Chapter 39 – A Sense of Home

"Padme!"

When Ahsoka's voice broke through the tension in the room, Satine quickly put aside the blaster she had previously clutched with both hands. She was a pacifist, but she would not hesitate to protect the children. With quick steps she approached Padme from behind and also released the weapon from her fingers, which the woman had kept hidden behind the door. She watched with a smile as thin, orange arms wrapped around Padme's torso.

"Ahsoka! How did you get here?" her friend asked, still a little taken off guard.

The teenager slowly pulled away, a smirk on her face. "How does 'we smuggled ourselves through the planet security as stowaways on a Separatist flagship' sound to you?" As she said this, she turned back a little, and Satine noticed for the first time that the Padawan was not alone.

She took the door from Padme's hand and pulled it fully open. There he was, standing back a bit and watching the scene unfold. Obi-Wan looked tired, exhausted and extremely dirty, but that didn't bother her.

"Obi-Wan."

In a few steps, she was at his side and wrapped him in her arms. He lost his balance momentarily and Satine had to keep him on his feet, but soon his arms were wrapped around her as well, his hand on the back of her neck.

"I'm so sorry", he whispered while his trembling hand ran through her hair. Of course, she knew immediately what he was talking about. That Zabrak. Coruscant. How he'd been forced to shoot at her. And if all that wasn't enough, he was convicted of murder and lost almost everything he knew in such a short time. Satine froze as the memory came back up, but she only tightened her grip around his body. She wouldn't let him go again.

"Let's just forget about it, okay? You're both alive and here, that's all that matters."

"If you say so," his voice sounded unnaturally rough, making her look up into his face. His eyes did not meet hers. His gaze was lost, wearing an empty look. A massive swelling deformed his discolored nose. Satine winced in sympathy and gently put a hand to his temple, pulling his head down toward her. Hovering her thumb over the injury, she caught his eyes.

"Obi, what happened here?"

"Broke my nose."

Satine rolled her eyes and shot him a look. "Even a blind man can see that, but the question is how."

His blue eyes flicked to the side for maybe a few milliseconds, but it was enough that she knew his answer would be a lie.

"Maul hit me."

Something told her that he must have his reasons. Obi-Wan was not a liar, at least not to her. For now, she let it rest, but later she would ask him again when they had a moment's peace. Satine simply nodded and broke away from the embrace.

"Come on, let's go inside."

Ahsoka and Padme had already stepped into the main room of the cabin, so she gently pulled Obi-Wan with her. No sooner had he taken a step forward when she noticed that he was dragging his right leg almost completely behind him. Ignoring his almost worryingly weak protest, she supported him under the arms.

"Is it your knee again?" she asked anxiously, eyeing the splint on his leg as they limped forward.

"No," he gritted out between clenched teeth, "hurt my ankle. Haven't looked at it yet."

"Of course you didn't," Satine grumbled, leading them both over to a small table where Padme and Ahsoka were already sitting, and settling him down on a chair. After stepping back briefly to close the door, she noticed that Padme had now also stepped over to greet Obi-Wan. Although he was seated, the two managed a brief hug. Satine watched as Obi-Wan's features hardened, as if he were preparing for something.

"Where is Anakin?" she heard Padme ask in a hushed voice.

Across the table, Ahsoka ducked her head slightly, biting her lips before turning her head away from them. Obi-Wan's shoulders slumped in defeat, but he withstood Padme's probing gaze with haunted eyes.

"I'm sorry, Padme. I didn't make it", he began, his voice calm but accompanied by a slight tremor, "The Sithlord - Palpatine - has him under his control."

Padme's posture went rigid and her fists clenched at her side. "And you allowed this to happen...?"

Gritting his teeth, Obi-Wan's gaze now darkened a bit as well. It felt like the temperature in the room dropped by a few degrees. "I did what I could," he bit out.

"Well, apparently that wasn't enough!", Padme suddenly blurted out, before the woman realized what she was doing.

"Padme!" roared Satine, intervening as she saw what was happening. This was going too far. "That's enough," she said in a slightly calmer voice, "we should talk about this calmly tomorrow. I think we're all tired."

Still a little shocked by her own harsh words, the senator took a step back. "I- I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. I didn't mean it."

The man in question looked absently at the floor planks and shook his head. "You just said what you were thinking. I get it."

Satine knew he didn't believe her.

His voice was bitter, as if he had had this conversation before. Satine's gaze wandered over to Ahsoka, who had completely stayed out of it, tugging at the bandage around her hand. Of course. Anakin was her master. She must have been similarly agitated as Padme was now. As the pieces of the puzzle slowly came together in her mind, she locked her eyes again at Obi-Wan, who still looked as if he was about to be sick.

