"You know you can't spend the rest of winter like this."

The clearly scolding voice did little to sway my position on the couch. Wrapped up in three of the thickest blankets I could find, and literally the only part of my skin being visible was my nose, I was very comfortable.

"I think I can."

"You look like some sort of hermit Eskimo."

I dared a sniff of cold air, crinkling my nose. "Thank you, dear. Maybe I wouldn't be if someone fixed my heater."

Paul groaned from his seat next to me.

"Just move a little. Or go outside. The cold air will get anybody going."

"I have a moral opposition to going outside. Especially when I'm already freezing."

"Or we could just do what I suggested."

I scoffed and sank down further into my warm nest. "I'm not snuggling you till April."

"Aw…" He sounded genuinely disappointed. Still, it didn't stop him from trying anyway. I had no complaints when he settled closer into my side, content. From there Paul continued to watch our marathon of cheesy holiday movies. The only reason he bothered was because he loved making fun of the cliché moments. Each time too he'd put on a new act, mimicking the horrible actors and straining his voice. He seemed to get a kick out of my occasional chuckle.

Paul and I had recently returned from the honeymoon, and, as much as I loved California and that beach house, nothing was as comforting as being home again. The air felt lighter (and more like wolf), but I was happy. Not to mention Emily and Sam had given us an extended gift of watching Feng and Stormy for a few days. It was a sweet gesture, and while meant to give Paul and I some alone time, I missed my cubs. Plus I knew the longer Stormy missed us, the harder the glomp would be when he saw us again.

I tried not thinking about the painful hugs and dozed to Paul's voice. The last I heard was him grumbling about something being far-fetched.

Right. A transforming werewolf complaining about reindeer, probably. But the possibility of flying animals didn't seem so crazy these days, though…

I woke to a ruckus of voices. And from my heavy, very disoriented sleep, I tripped my feet in the blankets getting out of bed. Luckily no one heard the thunk with all the noise. With my vision spinning from moving so fast, I fumbled my robe around me and hurried out of the room.

The first thing to make me grimace was all the cold air- mainly from the front door being cracked. That, and all the snow the whole pack had stomped into the living room. It was like the cold air exhilarated them. They loved it.

I felt a mix of annoyance and nausea that had me tightening my leash.

"Woah, hey Ross. You OK?" Carelessly shirtless Jacob jogged over, bending down to my face in his massive height. His cheeks were lively red on his bronze cheeks- and far too lively for my just waking up.

I bit back my distaste for the cold and glanced at him. "What are you guys all doing here?"

"Oh." He blinked, smiling quickly. "Paul came out this morning to see us when Stormy caught whiff of him. Next thing we know he plows over Sam and chases Paul down halfway across La Push. Man, he had the crazy eyes and everything. Must have missed you guys something awful to get Paul running like that."

My lips shook up in a smile. OK, that was funny.

"Wait, where is he?"

He nodded his head out the front door, where beyond the guys laughing and stealing glances that way, was most of the noise.

"Paul is wrestling him down- cooling him off a little. He didn't want you waking up to that."

Relief flooded through my veins and I nodded.

"Oh, and Em wanted me to give you this." Jacob offered me a folded elegant letter. Surprised, I opened it and smiled.

"It's an invitation for a New Year's Party. Why'd she go all out?" I asked, waving the fancy letter in my hand.

"She started pen-paling." Sam answers from nearby, raiding the fridge. I didn't mind- I didn't feel like cleaning out those mini-sandwiches I made before the honeymoon. I bit back the twitch in my lips after Sam pulls a face and wipes his mouth. Jacob catches onto something being up and elbows me, yet we're silent as Sam goes on about how Emily got into the aesthetics of hand-writing. Something about a cousin getting her into it.

Jacob and I exchanged a look, amused. All the sudden the front door opens wider- letting a blast of arctic air in.

"BRR!" Immediately I hide into Jacob's side and peek out while he laughs. Paul stumbles in, talking to Embry nearby with a smile. In front of him Stormy drags himself in, panting and going straight for his water dish.

I guess Paul really did wear him out if he walked right by me. Relieved, I patted Jacob's arm in thanks for the warmth I stole and retreated back to my room to get ready for the day.

