1. When Black Hearts Start Bleeding
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of its characters. I also do not own any game characters or lyrics that I may also put in here. Thank you.
Chapter Thirty-Nine: When Black Hearts Start Bleeding...
"Why are you trying to eat," asked Kenji feebly in a voice bordering on a tiny husk of laughter.
Despite the tears pouring down my face and the broken sobs tearing from my throat, I bit into my slice of pizza through several hiccups. "Because it's delicious," I gasped miserably
around a mouthful.
I hadn't slept the entire night. I tried. The sheets were loud throughout all my tossing and turning, seeming to echo loudly within my darkened room. The blanket was too hot and heavy. It weighed down my body as if someone had snuck into my room and dropped several stones onto my chest. None of the pillows felt right. They were too hard. They were too soft. Then there
just weren't enough damn pillows because I slapped them all off the bed, but felt the need to keep throwing them only I was too lazy to retrieve my pillows from the floor. The bed was
hard and cold, which didn't make sense because my blankets were hot.
I didn't cry after he left me lying there in a dark room with my panties and sweats gone and my upper clothes all bunched up awkwardly that felt as if I was being strangled by an enraged hippie because all I could see was my tie-dyed shirt. It took me an entire minute just to
unravel my shirt and bra from one another and straighten them out, which left me cursing
loudly inside the empty house. Angrily, I had rolled over and proceeded to sleep – but that didn't work out.
It wasn't until morning when the walls began lighting up and the smell of an early breakfast began wafting beneath my doorway that his words started screaming in my head. All throughout the night, I glared at the walls, ceiling, floor, my arm, and that stupid clock, not because I was mad, but because I was trying desperately to keep from crying.
If I had cried, it would be over him. I had never cried over him. I always kept my tears in check, sucked them up until my ears popped, and willed the salty liquid to remain with their hands up, as if I was a cop to my own sadness. There were plenty of times where I wanted to cry because he called me pathetic, that thing, annoying girl, a bitch, stupid human, and so much more. There were plenty of times where we argued and I nearly bawled – that night he
said I was pathetic for thinking someone would want to kidnap me, when he ran me down with the bike, the time in Shirakawa-go where he said I couldn't walk away, and there were
countless others.
I nearly cried when I mistook his demand for taking my shirt off as an enticement toward sex.
I nearly cried when he wouldn't acknowledge my outfits with more than a glare when we
reunited. I cried after the first _night _with him, but that was mainly for the pain and my confusion – not him.
I held my tears in to keep from appearing weak in his presence. He sneered at tears. He said they were weak. He said I was foolish girl if I were to cry. He said he wouldn't want my
tears to drench him. He even threatened to cut my arms off that day he thought I was crying.
Hiei always had a way with words, that natural ability to make any word sound so cruel and utterly believable. His words hit a place that punches and kicks could not reach, somewhere deep where one believed nothing could hurt them. They just echoed repeatedly and buried
inside my body without mercy.
Yet, the majority for my tears wasn't just for the abrupt, violent words, but also because of me.
Kenji stared at his friend.
Even if she wasn't sobbing hysterically anymore, there were tears sliding from her eyes,
seeming to be unstoppable. He had never seen his friend cry because he didn't think she liked crying in front of others. He didn't like displaying tears either, but mostly because he was a guy. He had to be manly, not that there was anything wrong with crying (he did cry,
discreetly, while watching one of Keiko's soaps when hanging out with the two women). Staring at Karen, he was trying to find the reason for such sadness.
She didn't appear to have slept all night or maybe several, as she had dark circles beneath
her eyes. In fact, Karen looked stressed. He could see it in the way she was sitting. She was huddled up, as if she was trying to guard herself or keep herself from falling over. Now that he looked at her, she looked ready to collapse like there were chains dragging her down until she could no longer stand, but she was defying them with sheer will.
When they were finished eating the entire box of pizza, Kenji watched Karen clean up. He tried to help, but she waved him off. She was trying to keep busy.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked finally when she washed her hands at the sink.
She grinned tiredly and dried her hands. "It's nothing. I'm just a silly girl, as always."
He didn't miss the trembling in her voice over the word 'girl' and he frowned. The way the tears were coming, falling silently like a leak in a glass, she had to have been holding
these tears in for a long time. He wanted to place the blame for such pain on that demon, but no one cries this hard over a fight, that is, if she did have another one with Hiei. She must have been holding in her frustrations for months and something must have finally triggered it
– sent everything overflowing, and stubbornly, Karen was trying to force it away with several slices of pizza and half-hearted grins.
"Is it Hiei," Kenji asked tentatively.
She stared out the window over the sink. "Do I need to kick some ass?"
Hearing his question, Karen gave an honest laugh, but shook her head.