"Maybe I should go check on Luke and Leia," Padme said then, her gaze briefly darting apologetically over to Satine. Before she could leave the room though, Ahsoka's voice piped up from the table.

"Can I see them? Only if you want to, of course."

"Yes, of course", Padme ushered the girl out of the room, which led to Satine and Obi-Wan having a moment alone. With a sigh, Satine settled down next to him at the table.

"Sorry, about that. She's been… on edge these past days. Are you okay?"

Obi-Wan grumbled something unintelligible into his beard, but nodded slightly.

She stroked a hand through his tangled hair and dislodged a bit of dirt. "Maybe you should take a shower."

"And here I thought mudhorns were mighty creatures," he muttered with a tired smile.

Satine laughed at his silly joke. At least that hadn't changed. "Even though your nose is pretty swollen right now, it takes a little more to pass for a horn. We can argue about the amount of mud though. Come on, the refresher is over there."

Rolling his eyes, he started to dislodge the boots from his feet. He got rid of his left one easy enough before he paused at the right one. "I think I could use a hand here."

"Sure," Satine slid over so she was sitting across from him and carefully took his foot in her hand. He hissed from the movement and she immediately paused. "That bad, huh?"

"How would you feel if you ran halfway across town with that, an unconscious teenager in your arms?" She jerked her head up from his foot to his face, but he wasn't looking at her.

"Where did you find Ahsoka, Obi?" she asked slowly, tilting her head to somehow look him in the eye.

The Jedi chewed his cheeks and thought about what to say. "Zygerria," he began, a little haltingly, "Maul- He sold Ahsoka to the queen as a slave... And after that, he waited for me in the arena."

Satine listened to him silently while her fingers worked to open the boot.

"I killed him, Satine."

This time he turned his head toward her, his eyes so dark that the usually brilliant blue was barely visible. "And I can't regret it."

What path was he falling down? And who was there to catch him or pull him back up? Although it went against her ideals, she couldn't stab him in the back here. Not now. Satine swallowed sickly.

"You don't have to justify yourself to me. Maul was..." she considered how to put it, "an unpredictable danger."

What if Obi-Wan himself became a danger? He was dancing on the edge of insanity. And he was definitely slipping more and more. His unnatural silence worried Satine. The whole thing was eating him up from the inside. It frightened her.

He seemed to notice her change in demeanor and his eyes softened a bit. Satine turned her gaze back to his foot, but his hand gently touched under her chin and lifted her head again.

"You are afraid of me," he stated, the light inside his eyes returning.

She did not move and returned his gaze. "No, Obi," she reasoned steadily, "it's not you I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of what you might become."

His hand slowly withdrew, appearing not at all convinced by her statement. Satine could no longer look him in the eye. She did not know what to think. But she was sure of one thing. It wouldn't take much more before Obi-Wan would collapse under the weight on his shoulders. A burden she could not take from him. The man was strong, no one would doubt that. But he was not invincible.

She finally managed to get the boot open far enough that she could carefully pull his foot out. Obi-Wan grunted in pain and screwed up his face. When the boot was finally off, Satine could already see the massive swelling that took up almost the entire foot, even though it was still covered by a sock. Without waiting for his permission, she rolled up the pant leg and carefully pulled down the sock. She was greeted by a color palette of bruises. "You're not telling me you really ran with this."

Obi-Wan just hummed and shrugged. Satine sighed in response to his reaction and carefully eased his foot back to the ground.

"We should see about finding a doctor tomorrow."

"Ahsoka needs one, not me."

Satine raised an eyebrow and looked at him in surprise. "Ahsoka? Why? What's wrong with her?"

"A couple of the bones in her hand are broken, and I couldn't tell if they were displaced. She also has a fever from an infected wound."

"Did that happen on Zygerria, too?"

He pursed his lips and nodded, looking ashamed. "For the most part, yes. If I had been there sooner, I might have been able to prevent some of it."

"Obi-Wan, you barely escaped with your life yourself," she vehemently contradicted him, "And yet you saved her life. Remember that."

He pressed his mouth into a thin line and nodded curtly. "Mhmm, yeah... how could I forget. If Quinlan had been a few seconds later, I'd be dead. Probably dumped in some junkyard on Coruscant."

She felt sick at the thought. Something gave her the feeling that he hadn't told her everything yet.

Later. They would talk about it later.

