on their elbows on either side of her, watching her. Their positions weren't surprising - she had accompanied Morgana to her bedroom when they retired for the evening and Merlin had joined them as soon as he could get to the ladies' wing without being seen, the two of them curling up with Bo in between them; even though it had been a couple of days since her return, they still wanted to keep her close - but the intensity of their scrutiny was.

"Hey guys, what's up with the hairy eyeballs? Did I drool on the pillow or something?"

"No," Merlin told her, "but you were awfully restless last night."

"You woke us before dawn," Morgana added. "Not that I'm complaining - you've certainly put up with me being a poor sleeping companion often enough - though we are curious as to what you were dreaming about."

"Nothing," Bo said quickly. "I mean, I don't know. I don't remember." It was a lie, but one she deemed necessary because somehow she doubted they would appreciate hearing that her dreams had been all about Dyson, her Dyson, and that parts of it had involved things she definitely shouldn't be dreaming about while in bed with other people. Still, it didn't mean anything; people had crazy dreams all the time, and surely it was perfectly natural for her interactions with Dyson's past self to stir up memories of the one she'd known before. Yeah, that's what it was - just my brain sorting through stuff. There's no reason to bother them with it.

She repeated this to herself like a mantra, yet the dream continued to nag at the back of her mind while Merlin kissed her and Morgana goodbye before heading off to work and Morgana said they should get up too, until her girlfriend's last words finally pierced her guilt-tinged haze of distraction.

"I'm sure you're eager to get to work on Dyson."

"Huh?" Bo turned her head to stare at the younger woman, her expression resembling that of a deer caught in headlights. "What about Dyson?"

Morgana frowned at her. "Don't you remember? We decided last night that he needs a new wardrobe if he's to look the part of a knight of Camelot, and who better to help him with it than us?"

"Oh...right." She relaxed as the previous evening's conversation came back to her. "Yeah, it'll be fun - who doesn't love a good makeover?" It'll also give me a chance to get to know this Dyson better so we can get off on the right foot as friends, with no sexual history or emotional baggage complicating things... Maybe then I can finally forget about everything I had or could have had with his other self.

###

Dyson's morning started out pleasantly enough. Breakfast consisted of eggs and sausages delivered by Lancelot, which provided an opportunity for some light ribbing about the maidservant from the night before, though he desisted when Lancelot admitted that her response hadn't been quite what he'd hoped for. Then came a knock at the door, which Lancelot opened to reveal Bo, flanked by her female lover and her sparkly accomplice, and Dyson suddenly suspected that his morning was about to get a lot less peaceful.

His feeling of foreboding only intensified when the three women filed into his room, and he saw that the succubus was carrying a pair of scissors. "Can I help you ladies?" he asked warily.

"Nope, we're here to help you," Kenzi replied with a grin that didn't reassure him in the slightest. "I don't know if you've noticed, but you kinda stick out like a sore thumb here in Camelot, with the furs and the muscle shirt-"

"And the braids," Morgana put in. "Men in Camelot don't wear their hair so long."

"I would definitely put them in the hair-don't column," Kenzi agreed. "We'll take care of them first."

"Have either of you ever given a haircut before?" Dyson inquired.

"Well, no," Morgana admitted. "Gwen trims my hair as needed, but she's working on other things today."

"I cut my own hair while I was on the run," Bo spoke up for the first time, "so I'll do it. Have a seat."

She was still looking at him strangely, almost like she was searching for something in his eyes or face yet afraid of finding it, but she was more reserved than before, which was at least better than the other girls' obvious glee at the prospect of forcing him to take part in their dress-up game - so, with one last cagey glance at her scissors, he sat down in the chair she dragged in front of the mirror (one of the few luxury items the room contained) and let her start snipping. Morgana hovered nearby while she worked, offering suggestions; due to the mirror's position in a corner, Kenzi and Lancelot were crowded out, leaving them with no one to talk to except each other.

"Hey, handsome," Kenzi greeted him with a grin and a slight fluttering of her lashes. She had realized last night that he had a thing for Gwen and liked the maid too much to try poaching a guy from her (not that she would necessarily have wanted to pursue Lancelot anyway; while she had taken note of his hotness when they first met, it was more in a 'window-shopping' kind of way than serious interest), but it was still fun to watch him get flustered.

