Chapter 38.

Sam waited for Dean to park the Impala, then parked the Jeep a little closer to the farmhouse to make it as convenient as possible for Jules. They both got out of the vehicles and looked at each other. Then, to Sam's surprise, Dean said, "You take charge. We need to be diplomatic."

"You've been doing fine so far." said Sam.

"You think so?" said Dean uncertainly.

"Let's do this together." said Sam, "We don't want Jules to sense any awkwardness."

"Okay, but we should see if we can get Sarah to talk to him."

"I agree." said Sam.

Sarah was coming out of the house to greet them. She took Sam's hand and he bent so she could kiss his cheek, He put his arm around her shoulders and said, "How are you doing, Sarah?"

"It's so good to see you boys." she said. She left Sam and went to Dean. "You look like you're having a rough day." she said to him.

He nodded, then shook his head, then said, "I'm okay."

She hugged him and he looked awkward and flustered, but then leant into the hug. "This is hard for all of you, I know." she said.

Jules was in the doorway. Sam automatically hugged her. "You okay?" he said.

She nodded, but he could see she had been crying.

Dean hugged her too and said, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

"I'm sorry you do." she said, "It can't be easy for either of you. How is he?"

"Not good." said Sam gently.

"Come into the kitchen." said Sarah, "We have coffee and cakes."

When they were all sitting at the table with coffee and a free choice of lots of delicious cakes, Jules said, "Is Jack with him?"

"No." said Sam, "He went out to get something for Jack, but we expect him to be back long before we get home."

"What's his mental state right now?" said Sarah.

"In layman's terms?" said Dean, "Screwed to Hell. He won't discuss any of it and just keeps saying he has no choice and he never had a right to love anyway."

Jules looked miserable. Sam said, "Sorry. I wish we had better news. Dean stayed with him last night and he talked a little to Dean, which I think is a start."

Jules nodded. "But he's messed up and all the savage things I said messed him up more."

"It was more the stuff I said." Dean admitted, "I called him dumb. I called him stupid. I said you wouldn't forgive him."

"Are those the only things you said to him?" said Sarah, looking troubled.

"No." said Sam, "He said all the right stuff too and I think it's why Cas seemed better this morning, but you know Dean. He likes to list all the things he got wrong first."

"That's not true." said Dean, then his eyes met Sarah's and he fell silent.

"I think what Castiel has been saying is the important thing for now." she said, "Although I think we might need to talk alone later." she added, looking at Dean.

"I'm sorry for the things I said." he said, "You can't be more disappointed in me than I am."

"We definitely need to talk, my dear. I'm not disappointed in you at all."

"You're not?" said Dean.

"Of course she'd not, idjit." said Sam.

Sarah went on. "Has Castiel been making any plans ... doing anything that gives you cause for concern?"

"Has Jules told you what all this is about?" said Dean.

Jules looked anxious. Sarah patted her hand and said, "Jules has been tying herself in knots trying not to tell me anything Castiel doesn't want me to know. We should respect her wishes ... and his."

"Everything he does gives me cause for concern." said Dean, "I don't even know where he is now and I wanna hunt him down so I know he's okay because I know he's not thinking clearly. I tell myself he's not stupid and he won't do anything stupid, but yesterday he ditched Jules and that was so stupid."

"It makes no sense to us," said Sarah, "But to him, it was his only option."

"Yeah, I know," said Dean, "But what's gonna look like his only option today?"

"I'd be lying if I said the same thought hadn't occurred to me." said Sam, "We were wondering if you could come back with us and talk to him, assuming Jules is okay with that."

"Jules is fine with anything that could help him." said Jules, "I'll be okay alone. The thought of him just wandering around with a head full of this mess is just terrifying. Anything could happen to him."

"We're doing our best to keep him safe," said Dean, "But smothering him doesn't seem to be a good idea. He just gets resentful, not compliant."

"He stood up to Heaven." said Jules, "I think we all forget sometimes how hard that was and how strong he can be. And now his strength is being used to avoid help."

"Nothing is harder than helping someone who uses everything they have to avoid being helped." said Sarah and she looked long enough at each of the brothers that they could not doubt her meaning.

Dean turned to Jules. "He's missing you. Being without you is a nasty shock to him."

"I wish I could believe that would bring him back to me." she said, "But he honestly believes this is the right thing for everyone."

"You know more than I do about why he thinks that." said Dean.

"Yes." she said.

"Do you agree with him?" he said.

She thought about it for a moment and said, "No, I honestly don't. I think he needs me. I know I need him. I know why he thinks what he thinks, but I think he's wrong about it. For the record, I also think he should tell you everything, but until he decides to, I can't."

"I understand." said Dean. Sam wondered how honest that was. Dean's need to know was almost palpable.

"We both do." said Sam, "Neither of us wants to make your position even worse."

"Thanks." said Jules, "I know how frustrating this must be for both of you. I hate what this is doing to everyone." She looked at Sarah and said, "Is it okay if I go to my room for a while?"

"Of course." said Sarah, "Do you want me to come up before I go to the bunker or will you be trying to sleep?"

"I think I may try to sleep." said Jules.

"Then I'll see you when I get back, but call me at any time and I may call you later anyway."

Sarah stood and bent to kiss Sarah's head. "Thanks, Sarah." She looked at Sam and Dean. "Thanks for bringing the Jeep and for everything you're doing for Cas."

Sam took her hand for a moment. "Take care of yourself and don't doubt for a second that he loves you."

She squeezed his hand. "I love you both." She looked at Dean and said, "He'll be okay. We'll all make sure of it."

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" he said.

"You seemed to need to hear it."

Dean looked uneasy and she quickly said, "You're good, Dean, but loving the same angel means we understand each other pretty well."

He stood and hugged her. "Rest well." he said, "You know Sarah can get through to him."

"I hope so." she said, before leaving the kitchen. They listened to her footsteps on the stairs and heard her bedroom door close.

"Is she gonna be okay?" said Dean.

"I think that depends on Castiel." said Sarah, "If it's really over between them, we may need to talk about ensuring there is never a way for her to go back to her world."

"As things stand," said Dean, "That would be suicidal."

"Hunters don't really do suicide, do they?" said Sarah, "They just put themselves in harm's way."

"And that's what you expect her to do?" said Dean.

"It's what I'm most afraid of."

"You do know something, don't you?" he said.

"Dean, whether I do or not, you know I could never tell you unless they gave me permission. Just trust that whatever I know will tell me how to approach Castiel."

"Then I hope you know enough."

"So do I. As for Jules, I'll do all I can to help her through whatever happens. I love her like a daughter. Believe me that I will do anything I have to in order to protect her."

"It's not that I don't trust you," said Dean, "I just feel so helpless. I can't get anyone to talk to me and I could lose half my family here."

Sam smiled at him. Glad to hear him go straight for the truth. "We won't let that happen." he said.