Throne Of Cards 39 – Z-Team and Zombies

If you find yourself in the middle of a zombie outbreak, choose your companions carefully. Yes, a group may increase your chances of survival. Unfortunately, you may also end up killing each other and making even more zombies. It's probably safe to hang onto your cat, unless animals are also affected. In that case, say your prayers. Nothing stands up to a zombie cat.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

There are various forms of stealth, and not all techniques involve staying out of visual range. Sometimes, you are far better served by hiding in plain sight.

Excerpt from 'Interview With An Assassin'

"Is there anything you can think of to help us find Yaga-Shura's heart? Anything at all? Where he keeps it, how it's hidden?" Zaerini leaned in closer, trying to ignore the smells wafting from the dying fire giant woman in front of her.

"I wasn't supposed to know," The giant woman rasped. "But I took him his supper once, him and the woman. They didn't know I heard them speak."

"What woman?"

"Feathers…" The giantess murmured; her eyes unfocused. "Feathers in her hair. She…spoke. Yaga-Shura listened, and obeyed, and her only small. But she felt taller than she looked…and cold. So cold. He obeyed her when she spoke."

"Right, and did they talk of the hearts?"

"She asked, were they hidden, were they safe. Yaga-Shura said, they were. He said, 'Inside chest with no lock or key, inside the one soaring free. Inside the swift, inside the stout. Heart's blood the key that will draw them all out.'"

Seven adventurers all looked at her expectantly, hoping for more. "That's it?" Sarevok eventually asked. "Could it possibly get more ridiculously cryptic than that? How about some plain speech?"

"Funny…" The giantess gurgled. "That's what she said…she was angry. So angry. Her eyes…a little bit like yours…" Her head lolled back, she exhaled softly and then spoke no more.

"Right," Rini said once it became obvious no further information would be forthcoming. "So, it's a riddle. That's just lovely."

"Not merely a riddle, I think," Edwin said, pursing his lips in thought. "It has a certain ring to it. I would say it's some form of ritual binding, a spell of hiding. If we can find the right place, it should be possible to unravel it."

"First things first," Dekaras said. "I try my best not to make the same mistake twice, and I would prefer not to have another reanimated giant sneaking up on us from behind. We'd better take some precautions."

"Oh," Rini said, wrinkling her nose. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She knew how to keep zombies from waking up, decapitation would keep any zombie down. It was just that she'd never had to deal with it on quite so large a scale before, and not with somebody she'd just been talking to. Still, it had to be done. She eyed the large corpse. Their own weapons would work, but it would take time they didn't really have to waste. "Anybody see a really large carving knife or meat cleaver around here?"

"That shouldn't be necessary," Dekaras said. "In order to prevent reanimation, we merely have to destroy the crucial parts of the brain. A careful approach either through the upper parts of the nose or the orbital socket should achieve the desired results with minimum fuss." He turned to Sarevok. "Would you mind putting that big sword of yours to use for a moment? I fear I carry nothing large enough to work on a giant."

"My pleasure," The large warrior said. "Eye socket, you said?"

"Yes, you just have to take care with the angle. If you aim it like so…yes."

Rini deliberately turned her back. She wasn't feeling faint. She was a Bhaalspawn, and she'd seen her share of blood and gore, caused it too in some cases. Still, this fell strictly into a 'need to know' category and she felt no need to know.

"So," She said in a loud and slightly brittle voice. "That riddle, huh? Any ideas?"

There was a crunching noise behind her, and a subdued squelch.

"Yes," Edwin said, his voice also slightly desperate. "Riddle…yes. We should…should definitely be looking for…for a thing with a thing inside of it."

There was another squelch, slightly louder. "Interesting," Sarevok's voice boomed behind her back. "I hadn't known it did that."

"Oh yes," Dekaras said. "It comes loose right there, you see. Now, this of course isn't something I would normally be bothering with, but knowledge is power, after all."

"Of course. How my sister spent all those years in a library without educating herself better I will never know."