Afterwards I hurried out, attracted by the sounds of their laughter and overall good mood. Luckily there was a space saved enough for me on the couch next to Paul. He threw his arm back, inviting till I dove next to him, cozy against my living furnace.

"What's up?" I asked, wondering what had them so giddy. In fact I had to lean closer to Paul because they were all so loud.

Paul bumps his head against mine, still grinning. "New Year's games." He chuckles. "It's intense every year. Winners get bragging rights so…it's kinda a big deal."

"What kinda games?"

He shrugs. "Depends. Usually we make teams or go solo. Could be a three-day race or a brawl-for-all." Paul's eyes seemed to shine with liveliness.

I shuddered. "You guys race for three days in that? All that snow?"

Paul laughed and leaned back, deciding not to elaborate. "It's a wolf thing kitten."

I decided I didn't want to know. Nor anything about that brawl-fest. Although, I could see Chi wanting to join all the fun. I'd save him the trouble of losing a life and just hold onto his scruff till it was over…

It was a nice chance though to bond with the pack. Though, something odd did happen. Jared crossed a line in asking if I had a good time over the honeymoon. Apparently by the near smirk on his face, it was meant to embarrass Paul. My confusion sparked a reaction from not just Paul, but Sam at my side. He actually growled in his throat- loudly enough the room went silent. It was enough to correct Jared's mistake, causing him to guiltily look off.

At least Jacob broke the tension and called everyone to help clean up those old sandwiches.

I mentally thanked him for that, even if he did look as annoyed as Paul. I later realized by Sam's look over to make sure I wasn't upset that he'd been looking out for me. That no disrespect would ever be dished out to me. Granted, as a feline, dominance and respect wasn't a big deal to us.

Well, I figured, cats were always more relaxed.

And I was relaxed till I caught wind of Chi's thoughts nearby. I sat upright from the couch quickly as his thoughts became more clear.

'-Ross, can you come outside? But alone. I don't want the guys seeing me like this.'

"Ross?"

I turned to Paul, trying to lessen the concerned look on my face. I glanced around the room and nodded to the front door. No one noticed as we slipped out. Instantly I shivered and began removing my warm clothes (away from the window and door of course).

"Chi needs me for something." I chattered, feeling near insane as I handed my clothes to him. The snow was already burning numb my bare feet and calves- worrying Paul to no end.

"Can you handle this weather?" he pressed, eyes locked intently to mine.

I shrugged jerkily, freezing. "L-Like you said, I gotta m-move."

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked, hating to see me cold like this.

"Have a warm bath ready w-when you smell me coming back." Shakily, I pecked his lips and rushed off the porch, shifting as quick as I could. Running into the woods nearby, I knew Chi wasn't far. The fur helped somewhat, but ultimately it would never be thick enough to keep out the cold long. My rounded ears flattened against my head as I looked around.

If that crazy spotted jaguar couldn't hear my frantic thoughts, I figured I'd have to be more vocal if it meant getting his attention. (And possibly unfreezing him wherever he was.)

My whiskers shook and fangs chattered.

"M-M-MRAAGHH!" I roared, hardly as strong as I would've liked. After a moment, a gold and black figure stumbles out from between the trees, ears perked curiously.

'Was that you?'

'Oh hush. I'm freezing because of you. What is-'

Chi turned his body, leaving me to notice the fresh long cuts that went down his side. It had stopped bleeding, but his fur was stained red there. Chi began explaining once I rushed over.

'I think Yan-mei got into a fight with her boyfriend…and…she kinda took it out on me.'

I was hastily looking him over, and, making sure nothing would be attracted to the scent.

'Then again…' he sighed, drooping his head, 'I did kinda bug her. Jaio told me not to so I should have listened.'

My blue eyes looked at him sympathetically. 'I'm sorry, Chi… I thought we made a lot of progress since she first came here… But I guess even Yan-mei has her limits. Do you need any help?'

He shook his head. 'No, I just wanted to give you guys a heads up. She's in a mood. A big one… Beware." He dramatically leaned back, wide eyed. I would have swatted him if he weren't in pain right now. But I knew he was already healing up- and it just looked bad than it actually was. We head bumped in farewell and split up- myself briskly heading back home.