Satine held out her hand to pull him to his feet. "Come on, maybe you'll feel a little better once you're clean."

He let out a breath, but grabbed her hand and let himself up a little awkwardly. She literally pulled him over to the refresher and stopped in front of the door.

"Are you going to be okay by yourself?"

Obi-Wan nodded again. "I'll be fine."

"Okay, just wait a minute. I'll get you a change of clothes. Whoever owned this cabin before left some stuff here. They might fit you."

Satine disappeared briefly into the adjoining bedroom where she had slept for the last few days and searched the small closet for the clothes. There. A white linen shirt and a pair of plain trousers. They had to do. She returned to Obi-Wan, who was leaning against the wall, and pressed the items into his arms. "Here. When you're done, I want to look at your nose and foot."

"You almost sound like Master Che," he muttered, a little amused.

"She's a wise woman."

"I guess so," he agreed with her, his gaze again a little lost, "I just hope she made it out."

"Don't worry", she said, nudging him shallowly in the direction of the refresher, "From what I've seen of Master Che, she must have managed to get out. She's a force to be reckoned with."

Satine watched as the door slipped shut behind him and used the moment alone to compose herself. Obi-Wan was traumatized. He kept giving away bits and pieces of what had happened, but Satine knew that would do little to help him cope. And she definitely couldn't force him to talk. That would only make it worse. They all needed time. And peace. And that was still a long way off.

Lost in thought, she went into the kitchen and looked for the small medkit that was stowed somewhere under the sink. It wasn't much but it would have to do for now. Satine made a mental note to look for a bigger and better equipped one. She carried the kit into the bedroom and looked at what she had available. A few bacta patches, bandages, painkillers and a tube of bacta gel.

"It's not much," she muttered to herself, "but it's better than nothing."

A few minutes later, Obi-Wan limped into the room, definitely cleaner looking, but no less exhausted. The pants fit him well; only the sleeves of the shirt were a bit too long, but he had rolled them up to his elbows anyway. She nodded her chin at a spot next to her on the bed. "Sit down."

With bare feet, he slowly made his way over to her and settled down carefully, mindful not to put too much weight on his foot. Meanwhile, she rummaged through the kit until she found a patch that fit his nose and set it aside for a moment. Satine put a hand to his chin and bent his head so that he had to look at her. Examining his nose again, she decided to ask him after all.

"Why did you lie about who broke your nose?"

His eyes widened in surprise, but then he just huffed. "I underestimated you again, I see. What gave me away?"

Satine laughed lightly. "First, you looked away for a moment, and second, I think if the Zabrak had really hit you, your nose wouldn't be straight now."

"Sharp combination," he snorted, "But yes, you're right. Maul didn't do it."

"So? Are you going to tell me the truth now?"

Obi-Wan closed his eyes briefly and took her hand from his face. "Can you keep a secret?"

A little confused by his question, Satine of course agreed. "Sure. You know that."

"Okay," he let out a long breath, "it was Ahsoka."

"Ahsoka? Now you have some explaining to do."

She was seriously confused. It didn't make sense that Ahsoka would hit her grandmaster. Something had happened between the two of them. Did the teenager snap when Obi-Wan told her about Anakin?

"Ahsoka was unconscious when I took her from Zygerria... I had to do something about her fever, so I tried to examine the infected wound on her hand", he paused briefly, "She woke up while I was doing it and mistook me for one of the slavers. Then she struck."

"And you lied to keep the situation from making Ahsoka more uncomfortable", Satine concluded.

"Yes," he breathed, giving her a sideways glance, "Ahsoka's upset enough as it is, she doesn't need to worry about this too. I'd say we just forget about it - makes it easier. For both of us."

Satine nodded in understanding. "I see what you're getting at. I won't tell anyone else."

His shoulders slumped in relief. "Thank you - and I'm sorry I lied."

"I understand why you did it. Come on, show me your nose."

He turned a little on the bed so that he was now looking directly at her. "Let's get this over with."

With steady fingers, she removed the foil from the Bacta patch and carefully placed it over his nose. "Be glad I don't have to set the bone. You know I couldn't do that."

"Don't remind me," he chuckled lightly, rolling his eyes, "I'll never forget how you almost fainted when Qui-Gon had to set my shoulder after I fell."

She hummed as the memory played out in her mind's eye. "Somehow I managed to forget about that. But then, I'm not a doctor, I don't need to be able to see that."

He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing more about it. Satisfied with her work, Satine now let go of his nose and turned to his foot.

"That looks more like Maul's handiwork to me. Am I right?" she asked as she applied the bacta Gel to the joint.

