If you recognize it, it is not mine.
The following chapter contains references to the episode Hawk's Nightmare.
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As the dawn broke, the personnel of 4077 was still occupying the land of dreams. Except for those who were working, everyone was sleeping off either a massive hangover or, as in the case of Frank Burns, the night shift.
There was a strong possibility of a thunderstorm hanging in the air, because dark clouds had been gathering overhead for quite some time. Humidity was so high that one could feel it when breathing. And sure enough, even before the camp woke up, rain was blasting the area.
One person after another, dressed in the standard army green raincoat, was coming into the mess tent, getting cups of hot coffee in hope of warming up in the adverse weather. The poker players were among the most tired, since they went to sleep so late. Colonel Potter was going over the duty roster with Claudia, because some people had fallen ill. It was nothing more than the annoying flu, but it still required extra work from others.
Before she had learned of the ill, Claudia asked the Colonel to give Hawkeye some time off, which now would be probably impossible. He hadn't yet talked to her since his session with Sidney. She wondered if she should go find him, but in the end decided to give him some space to think things through. The breakfast conversation was rather interesting. In the middle of a coffee versus tea argument, Hawkeye and Sidney walked in the tent. They joined the queue, waiting for their meal, chatting casually.
Claudia watched their interaction. Hawkeye didn't look good, in fact he looked exhausted. His movements were slow, his posture was tense and there were prominent dark circles around his beautiful eyes. He was snuggled in his raincoat and tiny droplets were making their way down as Hawkeye gestured wildly during the conversation. However, he seemed to be speaking in short sentences, mostly he just listened to the psychiatrist.
Sidney and his tired patient made their way to the table, sporting minimum of food on their tray and big cups of army coffee. Sidney sat down next to Radar, who was talking to Klinger, and so Hawkeye had to walk around the table to the only free spot between Claudia and Colonel Potter. Greetings were exchanged and then the conversations continued. Hawkeye was eerily quiet, his eyes glued to his scrambled eggs, but Claudia was hesitant to address that.
"How are your eggs?" She turned to him, softly stroking his knee under the table. He didn't pull away, but didn't encourage the contact either.
"Pretty powdered. What about your soup?" His voice sounded very raspy, and he still didn't look up from his meal. Claudia was getting worried.
"You know, great as usual." She answered, locking eyes with Sidney. She saw him shake his head little and so she let Hawkeye alone.
"How long are you going to be here, Sidney?" Claudia wanted to know.
"I have to get back, I will probably be leaving before lunch."
"You will be missed." Claudia gave him a nice wide smile.
"Especially during poker." Klinger noted, laughing.
"You know what they say, Sidney? Unlucky at cards, lucky in love." Claudia teased him.
"Hello, everybody." Father Mulcahy's greetings were interrupted by Radar getting up and going back to work. He needed to catch up on some paperwork and some mail was expected as well. The good news was that the good father therefore had a place to sit.
Claudia didn't have the mood to join much in the conversation. Her eyes always returned to Hawkeye eating quietly by her side. He was in pain. She wanted to help him, but didn't know how to lure him away from the crowd. And he wouldn't opened up to her in front of everybody. Despite his clown persona, he wasn't big on sharing his feelings publicly.
Before Claudia could resolve her dilemma, Hawkeye got up and hurried out of the mess tent. Claudia wanted to follow him, but since she didn't really eat any of her meatloaf it would seem rather weird. Then she looked across the table at the good father.
"Well, Father." Claudia started, laughing. The meatloaf isn't that good. Are you that hungry?"
"I don't know. This morning, I like it."
"Igor told me he used different herbs, but still, I can't tell. But you are certainly a connoisseur that noticed. Want mine as well? I don't want it. My eyes thought I was hungrier."
"Oh, thanks, Claudia. Much appreciated."
After that exchange Claudia darted outside. Hawkeye was headed to the Swamp, walking slowly, with his head hung low. She called for him, but he didn't answer. It was possible she was too far away.
"Dr. Pierce?" She called again, louder this time. He turned, surprised at the official address. That moment of him freezing was just enough for her to catch up with him. Hesitantly he looked at her, locking his eyes with hers.
"Yes?" His voice was quiet, she was barely able to hear what he said.
"Are you alright?" Claudia asked, her hand searching for his. He didn't move and it made her stop.
"Don't want to talk."
"That's fine. But that doesn't mean you have to be alone." She grabbed his hand finally, and led him to her tent. He didn't resist, following her steps through the camp to her door.
While he didn't want to talk and worried that they would talk when they'd be alone, it felt nice to be in her tent again. The familiarity felt nice. He would be able to tell it was her tent just by the intoxicating smell of her perfume and vanilla soap.
They took their boots off and lied down on the cot, facing each other. Hawkeye smiled uncomfortably, still unsure of himself. Claudia gently put her hand on his hip, caressing his side.
"Sidney didn't pull any punches, huh?" She smiled, scooting over to be closer to him. Their bodies touching, she felt him relaxing into the contact. "You should have told me you were struggling, Hawkeye."
"I wanted to avoid making it more difficult for you."
"By avoiding me? Please never do that. You are too cute." She pressed a quick chaste kiss on his lips. He gave her a sad smile in return. "It's perfectly normal you needed some time to process it. It was hard for me to accept it, too."
He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her body against his. "I could imagine spending the rest of my life with you." He said it quietly, hesitantly, almost like it was a shocking confession. In a way it was. They avoided talking about the future and therefore Claudia had no idea what Hawkeye's thoughts were regarding that.
"Were your feelings for me the reason for your nightmares?"
Claudia felt his arms tighten around her body in an instant, but it took some time before he spoke.
"I guess so. I can't imagine my life without you in it, Claudia."