Paul met me at the back porch, arms crossed and anxious looking. He opened the back door for me, leaving me to reassuringly brush against him as I went in. I returned to the bedroom and waited till he had closed the door before I shifted back and made a bee-line for the bathroom where the hot bath waited.

Before I did, Paul's blazing hands grabbed my arms.

"Kitten?"

I slipped out from him, flashing a smile. "One second, I need to thaw."

The moment I was under the hot water and feeling alive again, Paul seemed to relax and closed the restroom door behind him. With his patient gaze I had to give in and explained my little story. Afterwards Paul furrowed his brow.

"And he couldn't just text it to you?"

"Well he shifted because he thought he needed to defend himself from her. Yan-mei had already done it and was shredding her room… I guess Mike really made her angry… Then he figured he'd just tell me on his paws." I sighed, lowering down into the tub up to my nose.

Paul made a sound in his throat. "And he didn't want us seeing him because…"

I sat up enough to speak, savoring my bed of warm water. "He's young and impressionable. Chi looks up to you guys."

"We can appreciate new scars." He smirks.

I waved a wet hand at him. Paul let out a breath and got to his feet. "Make that water icy and I'll join you." He suggested, fanning his shirt.

"How on earth can you be hot?" I gawked. What absolute insanity.

"Genes." He winked, both playfully and literally. I simmered as he smirked and waltzed out of the room.

For now, I figured, it was tempting to stay in a warm bath all winter, but lest I turn into a prune I'd have to face the cold again. And, more reluctantly, be the leader Yan-mei needed.

…I'd rather be a prune.

.

.

.

I never really realized how therapeutic a blue sky can be after days straight of cloudiness. It put endless reassurance in my soul, despite how much I wanted to overthink my decision. I also loved it more because it melted more than half the snow. It allowed both Paul and I an easy walk to Billy's land.

Though Paul was less than happy about the wet sloshing at our feet.

"There's not going to be enough snow for the game tonight." He murmured, sparing a glance downwards. I quirked my lips. "Oh…that's a shame…you won't have snow and mud caked in your fur down to the bone."

He rolled his eyes, trying not to smile. "You wouldn't get it."

"Ruffians."

"Was that French?"

I laughed and shoved his arm. Paul grinned and snaked an arm around me. Then, I was back to admiring the blue skies. "It feels like spring." I breathed, clearly comfortable with the sixty-degree weather. It was enough I could wear a jacket and just be fine. It left my wolf snorting.

"Yeah yeah, go frolicking and pick some flowers Cinderella."

"That's Snow White."

"Do I look like a guy to watch a bunch of little girl movies?" he raised his brow.

"Well…"

Insulting his masculinity, a wolf at that, left him sweeping me up into his arms with fingers going for my sides. It made our walk to the kid's house more entertaining at least.

Chi perked from the front porch when we rounded the corner, laughing and red faced. The teenager looked smug and coughed to the side.

"Should I give you guys a minute?"

I scoffed at him and started up the porch. "I guess you're feeling better."

"Much! Isn't this weather nice?" he beams.

Paul makes a grumble somewhere behind me. I kept my attention on Chi. "Seriously though."

He nods and lifts his shirt. "All better." Chi promises. He was right. There were only faint raised scars from his shoulder blade that curved around his side, and down to his abdomen. The reminder of who did it left me looking to the front door.

"She's in her room. Warning though, it's a mess." Chi rests back against the porch railing, making it clear he had no intentions of going back inside. I was ready though- that was the point in coming over.

As I did, Paul nudged my side. "Do you want me there or is this something for super cat?"

I kissed his nose. "Alpha super cat." I corrected, stepping inside. After that I could hear the two outside start talking about scars. Men. From the foyer I could see Jaio watching from the kitchen. She anxiously gave me a thumbs up.

It felt like there weren't enough steps for me to fully gather my words till I was at her door. Even from here I could smell shredded wood and chipped paint.

She must really have been upset. The moment I lifted my hand to the door, it swung open. Yan-mei closed her mouth, staring at me. Then wordlessly she turned away and went to the window. Without a word myself, I stepped in and shut the door.

Chi wasn't kidding. It was like a first shift gone wrong in here. Everything would need to be fixed. Despite that, I focused on her.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Yan-mei turned her head, crunching a paper in her hands. "Sign this."