Hey! "Not that I begrudge you two the bonding session or anything," Rini said between clenched teeth, "But we'd really better be going. Are you done?"

"Quite," Dekaras said as he appeared behind her shoulder, making her startle. "As you say, we have much to do."

Sarevok patted her on the head, an annoying grin on his face. "Fear not, little sister. I will handle any further nasty corpses we run into."

"The next nasty corpse we run into will be yours, big brother, unless you wipe that smirk off your face," The half-elf snarled. "Now move it!"

"It's hardly my fault if you have no stomach for explorative anatomy. I'm sure you'll make a superb goddess of murder even with that little hint of squeamishness."

"I'm not squeamish! I'll show you, see if I don't. Next corpse we run into; I will take care of."

"Are you sure? I could always hold your hand through it."

Viconia sighed. "Perfect. This will likely go on for hours now." She rounded on Dekaras. "I blame you."

"Me?" The assassin said. "How?"

"I can hardly blame the infants, now can I? You riled them up, you settle them down." The priestess sniffed and tossed her white hair back across her shoulder, muttering something in Drow that Rini felt it was probably for the best she didn't understand.

The group passed through a few empty rooms and corridors, keeping a careful lookout for giants, alive or dead. There were none though, but the evidence of the past carnage was clearly visible. Furniture had been violently overturned, there were pools of blood on the floor and panicky smears on the walls, and even a severed arm still trying to clutch a sword. Eventually, they approached a larger hall. It seemed like it might previously have been a dining room, but now tables and benches had been overturned to form a sort of barricade fortress in one corner. At the other far corner, a stairway led up to an upper floor.

"I wonder if anybody's in there?" She whispered to her friends as she peered inside the room. "I thought I saw something move, but I'm not sure…"

"Ho there!" Minsc bellowed, suddenly striding past the surprised half-elf and inside the room. "Are there any friendly giants here or only Evil Zombie Giants in need of a sound spanking with the sharp end of my sword?"

"Minsc, wait!" Rini called out, her voice deteriorating into a squeak. "I'm not sure even live giants are likely to be friendly…"

But it was too late. A group of four giants, all of them armed, stepped out from behind the barricade, glaring suspiciously at the newcomers. At least they didn't seem to be zombies. That was good. Probably.

"Halt, or I'll shoot!" The leader of the giants snarled, brandishing a very large crossbow. His face was haggard, his reddish beard was scruffy, and he looked as if he hadn't slept or indeed cleaned up in weeks, but his eyepatch somehow improved the first impression from pathetic to rugged.

"They could be zombies," A second giant said, clutching a club so tightly his knuckles whitened. He was a little older than the first giant and had a rather odd and droopy mustache and a wild look in his eyes. "I say we bash their skulls in, just to make sure. We should have gone for the boat like I told you!"

"Oh, shut up about your stupid boat," The third giant scoffed. This one was female, almost as muscular as the men and with a pair of enormous swords slung across her back. "Have you ever even seen a boat? Not to mention the sea?"

"I could build one! I told you! And you know how it always goes. We meet somebody, they either turn out to be zombies or try to kill us anyway. Kill them first this time, I say. Then find a boat."

"SHUT UP ABOUT THE BOAT!"

"Eh, excuse them please," Said the last giant, another woman. No, more of a girl, she didn't look fully grown. She had her hair twisted into tight braids and she smiled a small, but fairly friendly smile. "It's been a bad time."

"Fair enough," Zaerini said, relieved that they probably wouldn't have to fight to the death just yet. "We're not zombies, and we really just want to pass by. We don't have to fight unless you want to."

"We're looking for the heart of Yaga-Shura," Imoen piped up. "Do you know where it is?"

The first giant spat on the ground. "That accursed thing? It's what caused all the trouble." He wiped a hand across his sweaty brow and scratched at his beard. "I was in a coma, you know."

"…here we go again…" Muttered the giantess with the swords.

"I'd been badly injured in the line of duty. I was head guardsman, you know!"

