Chapter 38

Within seconds of lying down on Gwen's spare bed, Merlin was asleep. It hadn't taken long for them to figure something out. Seeing as Morgana and Leon were both seriously hurt, Elyan had agreed to look after Luke and Belle for a few more nights until Leon was up to taking care of them. Gwaine and Percy had Eira, Will and all three dogs staying with them because they were barely hurt at all. Gwen had promised to pick up at least Will, Killi and Aithusa the next evening and they'd re-discuss everything then. For now, she'd taken Griff and Merlin back to her house.

It felt a little unfair that the others were juggling four kids, one baby and three dogs between them but Gwen and Merlin had only a cat. No one had protested, though. Arthur was potentially inches from death and Lancelot couldn't walk so it wasn't much surprise that neither of them could focus on looking after children.

They'd arrived at Gwen's at about mid-day. Merlin went straight to bed and passed out immediately while Gwen gave Griff some TLC and started making some dinner. Merlin dragged himself out of bed long enough to eat what Gwen had prepared and then they both stumbled straight back into their respective rooms and didn't emerge until late the next morning.

Somehow, Merlin managed to get his head straight enough to make Gwen breakfast but immediately afterwards, went back to his secluded, depressed manner.

Gwen drove them both to the hospital and Merlin went straight to Arthur's room.

Hunith stood up and hugged him, "I have to catch a flight home before they come and manhandle me back. I think I'll be on the naughty step for a while."

"I'm sorry, mum."

"Don't be silly, I chose to come and I wouldn't be anywhere else. Besides, what are they really going to do once they know the truth, hm? Most of the staff are parents they'd do the same thing."

Merlin smiled, "I love you so much, mum. Thank you for coming, stay safe."

"I'll text you."

"You'd better."

Hunith went over to Arthur and took his hand, "Merlin's going to look after you, don't worry, ok? I love you, Arthur, we all do. I expect to hear your voice down the phone soon enough."

Merlin walked Hunith to the exit and waited for her taxi to arrive and then went to see Leon. "How're you doing?" he asked.

Leon looked up, "I must say I'm luckier than you were when you got shot in the arm. Look at this!" he wiggled his fingers about.

Merlin smiled with his mouth but not his eyes, "I'm jealous. Although technically it was the knife that disabled my arm. The bullet went in my side. How's Morgana?"

"She'll be ok. Her insides were a bit of a mess but she's fine."

"Good."

"Do you know about Lance?"

"He's going home tomorrow. Can't walk but it should heal with time if he's careful."

"Here, have you seen this?" Leon passed his phone over to Merlin.

It was open on a news article. A photograph at the top showed the entrance to the Albion offices. Flowers and cards were stashed up by the door. Balloons reading 'Get Well Soon' were littered a couple of metres off the ground. There were teddy bears and boxes of chocolates amongst the flowers.

"It's like we're dead," Merlin said.

"Read the comments, though."

Merlin scrolled down a bit where there were quotations of people who'd been outside. They all said something equally touching.

"They didn't do it because we did die," Leon said, "They did it because we were ready to. Happy to. For them. Poor Eoghan's swamped."

"We don't have enough vases in the office for all of those," Merlin managed to joke.

Leon's eye glinted, "I'm sure we'll find some. Gwen and Morgana can fight over taking some home."

"People did this for us and we don't even know them."

"Keep scrolling," Leon suggested.

Merlin did. There were more photos, similar scenes but not outside the office. "That's Camelot," Merlin said in shock, "And Ismere."

"And Albion and Mercia and Nemeth," Leon said, "And?"

Merlin looked down to the final photo, "But it's the middle of the night there!"

"They had all of yesterday."

The last picture was of Albion, the new one in America. They hadn't been particularly creative with the name and it had made it a bit more confusing having the entire company, an English branch and an American branch all with the same name. But they felt it was right to call it that. It was the first of their hotels in a different country and there wasn't anything else like it in America.