Lancelot didn't disappoint, awkwardly bowing and muttering, "My lady," while trying not to squirm too noticeably under her flirtatious gaze.

Finally taking pity on him, she dropped the act and reverted to a casually friendly demeanor. "So, Lance, what's the deal with you and D-man?"

"Our original pact was to make our fortunes together by entertaining Hengist, then go our separate ways; now I'm to serve him in return for the king's permission to stay in Camelot."

"Yeah, but it's more than that - you two are friends, right? That's what I'm curious about, 'cause I haven't met too many fae with human friends. Their usual ways of dealing with us seem to be eat, avoid, or enslave."

Lancelot recounted once more the story of his first meeting with Dyson, which Kenzi found adorable - "Like Old Yeller, but without the stupid tearjerker ending where the dog dies" - then asked, "And how did you come to befriend Bo?"

"Pretty much the same way, actually, at least as far as the mutual rescue angle; she saved me from this total sleazoid who'd roofied my drink, I saved her from an underfae that was digging its gnarly claws into her skull - it was a real bonding experience. We've stuck together since then and she's like the sister I never had, but it hasn't always been easy, you know?"

"She does seem like a very...complicated person," Lancelot said diplomatically.

"Not really - sure, there's always fae weirdness to deal with and the romantic drama can reach soap opera levels of ridiculousness, but most of the time life with Bo's pretty great. It's just that a lot of fae didn't really get us; the ones that were our friends were cool, but the rest of them just saw me as her pet, and having this huge secret to keep kinda put a crimp in my social life with other humans. I only met one other human in the know, and she and I weren't exactly simpatico-"

"Simpatico?" Lancelot repeated, raising his eyebrows at the unfamiliar word.

"Yeah, you know..." Kenzi waved her hand as if trying to pull a definition out of the air. "We just didn't click. We didn't have anything in common except for being humans in the fae world - well, that and the part where we both liked Bo, but even then we didn't like her in the same way since I personally am not into lady lovin'. And now I've got Merlin and Morgana, but Merlin seems more like a fae sometimes with all the magic and even Mo can see the future in her dreams, so it's nice to have someone I can talk to about supernatural shit who's normal like me. Welcome to Team Muggle."

"Muggle? What-?"

"Done!" Bo exclaimed triumphantly, cutting Lancelot off midsentence. "What do you think?"

"Much better," Morgana said approvingly. "Don't you think so, Kenzi?"

"Hmm, let's see." Kenzi stepped forward to get a better look, only to freeze when Dyson turned in his seat to face her. Bo had left his hair just long enough to let it curl a little and trimmed his beard to the same length his twenty-first century counterpart had preferred, and the difference it made was startling; for a second, Kenzi wasn't sure which Dyson she was looking at. "Wow. Bo, you, uh..." Realizing Morgana was still watching her, waiting for her judgment and now looking confused at what must have seemed to her like an overblown reaction, she shook herself and said, "Well, you reduced his scruff factor by about ten levels. I can actually see a wolfman under all that hair now."

Her comment, delivered without her usual flair, sounded lame to her own ears, but it seemed to satisfy Morgana. "All you need now is new clothes," she told Dyson. "Luckily for you, Gwen is the best seamstress in Camelot."

"What sort of clothes do you have in mind?" Dyson asked suspiciously. "I'm warning you, I won't wear any ruffled shirts or feathered hats."

"Don't worry, those went out of fashion years ago...although Arthur did make Merlin wear one of the old feathered hats that used to be part of the servants' formal uniform once. I have no idea where he unearthed it from."

"Arthur made Merlin wear a hat?" Bo repeated while Kenzi burst into a fit of giggles. "With feathers? Describe."

"It was rather ridiculous," Morgana admitted with a slight laugh of her own, albeit one tinged with guilt since it came at her boyfriend's expense. "He wore it well, though, and the rest of the outfit looked quite good on him."

"I'm so mad that you weren't able to get a picture for us," Kenzi said, sighing regretfully over how the image of Merlin in a feathered hat had been lost to time.