"I might not be able to, but I'll try. I'll even wear steel-toed boots," he pushed with a crooked grin. He was serious though. He'd give it his all against the demon to deliver one well-placed kick. Considering he'd be kicking Hiei's ass, one kick was about all he could promise on successfully landing.
"You would, wouldn't you," she asked with another laugh.
He didn't bother answering, but said, instead, "c'mon, Karen. It's me, Kenji. You can tell me anything."
Smoothing away her bangs, she whispered shakily, "… I ruined his life."
Kenji blinked. He hadn't been expecting that admission. He had been expecting her to go off about something Hiei did, but she was blaming herself.
"I don't understand." He voiced numbly, as he was reeling from her words. How could she have ruined his life? What did she mean?
Then, the words came pouring forth, quiet at first, but growing steadily in volume between gasps. "The _connection_…He settled, I know, he did." Kenji was going to ask about the
connection, but she was blurting out her words. Karen slid down to the ground and her dress pooled around her in a soft flutter. "I always t-tried to make things easier and stay out of the way – give him the peace he once had or what life used to be like for him, but I just
keep getting in trouble." She held up a finger, "the fire at the temple," she held up another finger, "the time he saved me from that mad woman demon in Tokyo, when he hid me away from
the guards, driving for days on a bike with little sleep, providing a bed during those
drives, finding a safe place for me to stay, saving me at the temple from shards of crystal, saving me all the damn time, and now he's doing all this work to keep me safe again."
Kenji blinked. He hadn't known Hiei had done all those things.
"I hardly ever see him now." Karen turned away, leaning her head against the counter. "He's
miserable with all this work – this work to keep me from the temples and what am I doing?" At the last of her words, she appeared to be asking herself that question. "All the things he's done for me." She sobbed and Kenji pushed back from his chair. "I've never done anything for him, but cook and I burn half of those meals! I even made him eat it! I made him eat that
horrid stir-fry and lied about adding celery to the meal. I don't even know what it was he ate, but it wasn't celery!
Another time and he might have laughed at that, but this wasn't a time for such gleeful
laughter at the large demon eating burnt food made by his small friend. Kenji knelt down next to his friend and pulled her back into his arms. She was limp within his arms, as if there
was nothing else left in her body. Karen's chin rested atop his shoulder and she peered at the opposite counters.
"I never meant to be a burden to him. I swear I didn't mean to, but it's a curse or
something. I try so hard to – to be good enough for him. After all the trouble, I've caused him and the one thing he wants is something I'm horrible at. I can't do anything right. I
can't do _that_ right!"
Kenji was about to ask what it was that Hiei wanted, but asked, instead, "so you feel like you have to be perfect as a payment – gratitude?" He was ready to chastise his friend when she blurted out in alarm.
"No, I love him! I've loved him for such a long time." She bowed her head and cried into his shoulder, "but I'm just weird," she hiccupped, "and tired. I'm really tired."
Kenji was still rather confused for his friend's tears, as he didn't think she could have ruined that demon's life in anyway. She was entirely too good natured to cause anyone
trouble, but he figured it had something to do with the beginning of her confession. She
might not ever tell him the real reason of how the two started off, but he didn't think Hiei thought of her as a burden even if he saved her all those times like she claimed… I mean, the way Hiei looked at his friend.
A blind person would be able to feel the charged energy whenever those two were near each other – it was that visible without having to see them with one's own eyes. The times when
Hiei would pick up his friend from school, his eyes never left her, as she would head over to him. Kenji didn't think Karen realized how that demon followed her every movement with his
eyes. If she did look, the bland expression came back and Hiei would go back to ignoring her with a look in his eyes, as if he were reprimanding his own self. Sometimes, Kenji would walk in the room with drinks in his hand, ready to finish helping Karen with her homework, when he would feel that energy between the two. But then, Hiei would scoff, say something rude, and
leave the _kids_ to their 'pathetic work'.
Rubbing his friend's back, he allowed her to cry, but she was already trying to force away the tears. She really should continue to keep crying, just let it all out, because he felt
that she needed to release them completely. He opened his mouth to say so when he heard 'Like a G6' echoing from above him. It was her phone. Kenji had set the ring tone for her, as Karen rarely cared about messing with her phone. He did everything to it: set the background, any
apps (mostly so he could play with it, too), and fixed her music with a majority from back home (his playlist so he could jam). He had yet to work on applying individual ring tones, but he liked that song.
The jingle was coming from above him and he reached up with a long arm. Kenji's hand landed on the sky blue purse and he dragged it down toward them. Karen turned her head down and
sniffled while watching him fumbling around inside the purse for her cell. Pulling the device out, he peered down at the name.
"It's Hiei," he whispered. He didn't know why he whispered. They were the only two people in the house, but the sight of his name seemed ominous, as if the demon could hear them.
Despite her confession, the guilt she placed on herself, Karen made an odd noise. It was an attempt at a huff of anger mixed with a sob. "Just let it ring."