"Camelot and Albion are sending all their stuff to the offices too for us. Everywhere else will post the cards and keep everything else somewhere safe."

"We're going to get fanmail."

Leon laughed, "There's something to tell Arthur."

Merlin smiled, "I'm sure he'll love to hear it."

"I'm allowed to go later."

"It's chaos. I'd stay here as long as possible."

"How are the kids?"

"Confused and scared. Elyan's suggested bringing them in later so they can see everyone."

"Yeah, he called me. I said I'd have to see Morgs first to check she's ok with it and she doesn't look too bad. They're shaken up enough as it is, if they see her in a bad way, it'll make it worse."

"Of course."

"I want to see them though. So does Lance, apparently. Gwaine's bringing Will later."

Merlin nodded, "I'll go see Morgana now, if you want."

"Doing the rounds, are you?"

"Sort of."

Leon's eyes softened, "Avoiding Arthur's room?"

Merlin nodded, "It's harder than I thought it would be. When I'm not there I can convince myself it isn't happening. But when I'm there all I can imagine is the heart monitor flatlining or his breathing stopping."

"When's he getting out the ICU?"

Merlin shrugged, "Tomorrow maybe. Depends how he goes today."

"Will they wake him up if he's moved?"

"Maybe. He'll be in so much pain, though."

"If they're talking about moving him, surely that's a good thing."

"Either they move or he dies," Merlin said, "We find out by the morning."

Leon sighed, "I'm sorry, Merlin."

"I'll go and see Morgana. Anything you want me to tell her?"

"Just that I'll see her later. Thanks, Merlin."

Merlin handed Leon his phone, offered a tiny smile and left. He went straight to Morgana's room. She was on a bay with other people, unlike Leon and Arthur.

"Hi, Morgs," Merlin sat down and took her hand.

"Squid," she croaked.

Merlin smiled softly, "How're you feeling?"

"Sore."

"Leon's asking about you."

Morgana smiled drowsily, "Tell him I'm fine."

"He's going to come and see you later. He wants to know if he can bring the kids."

Morgana nodded, "I want to see them."

"Ok, I'll tell him."

"Arthur?" she asked.

Merlin shrugged, "We don't know yet."

Morgana squeezed his hand, "Why aren't you with him?"

"Sick of me, are you?"

"Merlin."

"It's too hard. Besides, you're actually aware that you have visitors. I'm going back once I've seen Lance."

"Is Gwen not with him?"

"She's taking Will for lunch and coming back after."

They chatted for a while then Merlin made his way to see Lance. His friend was asleep and Merlin considered staying until he woke up but thought it was probably more important for Lance to be awake for his son so just left again.

And so he found himself back beside Arthur. Instinctively, he looked at all the machines, not that he knew what any of them meant. But no alarms were going off and Arthur looked as good as could be expected so Merlin sat down and took Arthur's hand.

"I told you I'd be back," he said quietly, "Sorry I was gone so long." He kissed Arthur's temple. "I hope mum looked after you."

A doctor came in and smiled at Merlin, "Have you got a minute?"

Merlin nodded.

"He's doing so much better than we thought he would be. We've arranged to take him out the ICU tomorrow evening after another MRI and an X-Ray just to be safe. Are you happy with that?"

"If you think it's safe."

"We think so. We're monitoring his breathing today in the hopes he can come of the ventilator tonight."

"Already?"

"It's his heart that's the problem, not his lungs. Look, he's going to be in hospital for a while, we don't want to be making things more uncomfortable than they have to be. I'm fairly sure you know what a ventilator is like."

Merlin nodded, "It's horrible."

"And there are plenty of other machines he's hooked up to and lines in his veins. If something's not necessary, we want it gone for his comfort and for his state of mind. It's not nice, as you know perfectly."

"Yeah."

"I promise we're not going to do anything unless we're sure it's safe. And I mean completely sure."

"Ok. Sorry, I'm not used to the roles being this way round."

The doctor smiled, "You've got quite the history from what I've seen."