Obi-Wan drew in a sharp breath as she touched a particularly painful spot, and she formed a wordless 'Sorry' with her mouth.

"He stepped on it," he grumbled, watching as she worked.

"That's the second time something like that has happened to you," she huffed, "Maybe you'd better stay away from creatures with metal feet."

The look he gave her in response almost made her laugh out loud. She punched him lightly on the shoulder. "That was a joke."

Obi-Wan slowly shook his head in exasperation. "And I always thought only Anakin made jokes that bad," he dead-panned.

Satine cracked a smile and wrapped a bandage around his foot. "It'll have to last until tomorrow," she said after she was done, "I heard there was a doctor at the refugee camp nearby."

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to be out in the open. After all, my face has been all over the media," Obi-Wan voiced his concerns.

"You and Ahsoka both need a medic", she emphasized, "Don't worry, most of them there have fled the Empire. They won't betray a Jedi."

"That doesn't mean they'll be friendly to us."

This time she gave him a sharp look. "We have no other choice. If you're not going to do it for yourself, at least do it for Ahsoka."

He raised his hands in surrender. "I only said what I thought. I'm just tired of finding myself on the wrong end of the gun over and over again."

He literally expects them to want to kill him, Satine thought bitterly. She didn't want to know what it felt like to face death. To have already finished with life. Only to be torn back again at the last second. He was alive, but the fear would accompany him forever.

She placed her hands at his temples and slowly traced his scar with her thumb. "We walk this path together, side by side."

He pulled his head slowly from her touch. His expression was tight, and his eyes once again took on that emptiness.

"What is it?" she asked anxiously. Obi-Wan held himself stiff, his fingers grabbing onto the blanket beneath him. His breath got caught in his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"The bond connecting us,

To grow and learn,

The Force our eternal companion,

To guide us, to make us see…

We walk this path together,

As master and padawan…"

The jedi swallowed thickly before speaking again. "That was the vow Anakin and me have made when I took him in", he murmured, "And now it's all gone. The Force. Anakin. Even our bond."

Obi-Wan reached up to rub his nose before remembering its condition and continued to scratch his temple instead.

"He just ripped it out", he blurted out, accompanied by an empty laugh, "He thought I had made him a slave. That Palpatine now freed him from me."

"You know this is not true", she said softly, reaching out to him but he stopped her to do so by holding up his hand. Satine remembered what he had been like after Qui-Gon had died. After their bond had snapped. Anakin had been the only thing to keep him from giving up. He had never really come to terms with his death, had repressed his grief. And now to lose another bond - in a different way, but no less cruel - it had taken away his joy of life. She saw that clearly now. He was only functioning.

"I know that it is not true", he met her eyes solemnly, "but what if Anakin doesn't remember that? Palpatine controls him with a chip – like the clones. No one knows what those things do – or how to get rid of them."

Satine didn't know what to say. She just heard about the chips for the first time. It was unbelievable. The chancellor was a monster. A slave driver. Only that his own slaves did not know it. They blindly followed his orders. Violence, weapons and war. These were the things that Satine detested. She had conspired for pacifism. But Palpatine - he managed to make her wish she could strangle him with her bare hands. For what he had done to the Jedi. To Obi-Wan, Anakin and Ahsoka. To the clones. To the entire galaxy.

In front of her, Obi-Wan sighed and put his hands on his knees. "I don't want to think about that any further right now. I am tired. Let's call it a night, okay?"

"Sure." Satine was equally exhausted. "I'll be right back," she said, kissed him briefly on the cheek, which earned her a shallow smile from him, and disappeared into the refresher. When she returned, Obi-Wan had already lain down and closed his eyes, his shirt thrown on a chair in the corner, his lightsaber within reach on the nightstand.

Settling quietly on her side of the bed, she let her gaze linger on him. He was lying with his back to her and all the scars on his back were visible to her. Some older and already faded, others newer and definitely running deeper. There was also the relatively small scar on his shoulder where the Death Watch man had shot him. She hadn't thought about Mandalore in a long time. Would Death Watch take over the leaderless planet now? Destroy everything she had tried to build up over the years?

She wrapped her arms around her body and tried to push the thought away. She was not to succeed.

Obviously, Obi-Wan had sensed that she was still brooding, because he turned and studied her with a clear gaze. "You're worried about Mandalore."

"Death Watch could make its move now… I don't know how many men Vizsla has. If they form an alliance with the chancellor, they could claim Mandalore and destroy the planet's neutrality."