"No, I'm afraid I never had much talent for drawing," Morgana said ruefully, "nor patience for other feminine arts such as music or embroidery. I always preferred riding and swordfighting, and it was too embarrassing trying to sew anything next to Gwen; her skill with a needle made my own poor efforts look even worse. Shall we go to her now? We can get food for lunch from the kitchens on our way out and take some for her as well."

Everyone agreed, except Lancelot - though he would have welcomed the chance to see Gwen again, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable by taking advantage of the opportunity to enter her home before she saw fit to invite him herself. Dyson raised an eyebrow at him when he made an excuse not to go with them, wondering why his friend wasn't being more assertive about pursuing the woman he'd been dreaming of for so long, but Lancelot gave a subtle shake of his head, and Dyson let the matter drop without a word.

###

Gwen was stitching fur trim onto a lord's cape when they arrived, but she happily set it aside when Morgana knocked on her door. "You're in luck," she said once her visitors explained what they were after. "I've made some extra clothes in my spare time that I've been meaning to try and sell, and I'm sure some of them will fit Sir Dyson." She looked the wolf up and down, measuring him with her eyes. "Yes, I believe I have a few items that are just your size. Since you're a friend of Morgana's, I can give them to you cheaply-"

"That won't be necessary," Dyson objected. "I'll pay you a fair price."

"With money you earned from Hengist?" Gwen's mouth thinned at the thought of accepting such tainted currency, which Hengist had doubtlessly stolen from people he'd terrorized and murdered.

"Some of it was earned in his fights, yes; some I took from the fort after Bo, Lancelot, and I dealt with his men. They didn't need it anymore." Seeing Gwen's appalled look - which was much the same as the one Lancelot had given him when he started collecting the coins; those two were well-suited indeed, he thought - he wiped away his devilish grin and tried to explain his reasoning. "Look, if I'd left it there, it would've fallen into the hands of the next group of bandits who laid claim to the place, who would've wasted it on cheap drink and women or used it for mischief. Better to give it to someone like you, don't you think?"

"Wow, who knew you were such a Robin Hood?" Kenzi remarked in a tone that somehow managed to perfectly blend admiration and sarcasm. "Minus the tights, of course."

"Don't worry, that was just Kenzi's unique sense of humor," Bo hastened to assure Dyson, before his tenuous faith in their fashion sense could be shaken again. "We won't put you in tights." To Gwen, she added, "He said no ruffled shirts or feathered hats either."

Finally relenting in her disapproval of how he intended to pay for his new clothes, Gwen allowed the corners of her mouth to curl upward. "I'll see what I can do."

A couple of hours and a few minor alterations later, she had outfitted Dyson with three new pairs of pants and a handful of tunics in white, sky blue, and navy. They had almost finished negotiating the price when Bo spied something poking out of a pile of fabric in the corner of Gwen's workspace.

"Hey, what's this?"

"Oh, that - it's nothing, really," Gwen said with an air of mild embarrassment. "The tanner gave me a bit of leather in exchange for mending his wife's favorite apron before she found out he'd torn it, so I decided to see what I could do with it, but I'm not sure how well it turned out. There wasn't enough for a proper jacket, and it's not the same as working with cloth..."

"We'll take it," Bo declared. "How much?"

"Now wait just a minute." Taking the vest from Bo's hands, Dyson turned it over, his brow crinkling thoughtfully as he ran his fingers over the rich dark brown leather. "This is quality work, no doubt about it, but I'm not sure it suits me."

"It does," Bo assured him, recalling the similar articles that were practically his future self's trademark. This one wasn't quite the same but, considering what Gwen had to work with, it was remarkably close. "Trust me, it's exactly what you need."

###

Dyson soon gave in and bought the vest along with everything else, then stepped into the small back room where Gwen slept to change. Once he'd modeled his new attire (much to the appreciation of the four women), they all ate lunch together; when their plates were clean, he and the ladies said their goodbyes and prepared to return to the castle so Gwen could get back to her work. Before they made it out the door, however, she called Morgana back.