"Yeah. He tries to keep me away from it but if this is the result I'm not sure I want him to."

"Have faith. You're not stupid, I know you could tell we were walking on eggshells a bit to begin with. But he's doing brilliantly, his heart seems to be functioning just fine. You must be able to tell how much stronger his pulse is."

"I was scared I was making it up."

"You're not. His brain activity was normal on the scans, his other organs are functioning well. I can take you through everything if you want."

"It's ok."

"If you change your mind, just let me know."

"I will."

"I've got some forms for you to sign, we haven't had the chance to yet. Just for surgeries and blood transfusion and things. You gave verbal permission at the time but it's policy."

Merlin snorted, "I don't remember giving permission."

The doctor looked concerned and shifted in his seat, "Y-"

"Don't worry, I wouldn't have said no."

The doctor sighed in relief.

"You can't tell me I looked like I knew what was going on," Merlin chuckled.

The doctor smiled, "Not really. You watched seven of your friends get shot right in front of you. Anyone would struggle with that. I have to ask," he continued curiously, "Your mother-"

Merlin smiled, "I called her when we got to the hospital from the airport to tell her what was happening. She lives in a care home in Ireland because of the dementia. If effects her movement mostly- balance and coordination. At times she gets confused, worried, and flustered. Those are the worst to deal with. At the time, though, I forgot all about her illness. I just wanted to speak to my mum. She snuck out the home and got on the first flight here. I didn't know, I didn't ask her to. She didn't even tell my sister."

"Just because you needed her."

"She's always put herself aside for us. God knows what I would have done if something spooked her though. Not sure I would have been able to cope with her struggling too."

"She sounds like a brilliant woman."

"She is. It's horrible to watch her like this. My brother-in-law- my sister's husband- his father had Alzheimer's. Died from it only a few months before mum was diagnosed."

"I'm sorry. There's a lot of suffering in your life."

"There's a lot of joy too. Even though it's difficult to see sometimes. Have you seen what they've done outside where we work?"

"I was just reading the article. It's lovely."

Merlin nodded.

"Read it to Arthur," the doctor suggested.

"What's the point when he can't see the photos?"

"Describe them. The colours, the flowers, the balloons, the people in the background and their expressions. All of it. Tell him what it looks like."

Merlin thought about it.

"I'll be back later," the doctor promised, "Shout if you need."

Merlin did as the doctor had suggested. He read out the article and told Arthur exactly what it all looked like. "People love you, Arthur. More than just the people you see every day. There are thousands of bunches of flowers all across the country. Even some in America. Just as many cards. That's thousands of people that would mourn if you didn't make it. It's hard to think about that. Sometimes I forget I'm not the only one who loves you just because I'm the only in love with you. It's so strange that people would feel sorry for me if you died when it's you that's gone. I don't understand that. You would be the one ripped away from your life without notice. Death doesn't make sense to me. We're told not to fear it but it's one of the main things we don't know about. Space, the deep sea, the universe, the brain and death. I don't understand why we shouldn't fear it. Are the things we don't understand not the things we should fear?"

Merlin sighed and picked up his cup of tea which someone had brought in earlier. "I might have got a little bit deep there. Please don't die, Arthur. I know it'll hurt and it'll be a long, difficult time to get back to normal but we can do it. We've done it so many times before, we can do it again."

He sat silently in Arthur's room all night. He only left to go to the toilet and when he was asked to so they could take Arthur's ventilator away. The doctor kept coming in and talking to him, sometimes about Arthur, sometimes about other things. Merlin liked him, he made it sound like Arthur had a chance.

He'd got a text from Gwaine to say that they were all coming in for visits with the kids but Merlin hadn't moved. If the children saw him, they'd ask after Arthur and he wouldn't let them see him like this. Elyan did pop in briefly but couldn't stay long.

Apparently Leon was going home with Gwen for the night like Merlin had done the day before except they were also picking up Will and the dogs. They'd tried to convince Merlin to come too but he'd refused adamantly. He'd made a promise to Arthur and he was going to keep it.