"…in 'Z-team', the one assigned to all the duties nobody else could be bothered with…"

"I still say we should name our group Z-team. It would build morale and team spirit and encourage you all to follow my lead. Anyway. As I lay at death's door…"

"…shouldn't that be 'stood'?"

"…something called me back. A higher duty. I woke to find…this. The world gone mad. I knew I had to act, to maintain order and giantness."

"…and you'd maintain giantess too, if I let you closer than the length of my sword."

The first giant looked offended at that. "I'll have you know I'm still grieving my wife! She died!"

"Yeah?" Said the second one, tugging at his moustache. "So did mine. And my kid. And then they both came back."

"Well, mine died giving birth! And then…and then…" He clutched at his face, shoulders shaking.

"The baby came back too," Said the girl with the braids, patting the man gingerly on the shoulder. "It…well, it couldn't walk of course, or even crawl, but it still tried to bite. It was pretty yucky."

"…sorry?" Rini said, feeling it lacked a certain something but unsure what else to say. "So, about that heart…"

"Oh, it's in Yaga-Shura's bedroom. Up two flights of stairs, you have to use wardstones to get through all the hallways, and then at the end of the rightmost corridor. But the heart is locked away. Only Yaga-Shura knows how to get it out."

"Well, we'll have to try anyway. Thanks for the help. Hope you find a boat, or whatever else you need."

The adventurers said their farewells to the small group of survivor giants and Zaerini had gone about halfway up the stairs to the second floor when she heard the noise. At first it was fairly low, a faint rumble and rustle, but it was growing rapidly louder and below her she could see the giants looking alarmed.

"Another attack!" The guardsman giant shouted. "A herd! Team, rally around me! Some of you may die, but I'll treat any survivors to an uplifting lesson at the end of it, tempered with my own inner pain at the inevitable moral dilemmas."

"That's supposed to be encouraging?" The muscular giantess snarled, brandishing her swords. "And what's the dilemma about killing zombies before they kill you, you big pr…"

Whatever she'd been about to say was cut short as the shuffling heavy footsteps and creaking groans grew louder and about two dozen or so undead giants staggered rapidly into the room. Some of them were missing the odd limb, one of them had its belly sliced open and its content dragging behind on the floor, but they were all advancing with singular purpose. While some of them were going for the live giants, others were heading for Zaerini and her friends, and they were coming fast. The first one was already at the bottom of the stairs.

"Go on, Little Rini!" Minsc shouted. "Minsc will keep his Witch safe and liberally apply the needed smacks to make Nearly Dead Giants into Fully Dead Giants." He was already charging back down the stairs and into the herd of giants.

"Minsc, wait! Don't…"

"Go," Sarevok's voice boomed next to her ear, and then her brother was half dragging, half carrying her up the stairs with an around her waist that might as well have been made from solid stone. "We don't want to be fighting those things on the stairs."

A few steps below her, she saw Edwin finish off a spell, and fiery blocks of rock started raining down above, striking the advancing zombies. Skulls were crushed, rotting flesh was set on fire, and quite a few of them went down, but there were still more coming. Even worse, at the back of the zombie herd she saw one giant raising what was an unpleasantly familiar object, a red wand with curling engravings resembling licking flames.

"DODGE!" She shouted, leaping up the stairs so fast she was nearly flying. Then the world became white heat and there was a loud crash as the large fireball struck. It was followed by thick clouds of smoke, crackling flames, and then the horrible feeling of the stairs gradually crumbling beneath her feet even as she ran. Finally, after what felt like an eternity but was probably only a few seconds, she reached the top and the safety of a stone corridor leading off deeper into the castle. We made it!

Then she turned around, and to her horror realized that she was only partially right. Sarevok was standing next to her, yes, coughing as he tried to expel the smoke from his lungs, and Imoen was frantically batting away glowing embers from her clothes. The rest of her friends weren't there, and as she looked back through the doorway she could see only raging flames.

"Fireball…" Imoen wheezed. "It hit right smack in the middle of the stairs. The others got stuck behind it."

No. No, no, no.