Kenji set the phone down on the floor beside them and they both watched the phone buzzing
along the floor with that song blaring in the kitchen. It was almost humorous for Hiei to be calling and having that ring tone blaring up from the tiny phone.
Kenji would have thought his friend might want to talk to Hiei. If she was placing this blame on herself, then surely talking with that demon was needed, but now she appeared slightly
mad. This was the first time he had encountered the emotional roller coaster of a girl.
First, she tried to eat and cry at the same time. She did end up crying. She confessed to the reason for her tears. Now, she was ignoring the demon. It didn't make sense unless the
bastard did something, too…
When the call ended, they stared at it some more in silence. Then, rather calmly, Karen turned the phone off and placed it back in her purse.
"Why didn't you talk to him," he asked.
"Because I'm embarrassed," she responded quietly as she stood to her feet. Kenji was confused.
Kenji watched his friend again. She was wiping at her face with a paper towel, having successfully stopped crying.
"_Can't we just talk?"_
Hearing her words from that day, Kenji finally understood. _She's lonely_, he thought. But
there was something else to whatever was happening to those two and he didn't really know how to help. If he saw the demon, he'd probably attempt to say 'go tend to Karen, bastard', but
when would he ever run into the demon?
"You know what," announced Kenji with all the purpose of needing to cheer up his friend.
"Let's go rent some movies. Oh," he jumped to his feet, "and a video game – something for the Wii."
Wrinkling her nose, Karen frowned, "okay, but no dancing games."
He wilted. "Dude, why suppress your inner dancer? Let that wildness streak forth and guide you into the rhythm of music."
"You bruised my hip when you were too into the game. Your wildness streaked forth and guided you into hurting me… with the rhythm of music."
"I meant to softly knock into you," he mimicked with a sway of hips. When she glanced away with a little smile, he rolled his eyes. "Alright, but let's get something good."
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he scooped up his keys and guided her outside. "Let's get another pizza," she stated.
"Definitely," he agreed.
He didn't know why he called her. He didn't why he did something so humane. He was simply waiting for his next session with that death helmet and mindlessly pressed the button. He should have known she wouldn't pick up.
Why was his control getting the best of him anyways? He went solidly for months without
giving into the temptation to touch her and now, it was as if his hands had to touch her.
He hated her in the beginning. To have to be tied down to that human girl was degrading, but what was even more degrading – was his desire for her, that child.
He told himself that he hadn't been with anyone in months and that to be suddenly forced in the presence of that woman-child, had forced his body to react. He was disgusted that he
could be turned on by the sight of that awkward girl. He tried to keep his distance. He
didn't need the hassle of making conversation with her and having to listen to that voice, which he desperately tried to convince himself that her voice was annoying, like the squawk of a thousand children.
But there were times when he allowed himself to admire her, as the temptation was too great. He watched her from afar while she went on her walks to lengthen the bond. She thought he had been training, but he simply followed up in the trees. The time he had delivered that drawing to her, he had deliberately shifted the paper at the last minute so that she touched him.
They had argued that first morning in Hakone. When he went to throttle her, he couldn't help but lean in and inhale her scent. He was tempted to kiss her neck, but he left. He had to
leave. He nearly kissed her when she attacked him, thinking he was trying to kidnap her. If his sister and that idiot hadn't have arrived, he might have taken her that night.
And anytime she did end up plastering herself against him when she tripped, he shoved her
away to keep from reacting to her then less developed curves. His touch was always brutal, a silent warning to make her understand that he did not care for her in the slightest and that he detested her presence. It was also a warning to himself, a reminder for Hiei to feel the frailty of her body and convince himself that she was weak, human, and a girl that he needed
to keep away from. To hurt her then assured himself that he was not soft, so far gone off the deep end, that he was following that girl's every movement.
Admittedly, she had been beautiful then, but he replaced that beauty with disgust to keep
himself from looking too much at her. She was too involved with everyone. She wasn't just a woman he could satisfy himself with and if he were to do so, he would have had to deal with her girlish emotions. She was young, younger than him and entirely naïve. She was a child,
which was evident by that cursed school uniform she had to wear (which was also another turn on). Seeing that human school's name was like a beacon – another reason why he should have
felt repulsed for feeling desire for a human girl.
He had tried to wipe out her face from his mind plenty of times. He thought if he cured this itch, that lust for her, he could continue ignoring her more effectively. He had lived in
this world long enough that he knew the way it worked, how to act human, where to go, what to do – that he went in search of a woman, any woman. It seemed futile, really. It was pathetic. He was pathetic that he mostly ended up sitting at the counter and drinking that weak, human alcohol. Women came up to him, whispered in his ear, tried to entice him into finding a
quieter place, and every time he tried, that gentle face kept appearing. It just wouldn't
work. They didn't have blue eyes. They didn't have that smile. They didn't have that scent. They didn't laugh at their own mistakes, trip down those stairs, wind milling about to keep standing, or ask if he wanted more gyozas.