The doctor Merlin liked came in again and sat down. "Here," he held out some things, "A hot chocolate, a blanket and a pillow. There's a room across the hall if you want it but-"

"I'm fine here."

"Thought so."

"Thank you," Merlin said gratefully.

"I'm off duty now," the doctor said, "I'm going home soon. I don't think I'll see you before he's moved but if I can, I'll try and come down to the new ward and check up on you at some point, though."

"Why are you so kind to us?"

"People who show kindness deserve kindness in return."

"We haven't done anything kind to you."

"You haven't done anything unkind," he pointed out, "And besides, you've shown plenty of kindness to others."

"Do you think he'll be ok? Honestly. Don't sugar coat anything or pretend. In your opinion and from a medical point of view, do you think he'll be ok?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation, "I do."

While Arthur was having some scans the next morning, Merlin went back to Lance's room. He hadn't spoken to him since they were on the plane.

"Hey, mate," Lancelot said when Merlin came in, "How you holding up?"

Merlin shrugged and perched on the end of the bed, "I've been better. What about you, you look awful?"

"It's infected," Lance said, indicating to his leg, "Pretty ugly."

"Can they fix it?"

Lancelot nodded, "Antibiotics. But it means I'm stuck here for longer."

"I'll visit you, don't worry."

Lancelot smiled, "Good. It'll be a change from Gwen fussing constantly." He watched Merlin in concern. He looked nothing like the friend he loved so dearly. His eyes were pinched with pain, exhaustion and worry. His lips were in a constant frown which meant a 'smile' for him was now just his lips returning to a normal position. More like a twitch than anything else. His shoulders were slumped, his back was arched, his eyes were dull and sad, no sign of the sparkle there used to be.

"Ask," Merlin's voice surprised him, "I know you're dying to."

"How's Arthur?"

"They've taken him for tests. With any luck he'll be moved to a different ward later today. He's off the ventilator, apparently all his organs are functioning fine. We just have to hope his heart is strong enough to hold until it's healed."

Lancelot nodded, "Did the kids come to see him yesterday?"

"I told Gwaine not to bring them."

"Did you see them?"

"If they'd seen me, they'd have asked about Arthur."

The pair of them chatted for a while until Gwen arrived and Merlin made his excuses. Contrary to what people might have thought, he was aware that he needed to look after himself, so he bought himself some lunch and sat outside on a bench to eat it. He even waited a while before going inside to get some fresh air. He was drinking water regularly, probably not eating as much as he should be but he wasn't starving himself.

"How did the tests go?" Merlin asked the nurse who was in Arthur's room when he got back.

"We're still waiting on the x-rays," she said.

"What was the x-ray for?"

"Just in case."

"So will he be moving?"

"Not today, no."

"Why?"

"One of the scans showed a bit if internal bleeding around his heart that we just need to sort out."

"Is it serious?"

"It could be if untreated."

"Why didn't you tell me the second I walked through that door?" Merlin demanded.

The nurse looked at him guiltily, "I'm sorry."

"I want to speak to his doctor."

"I'll fetch him."

Merlin knew it wouldn't be Arthur's actual doctor who came in. He was, after all, the lovely man who had been so kind to him yesterday and had told Merlin his next shift started that night at around six pm. But obviously someone had to be in charge of Arthur's health when he wasn't there.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to catch you before you saw one of the nurses," the doctor said as he came in and sat down, signalling for Merlin to do the same.

"What's wrong with him?"

"We suspect one of the stitches in his heart by have moved or opened. It's causing blood to leak out of his heart into the chest."

"Is it serious?"

"We've booked in for emergency surgery, I'll take him in a couple of hours."

"What will you do?"

"Drain the blood, check for any damage in the chest and the heart and re-stitch the heart."

"Is it risky?"

"Any surgery has risks. But this considerably less than the one he had the other day."

"How did it happen?"