Softpaws poked her head out of Rini's pack, looking very disgruntled. The cat sneezed once, then rubbed at her nose with her paw.

Ew. Kitten, can we go to a more pleasant place next, do you think? My fur will smell bad for hours. And your thoughts got very loud and sharp all of a sudden.

Softy, you've got to help me!

What? Oh. The cat sneezed again and looked disgusted. Yes, the horrible little monkey is alive, as is your mate. So are the others. Happy?

Very. What else can you tell me?

The monkey says that the dead things are all put down, but the fire is very big. They had to fall back to another room, and they can't get up this way anymore than we can get down. They'll meet us as soon as they can. I'll carry on with my nap now, don't jostle me again.

"…so I guess we're on our own for a bit," Rini finished explaining to her siblings what her familiar had relayed to her. "The others will try to find another way around and up. Hopefully soon. In the meantime, I suppose we may as well try to find Yaga-Shura's hideaway."

"Aw, don't worry, Rini," Imoen said, cuffing her shoulder. There were some specks of soot on her face, but her grin was as irrepressible as ever. "We'll be fine, you'll see. It'll be our little Bhaalspawn adventure! Just you, me, and Big Brother Grumpyface."

"Wonderful," Sarevok grumbled. "Well, perhaps I can instill a certain measure of competence in you both."

"How inspiring," Rini said, rolling her eyes. "Will you give us lessons in kobold management or in how not to select assassins for hire?"

Sarevok looked as if he was about to reply, but then he cocked his head to one side and raised his hand. "Do you hear that?" He asked.

Rini paused, listening carefully. Yes, she could hear it too. It was some distance off, a repetitive, banging noise. "I may or may not regret this," She said. "But let's check that out. Let's just make sure that whatever it is doesn't notice us before we want it to."

"No problem!" Imoen said, making a bow with a flourish. "We've got you for spellcasting and flashy fighting, Sarry for Rawr Smash fighting and stomping all over things and being really loud, and yours truly for sneaking around finding things out. Just leave this to me."

"We've also got no healer with us, so be careful. I don't want you to end up as a zombie snack."

"Sure, sure," Imoen said. "Race you there?" And with a quick wink she took off, moving quietly enough but with a definite skip in her step.

The two remaining siblings looked at each other for a moment. "Well, little sister," Sarevok eventually said. "Are you prepared to be flashy?"

"Always. Ready to stomp on things?"

Sarevok smiled. "Zombie stomping sounds like an excellent plan."

Unleashing relentless hellfire and various forms of arcane destruction upon the charging zombie giants had provided a brief but entirely too temporary distraction, as far as Edwin was concerned. The moment he'd seen the flaming stairs come crashing down behind his lover he'd felt as if a claw of iron had dug itself deep into his heart, and he didn't think that feeling would ease until he was reunited with her again. Now that the zombies had been dealt with, he had plenty of time to worry. Yes, Insufferable said that she was alive and well, for now, but the point was that she was deprived of his own vast powers of devastation just when she might need them the most.

"We will find them," Dekaras said as he came up quietly behind the distraught wizard. Edwin had long since ceased to be surprised when his father knew what he was thinking, so he merely nodded mutely. "We will have to do some circling around," The assassin mused, "But we know approximately in what direction to go, and there are bound to be different paths in a place this big. Servants' corridors, guardrooms…there will be something."

"And this miserable lot may well know," Viconia said. She pointed her thumb across her shoulder to indicate the small group of huddled living giants. The one with the droopy moustache had gone down in the zombie attack, but the other three were currently having their hands enthusiastically shaken by Minsc who was ranting something about the 'glorious battle'. "You there," She told the giants. "As we have been separated from our companions, we require an alternate path. Tell us, and we will be out of your way."

The three giants looked at each other doubtfully. "I can think of only one," The surviving male giant said. "As leader of Z-Team, I have honed my skills and muscles through long hours of practice, and so, painful as it is to be forced to cleave the skulls of fellow giants, I am well able to do so. Oh, the agony!" He stuck his chest out and gave a deep sigh.

