Prompt: rare words meme - send in a word for a drabble or starter based on it.
Prompt word: jayus - a joke so unfunny and poorly told that you can't help but laugh.
Takes place just after "Season Finale"
I headcanon that Shelly and Kevin have basically been friends all of their lives. It was established in canon that Stuart grew up in South Park and it's implied that Randy did too and they've probably been friends for decades, so it makes sense.
Shelly sat morosely on the loading dock behind the school, absently hitting off her vape pen. Lately, it seemed like vaping was the only thing in her life that made her… well, not happy exactly, but less miserable.
Shelly angrily whirled around as she heard approaching footsteps. She had reached an unspoken agreement with those stupid emo kids that this area was off limits during seventh and eighth grade lunch and recess. Well, less of an "agreement" and more of a "Get the fuck out of here before I pummel you vampire turds into grease spots on the pavement!" type of thing.
Shelly clenched her fists as the footsteps grew louder. I bet it's the turd with the big nose coming back to start shit. He is emo, he probably has a death wish. She prepared to stand, her fists at the ready.
"Hey Shells," a voice sounded.
Shelly raised an eyebrow. "Kevin? What are you doing back here?"
Kevin McCormick plopped down next to her on the loading dock. "I ain't been seein' you lately. You're never at lunch or recess anymore. I followed you back here."
Shelly struggled to keep her emotions in check. Most people usually didn't care enough to wonder where she was.
"I've just been going through some stuff," she choked out. "I can't deal with anybody right now."
"You wanna talk about it?" Kevin asked.
Shelly bit back her surprise. The people around her had long accepted that she was a perpetually unhappy individual, but nobody had ever actually bothered to ask her how she felt.
Shelly's vision blurred with unshed tears. "Everything sucks right now, okay? None of my old girl friends want to be around me anymore because of the stupid Lorde thing! I'm still stuck on this fucking farm. I thought that I would finally be free when my stupid dad went to prison, but now he's out and he hasn't learned a thing and he still doesn't love me and -"
Shelly could no longer hold it in. She burst into loud tears.
Kevin was starting to panic. The last time Shelly had cried in front of him was when they were three and she was in the middle of a massive temper tantrum.
Kevin wasn't very good with people to begin with and Shelly wasn't like other people. He was in over his head. He struggled to come up with something.
"I - I -" Kevin started rambling. "You know what you need? A joke. Yeah, a joke. So one day Grover was drivin' the Sesame Street bus and he stopped to pick up a girl. And then - oh, wait, the girl's name was Patty. And she was fat. And then Lester Cheese got on the bus. And he had bunions! And he started pickin' away at them. And then he picked up Ross. Wait, no! His name was Special Ross and he was, ya know, funny in the head? And then another girl named Patty got on the bus. She was fat too. So then Grover says 'I have two obese Patties, Special Ross, Lester Cheese pickin' bunions on a Sesame Street bus!'"
Shelly looked stonily at her friend.
Aw shit, she's gonna kick my ass! Kevin thought frantically. He braced himself for the punch.
Kevin heard a sputtering sound. Shelly's shoulders were shaking, her head buried in her arms.
"I - I'm sorry, Shells! I didn't mean to upset ya! I - I'll jus' go now."
"No, wait!" Shelly called.
Kevin looked at her again and did a double take.
She was laughing! Full on, doubled over laughing.
Shelly wiped a tear from her eye. "That was the worst joke I've ever heard," she giggled.
"I, uh, thanks?"
"Thanks for coming back here, turd. I really needed this." To Kevin's shock, she threw her arms around him.
"Just leave the jokes to that Jimmy turd, okay?"
This is my favorite bad joke.