''Why did I let it come to this?''
''I think the easiest way to answer this is, that I didn't want to endanger the both of you.'' She looks up at her daughter shaking her head as she opens her mouth to reply and sighs. ''If you want to hear my part of everything, let me talk okay?''
She takes a sip of her wine as Brittany nods her head and gulps. ''I didn't want to bring the both of you into any kind of danger because he threatened to hurt the both of you when you were little, along the years I accepted my fate because Emily was still there with us and as long as he had me to hit he would leave her alone.''
''He hit you?'' Brittany asks shocked.
''Every damn day Brittany but I accepted those hits knowing the both of you were safe, whenever he was angry I told him to let it out on me because I didn't want to see you or Em get hurt.''
''Why the he…''
''Why I didn't tell anyone?'' Susan asks cutting her off, she chuckles sadly and shrugs. ''Because I was scared to lose the both of you but in the end I still lost you, I was a damn coward Brittany and opted to let him take the decisions so the both of you still had the chance to meet up secretly.''
''As for why I am standing up for myself now.'' She continues looking back up locking eyes on her daughters stormy blue orbs. ''Well Santana kinda opened my eyes and Emily will graduate soon meaning, he will have less control of her life and as soon as she moved she is also out of the danger zone and he only has me to control and I am sick of it.''
''Why didn't you let me help you?'' Brittany asks hurt filling her voice. ''I offered you my help the day he kicked me out because I noticed the angst in your eyes, but you blew me off and walked away letting him kick me out completely.''
''I was scared and still had Emily to think of.'' Susan tells her softly, Brittany's eyebrows raise in surprise and shakes her head.
''Alright that is bullshit.''
''Sis.''
''Babe.''
''B.'' Emily, Santana and their friend start in unison, Brittany shakes her head holding up her hand and chuckles emotionless.
''No hear me out.'' She tells them locking eyes with her mother. ''If you still had Emily to think of you would have tried to do what is best for her meaning buying her food, clothes and other things she might need but you didn't.'' She glances around at the group sitting by them seeing the realization dawn in on them and squeezes her girlfriends hand softly as she hears her apologize softly, she turns back to Susan and raises an eyebrow. ''Care to explain to me why?''
She hums as she sees her opening and closing her mouth searching for an answer and sighs. ''That's right you can't because your are still partly to blame mom, yes he is the worst one out of the both of you but you are an alcoholic and most of your money flow into the booze you buy for yourself and try to hide in your bedroom.''
''How did you?'' Susan asks shocked, Brittany leans forward grabbing her own beer and takes a sip forcing a smile.
''I found your bottles a few weeks before he kicked me out, I didn't want to say something because it looks like you are a functional alcoholic but neglecting your child because of that? Nah that's something that doesn't sit well with me and yes I am speaking of just one child because I had four years to work through the shit the both of you did to me and had several therapy sessions because of that as far as I know my parents are fucked up and not someone I would like in my life, I am only here to be near Emily and I know that you are trying to clear the air between us but I am not interested until you can prove to me that you are sober for at least a few months.''
''You can't shove me into the same drawer he is in!'' Susan exclaims shocked, Brittany shakes her head and shrugs.
''I don't he is in the drawer of asshole who I never want to have in my life again, you are in the drawer of blinded by addiction. I am open to let you into my life but only if you can show me that you are sober mom, the person you are now is not someone I want in my environment.'' She places her bottle back down and sighs. ''I don't have only me to think of and the people I love the most don't have to be around an alcoholic, sure we drink around them but we keep it by one bottle and there's that.''
Santana runs her thumb over the back of her girlfriends hand knowing she is talking about Bella and squeezes her hand softly, Brittany turns to look at her and smiles slightly shooting her a wink. She turns back to Susan and clears her throat. ''Look the teens are all graduating in about a month, they will all move to the same city together and Puck and I will move there too because we promised it Em. If you are around I will be civil but if he is there I will stay clear, Em already saw too much when she was little and I am not ready to show others just how bad he is so if I can prevent that I will.''
''You can't force me to become sober Brittany.'' Susan tells her frowning, Brittany shakes her head and forces a smile.
''I am not forcing you to anything, I am just telling you that as long as you befriend the bottle you won't be a part of my life.'' Brittany runs a hand through her hair and sighs. ''You might have fooled some of the people here but you forgot that I know you better mom, yes you aren't as bad as he is but you have your own problems and let it out on your children just not in the way he does.''
''Look I went through a lot of shit already and I don't want to start that up once again, I went through a hell of a lot therapy sessions to get over everything and am finally happy again. I don't want to ruin my life again by trusting someone blindly, so if you want to have me in your life get sober, if not no problem there either I already grew up without you for the past almost five years and I can continue just doing that.''
''You do realize how harsh you sound right?'' Susan asks frowning reaching for the bottle, Brittany leans forward grabbing it before she can and shakes her head.