Confused, I walked over and took the offered set of papers. Immediately I looked at her.

"You want me to consent to you going to a…to a boot-camp?"

She set her jaw, eyes trained beyond the window. I could see she restrained her beast- but at least it was nowhere near as bad as earlier.

"Ross…I need to learn to control myself. My emotions. I can't let this happen again because of some stupid boy." She stresses, sighing hard. Slowly, I eased to sit on her bed and spoke gently.

"I'm not against it, if that's what you want… Yan-mei, these people will be screaming in your face, degrading you." I skimmed through it again. "This also says it's a preliminary to the actual military when you turn eighteen. Is that what you want to do?"

I winced hearing her nails dig into the window sill.

She nodded stiffly.

"Talk about a resolution…" I murmured.

Yan-mei swiveled on her heels. "Will you sign it or not?" she snapped. Only then could I see the thin sheen over her eyes. How her face was tight and her posture stiff. Had I not known her better, I would've hugged her. But the fact she was this open was just her way- and I felt fortunate, if not incredibly saddened right now.

"Alright." I agreed, reaching over for a pen on her table. "But don't think this is some escape. I'm still your alpha Yan-mei, so if you slip up out there and hurt someone… I won't be able to save you." With that, I offered her the paper.

"I won't-"

"It's so easy."

My words left her staring at me. My heart felt like it was rushing and my throat went dry. "Sometimes, it feels like all the dots fall into place. Like fate perfectly plans a shift. That if you don't have an ounce of control, that thing inside takes over. I'm not talking about a normal shift either… I mean turning into something horrible-"

"I don't need reminders."

"Well I think you do!" I was on my feet. "Yan-mei we have a gift, but if you're not careful enough that's going to turn into a raging demon! That's how people die! That's how you'll get shot down!"

Yan-mei squinted at me. "Die…? What… I'd never be that horrible!" She defended. "The whole time I was trashing this room I was thinking of taking it out on this place than Mike! I recognized Chi too! He should've known better than bugging me like that! I don't know what the hell you're talking about! What, you're so horrible that you killed somebody?!"

The silence was ringing in our ears.

After a moment of breathing hard, Yan-mei's breathing calmed down. Her brows began to furrow, yet when she hesitantly reached out, I briskly left.

Out the front door, Paul stopped his conversation with Chi and instantly followed after me.

What meant to be a visit to console Yan-mei ended up futile, with myself refusing to be comforted. At home, Paul left me be reluctantly when I made it clear I wanted nothing to do with him. Anybody or anything. The aching in my chest refused to have me deal with anyone.

Assuming I had gotten into a fight with Yan-mei, which wasn't much a big deal, Paul quietly let me know he'd be over at Billy's for the game. He pressed a lingering kiss to my head, wishing I'd let him in. But my lips were sealed and gaze downcast. Alone, even Stormy gave me an uncertain look and decided to keep his distance by sleeping under the couch.

This wasn't how I planned bringing in the New Year. Trapped yet again in anxiety that I created years ago now tormented me. I sat on the front porch, finding the snow did little to cool me down. To calm my heart down.

Yan-mei was leaving, leaving with a startling reminder that I had done little to help her as a shapeshifter. That she would be on her own, with no one to rely on should she ever shift.

I curled up my knees closer on the bench next to me, finding the chilliness of the growing night didn't bother me as much. The cold was a welcome distraction.

A distraction that Yan-mei was right. That no matter how much we trained and lived good lives, there was always a small, small chance of losing ourselves. Where mistakes happened. Where…you're not yourself...

Like an untamed animal just waiting for the right trigger.

Far away, very faint carried by the wind, did I smell just that trigger. It was mingled with the sweet pine trees of Forks, the industrial oil stench of Port Angeles…and the blood of its victims.

Victoria was somewhere in Forks.

I pinched my nose and curled in on myself, refusing to give in to that small, small side of a shift.

It seemed tonight, not all the dots were lined up for that.

By the time I could relax again and breathe, my nails left blood-trails down my arms. So much for enjoying the night and Emily's party...

I groaned and stared up at the peaceful night sky. "Horrible indeed."