Then, he was constantly making sure she was safe when she was out with that boy, in town with Urameshi or his woman, or simply out on her own. He had been seeking that flare of energy in Tokyo before fleeing to the temple when he realized he could smell the smoke. Hiei had felt
the frantic need to pull her away from the flames, knowing human skin was not as tough against fire as a demon. On the verge of blacking out, she apologized to him. He didn't
understand why and he had never asked for such an apology. He was livid the time she wandered out of the theater and called him, telling him that she was walking that idiot's sister to
her car. That woman was supposed to be missing and that girl, that weak girl had found her
before them. In his anger, he shook her with shaking hands, wondering how someone could be so stupid as to walk a grown woman to her car in the dead of night. Hiei hated it when he was
distracted by his thoughts of her that he failed to prevent her from falling onto her face. The time she twisted her ankle, he questioned why he cared that it bothered him that she was hurt.
But she wasn't a girl. He knew that. She wasn't a girl then. She wasn't a girl now. The reason why he kept looking after, needing to know she was safe, give her the things she
wanted – that house in Shirakawa-go, knowing she loved nature, the sketchbook, allowing her to hold his hand, and answering a few of her questions – was because he did care for her
greatly.
She adapted to him. Did he ever really adapt to her as much as she had to him? Even now, she was keeping from talking to him because he had silently trained her to keep from talking too much, but really, he didn't mind. Her voice was calming compared to the silence he once
enjoyed. He had to coax her to talk now, something he noticed that night she tore off her
shirt for him. She was more silent, keeping out of his way, and always hesitant to touch him. "_I love you!"_
She showered him with smiles, amused him with her clumsiness, and gave him affection. No one ever said hello to him. If he laughed, she didn't question it or give him an odd look. She
simply accepted it, as if he had done so for years. She was always greeting him warmly and
making sure his needs were met. She never really denied him anything. Even when he turned to her that night, she didn't push him away as she should have because of her fears.
His actions this past week were dishonorable and selfish. He should have stopped that morning when his head was hurting. He hadn't been thinking clearly and was still riding the high of
his dream – a dream of her, once again, lying naked beneath him on white sheets and gazing up at him with half-lidded blue eyes filled with need. She was blocking him out, replacing the
pleasure with pain, because it was all she had known, what she expected. He had simply
satisfied himself and then hated himself for losing control again. Hiei used her to kill the pain, like a weak demon begging release from torture.
Hiei was going to make it up to her last night. He had the time and privacy to show her that it wasn't all pain, that it was in her head, that he could pleasure her – but she tensed up.
It was that agony in his head. It was that cloudiness. He had been drinking, which was
something he shouldn't have done, as it only seemed to put him on edge. All the frustrations of his work and having little time with her, zoomed to the surface with a feral roar. He
snapped at her and the words went flying from his mouth. He hadn't meant it. He knew she was scared of what he had done, but like always, unaware that she was afraid of him.
Guilt – just hot guilt was all he felt right now. He didn't like it. Hiei could cut his own arm off and not care one bit. He had sacrificed his own arm, his body even, to the brutal
nature of his dragon and walked away with a smirk. Pain was just pain. It was intense, but nothing he couldn't handle. This guilt… all these _emotions_… was torment, an affliction of deep cruelty because he could _feel_. It was almost as if he was alive now and if he didn't adjust to this new emotional state, it would continue to eat away at him.
He wanted to see her trip again. He hadn't been around long enough to see if she was still as clumsy, if she still made that odd scream whenever she was three inches from hitting the
ground. Hiei wanted to hear about what she did throughout the day, just as she used to tell him in Shirakawa-go when she went on about cleaning the house, discovering that new insect, and hating that poetry book. He wanted to watch her throw her head back and laugh until she was gasping for air.
And Hiei was just suffering with all this – the feeling of being alive.
Fuck…
"The machine is nearly ready, sir," announced a short ogre with green hair. "We're ready to get you strapped in now."
And now he was about to undergo that damn device again. He gazed down at his phone and stared at her name before forcing himself to shove the device into his pocket. Silently, he stood
and strode past the ogre into the lab.
I was a coward. I really was, as I was avoiding Hiei. I didn't really know how to face him. I was embarrassed, hurt, and angry – at him, but mostly myself. I wished I could feel only one emotion, like when I was happy, there was just happiness. Now, when I am in any other mood,
there are several other emotions warring with one another.
I think that if I were to face Hiei, I would end up crying. I didn't understand it. It had
been two days since that fight and every time I thought of it, the words- how I, in a way, just felt like I kept disappointing him, my eyes would water and my throat would tighten. I could take a hit. I could withstand that backhand from Genkai without crying. One time,
Genkai kicked me so hard I coughed up blood and knowing I needed to keep from crying, to be a little stronger, I refused to cry (although, I did cry in my room later with Jet at my side). I think I was just trying to be tougher for Hiei.
