The house was quiet to our sleeping breathing. In a cool breath of winter air, my eyes fluttered open, greeting the dull ill-lit light of morning behind the curtains. The 'bed' under me moved, and it took a moment to notice the tan skin I lay over. The grogginess in my mind cleared, and I focused on Paul's sleeping face inches from mine.

Like this, he was so peaceful and calm. Almost beautiful. Rugged and handsome seemed to fit him better, but it was true. My heart completely adored every aspect of him, and the wildness in his heart was beautiful to me. Untamed and free, so much more than mine could ever be. The wolves had always seemed that way to me, whereas I and my pack could pass for humans. And if it weren't for outside factors, goodness knows we'd probably just live as humans then.

I was tempted to move when I remembered the house was empty. My memories of yesterday all seemed like a dream. After the wedding was the reception, and since it got dark so early, it all seemed so fast. I…remembered Jaio caught the bouquet, and…Charlie busted Chi when he tried sneaking into the bar. The thought made me smile, and pause to recall more. Emily got crazy with the pictures, and I think Feng got smitten with one of Emily's friend's daughters. Now, I remembered she offered to babysit him and Stormy till the honeymoon was over.

If Emily really did get crazy with the pictures, I'd have to rely on them to remember more. After Paul and I got home, that was all I could remember.

Naturally embarrassment burned my cheeks and I had to look away from absentmindedly gazing at his face. But, at least, it explained why he was still out.

"Goodness knows I spent less time sleeping." I murmured under my breath, making sure to be extra careful to move my bare frame away from him, yet still shyly keeping the comforter blanket around me. After a moment of careful moving, I made my way towards the restroom. The feeling of old makeup on my skin was suffocating. There, I dropped the comforter and turned the water on hot. The moment it was warm enough, I climbed in and swished the curtain shut after me. Somewhat awkwardly I covered my body, bowing my head.

I felt… off. I knew Paul was my husband now, so I had to adjust my mindset. Still, I couldn't shake this heavy, nagging feeling of dirtiness. Something that had no place being there, and I figured it was only a matter of time till it went away.

In place of most women flaunting their joy and wedding pictures on social media, I spent the first part of this new step in my life in the shower- crying.

I felt ridiculous, but I couldn't help it.

Paul was my first, honestly, and now I didn't know how to accommodate this new feeling. It was a mix of shame and loss- and my mind knew it was ridiculousness I would get over- but everything else disagreed right now. I'd never felt so weak and open. The last time I felt so vulnerable was at my father's funeral. I'd been so headstrong before his passing, that all the grieving friends and family expected me to lead my fragile mother. But I couldn't play the act. All the pain I'd been fighting came out at that moment. I bawled- loudly in front of all those people. I wasn't the strong person everyone wanted me to be, and I felt their disappointment.

Would Paul…?

No, I refused to let him see me like this. If he had an anxiety attack over breaking my tooth a few days ago, there was no way he could handle knowing this was his fault on such a personal situation. I resolved to distract myself. I was cleaning my hair, naturally facing the wall as always in case one of his goofy wolf friends came in.

And then the door opened.

My chest clenched in anxiety. Last night as the wedding night was a given. What couple wasn't overcome with desire and lust? Now, the cold morning air and hot shower had fully woken me up, successfully negating any leftover feelings of the night prior.

Wolves driven by instinct were another matter.

And still being very new to the next step in our relationship, I shrank away and covered up when the curtain briskly inched back.

"Morning kitten."

I was glad for my hair draping around me. He sounded so happy- so innocently carefree. Completely oblivious and ignorant to my inner dilemma. Was this just a woman thing? Media was wrong, so very wrong. They always portrayed sex as a liberating thing anyone could do, but here I was, twenty-five and feeling a very moral battle waging in my mind. My mind said to get over it. But I needed time- boundaries I'd have to restrict on my already patient wolf. Maybe it was my own instincts. Some sort of self-preservation instinct I didn't know about. What if I still felt threatened by something, my instincts were putting me through this hell to avoid any possible pregnancy.

Victoria came to mind, and it seemed like a reasonable theory.

Wolves were confident and reliant on another. Felines would always be looking out for themselves.

"Morning." I said a little too forcefully, trying to match his light tone. All the sudden, there was a thump next to me and the curtain swished shut. Warm arms wrapped around my waist, and like a little doll I was pulled against his muscled and soaked frame, with lips pressing briskly to my cheek- dotingly almost.

"Love you, Mrs. Lahote." He grinned. I could hear it. He was giddy, happy, and it was precious. And heartbreaking I was scared of my husband wanting another recreation of last night. And if I just put up with it, then it ruined the whole point of waiting traditionally for marriage, because there was nothing sweet and sacred about it.

The realization dawned on me- making the hot water feel freezing on my skin.

I was scared of Paul. Scared of lying to him, of putting up an act, of suddenly feeling different in my relationship with the man I loved.