"The agony of having to kill fellow giants?"

"The agony of being beaten up in practice, I wager," The female giant with the dual swords said. "How do you think he ended up in a coma in the first place to miss the whole disaster? Heh, I kicked him so hard he's lucky his skull isn't even flatter than it is. Anyway, across the practice yard there's another stairway." She handed Viconia a runestone etched with a hammer, glowing gold. "You can have this, for all the good it'll do you. It opens the door on the other side, but you won't get far enough to use it anyway."

"Why not?"

"Because half the undead in the fortress seem to be having a party there, that's why. You're all good at fighting, but I'd wager they'd be too many for even you to face all at once. They'd rip you to shreds."

"You could always stay here?" The youngest giant said. She gave them a hopeful look.

"Minsc is sorry," Minsc said, patting the giant girl on the arm. "But he must disappoint the Big Little Girl, there is a Witch to find, and she mustn't be kept waiting."

"Aw. All right then. But you'd better be careful." She shuddered. "They're dead, and they're stupid, but if they see you, or hear you, or even smell you…"

"Minsc will do the most careful berserker charge possible."

"Glorious," Viconia sighed. "You are all my witnesses; I make no promises to patch him up afterwards if he gets himself mauled to the point where it's easier to simply reanimate him."

"I dare say we have enough zombies to deal with without adding to the pack," Dekaras said. "Shall we go have a look at this yard, then?" He paused. "Come to think of it, I think I'd better go alone first to scout. We do want to learn the layout of the place before we can make proper plans, and without aggravating a whole herd of zombies."

"Need I remind you," Edwin cut in, "How insanely dangerous that could be?"

"Your point?"

Edwin sighed. "Fine. (This is going to be one of those days, isn't it?) Just…come back in one piece, and without lurching or craving brains, please?"

"My own brain will suffice just fine, thank you, Edwin. I will be back momentarily and try not to fret so."

'Momentarily' turned out to last entirely too long for Edwin's liking. Time dragged by each minute feeling unnaturally stretched out like taffy. He paced back and forth across the gory floor, barely noticing the mangled remains of the zombies and try to ignore the nagging little voice inside his head that insisted something could go horribly, horribly wrong. Finally, when Edwin felt just about ready to throw all caution to the wind and mount a rescue party, Dekaras returned, looking none the worse for wear.

"Would you prefer to hear the good news first, or the bad news?" He asked.

"The good news," Viconia firmly said. "Dare I hope that the zombies all spontaneously combusted?"

"Regrettably, no. The good news is that I found the practice yard, and there is indeed another stairway on the other side."

"And the bad news?" The priestess asked, her eyes narrowing.

"The bad news is that the zombies are as tightly packed into that yard as a bunch of wizards in a yard sale of ancient artifacts. They are practically standing on top of each other, and we will have to squeeze right through the throng in order to reach our goal, which means that not even an illusion spell will be enough to conceal us from them. They may not be particularly bright or alert, but all it takes is for one of them to spot us and we could end up with our grey matter as the filling in a zombie sandwich. I don't know about you, but I'd prefer to avoid that."

"What do you suggest then?" Viconia asked. "That we…" She looked around, and then broke off and made a disgusted face. "You are, aren't you?"

"Can you think of a better plan?"

"No! But that doesn't mean I have to like it!"

"Like what?" Edwin asked, feeling suspicious. It wasn't that he didn't trust his father to come up with something clever. It was just that it could also easily be something extremely unpleasant.

"Simply this," Dekaras said. "If we cannot pass by the zombies without them noticing us, we have to pass by the zombies without them recognizing what we are."

Minsc clapped his hands with an eager smile. "Minsc gets it! It is like the old hunting trick, oh yes! Does Minsc get a prize if he does well? The boy who did the best would always get a treat from the huntmaster."

"Your continued survival," Viconia said. "Is that enough?" Then she gave Edwin a small smirk. "Well, wizard? What say you?"

What? The feebleminded ranger has figured it out before me? Unacceptable!