"It slipped my mind earlier, but I meant to ask your opinion on something. Lady Cynthia sent me a length of silk with a request to make it into a gown like the ones you wear, but she... Well, she doesn't quite have your figure..."

"I should say not, given her propensity for having another child every two years or so and eating a steady diet of cakes in all the time between. Still, I'm sure if we put our heads together we can come up with something flattering to do with her silk."

"Thank you!" Gwen said with obvious relief. To Bo and Kenzi, she added, "I'm sorry for stealing Morgana away like this."

"It's fine - sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Is it cool if we don't wait around, though? Me and Bo can do major damage shopping for clothes, but making them isn't really our bag."

Gwen assured Kenzi that there was no need for her and Bo to stay, so Kenzi hustled Bo out of the house, secretly pleased with the turn of events. She had been hoping for a private moment with her best friend, and now there was only Dyson to get rid of. Her chance came as they passed a jewelry seller in the marketplace, and inspiration struck. Seizing Bo's arm, she squealed, "Bobo, c'mere - I just saw the awesomest necklace and we need to find matching earrings!"

As she'd hoped, Dyson's eyes glazed over after the first minute of watching them pore over the selection of gems. "You know, D-man, you don't have to wait for us; I get that this is probably pretty boring stuff for a guy."

"Maybe, but it's a knight's duty to escort ladies whenever they're outside the protection of the castle's walls and see that they return safely, as Prince Arthur was kind enough to remind me before we left."

"Please, we're big girls - if anyone tries to kidnap us in the middle of the town square, Bo and I'll unleash our deadly fae/human kickass combo on 'em." She demonstrated how she would deal with would-be attackers by kicking and karate chopping the air before adding, "Arthur's just being a potato head."

Her assessment of the prince earned a chuckle from Dyson. "I think you just insulted the potato. Very well, I'll see you later. Enjoy your shopping." With that, he turned and walked away.

Bo watched him vanish into the crowd, then turned to Kenzi. "Okay, it's obvious that these garnet earrings are the ones that go with your necklace, so now that you've very subtly gotten Dyson to leave us alone, what do you really want to talk to me about?"

"Dyson."

"What about him?"

"Come on, Bo - the haircut, the colors of his new shirts that you helped pick out...the vest? You turned him into a medieval-flavored carbon copy of our Dyson!"

She expected Bo to deny it, and for a second it looked like she was about to, but then she sighed and seemed to give in. "Maybe you're right."

"I usually am, but you're not even gonna argue?"

"Yeah, okay, maybe I did cut his hair the way I'm used to seeing it, and maybe I encouraged him to buy that vest because it looked familiar, but so what? What's that old saying - 'you build what you know', right?"

"Yeah, I guess, and I'm not complaining since those scraggly-ass braids did nothing for me. I dug our D-man's look too... I guess I just want to make sure you're not trying to change more than his style."

"What do you mean?"

"You know..." Kenzi gestured vaguely as if to illustrate her point. "Like trying to make him act more like our Dyson, not just look like him."

"Would it be such a bad thing if he did?" Bo asked softly. "He was one of our best friends, and if we could get him back in some way, don't you want that too?"

"Well, yeah. If I could go back to that night when the old man zapped us here knowing what would happen if I followed you out of the Dal, I'd still do it 'cause I'd rather be here with you than living in a world with cars and malls but no Bo, but I miss everyone too. I just don't want us to end up in a time travel movie scenario where you meet past versions of people you know, interfere with their lives without even knowing it, and when you get back to the present your parents never met and your best friend is now Fae Hitler or something."

Bo didn't respond right away; first she got choked up at Kenzi's reaffirmation of how she valued their friendship above everything else, then the time travel tangent that followed left her speechless. When she could talk again, all she could think to say was, "Have you ever thought that maybe you've watched too many movies?"

"Only all the time now," Kenzi replied with a knowing nod. "You don't realize how much time you spend in front of various screens until you end up in a place like this, but that doesn't mean the movies were wrong. There are important life lessons there!"