Unfortunately, wolves were inhumanly keen. When he rested his head on my shoulder, he must have heard my pulse under my skin. That and my lack of response, since I had to focus on my breathing lest I break down, gave it away.

"Kitten?"

Did I suddenly miss that level of comfort I had only a day before? It felt like loss I needed to get over, and much like at my father's funeral, I couldn't hide anymore. Paul caught me before I busted my knees on the floor, leaving me a curled up mess against him.

I was grateful that instead of questions he was prone to, another instinct to comfort me overcame him. He carefully sat on the shower floor, pulling me tighter against his chest.

Oddly, I felt it was a good cry. There'd be no secrets with Paul- and that probably was more than half my trouble. It ended in minutes, and for a long while, we simply sat in the tub, letting the warm water pelt our bodies.

It felt like the tightness, and more importantly shame in my chest was lightening. I noted while one arm remained around my waist, the other was lifted, hand on my shoulder. His thumb was circling lightly for who knows how long now, and undoubtedly the source of my calming down. When my breathing slowed, and the moment had passed, I lifted my head.

Paul's head rested back against the wall, throat leaning back. Black hair clung over his eyes, but I could still see how clenched his jaw was. How each breath of his was careful and slow, avoiding any attention on my part, but his nostrils breathed in hard. Carefully struggled composure.

"I should have told you."

I would've been ashamed how cracked and whispery my voice was, but my focus was on him. There was a pause in his breathing, and he now realized I was paying attention to him. I focused on his neck, how the muscles gleamed slickly under the dull lighting.

"Let me take the blame on this one… If I hurt myself…or do something stupid…you can blame yourself and worry as much as you want."

It took a moment to see his dark eyes watching me under that equally dark hair.

"I didn't know." His voice was equally quiet, soft, matching mine.

I hesitated, but couldn't look away. "..it's not something I put on my resume…"

I could see it clearly. His lips quivered, and he struggled not to smile. Ultimately he had to when I could muster a lone, pathetic chuckle. "Also…there's something else I should've told you."

Paul gently moved me closer, just enough he could let his lips linger on my forehead.

"Anything." He murmured, so assuring and soft, not a soul but myself could hear it.

"We…kinda have a three o'clock flight to catch to California. I got this nice gift-card for a stay in a beach-house…which I figured would make a nice honeymoon… So…surprise? For your wedding gift." I murmured, hating to spring this on him now.

With his lack of response, I looked up at him again. He slowly closed his mouth, but his eyes remained wide.

"Two shapeshifters on a crowded plane…above the clouds…in a confined space for two or more hours." His smile was small and crooked. "You did say beach-house, right?"

I nodded slightly. Still, I couldn't tell if he was genuinely happy, or still trying to process it as he bowed his head over mine, laughing quietly to himself.

"Kitten, you're lucky I love you more than anything."

I settled comfortably in his arms, and with the warm shower and his embrace, it made for a comfortable feline.

His reassurance, without a word spoken, was all I needed. I could breathe again.

"I know."

.

.

.

The white rental Camaro that was ours smoothly went along the coast-side road. Here, the sunlight seemed to last longer. Tangibly brighter and warmer, it was a breath of fresh air compared to La Push. I was surprised by how easy it was reaching California.

This morning, after we got dressed and ready to leave, I started feeling much better. Only, once we arrived to the airport and boarded, it was my turn to comfort him. It was hard to tell with Paul, but as more people crowded the plane and he crammed into his window seat, his eyes would dart about and he clearly couldn't get comfortable. I was leaning towards guilt till I came up with a trick. The entire flight, I wrapped around his arm and snuggled against him, and only Paul would know about the steady purrs of a feline. I tried not to spoil Paul with purring too much, because I knew how much he loved it. It was a rare treat that worked 99% of the time.

His breathing slowed as he focused on the smooth, steady vibrations that matched my breathing. And when I sighed, it followed in my throat a little higher till it evened out.

Our little secret.

I decided to spill my last few secrets when we were almost there.

"By the way," I called over the air, with the roof down and all (much to Paul's enjoyment), "my mom's moving down here."

He blinked over with wide eyes for a moment. "Lei's moving?"

I nodded, gazing out at the shining blue sea nearby. It twinkling under the sun was something I could watch forever. "Yeah, she finally got tired of all the murders in Seattle. I guess it got to her. That or my bugging. Hopefully she'll be safer down here."

"Yeah." He agreed, furrowing his brow. I was touched he cared about her.

"Anyway, she's the one that gave me the gift-card. And she made me promise her that we'd visit before we fly back."

"Is she nearby?"

"Enough. It's a cozy neighborhood not far from the sea. It's such a relief she's able to retire comfortably. I wanted to check it out anyway."

Paul leaned his head back into the leather cushion comfortably. I could tell he was liking this car too much. After a minute he perked up, squinting under the warm Californian sunlight. "Tell me that address again? For the beach-house."