"Ah, yes," He said, trying to stall for time. "Clearly, it is important to carefully weigh all the pros and cons of the situation and formulate a plan that allows us to take full advantage of our respective strengths and weaknesses with maximum chance of survival."

"Very good," Dekaras said, as he gave Edwin a look the wizard was uncomfortably familiar with. It was the look that implied he knew perfectly well that Edwin was fibbing but would pretend not to notice for the moment. "It pleases me greatly that you won't be putting up a fuss over this." He reached into the gaping belly wound of the closest dead giant, and pulled out something grey, squishy and horribly pungent. "Now, come closer. This will take some time if we want to achieve just the right effect."

It was perhaps half an hour later, and Edwin was torn between wishing for death and wondering if perhaps it had already come for him. Certainly, he smelled like it. His meticulously maintained robes, his equally well-groomed hair and beard, not to mention his skin, had been liberally smeared with…with THINGS. Things and stuff. His brain tried its best to avoid describing them in any further detail than that. The fact that his companions had suffered through the same fate did little to relieve the agony.

"Oh, stop it with the petrified face," Viconia testily said. "I told you, I healed up all our wounds first. As long as you don't get it in your mouth, you shouldn't get sick from this." She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I don't like it either, but it is probably our best chance. Zombies rely partially on smell, and this will help block out ours."

"We cannot do anything about our smaller stature," Dekaras mused. "But try to get the body language right. By that I mean, lurch, stagger and groan. Act out your inner zombie, if you will." He briefly twisted his face into a horrific grimace, part of his mouth hanging loosely while his eye seemed to roll backwards into his head. "Too much, do you think?"

"Well, this is all very well for you," Edwin protested. "You enjoy this sort of thing."

"Are you implying that I have a deep-seated and positively depraved urge to cover myself in zombie innards, Edwin? Because if so…"

"No! Of course not! But you enjoy this sort of…undercover work. You're good at it." He left the rest unspoken, but he thought that his father picked up on it anyway. I'm not. Not like you are. Please don't be disappointed in me.

"You will do just fine," Dekaras reassured him. "Often, we find out that we are capable of surprising ourselves when the need is great enough."

"I will also add my personal touch," Viconia said as she finished rubbing herself down with a glistening bit of previous giant. "There are too many of them for me to fully control them, but I will surround us with…a general sense of repulsion, if you will."

"Oh good," Edwin said. "It won't just be me being repulsed by me, then. (I will need not one, not two, but a dozen long baths when this is done. Possibly with bleach involved.)"

Eventually they had finished with their preparations, and they set off towards their goal. The first few rooms they passed through were mostly empty, other than evidence of past carnage, but after a little while Edwin began to hear something. A quiet sound, on the edge of his hearing, a…humming? He couldn't quite make out what it was, but it was growing louder and louder.

"We are nearly there," Dekaras quietly said. "Viconia, are you ready?"

The priestess nodded. "All of you, stay close together as much as possible," She said. "That will make it easier for me. And don't move too quickly, or the repulsion field may get fuzzy around the edges." She clutched her holy symbol tightly in her fist, and there was a tensely focused look on her dark face. "Let's go."

They turned the final corner, and Edwin had to muster all his willpower in order not to simply stand and stare. The practice yard was filled with zombies, so tightly packed together that they were constantly bumping into or tripping over each other. He had been prepared for that. What he hadn't been prepared for was the noise, the incessant groaning and moaning from dead throats, or just how loud a few dozen undead giants could be. They seemed to be aimlessly wandering at first, but there was something oddly synchronized about their movements.

Controlled by the same thing, perhaps?

"Remember, close together and don't get separated," Dekaras said. He reached out to take Edwin's hand. "In fact, let's form a line." Edwin held his other hand out, hoping for the best, but no, of course it was immediately mauled by the meaty fist of the insipidly cheerful berserker.

"Oh, this is good fun!" The idiot said. "It reminds Minsc of outings when he was just a young lad, long before Boo. Do we get to wear the coloured vests as well, to make sure we don't get lost?"

