Chapter Thirty-Eight: Ruby

"Emma? Emma? Emma! Wake up"

Emma felt someone calling out her name and shaking her body, pulling her away from the darkness she wanted to stay in. Her head hurt, a lot. Her brain was pounding inside her head as if someone was hammering her head over and over and over again and she didn't want that. She wanted to go back to the darkness. She liked the darkness.

"Emma," The voice said again "What the hell happened? Wake up"

She recognized the voice. It was David. Why was he calling out her name? She wanted to sleep, she needed to sleep. But maybe something important had happened. Perhaps that was the reason why he was shaking her body and calling out her name really, really loud. God, did he need to talk so loudly? Couldn't he see how much her head hurts?

"Emma!"

"What?" Emma said both sleepy and angrily.

"What the hell happened? You are passed out drunk"

"No, I'm not," Emma said rubbering her eyes.

"There is an empty bottle of tequila right next to you," David said "And you smell like a distillery"

Emma looked into his blue eyes and lost herself in them for a second, mostly because this was the only thing she could focus on right now. Suddenly the events from the day before rushed inside her mind, all at once, the bank robbery, Regina's car, their fight, and then…

"Ruby" Emma whispered eyes widened.

"Ruby?" David asked "What about her? Is she here too?"

"I've done something really bad, David" Emma said her eyes filling with tears.

"What did you do, Emma?" David asked.

"I have to go now," Emma said standing up "But I am going to be back later and you need to lock me up."

"What are you talking about?" David said "Maybe I should just call Regina"

"NO!" Emma screamed "Don't. Don't call her"

"Emma, what happened?"

"You'll know soon"

Emma rose from the bed in the jail cell, but her knees felt week and she fell sat on the bed again. God, her head was so dizzy, it felt like a hurricane was passing inside her head. Emma took a deep breath and stood up again, this time, her legs felt a little strong and she quickly walked out of the station. She found the key of her bug inside her jacket pocket and opened the car, letting herself in on the driver's seat. She inserted the key on the ignition and caught the reflex of her eyes on the rearview. Her eyes were all puffy and red. The skin around it was dark and tired. She was a mess and Emma felt like she deserved nothing less. Emma turned the engine on and drove to Granny's as fast as her little bug could.

"Miss Swan," Granny said when Emma passed through the door "You look terrible"

"Granny, where is Ruby?" Emma asked.

"In her room. She wasn't feeling very well" Granny said "Is everything okay, dear?"

"No, it isn't"

Emma walked past the old woman and walked up the stairs of the B&B. She found Ruby's bedroom and stopped in front of it. The door was so familiar to her, and yet Emma felt like an intruder. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply three times before closing her hand on a fist and knocking on the door.

"Granny, I told you I'm not feeling very well"

"Ruby, it's me," Emma said "It's Emma"

"Go away" Emma shouted from the other side of the door.

"Please, Ruby," Emma said, her eyes already filling with tears again "You have to come with me"

"Go where?"

"To the station," Emma said "You need to report me"

"What?" Ruby asked when she opened the door.

"You need to report me for sexual assault," Emma said "David is at the station right now and..."

"Emma, shut up and come in," Ruby said stepping to the side.

"It's better if I'm not alone with you," Emma said, "If you could just come with me…"

"Are you going to attack me again?" Ruby asked.

"Of course not," Emma said firmly.

"Then shut the hell up and come in," Ruby said "Granny might hear you"

Emma looked down the hallway to see if there was a sight of anyone. There wasn't. She looked at Ruby and entered the room, making sure to always keep her distance from her. Emma sat down on the armchair in the corner of the room while Ruby took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Things got out of hand last night," Ruby said "I didn't expect that to happen"

"I'm sorry," Emma said, the tears falling down her face now "I don't know why I did that. God, Ruby, I am so sorry"

"You were drunk," Ruby said "And upset. And I did provoke you"

"That is not an excuse"

"I know," Ruby said "And if it was anyone else, I'd be raising hell right now to get the asshole in jail"

"Ruby…"

"I am not going to report you, Emma," Ruby said "Yes, you did attack me! But I know you. I know you are not like that"

"You should," Emma said "I wouldn't blame you for it"

"Do you care for me?" Ruby asked.

"Of course, I care for you"

"Like you do for Regina?"

"Ruby…"

"Last night, when you pushed me against the jail cell," Ruby said "Did it mean, deep inside, that you wanted me? Like you want her?"

"No!"

"Why not?" Ruby asked, "Why can't you love me?"

"I don't know, Ruby I just…I just don't," Emma said "Not like that"

"We were together for five years before you met her"

"We weren't together, Ruby"

"Were you sleeping with anyone else?"

"No, I wasn't"

"Then how can you say we were not together?"

"Because I never felt like we belong together," Emma said.

"And you feel like that with Regina?"

"I do,"

"Why?" Ruby asked, "What is it about her?"

"She feels like home," Emma said.

"She feels like home?" Ruby asked incredulously.

"I can't explain, Ruby," Emma said "When I saw Regina for the first time, she…She took my breath away. And when I kissed her" Emma smiled "I felt like I found my home"

"Wow," Ruby said "You sound like Elsa"

"I do, don't I?" Emma laughed.

"I am not going to report you," Ruby said standing up "But you are going to tell Regina"

"I'm not sure I can do that" Emma cried.

"You will," Ruby said "You won't be able to live with her with this hanging over your head"

"No, I won't" Emma sadly smiled "Ruby?"

"Yes?"

"Will you ever forgive me?"

"About last night?" Ruby asked "We've done worse when role-playing. I'll be fine"

"No, not just that," Emma said "Will you forgive me for the past five years?"

"Eventually, yes," Ruby said "You should go home, Emma! You look terrible"

"I'm not sure I can," Emma said "I don't even know if Regina wants me there anymore"

"If she loves you, she'll forgive you"

"I've been screwing up a lot lately," Emma said, "And when I tell her about you…"

"I'm sorry if I sound too harsh, but that is not my problem," Ruby said "But you have to tell her"

"And if I don't?" Emma asked, "Will you?"

"No!" Ruby said "But I won't know you anymore either"

"I am so sorry, Ruby," Emma said sincerely "I will regret this for the rest of my life"

"Good," Ruby smiled "Now, go home"

Emma nodded and rose from the armchair. Out of instinct, she reached to hug Ruby goodbye, and her heart squeezed in pain when Ruby took a step back. She couldn't blame her. It was her fault. Emma walked out of the room and left through the backdoor of the diner. The sunlight hit her face and Emma had to squeeze her eyes. The headache was back full force now and Emma felt like her head was going to explode any minute now. She walked to where she had carelessly parked her bug and got inside the car. Emma closed her eyes before turning the engine on. It was time to go home now. It was time to face Regina.