I did everything for him.
Despite it all, with Hiei, I was just myself. I was awkward and unsure. I was wondering what he thought, wanting to please him, and trying to be good enough for him.
We hardly did anything with one another and I was reminded of Valon's conversation. She had been adamant that we go on a few dates before having sex, but none of that happened. He was too busy. I was unsure of how to ask him or when to ask him. I didn't think he'd agree.
Everything we did was just in the dark – the dead of night. The only time we had done
anything together during the day was when we were alone in Shirakawa-go. I couldn't help but think he might be ashamed of me, as if the act of being seen with me in public was
unbearable.
His one month here wasn't going as I had planned. Did plans work anyways? I had wanted this month to be special for him, but it was going in an entirely different direction.
Spending the day and night at Kenji's felt great. It was an up lifter to my sadness and frustrations. I did stop at home, help with dinner, and set a plate for Hiei. He really
didn't spend enough time looking out for himself. I know he can demolish things with a flick of his hand, but he never took the time to sleep or eat properly these days. I wonder if he ate it… but someone ate it because it wasn't in the fridge when I came back home.
"Do you have everything?" asked Keiko.
I was fixing Hiei's plate again. There was a carrot slice hanging off the side and I nibbled on it, "yes, of course, Keiko –"
She cleared her throat.
After coming back home yesterday to help with dinner, Keiko made an odd request. She wanted me to call her and Yusuke, mom and dad. At first, I stood there blinking at her and almost burned the miso when it began boiling up a storm inside the pot. She reasoned that Yusuke
needed the practice into fatherhood and said that she heard babies could hear everything
around them while in the womb. I lifted my eyebrow up at that and nearly laughed, but seeing her face, the stern look in her eyes, I immediately swallowed. She was serious. Keiko thought they needed to get into the practice of being called by familial names and that the baby
would understand more easily about what to call them. It was all for the baby and maybe this would soothe Yusuke's frazzled nerves (even if he tried to hide it with grumpiness).
"Yes, of course, _Mom_," I repeated.
She smiled in satisfaction and rubbed her stomach. It wasn't that I didn't like calling them by such names because they were my family – it was just odd, something I haven't done before (aside from doing so, jokingly). I had yet to call Yusuke by his new name and Keiko was
giving me that 'Karen, we discussed this and don't make me repeat myself' look. _It's just for the baby_, I thought.
Putting Hiei's food away, I washed my hands and began cleaning up the counter top. There were footsteps and I glanced over my shoulder. Yusuke was squinting down at some papers in his
hands and I wanted to roll my eyes. Why didn't he just wear his reading glasses? He had
astounding vision, but with words, he seemed unable to focus on them. It's not as if we were going to laugh.
"Hey, kid, you ready?" he asked without looking up from the papers.
I opened my mouth to answer when Keiko elbowed me in the ribs. I wrinkled my nose, as her pointy elbow dug in enough to almost make me grunt. I think pregnancy made Keiko stronger, gave her higher powers, as she was able to have the final say in everything. Yusuke didn't
know what Keiko had requested and I felt awkward calling him his new name. I glanced at her stomach. Could the baby really hear us? I was going to have to consult the books Jet had
sent, but I'd probably do so tonight.
She jerked her head over at Yusuke with raised eyebrows and I mentally sighed. Setting the dishtowel aside, I said, firmly, as if bravely delivering a salute, "yes, _Dad_."
Immediately, he dropped the papers and they went fluttering in a storm to the kitchen floor. He made a low noise in his throat and glanced over at me with wide eyes. I blinked at him in slight fear. Keiko was laughing quietly into her hands. Oh yes, she was clearly enjoying
this! I was wondering if I should sneak out the back door and take off running into the woods. He looked almost rabid. Was he going to slap me and tell me to take it back?
Then, quickly, he scratched the back of his head and nodded. Clearing his throat, he began picking up his papers. I moved forward to help, but he shook his head. "Nah, it's okay." He said, tensely. "You should get your things. You know how Keiko's dad is," he gave a stiff
grin. "He hates tardiness or whatever."
Exchanging a worried glance with Keiko, I lifted my shoulders in a 'what the hell' kind of shrug. She was still shaking silently with mirth and waving me away with her hand. With a tiny sigh, I tiptoed around him and bounded up to my room.
Tonight, Yusuke was taking me to Keiko's parent's house. I was going to spend the night with them because in the morning, we were going to prepare this huge feast for a wedding
reception. Keiko had to work and Yusuke had meetings tomorrow, so they were sending me. The
Yukimuras were ecstatic to have me and complained that I spent too much time with Atsuko than with them. Another time and I might have declined, found some sort of excused, but I just
needed time away from Hiei.