"In sci-fi?" Bo asked skeptically. "Even if things do work that way in real life, in the first place, my parents have already met according to Kilgharrah, since I was supposed to have lived here all along, and second, Dyson is not going to become Fae Hitler; I just don't think he has it in him. He may have been standoffish at first and went along with Trick's plan to 'protect' me by hiding the truth about my mother way too long before he finally decided to grow a backbone and come clean, but he was never evil."

"True that," Kenzi acknowledged. "It just doesn't seem fair to manipulate him into being what we want, you know?"

"I'm not manipulating him. Our Dyson started out as this guy, right? Maybe I'm nudging him along, but I think he'll eventually turn into the wolf we knew and loved on his own."

"And that's a great segue into the other thing that's been bugging me, because I did love Dyson, but not like you did." Seeing that Bo was about to protest, Kenzi said, "Need I remind you that on the night we got whisked off to the merry old land of Oz, he was the reason you drank yourself into a stupor that made you slower than a centenarian?"

"Half the reason," Bo demurred. "Seeing him with Ciara wasn't fun, but at least by then I'd had time to get used to it. But Lauren had just gotten back with Nadia-"

"And brought her to your birthday party the very same night before taking off with her in your car, I know. Which are all perfectly valid reasons to get drunk, but we're not talking about Lauren, because Our Lady of the Lab isn't here right now. Dyson is - a Dyson who's fully capable of falling in love with you all over again." Pausing for breath, Kenzi planted her hands on her hips and fixed Bo with a penetrating stare. "Is that gonna be a problem?"

"No!" Bo snapped, not appreciating the insinuation that she had no self-restraint when it came to pursuing anyone she might find attractive. "Why would it be a problem for you anyway? I thought you were Team Bo?"

"First and always, sweetie, which is why it hurts me to see you make things harder on yourself. We've already done a full dissection on your respective things with Dyson and Lauren, but at least they lived in the modern world, where a girl can take time to make up her mind. Somehow I doubt your current squeezes would be as understanding, especially since you've already signed on to Team Mergana, got the official jersey and everything. You know I've got your back no matter what; I just don't want to see you screw up a good thing when the other choice is still a giant question mark, you know?"

"Well, I appreciate your concern," Bo said in a slightly gentler yet still brisk tone, "but you don't have to worry. I'm totally monogamous now - at least as monogamous as you can be with two people... Di-ogamous, maybe? Anyway, I'm happy with Merlin and Morgana, and I'm definitely not looking for any more drama. I just want to be friends with Dyson, that's it." Guilt prickled at the back of her mind as she remembered her dream, but she resolutely ignored it.

At that moment, the jewelry vendor finished haggling with another customer and came back to them, her expression one of ill-concealed impatience. "Begging your pardon, my ladies, but have you settled on anything yet?"

###

Gwen chatted away while she and Morgana finalized the design for Lady Cynthia's new gown, but Morgana could tell her friend's thoughts were elsewhere. When Gwen pricked her finger on the needle - something she hadn't done in years - Morgana decided enough was enough. "Why don't you tell me what's really on your mind before you ruin this silk with bloodstains? Although saffron is such an ugly color to begin with, perhaps adding a bit of red would be an improvement."

Gwen smiled at the joke, but it soon slid away as her pensive expression crept back in. "It's Lancelot."

"Lancelot?" To Gwen's relief, Morgana didn't grin knowingly or make some inappropriate comment like she feared Bo or Kenzi would have (especially Kenzi, which was why she had decided to talk to Morgana alone first and save the other two for a last resort), but merely cocked her head thoughtfully. "Yes, I remember you were rather melancholic after he left. You were fond of him, weren't you?" She didn't know exactly what had transpired between her maid and the handsome warrior, but judging by the looks she'd seen him sneaking at Gwen during the celebration of his knighting and Gwen's obvious sadness at his departure, she had her suspicions.

"Well, yes, although nothing really happened; he wasn't here very long, and even though I admired his aspirations to become a knight, it wasn't until he went out to face the griffin that I truly saw the quality of his character."

"It was certainly an impressive feat - one none of our brave, noble knights could achieve." Morgana's lips twisted in satisfaction at the memory of how she'd teased Arthur about being bested by a commoner, and irritation at Uther's refusal to acknowledge his worth.