"It could be many things. Most likely, the sutures were done badly in a hurry to stop the bleeding."

"Should that not have been checked at the time?"

"Yes, it should. We'll figure out what happened. Look, it's a tiny, tiny bleed so it's unlikely a stitch has burst or there's anything wrong with his heart."

"Well clearly something is wrong."

"Yes but not because of a medical condition or a fault. I think it's entirely down to whoever did that first surgery and it'll be fixed easily."

"And who did do that first surgery?"

The doctor hesitated, "Me."

"You're not doing this one," Merlin said, "You're not. Call his doctor, his actual doctor. And I want to speak to whoever your boss is."

The doctor or surgeon, apparently, sighed, "Of course."

Once the door had closed, Merlin sat back down beside Arthur and took his hand, "You're going to be ok."

Ten minutes, later, there was a knock on the door and a woman came in. She was dressed smartly but not in doctor's scrubs, suggesting she probably was of higher power.

"You're in charge?"

"I'm the ICU consultant," she shook his hand, "You want to talk to me about something?"

"My husband needs another surgery because of a fault with the one he had when he arrived. I'm told it could have been avoided."

"Yes, it could have been."

"Why wasn't it found earlier? Or even better, at the time? Were there not scans done immediately after the operation to check?"

"Yes. But the bleed is so, so small, nothing would have shown up at the time. There isn't much blood in his chest and it's been bleeding for a few days now. We wouldn't have been able to spot it at the time."

"Look, I'm not going to make a complaint, he wouldn't want me to. Everyone makes mistakes, I understand that and this is one that can be fixed. What I'm angry about is the attitude of the doctor and the fact I wasn't told immediately. I had to ask before I was given any information and when the doctor came into speak to me, he seemed to be pushing the blame anywhere but himself. I know it's hard to admit to a mistake but this is serious. Arthur's life is a stake."

"I understand. I'll speak to him and find out what's happening. Doctor Webb is on his way in now, I'll send him here as soon as he's been brought up to date."

"Thank you. This isn't a setback, is it? Well, I know it's a setback but how much impact will it have on his recovery?"

"His heart is still continuing to heal where the bullet pierced it and it's sewn. And because we found the bleed when blood loss was minimal, it hasn't put much extra pressure on his chest or caused any other complications. I doubt he'll even need a transfusion. It might take a while longer for him to recover but it's not only by a couple of weeks at most."

"Do you have any idea when he'll be out the ICU?"

"By the end of the week providing the operation goes well. We'll take him to theatre as soon as Dr Webb arrives and has been briefed. He and I will both be present along with the head of the surgical team. He's getting the best care we can provide."

"How long will the operation take?"

"Just a few hours with any luck."

"Ok."

"If you have any other questions just find me or ask Dr Webb when he arrives."

Half an hour later, there was a shouting noise from outside Arthur's room. Merlin stood up, grabbed his crutches and hopped over to the door out of curiosity. Before he could reach it, though, Dr Webb flung the door open and stormed in.

"Was that you shouting?" Merlin asked.

"I felt that Dr Khan need a talking to," Dr Webb spat, "How are you? I didn't want to see you in this room again."

"Yeah, you can thank Dr Khan for that," Merlin assumed that was the man whose failed sutures had caused this issue.

"Oh, I have. Are you ok?"

"I feel about as angry as you sound."

"Sorry," Dr Webb pulled himself together, "It's unprofessional."

"Don't worry. You've been honest with me since you first spoke to me- do I need to be worried?"

"No. Frustrated, yes, but not worried. We'll take care of him, I promise."

"You can't promise things like that with surgery. Especially heart surgery."

"I assume you've been told who'll be present for the operation."

Merlin nodded.

"The head of the surgical team was a specialist heart surgeon for twenty-three years. I'm fairly sure that heart failure cowers at her very name."

Merlin smiled, "Sorry to drag you in. I just trust you more than Dr Khan."

"I don't blame you. Someone will be along in a minute to collect him."