Satan's plans for revenge
[Les Claypool]
I'm goin' down to South Park, going to have myself a time.
[Kyle and Stan]
Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.
[Les Claypool]
Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind.
[Eric Cartman]
Ample parking day or night, people spouting: "Howdy, neighbor!"
[Les Claypool]
Headin' on up to South Park gonna see if I can't unwind.
[Tweek & Lizzy]
Our town is more significant, dammit, right down to the little granite.
[Les Claypool]
So come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of Mine!
(Hell, a center of the Earth)
Christopher landed flat on his face!
The French boy spit out a small piece of hot rock that had gotten in his mouth.
He looked around and noticed several severely underfed men screaming out in pain as demons stabbed each man through the chest then hoisted them all up into the air. Their blood began to seep down the pikes that had pierced them.
Christophe knew precisely where he was; he was in hell.
"There you are; Oliver and I were beginning to think that you were not going to show up."
Christophe turned around and saw a tall and skinny man in a Nazi ss uniform and a middle-aged man dressed in armor from the 1600s.
"Who the hell are you two?" Christophe asked.
"Oh, of course, please forgive me. My name is Reinhard Heydrich; I was one of the principal architects of the Holocaust.
My friend here is Oliver Cromwell; while he was still commander-in-chief of England, one-fifth of Ireland's population died due to violence, starvation, or disease, and he set it all in motion."
"Impressive; why are you two talking to me, though? I assume you two don't do this for all Newcomers?" Christophe asked.
"Nope, Newcomers are usually impaled on Punji stick that are smeared with chimp excrement, but the big guy down here has noticed your skills and wants your help with a specific upcoming project."
" What kind of project?"
"We will show you." Heydrich then turned around and gestured Christophe to follow him and Cromwell down a dark path.
As they were walking, Christophe noticed several paintings of current and future residents of Hell hanging from the walls. They were of Thomas Jefferson, henry the eighth, John Wilkes booth, Hetty Green, Elizabeth Báthory, and Seth Macfarlane.
When the three finally reached the end of the hall, Christophe noticed a squat older man in a thick brown coat typing at a desk.
"Who is this guy?" Christophe asked.
"Christophe, i would like to introduce you to lucifer's secretary, Martin Bormann," Heydrich said.
"How's the big guy doing, Martin?" Cromwell asked.
Bormann did not look up from his computer screen, but did eventually answer a few seconds later.
"He'sdoing great. His legs aren't growing back as soon as expected, so, unfortunately, he now has to rely on a rather unpleasant prosthetic until his legs fully regrow. If you're going to see him, then I suggest you keep your eyes away from his lower half; he's very self-conscious right now."
Heydrich nodded.
The door opened, and the three walked into Satan's quarters, where they found several other patrons waiting for them, primarily those who had run-ins with the people of South Park.
Barbra Streisand, Ms. Ellen, Monica Wagner, Arthur D. Levinson, Gregory, Gregory's father, Charles Wellesley, johnny English, Mr. Reality, Mark Zuckerberg, the woodland critters, Scary monster, spooky fish, and Demonic toilet.
Christophe then heard a nefarious voice coming from the shadows of the room.
"Oh good, your here."
Christophe turned his head and saw Satan walking towards him on metallic spider legs, similar to the ones Darth maul used in Star Wars, the clone wars.
Christophe bowed to Satan.
"Your Unholiness, it is an honor to meet you finally."
Satan was a bit uncomfortable after hearing this; he wasn't used to people worshiping him like this; he didn't like it.
"Ugh..thank you. Listen, I have been watching your handy work for years and have been impressed by your devotion; I would like you to join a group im forming." Satan said.
"Of course...may I ask, what is this group's objective?"
Satan smiled. He then snapped his fingers, and a hologram of New South Park came on.
"There is something all of us in this room have in common; we've all been f over by the Hillbillies of South Park.
It's time we f them over for once! Time and time again, our plans have been thwarted by the south park people, primarily by Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, and Tweek Tweak...and, to a lesser extent, Butters Stotch. Without these five boys around, destroying South Park will be child's play."
"And just how do you plan on getting rid of them, Mephistopheles?" Gregory asked.
Satan smiled Then walked over to another part of the room and Pulled a curtain and showed five glowing orbs; each one mostly red with a small amount of blue.
"What are these things?" Barbra Streisand asked.
" These are the souls of Stan, Kyle, Eric, Tweek, and Butters. Notice how each soul is mostly red with a small amount of blue, this shows whether the soul is going to be sent to heaven or hell. If the soul becomes is mostly or completely ref then they will be sent to hell as soon as they die. Once we kill them,they will be sent here and we torture the shit out of them, and then we destroy South Park piece by piece, brick by brick and board by the board, until there is absolutely nothing left but ash."
Everyone in the room looked at each other for a moment before looking back at Satan.
"How are we going to kill them?" Ms.Ellen asked.
" More importantly, who gets to kill them? I call dibs on Marsh!" Gregory said.
"You better get in line, British boy! Ms.Ellen and I deserve to be the ones to kill marsh; we are going to do it right in front of that jealous B-word, Wendy Testaburger!" Monica said.
"You are all wrong; only I can destroy them with my fighting stoyle." Mark Zuckerberg said in his familiar 1990s video game Dub voice.
"Its pronounced style, not Stoyle, you idea stealing penis!" Arthur D. Levinson said.
The whole group began to fight amongst each other, unaware that they were being watched from Heaven.
(Heaven)
Kenny watched from his cloud in horror. He couldn't believe Satan was trying this crap again. He wanted to strangle the fallen angel for what he knew was going to happen to his friends, their families and his old town. After Kenny had died, he was able to see into the future and see what would happen if certain events were changed to alter that future. Kenny had used this ability to help his still-living friends as often as he could; one of his favorite memories of this new ability was when he used it to see which of the other kids trying out would be the perfect replacement for him; he was a bit surprised when his powers had told him that it was Tweek Tweak, but he didn't question what his abilities told him. On the day Stan, Kyle, and Eric were supposed to decide, he came down to earth and whispered into his friend's ears and told them to pick Tweek. Kenny had been happy to see that his abilities were correct. That had not been the only time he and seen visions of the future; he wanted to help his friends again when they had been kidnapped by Apple but Heaven had strict rules on things of this nature, he only had one more chance to go back down to Earth, after that he would only be able to see his friends from heaven...until they died.
He had wanted to save his last chance for something special, like watching his baby sister, Karen, graduate from college or something like that, but he knew he would have to use his last chance to go to earth now to save his friends from satan.
To be continued
( Thanks for reading, and for sure, I have to take a quick break from the story because im writing another South Park movie set in this universe. Rest assured, this storyline will continue in the film, thank you for reading, and please comment.)