"It was, but I don't mean the fact that he killed it, just that he went at all. By that time Uther had stripped him of his knighthood, humiliated him in front of the entire court by saying he wasn't worthy of it, and thrown him in the dungeons; when Arthur released him, he could have left Camelot to its fate and no one would have blamed him - he certainly didn't owe Uther or his kingdom anything. Instead he risked his life against a monster everyone thought was unbeatable, even though he must have known Uther likely wouldn't thank him for it. He did it simply because it was the right thing to do."

"Well, it seems he's even more of a hero than I thought...so why aren't you pleased that he's returned? I would be overjoyed to have such a man smitten with me, which he clearly still is. Isn't that why he wanted to speak with you alone last night?"

"Yes," Gwen admitted, ducking her head self-consciously. "He was very polite about it, not at all forward, but I could tell he was...interested. He asked me to have dinner with him."

"Gwen, that's wonderful! What are you going to wear? I'd suggest your lavender dress, or maybe the pink one-"

"I didn't say yes," she blurted out, lowering her head even more. "I told him I'd think about it." Peeking up through her lashes, she saw Morgana gaping at her like she'd sprouted a second head.

"What?! Why?! After everything you just told me-"

"I know, I know!" Gwen interrupted her mistress again, running a hand through her curls in agitation. "That was more than two years ago, though, and I thought I would never see Lancelot again, so I knew I couldn't waste my life moping over what might have been. Whatever I might have felt for him, I put it behind me."

Morgana considered her words for a moment before speaking again, and when she did her voice was much gentler. "That doesn't mean he couldn't stir those feelings in you once more if you gave him a chance, does it?"

"I don't know. Perhaps, if I gave him a chance... I just don't know if I can. It's been so long, and...things have changed." She took a deep breath, gathering her courage to finally tell Morgana about her feelings for Arthur, when the other woman placed a hand on top of her clasped ones, causing her to look up.

"Not everything. Lancelot is still the same kind, decent man he was before, and you deserve someone like that, Gwen. I think you owe it to yourself to at least find out if you can rekindle your former feelings." A shadow suddenly fell over the jade-green eyes which had shimmered with sincerity only a second ago. "I sometimes worry that I've interfered with your chances of finding a good match by taking up so much of your time, keeping you cooped up in the castle with me so often. Goodness knows it's hard to find a man worthy of you there; the place is full of arrogant, strutting peacocks like Arthur."

"Arthur isn't so bad," Gwen protested, but Morgana just scoffed.

"He is," she insisted, recalling the obnoxious look he'd given her that very morning when he told her that after sneaking off to join Bo's rescue party, she was no longer allowed to leave the palace unsupervised, at least until Uther's fit of pique wore off - the prince's expression had practically screamed 'I told you so'. "It's fortunate that he has a crown to offer as an enticement to potential brides - otherwise I doubt any sane woman in all of Albion would have him - but let's not spoil our afternoon talking about him. Tell me, Gwen, can you honestly think of one good reason why you wouldn't be happy with Lancelot?"

Gwen briefly turned her eyes to the window to hide her dismay; obviously she couldn't tell Morgana the truth now, since her plans for the rest of the day did not include getting dragged off to Gaius to have her head examined. "No," she said with a sigh, "none at all."

###

Morgana ate dinner with Uther and Arthur that evening, per the king's request - which she suspected was really a thinly veiled excuse to verify that she was abiding by the terms of what Bo and Kenzi referred to as her 'grounding'. Sure enough, Uther took only one bite of his roast chicken before laying down his fork and fixing her with a scrutinizing gaze. "Arthur tells me you went into the lower town today."

She glared at Arthur, who at least had the decency to look down at his plate, before answering. "Yes, Sir Dyson accompanied Bo, Kenzi, and myself on a visit to Gwen's house. I had some mending for her."

"You could have sent it with a courier," Uther grumbled. "Still, if Dyson was with you..."

"He never let us out of his sight," Morgana lied.

"I've asked him to join the knights' training session tomorrow," Arthur spoke up, hoping to earn his way back into Morgana's good graces by drawing Uther's attention away from her. "I want to see if the warriors of Ailech are truly as fearsome as they're made out to be."