"Hopefully that shan't be necessary," Dekaras said. "Helpful as I find that practice, I'd prefer none of us get lost at all and I'd like to think nobody here is about to run off like an errant child might."

"Hold on," Edwin said. "Is that why my clothes were always brightly coloured?"

The assassin gave him a quick, amused look. "Well, you did like primary colours, but it was certainly one reason for it. After all, once you got past toddler age, you outgrew the harness."

"Harness?!"

"You always were quick on your feet, and impulsive. That harness saved your life more than once. Now, let's get going, shall we?" He took a deep breath, and somehow hunched over in a way that seemed utterly incompatible with human life, before lurching off, one leg dragging limp behind him.

Edwin staggered along, hoping to manage a relatively plausible undead shuffle. Now and then he tried a brief groan. Behind him, Minsc was walking with his legs entirely rigid, and his free hand stretched out in the air before him, dangerously close to bumping into Edwin's head.

Buffoon. I make a far more convincing undead monstrosity than he does, I'm sure.

And now they were in the midst of the horde, giant zombies on all sides of them. The groans and moans, the heavy, dragging footfalls, and the terrible stench, all conspired to make the wizard's brain want to shut down to the same mindless state as the zombies. The knowledge that only the flimsy disguise and Viconia's powers stood between them and being torn apart by the horde didn't help either.

Don't show anything. Just keep going. Or lurching.

Heavy bodies bumped into him now and then, nearly bowling him over, and only the steadying influence of the hands holding onto his own kept him on his feet. The ground was slippery, as the undead giants left bits of themselves trailing along in the dirt, and he tried not to notice what he was treading on. Still, he kept going. A vision floated before his inner eye, of glittering golden eyes, shiny red hair, and a bright smile.

I'm coming. I'll find you and rescue you, no matter what.

Boss? Insufferable sounded tense and skittish. Can monkeys become zombies too?

I would presume so, unless the condition was caused by a curse specifically tailored to humans. I can't say I ever studied the manifestations of necromancy in animals all that much, but I seem to remember some Dark Lord or other with a skeleton horse. Which is a very strange idea, come to think of it, how would it ever be sturdy enough to bear the weight of a rider in full armour?

The monkey shuddered briefly and curled up tighter on Edwin's shoulder, clutching his earlobe between tiny, leathery hands. Don't know Boss, and don't care. Just don't let me get all 'Rawr Screech' ok?

Of course. Do not worry, monkey, no pathetic sack of skin and rotting flesh will be allowed to lay a single rotting finger on my familiar. Speaking of familiars, any news?

The pretty kitty says they found something weird, and they don't know what it is, but it could be important.

What?

Well, they don't know what, but they're working on it, she says.

No, tell her not to touch anything until I'm present and able to lend my arcane expertise! Suppose they blow themselves up, or worse?

I'll try Boss, but you know the pretty Cat Lady does what she wants.

Edwin sighed. Only too well. He felt his feet bumping into something and was stunned to find it was a stone staircase, leading to a door. They had reached the other end of the courtyard and he hadn't even noticed.

"Well done," Dekaras quietly said, clasping his shoulder. "Didn't I tell you it would be easier once you got into the part properly? You looked positively brainless there."

"Eh?" Edwin said. "Right. Yes. Brains? Yes, it does become easier doesn't it? Why, with my natural talent I could be doing this all day, no problem." Then he once again became aware of the pungent miasma surrounding both him and his companions and retched quietly. "Although can we try to arrange for the next stealth mission to take place in a rose garden or a candy shop? (Would that involve flesh-eating roses or marshmallow monsters, I wonder?)"

"Look here," Viconia called out from the other end of the room. "This door would seem to fit the wardstone the giants gave us. Shall we continue before we get covered with crusts?"

Wrinkling his nose in disgust, Edwin moved to follow her. While it was always possible that the giants had a rose garden or candy shop waiting in the next room, he somehow suspected that things, as they usually did in places such as this, were about to get worse.