''Nope if you want to continue drinking please leave and do that in your house, we have a little girl fast asleep down the hall who doesn't have to wake up and see you drunk out of your mind.'' She holds the bottle out for Jake shooting him a grateful smile as he immediately stands up to bring it in the kitchen and turns back to her mother. ''As for me sounding harsh, yeah that might be for you but for me it's just how I want my life to run, I don't have only me to think about anymore and I am not about to risk everything else in my life just to feel like I have a mother again.''
''Why didn't I know this?'' Emily asks looking between her mother and sister hurt clear in her voice, Brittany turns to her before their mother can reply and pulls her in a hug kissing the top of her head.
''I didn't want you to have the same view on her as I had, even if she didn't do much financially she still somehow is a part of your life and I wanted to keep it like that.'' She locks eyes with their mother and sighs. ''I didn't want you to hate her the way I did, when I was overseas I knew Puck was around but I also knew you somehow still had her in your life if shit went downhill fast.''
''You tried to save her?'' Susan asks incredulously, Brittany shakes her head and sighs.
''No I tried to save you because you already lost one daughter, losing the second would send you deeper into the bottle.''
''I am not a damn alcoholic Brittany!'' Susan exclaims her voice raising as anger courses through her body, Brittany sits up after softly pushing her sister in Quinn's arms and locks eyes with her mother raising an eyebrow in warning.
''Keep your voice down or you can leave right now, just like I said before we have a little girl asleep right down the hall and she doesn't need to see you.''
''Are you embarrassed by me?'' Susan asks shocked, Brittany nods her head and sighs.
''Right now? Yes I am, but I care more about that little girl because she already went through hell even though she is so young and I don't want to add something on top of that now that she is finally happy and can live her live like a normal three year old would!''
Santana smiles lovingly squeezing her girlfriends hand knowing she means her and her daughter when she talks about the other people in her life she doesn't want to harm and locks eyes with Mercedes slightly nodding her head silently telling her that she knows just how serious Brittany is about their relationship all doubts slowly fading away.
''You know I was against him kicking you out, but slowly I realize just why he did it.'' Susan tells her scoffing, Brittany's eyebrows raise in surprise knowing the alcohol is kicking in and smirks.
''Oh yeah? Please enlighten me.''
''He was scared you would infect your sister with your lifestyle but even if you weren't living with us you still did somehow.''
''Oh wow the god loving alcoholic is speaking, continue.'' Brittany replies snickering, she grabs her sisters hand in her own squeezing it softly and shoots Puck a small smile as she sees him stand up together with Jake.
''We raised you right but you still deviled our house with your lifestyle, why?'' Susan asks her frowning, Brittany shrugs her shoulders and chuckles.
''Don't know, you gave birth to us and being gay is not something you pick up from other people it's not a sickness.'' She let's go off the hands she is holding and braces her arms on her legs locking eyes with her mother. ''But please tell me this, why are you loving your booze so much when god says The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.''
She shrugs her shoulders as she sees her eyes widen in shock and sighs. ''Galatians 5:19-21 if I remember correctly.'' She stands up hissing softly as her leg protests and nods her head to the door. ''You can leave, the booze is kicking in and I don't want to talk anymore.''
Susan jumps up growling as she grabs her purse and glares at her oldest. ''You will hear from me again.''
''I didn't expect anything less but try to keep sober for that or you will get kicked out again.'' Brittany tells her holding her glare as Jake and Puck lead her out of the apartment, she drops down as soon as she leaves the living room and immediately pulls her sister in her arms. ''You okay Kiddo?''
''How can she switch from sad to angry in a matter of seconds?'' Emily asks frowning, Brittany shrugs her shoulders thanking the boys with a fist bump as soon as they walk back into the room and turns to her sister.
''In the end it was the booze speaking sis, she is sick and not ready to get help so it will only get worse.''
''Am I the only one shocked that Brittany recited gods saying?'' Mercedes asks trying to enlighten the mood, Emily burst out into a fit of giggles and shakes her head.
''No I was too, where did you find that B?''
Brittany shoots Mercedes a grateful smile and looks down at her sister smiling lovingly as she cuddles back into Quinn's arms, she leans back herself settling herself into her girlfriends embrace ignoring her best friends shocked looks and snickers. ''Army whenever we were bored we would throw out sayings of god to pass the time, that was one of them and right after we took a few shots.''
Emily shakes her head and giggles tiredly. ''You are crazy.''
''You just realized that?'' Brittany asks amused as she feels her girlfriend shake in silent laughter, she nudges her sister with her foot as she yawns and smiles. ''Are you sleeping here?''
Quinn nods her head kissing the top of her girlfriends head and smiles. ''Yeah we are leaving right after the party tomorrow and already have our bags in Puck's truck, is that okay?''