"Indeed - if even half of what I've heard of the Faelad Laignach is true, you should be in for a treat. Sometimes I long for the days when I myself was out in the yard, honing my skills with my comrades in arms..." Uther let out a small sigh; then, as if suddenly realizing he'd allowed himself to show a hint of vulnerability, he quickly replaced his wistful expression with the stern one everybody was used to seeing on his face. "And what of the other man, Lancelot? I trust there's been no sign that he still harbors subversive ambitions?"

"No, he's quite content with his new position," Morgana replied before Arthur could speak. "He's grateful to you for allowing him to stay, as am I."

Uther's eyebrows went up slightly at her last words. "Are you? I didn't know you had any connection with Lancelot."

"Not really - I hardly interacted with him during his previous visit. I was thinking of Gwen, not myself. She spent much more time with him than I did, and his departure was something of a blow to her."

There was a clattering sound to her right, and she looked over to see that Arthur had dropped a spoonful of mashed potatoes in his lap. Morgana rolled her eyes at him before turning back to Uther as the king's servant rushed to clean up the mess (though she did note with some amusement that Arthur looked slightly discomfited by the other man's diligence in ensuring that no stains remained on his pants).

"Well, I'm glad they've been reunited," Uther said politely, though she could tell by the distant look in his eyes that he wasn't really interested in a servant's affairs.

The casual dismissal of her best friend irked Morgana, and she decided to keep talking about Gwen just to annoy him. "Yes, I think they're a fine match. Lancelot is a kind, hardworking, down-to-earth sort of person-" Admittedly, his past dreams of becoming a knight weren't so down-to-earth, but she was laying it on a bit thick in order to convince Uther he'd done the right thing by rescinding Lancelot's unofficial banishment "-which is exactly what Gwen needs. I just hope she sees that sooner rather than later."

Uther made a noncommittal noise and began cutting up more chicken, and Morgana, sensing that the subject was closed, turned her attention to her own dinner. Neither of them noticed Arthur's uncharacteristically contemplative expression, or the way he was now picking at his food, hardly eating anything.

###

The royal family went their separate ways after finishing their meal, with Uther and Morgana both stating their intentions to retire to bed; Arthur, however, donned a dark blue cloak and slipped out of the palace, using the hood to obscure his face as he made his way into the lower town. The streets were deserted at this hour and most of the windows were dark, but he thought it better to exercise caution just in case a few people might still be awake. It wouldn't do for the crown prince to be seen visiting a maidservant so late at night.

Upon reaching Gwen's house, he was relieved to see a gleam of candlelight through the crack in her shutters, though the fact that she answered his knock with a shawl hastily thrown over her nightgown suggested she was just about to go to bed.

"Arthur?" she asked when he stepped inside and lowered his hood, so surprised that she forgot to maintain a semblance of propriety between them. "What are you doing here so late?"

"I'm sorry, but I had to see you. I had dinner with my father and Morgana tonight, and she had a great deal to say about you...and Lancelot. She implied that there were...feelings...between you and him."

"I can't believe she discussed that with you, much less the king," Gwen muttered, embarrassed.

"Is it true?"

"It was at one time," she confessed, raising her eyes to meet Arthur's so he could see her honesty. "I was impressed by his courage, but when he left I let go of whatever feelings for him I may have had. I've moved on."

She didn't say who she had moved on to, but the look in her eyes made her meaning clear...which made it even harder for Arthur to do what he'd come to do, what he knew he needed to do. Clearing his throat, he said, "Guinevere, do you...ah... Are you certain you're making the right decision?"

She frowned up at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Arthur rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Well, Morgana seemed to think Lancelot would be good for you-"

"Yes, she said as much to me earlier." Gwen's frown sharpened from confusion to disapproval. "You know Morgana is like a sister to me, but this is one instance where she doesn't know my mind - or my heart - as well as she thinks she does, and I do think she overstepped in discussing my affairs so openly."