I looked at the slip of paper Lei had given me, repeating it to him.

Slowly he smiled and coasted. "We just passed the road sign for the area. I think it's that house."

I squinted too to peer into the distance. Sitting on the coastal hill, with the sun sitting behind it was a tall, beautiful beach-house on stilts. The large balcony I could see from here that overlooked the grand ocean was enough for me to immediately recognize- I'd want to live here.

In moments we parked along the road to the house, vaguely spotting some other similar houses a good distance off. I had barely a chance to eagerly start for it till Paul whooshed by me.

His spare glance over his shoulder- with his big smile was like a kid in a candy store. Neither of us had been in a place like this, and we weren't hesitating to explore. Feeling oddly childlike, I laughed and raced in after him. I couldn't help but awe at the spotless, shining hardwood floors and tall, white walls that led up to the second floor. Massive floor to ceiling windows lit up the backside of the house, as if the balcony didn't let us see the ocean enough. Not a single lamp was needed with the natural light. The kitchen was huge, simply put. It seemed a bit frivolous, but pleasant looking enough. I found myself on the backside balcony, leaning over the freshly painted white railings and gazing out.

The coastal breeze smelled like salt and sand, and distantly a few careless seagulls squawked far off. I heard Paul thumping around upstairs, probably running around and seeing all there was to see.

Of course, only I would see this side of him. Where he held off the tough guy act and let his excitement show. It was boyish and adorable.

As my gaze lingered on the ocean, admiring how it shone like millions of diamonds in a sea of blue, burning tan arms wrapped around my middle. Lips pressed to my ear, and I could feel the smile on his lips.

"You are the best wife ever."

"Technically I have the best mom ever, but thanks."

Paul kissed my ear again, then my cheek, and from the loving tenderness in his slow kisses, I looked at him. He kissed my lips, and I recognized the kiss. Only it was less passionate than before, and more meaningful now. Paul's heart was soaring with something he only dreamed of.

When he broke away, we held another's gaze, though his gaze was soon to be hesitant.

"Kitten… I don't want to do anything that jeopardizes us. I'd rather have your heart, your soul- you, be more comfortable with me than your body. I won't rush-"

I jumped up, wrapping my arms around his neck and silenced him with a kiss.

Afterwards, I inched away. "I think…" I began, hesitantly. "I didn't have much time to...to think it through last time. To get ready." I clarified, whispering. "But I love you Paul. I know you would never hurt me. And the fact you care enough only makes me love you more." I couldn't help but smile at his beautiful mocha orbs. So soft and open, something nobody else would see. "If it was even possible." I mused, trailing my nose against his. I bit my lip when his lips twitched, ticklish and trying not to grin.

I didn't think it was possible to adore someone as much as I did now.

And when that tiniest remnant of fear loomed in the corners of my mind, trying to torment me once again, I felt an overwhelming warmth in his embrace. That as he smiled down at me, everything would be alright. An image flashed through my mind, and I swore it was real.

Soft, sweet little giggling. Big brown and hazel-like eyes. Little braids and dirt-stained cheeks-

Only then did I realize what I'd been wanting as much as Paul. That feeling he'd expressed occasionally, an instinct I never thought twice about. An instinct that suddenly became real in my chest, and in my heart. To make room for one…or two more.

Paul's face was priceless when I jumped up into his arms, pecking his lips.

"We have this huge place to ourselves, might as well enjoy it."

He only grinned, seemingly relieved that I was more myself. It felt nice. Like I could breathe again. After a moment, he clearly thought of something and his grin became a smirk. My hackles instantly rose at the mischievous look in his eyes.

"Y'know…I did actually get a gift at my bachelor's party. Meant to be funny but I think it's more suited for you."

Uh oh.

With one arm under me for support, he moved his right arm behind him and whipped something out from his back pocket, too quick for me to see. The next thing I knew, something was atop my head.

I squinted at a nearby window for my reflection, blinking.

Cat ears.

"You got some kinda kink?" I had to laugh. My wolf only snickered and carried me inside, rather cheesily bridal style.

"Maybe. What wolf would put up with this much cat?" he teased, smirking still.

I distracted him with a kiss, instead placing the flimsy headband on his own head.

"You're right." I mused against his lips. "You are weird."

Paul dropped me on a bed, and I got lost in the covers with my ridiculous new husband.

Our honeymoon was as expected. Romantic, long nights, and growing so close to Paul, I could hardly withstand the growing adoration in my heart… Yet, in spite of that, I grew closer to my best friend. Much like in La Push, we were attached at the hip. Sight-seeing, walking anywhere together really, or simply having a playful argument on the couch till it escalated to food being thrown…or, as Paul tended to lean towards, having a 'fight' till I was crying in laughter, and he was always smug.

These simple, happy and slow days would mean the world to me.

Only, I wouldn't realize it till myself and everything I loved was thrown into chaos.