"You okay," asked Yusuke casually after we had been silent for some time in the car.
I was staring out the window amidst the soft music from the radio. Without glancing at him, I answered him in a clear voice, "yeah, I'm just preparing myself for Mr. Yukimura's bear hug. I think he's working out because last time he nearly broke my ribs."
Yusuke snorted. "He's got those sailor arms, so it's no wonder."
Needing to distract myself from thoughts of Hiei, I decided to ask him, "Yusuke, are you ready for the baby?"
I noticed that his hands clenched a bit around the steering wheel. "Sure," he answered stiffly. I frowned at his answer. Yusuke's back stiffened, as if were ready to face an
opponent. What was wrong with him these days? I know he's stressed but this tense attitude
was almost alarming. "Hey, don't you like this song? You kids have weird taste, but hell, it doesn't bother me."
He turned up the volume and I shifted in my seat to glance out the window again. He didn't want to talk anymore.
After all the hugs (I actually burped when Mr. Yukimura hugged me), I managed to slouch up to Keiko's old room. Mrs. Yukimura tittered around, unpacking my bag, and said she would press
out my dress for when we went to cater at the booked club. I told her I didn't mind, that I
could do it, but she just laughed. When she kissed me goodnight, I fell back onto the bed and sighed.
And once again, I was restless. I don't think I've slept well since Hiei's arrival. Mostly, I was worrying myself into a frenzy about keeping my cover from being blown. Then, everything
that happened between us just kept sleep standing in the doorway. At least, when he had been sleeping beside me, I managed a few peaceful hours of uninterrupted sleep. If it wasn't for
the cover up beneath my eyes, I'd look dead. I had forgotten to wear any when visiting Kenji, but it wouldn't have mattered. My tears would have washed it away.
Pulling my crossword book out, I glanced through several pages, studied the jumbled of
hastily made equations, and after a while, just stared at the few pictures. I threw the book back into my purse. Reaching into my bag, I pulled out one of the books Jet had sent me from
the temple. After twenty minutes, I blinked. I blinked some more.
"Jet," I moaned in annoyance.
I wanted pregnancy books about healthy foods to eat, what to avoid, fun exercise – not a book that explained the complications of pregnancy and – I stared at the picture. I paled. The
photograph showed a woman holding onto a hanging branch and squatting while women mingled
around with outstretched hands. Was that an old-fashioned birthing technique? I turned a few pages. This was just another manual, but over delivering babies, the history of pregnancy
throughout the centuries, and all sorts of things with accompanying pictures. There was a
rather vivid photo of a baby's head _peeking_ through and I grimaced at the sight. Still, I turned the book._ How is that even possible?_
My phone was ringing.
Setting the book atop my stomach, I snatched up my phone. It was just after midnight and _he_ was calling me? I stared at his name and already could feel the lump rising to my throat. My eyes began burning and I shoved the phone beneath my pillow. Lying atop the pillow, I
smothered the noise and covered my face with my hands. Each ring, every vibration, made my heart clench.
I didn't cry. I'm not crying anymore. This is silly. I already cried enough at Kenji's house. How was I ever going to face Hiei if I was tearing up at just a phone call from him?
It stopped.
Inhaling deeply, as if I had been holding my breath and maybe I had, I focused on calming
myself. I breathed in and out, doing as Lena had taught me. I just needed to focus. I'm not a crybaby. It was stupid to be acting like this.
But it hurt. I felt like that phone, every ring, were like his words, and they were bullets flying into my damaged body. I had known him for so long, over a year, and I had never acted like this before… avoiding him.
What if he got tired of me? What if he took my avoidance as a sign that I didn't want him? I couldn't imagine going back to how things were, where he ignored me, and gave nothing but
glares, a few rude words, and walked away…
As he did that night – he did all those things.
I grabbed my phone and prepared myself to call him. I can fix all this. I can do something… try harder, anything –
It started ringing.
Powering down the phone, I tossed it aside. I curled up onto my side and counted silently in my head. I couldn't do anything if nothing but blubbering words came forth from my mouth. He wouldn't like that. I wasn't going to cry in front of him or anywhere near him. I couldn't do that.
No more tears…
For the rest of the night, I focused on creating a dam to keep the tears at bay. Then, I could face him. I just needed a few days.
...
...
...
"Oh, baby, you're looking a tad red around the eyes." Mrs. Yukimura cooed. "Do you have
allergies?" She quickly checked my forehead. I was reminded of Keiko. She always did that to
me. "Maybe you're coming down with something? We know how prone you are to illnesses."
I almost grimaced at that last part. Every time I went away, everyone used the excused that I was sick with the flu or some unknown ailment. I was reminded of when I was younger and how
sick I used to be as a child. I was completely healthy now, thank you.
"Nothing a bit of herbal tea can't fix," boomed Mr. Yukimura. "Keiko can't fix it like I can. Here, I'll whip it up real quick."