"She made some valid points, though. Lancelot is a good man, and just think of all the things he can give you that I can't. You could have a proper courtship that wouldn't need to be hidden...even marriage, eventually...a family..." His stomach twisted painfully at the thought of her having all that with another man, of watching it play out right before his eyes, but he forced himself to say the words anyway.

Gwen didn't want to hear it, though; she was already shaking her head before he finished. "I don't care about that. I mean, yes, I do want those things someday...but only with you. I'll wait as long as it takes."

Her declaration sent another painful jolt through him, especially since he could see in her eyes that she meant every word; sadly, it also served to highlight the need for him to carry out his self-appointed task. "Guinevere...you can't. I know we've talked about our hopes for the future, but the reality is that things very likely won't work out the way we want. My father's reign will probably go on for several more years - perhaps even decades - and he's very concerned with ensuring the future of our house. There's every chance he'll see me married off to some foreign princess before he leaves the throne, so I can't let you waste your life waiting for something that may never happen, not when there's a better option right in front of you."

"I don't want a better option! I know our hopes may come to nothing, I know Uther might contrive to keep us apart, but I'm not willing to give up based on nothing more than fears and possibilities. Arthur...I love you."

It was the first time she had said those words to him, and hearing them was both agony and ecstasy - the latter because it would be a source of comfort and inspiration for the rest of his life to know he'd once earned the love of the most pure-hearted woman he had ever or would ever know, the former because he knew that, in spite of his own feelings, he had to let her go.

"Guinevere..." He took an involuntary step forward, lifting his hands as if to touch her soft, warm skin one last time before he regained his self-control and let them drop limply to his sides. "Believe me," he said hoarsely, "if I were free to follow my heart, nothing would bring me more joy than to make you my wife...but there's more than my personal happiness at stake. My marriage will affect the entire kingdom, and as the future king, it's my duty to marry someone who can offer a valuable alliance, someone who understands how to help me rule this land... Someone worthy to be Camelot's queen."

His words hit Gwen like a sword plunging into her heart, leaving her unable to speak for a moment. "Are you..." Her voice faltered too badly for her to go on, forcing her to stop and make a desperate effort to collect herself before trying again, though she wasn't sure how she was supposed to be calm and collected when the world had just fallen out from underneath her. "Are you saying you don't...find me worthy...of Camelot? Of you?"

The look of bewildered devastation on her lovely face was almost more than Arthur could bear, but he carefully schooled his features into the distant, impassive expression Uther wore in court, the one that showed hints of sympathy for petitioners' plights and righteous outrage at threats to the kingdom while making it clear that, as king, he was above the rule of such fleeting, irrational things as emotions.

"I'm sorry, Guinevere; it was inexcusable for me to have led you on as I have. Succumbing to such selfish weakness only shows that I am far from ready to assume the throne, but I have to do what I know to be right now, for Camelot's sake and for yours. Marry Lancelot, Guinevere - the two of you can make a good life together. I wish you every happiness-"

"Stop!" Even though he'd just broken her heart, even though she'd thought she was already hurting as much as she was capable of, seeing him act so much like Uther somehow wounded her all over again - but she refused to break down and beg him to change his mind. She drew in a deep breath, and when she spoke again her voice was as rigidly controlled as his, filled with as much dignity as she could muster. "Please leave."

Surprise flashed through Arthur's eyes at hearing her speak to him so coolly - at least she told herself it was surprise, because he had no right to be hurt, not when this was his choice - but he quickly suppressed it, his royal facade returning in full force. He gave a brief nod of acquiescence, then turned and left without another word. Only after latching the door behind him did Gwen let herself slide to the floor, finally releasing the tears that had been building up inside her throughout Arthur's speech and burying her face in her shawl to muffle her sobs.

###

Arthur walked away as fast as he could, reminding himself with every step that it had to be done, that Guinevere would be better off this way. Only when her house was out of sight did he pause in the middle of the dark, lonely street to wipe away the moisture gathering in his eyes.

That was painful to write...but as Jane Austen said, 'the course of true love never did run smooth'. You can expect more romantic drama in the next few chapters (I hope that won't bore anyone, but this is a character-focused story, with their feelings and choices driving the plot rather than the other way around) though I do hope to begin the next episode arc somewhere around chapter 40.