He reached out to brush a strand of her blond hair from her forehead. "Come here", he whispered then and held his arm up so that she could lean with her back against his chest. Satine rolled over and he let his arm drop on her shoulder.

"Palpatine can't fight on all fronts at once. The man is a politician, if he's smart, he won't rush his power expansion. First, he has to get Coruscant under control, and that won't be easy. You will get Mandalore back, Satine."

"Thanks, Obi."

His steady heartbeat helped her to ease her mind. Satine hoped that he was right. Mandalore cannot fall. She had fought too hard to lose her reign like that.

Absently she grabbed his hand that rested on her shoulder and intertwined their fingers.

They would fight this battle together.

...Two blades clashed against each other...

...The heat burned his skin, the fire licked at his robes...

...Blue eyes turned yellow...

Full of hate and rage...

...a sword stroke...a scream

...Charred stumps tried to cling to the ashes...

... "I hate you!"...

"...You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!"

Heart thumping in his chest and skin covered in sweat, Obi-Wan ripped his eyes open.

Anakin. They had fought each other viciously. Each of them going for the killing blow. He could still feel the blistering heat on his skin.

Careful not to disturb Satine, he untangled their hands and withdrew from their position. Luckily, she didn't stir. Trying to steady his breathing again, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and ran a trembling hand through his hair. Had this been a vision or a nightmare? He desperately needed fresh air. As quietly as possible, he stood up and pulled on his shirt before looking back at Satine. She was still fast asleep. Good. She needed her rest too, she shouldn't always worry about him.

A little unsteady on his feet, Obi-Wan limped out of the room and stepped into the main room. The cabin was dead silent. Through an open crack in the door, he could see Ahsoka sleeping in the small guest room. The teenager looked relaxed for the first time. A small smile stretched across Obi-Wan's lips and he continued on his way to the back door by the kitchen, which led to a small porch. Quietly, he pulled the door open and then closed it again behind him. With a few steps he was at the small wooden staircase and settled down with a sigh. The dream was still very vivid in his memory. The cold night air helped him calm down a little, but it was not enough. He leaned his head against the wooden pillar next to him and squeezed his eyes shut.

As panic started to creep up inside him, he tried to focus on the sounds around him. Like Qui-Gon had taught him. The rustling of the leaves in the wind. The creaking of the wooden planks. The animals in the forest.

The Force was not with him, so he had to concentrate on the here and now in order not to break.

Obi-Wan sat like that for a few minutes until a baby's cry broke the silence, followed by light footsteps.

The sound quickly stopped and he found himself watching the forest again. His focus was interrupted again when he noticed the door open behind him and Padme step out, carrying a small bundle in her arms.

"Oh," she said, "I didn't realize you were still awake."

Obi-Wan turned his head back to look at her. "I couldn't sleep."

"I see." She shuffled slowly closer and sat down beside him on the stairs. "Look, I wanted to apologize again about earlier. That wasn't right of me. I think the anxiety got to me."

He averted his eyes and looked up at the nearly starless sky. "Don't worry about me, Padme. I understand. Anakin is your husband and the father of your children, you need him."

"Still, it's no reason to snap at you like that... Ahsoka told me what happened. That you saved her life."

"I put her in that situation in the first place."

"No one could have known that Maul survived. After the fall into the reactor shaft, he should have been dead."

Obi-Wan huffed. "I know. I still can't understand it to this day."

Padme carefully moved the bundle in her arms as it squirmed again. "You haven't even met the children yet," she said softly, "This is Luke."

He turned a little toward her and looked at the little boy in her arms. "Hello Luke."

"Would you like to hold him?"

Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, but then held his arms open. She gently placed the baby in his grasp. The boy looked up at him with wide blue eyes, and a tiny hand wormed its way out of the blanket to reach for his beard. With a smile, Obi-Wan let Luke clutch his finger instead. "He looks like his father," he noted a little sadly.

"I know", was all Padme said, observing the pair with a smile.

Another scream sounded from the house and the senator stood up with a sigh. "The two of them somehow always wake up at the same time. Do you mind checking on Luke while I take care of Leia?"

Obi-Wan looked up at her and shook his head. " I don't mind. Go on."

"Thank you, Obi-Wan."

Padme returned to the house again, and the Jedi was alone with Luke. The boy was about to fall asleep, his head nestled in the crook of his arm. The moonlight reflected in the big round eyes. The baby was still so innocent. Did not know war. No violence. No injustice.

Pulling the bundle closer to his chest, Obi-Wan looked down at Anakin's son.

"I'll bring your father home. I promise."