How they can be so chipper at four in the morning was beyond me. We set to work.
I was dicing and slicing. I was stirring and baking. I was adding seasoning and nearly
sneezed my brain out as the spices fluttered up into the air. I barely managed to run out of the kitchen and sneezed – otherwise, the food could have been ruined. The Yukimuras were
professional and moved around like dancers while I twirled out of the way. It was almost like a synchronized dance where I was bounding away and they kept chasing after me in colorful
leaps.
"Ah-ha," Mr. Yukimura grabbed me up into a huge hug. "You're not a Urameshi! You're a Yukimura! Why just look at the way you deboned that chicken leg!"
I stared down over his shoulder at my hands. In one hand was a bone. In the other hand was a huge chunk of meat. Somehow, I had managed to pull the bone out from the chicken in one go.
The meat just slid away from the bone, as if I had pulled an arm from a sleeve. Seeing my
work, Mr. Yukimura laughed loudly and hauled me up into his arms. He was proudly patting me on the back.
"I'm so proud," he set me down and handed me another piece of chicken.
The good thing about deboning chicken for an entire hour was how soft the grease made your hands. I bet I could go up against silk with the softness of my palms. But deboning chicken also left a smell to them and I had to spend twice the amount of time in the shower just to
get rid of the stench. Frowning, I lifted my hand and gave a discreet smell. It smelled like that honey bath wash in the bathroom, which was better than meat odor. Slipping on my hand
gloves, I let the elastic snap against my wrist.
There really wasn't a dress code for us, but Mrs. Yukimura suggested I wear all black. It looked professional. Keiko picked out the black dress and heels for me last night. To
complete my professional look, I twisted my hair up into the bun. I didn't have to wear a hair net, as I was only serving for an hour before switching with one of the workers the Yukimuras hired. Still, I didn't want anything falling into the food.
"Make sure you tell all your friends that you ate the infamous Yukimuras cooking!" Mr. Yukimura yelled loudly from down the buffet table. "Karen?"
Leaning back, I stared past one of the workers.
"Don't forget to tell our slogan! Say it proud and loud!" I gave a hasty smile.
I really didn't want to say the slogan, because it seemed goofy. Still, I said, "make sure
you tell all your friends that you ate the infamous Yukimuras cooking." I didn't say it quite as loud as Mr. Yukimura did, but I gave a smile each time.
The lights were dim all around us save for our area. We had soft lamps near our table and I served the guests as quickly as possible. There were so many people. On the dance floor,
strobe lights were flickering along to the booming music. I thought it was odd that we were serving food in a club with all this music. At Keiko and Yusuke's wedding, we ate first
before dancing. This was different.
"Make sure you tell all your friends that you ate the infamous Yukimuras cooking," I mumbled to the next customer.
"Well, of course I will, beautiful, but I don't think I'll tell my friends about you," drawled a light voice.
Glancing up, I met ebony eyes and a charming grin. I smiled at the young man. He couldn't be more than a few years older. "Sorry, it's just a slogan," I explained.
"I'm not sorry at all." Giving a polite nod, he introduced himself, "I'm Mitsuya, Lee."
I would have shaken his hand, but I had on gloves. "Oh, Urameshi, Karen." I stared at the man behind him whom was waiting to be served. Lee didn't seem to care as he continued grinning.
"I –"
"I think you should tell me when you get off."
Well, I was actually going to say 'I think I should get back to serving', but he interrupted me. I've never had the attention of another guy, so I wasn't sure how to decline his upfront request.
"I'm not moving from here until you tell me." He grinned. "I can stand here all day." "What about your food," I reasoned. "It's going to get cold."
"I like cold food. There's nothing wrong with it." "You're going to get tired of standing."
"I'd stand in the rain for you."
Okay, really, he was just being corny now. Even so, I almost laughed, but held it in with a grin. I looked away and stared at the other workers.
"Was that a laugh I almost heard?" Lee inquired. Leaning in, he said over the soft music, "tell me when you get off. I'll wait."
"I have a," I stumbled over my sentence, "I have a boyfriend." Actually, I was pretty sure Hiei was more than a boyfriend. It seemed funny to say mate or the equivalent here, as
husband.
"Ah, well, see a boyfriend isn't permanent." Lee leaned away and stared at me with a smile. "Look, we can just talk, have a few drinks, and listen to the music. There's nothing wrong with that."
He didn't understand. The only man I saw was Hiei, but it was nice to meet someone new. He had a humorous quality to him… but he was also kind of annoying.
I firmly denied his request as politely as possible. "I have to get back to work. It was nice meeting you, Mr. Mitsuya."
He placed a hand over his heart. "It's like that? Wow, I think you hurt me." Grinning, he winked. "Okay, but I'll be watching you…"
And that sounded a little creepy.