Brittany nods her head and smiles. ''The couch is all yours.'' She turns to Mercedes and smirks. ''You staying too superstar?''
''Like I would miss your birthday soldier, of course I am staying here.''
''I already made your bed and Bell's is happy that you are sleeping in her room again Cedes.'' Santana tells her before her girlfriend can reply, Puck turns to his brother and chuckles.
''You can either crash with me or take the love seat bro.''
Brittany rubs her eyes tiredly and slowly stands up. ''Alright you all know where to find the shit you need, I need my bed after this shitty meeting.'' She leans down kissing her sisters cheek and smiles lovingly. ''Good night sis, love ya.''
Santana watches her girlfriend say good night to everyone and slowly stands up herself, she hugs her best friends kissing their cheeks and ruffles Emily's hair. ''I am glad we managed to convince her Em, love you.''
''Love you too S.'' Emily murmurs tiredly, Santana smiles standing back up and follows her girlfriend down the hall to their room after wishing everyone else a good night.
She smiles in amusement as she watches her girlfriend fall face first into their bed and walks over to her after closing the door, she leans down kissing her shoulder softly and pats her ass. ''Change first, mi amor.''
Brittany hums softly kicking off her shorts still laying down and turns her head to look at her girlfriend as she changes. ''Are you okay?''
''I have to ask you that.'' Santana tells her softly chuckling softly as she watches her take off her shirt and slide underneath the blanket, she throws her the long shirt she loves to wear to bed and crawls in beside her cuddling into her arms as soon as she holds them open for her.
''I am alright baby, I kinda knew this would happen and that you would go to her but I am just glad you waited until he left.''
''You are not angry?'' Santana asks softly as she looks up at her, Brittany shakes her head leaning down and kisses her softly.
''No I am not because I would have done the same for you love, I didn't really know how the conversation would go but that it turned out like this was in the back of my mind. The decision lays with her now, if she want to be a part of my life she can and if she doesn't want that I am okay with that too.''
''Are you really?'' Santana asks softly leaning up on her elbow as Brittany slides down to lay down completely, Brittany nods her head and shrugs.
''Yeah I already talked too much about everything that happened and worked the things bothering me out, sure I would be happy if she will decide to be a part of our lives but if she doesn't I won't miss it either because I already live without her for almost five years.''
''Thank you.'' Santana murmurs randomly, she chuckles as Brittany's eyebrows raise in confusion and sighs softly.
''During the talk and now too, you often used the word we and not I. You aren't taking the decisions purely for yourself but you are also including me and Bella into it, those small doubts I still had nagging in the back of my mind kinda vanished the second I heard you tell her to leave if she continued being loud because you didn't want Bella to hear her.''
''You and Bella belong to my family babe and the both of you went through hell already, having my family stress thrown in now that your lives are finally looking up is not necessary at all. I worked past all problems I had regarding them and am looking forward to spend my life in happiness now, sure it will still be stressful for a bit but as soon as you graduate all puzzle pieces will fall into place and we can finally just be us.''
Brittany looks up at her smiling lovingly and reaches up cupping her cheek, she pushes herself up kissing her softly and sighs into the kiss. ''Besides if I had to choose between the both of you and my fucked up folks I would choose you and Bella every damn time because the both of you make me happy.'' She pauses dropping back down and smirks. ''Besides I will take love, making love and playing dress up over talking about church and shit.''
Santana burst out laughing and shakes her head softly slapping Brittany's abs. ''Please never use that in one sentence again.''
''What?'' Brittany asks amused as her girlfriend continues giggling.
''The making love and dress up in one sentence is just wrong, add the church shit and I had just a role playing nun porn in my head.''
Brittany breaths out a laugh and shakes her head. ''You and your weird dirty mind love.''
''You put that thought in my head.'' Santana exclaims still laughing, Brittany pulls her down and snickers.
''Right, you fantasizing about making love to a nun?'' She tilts her head and chuckles. ''I am sure we can rent a costume for that, I don't think it would fit me though.''
''Hell no!'' Santana squeaks out laughing louder. ''Please never rent that I think I would die from laughter and nothing else would happen.''
Brittany chuckles pulling her against her side as she continues giggling and kisses the top of her head. ''I don't think we need costumes love, the only costume you need is your birthday suit.''
''Horn dog.'' Santana breaths out still laughing softly, Brittany snickers reaching down and slowly tilts her head up with her finger. She tilts her head down kissing her softly and leans their foreheads together smiling lovingly.
''Have you seen yourself? You are drop dead gorgeous love, not even a blind would be left cold.''
Santana smiles softly pecking her on the lips and lays back down nuzzling her face under her chin, she slides her hand up under the long shirt she wears and covers her heart with it. ''I love you Britt-Britt.''
''And I love you San.''