Shaking my head, I apologized to the next customer and served him quickly. He had a grin on his face, too, but before he could utter a word, I gave a little snap of my tongs and he
bounded away with a chuckle. These men must have been drinking too much if they were coming after me. They needed to focus on those women down on the dance floor dressed in flashy
colors. I was dressed for a funeral and serving food. What was wrong with them?
"Karen, dear, why don't you join the others on the dance floor now," suggested Mrs. Yukimura after an hour. "You need to be down there and mingling with the young folk."
"I'm okay." I glanced at the door leading to the back room. "You'll be serving desserts soon. I can help with that. It's not a problem."
Laughing, Mrs. Yukimura patted my cheek. "No, no – you're off duty. You did enough with us
this morning. Now, go on," she shooed me with her hands playfully. "I've got to check and see if they're really working back there. Did you eat? Don't forget to fix you a plate! You
really need to be eating three full meals a day, snacks in between – oh, is that girl drinking while on the job!" She hurried away with a crossed look.
Now I had nothing to do except find somewhere to sit and read. I was already putting aside my responsibilities just moping around for the past few days. Heading to the back, I went to one of the lockers that I shared with the Yukimuras. I retrieved my purse and headed back into
the crowded room. It was a bit dim to read, but a few tables had little lamps… There!
It was abandoned, too. Since a majority of the people was on the dance floor and only the
elder people were sitting about drinking, I found a little clothed table. Zigzagging amongst the tables and various people, I settled down into my seat. With a huge sigh, I pulled out my crossword and pencil. I think I was getting close to discovering something, but every time I realized it, it was just another dead end. It really wasn't making much sense to me.
"Ms. Urameshi, we meet again."
Peeking to the side, I met Lee's gleaming gaze. I hadn't been sitting for more than five
minutes and he had already sought me out. Did he watch me the entire time I was serving food? Really, that was kind of unnerving.
I kind of didn't know what to say to him. I was tempted to say 'go dazzle the others, I have work to do'. I was actually too exhausted right now to be bothered by a stranger. I had no
sleep last night. I actually cried a majority of the night (despite my refusal to cry). I
spent most of the morning cooking and deboned chicken for an entire hour. I helped set up the buffet line and had to serve food in these heels. I just really wanted to sit, maybe fall
asleep behind my book, and wait for Yusuke to pick me up in a few hours.
"You're thirsty," he said hurriedly after I kept staring at him. He waved down a passing waiter, "you need a drink."
"I – uh," I stammered. "I'm not a drinker." I was underage anyways, but I wasn't going to be a prude and say so. I didn't have a problem with alcohol. I was more than responsible to look after myself, but Mrs. Yukimura wouldn't like some strange man waving down a waiter for me.
A waiter carrying drinks (as that was all they did) stopped and placed two glasses of champagne before us with a bow.
"Nonsense," answered Lee in a delay response to my admission. "You need to relax."
I should ignore him, but it was sitting there and bubbles were staring up at me. I was
curious at the taste of champagne. Glancing discreetly about the club, I searched for the Yukimuras. There were nowhere in sight and must have went to the back room. Lifting the
glass, I tipped it back and sipped. It spritzed down my throat but the taste was soft. I took another sip. It actually didn't taste that bad.
"You know," drawled Lee, "I like an intelligent woman."
_An intelligent woman did crosswords,_ I asked silently. It was actually my notes, but
crosswords were for anyone. Glancing over at him, I took note of his flushed face. I think he had one too many drinks while I was serving food. As long as he didn't act wildly, I'd sit
here with this stranger. He wasn't doing anything and I wasn't a rude person.
Lee started talking about work. I think he said something about working in some type of firm, but I was more focused on the people dancing. I nodded now and again while sipping my drink, but I wasn't in the mood for much company.
"I was watching you move." I nodded mindlessly without looking at him. "You have a tight ass."
I just barely caught the end of his sentence and frowned at him. "Excuse me?" "What?"
I lifted an eyebrow at his innocent expression. After a long minute, he chuckled and reached for my hand. I placed my hand in my lap and for some reason this amused him.
"Karen, you like playing hard to get, don't you," Lee grinned crookedly. "I don't mind. I like a nice chase, especially if it's a beauty like you."
"I'm not playing anything." I admitted honestly. "I just wanted to sit here." "And doodle away in your book?"
"Yes."
"Look, can I be honest?"
Maybe I should take Mrs. Yukimura up on her offer. I hadn't eaten since this morning, which consisted of toast and a dozen mugs of tea. Staring down at the last of my champagne, I was ready to excuse myself and go eat something.
"… I think you're really beautiful and," murmured Lee, "a beautiful woman deserves a man –" "_She has one_," answered a cool, smooth voice.
I stared at my champagne glass with wide eyes. Hiei.
A/N: Thanks to **akasoeki **beta reading this!
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