38
TONKS wasn't sure she could handle another partner abandonment but that's exactly what was happening to her. She stiffened at the sound of a knock that came on her door the following late afternoon as the sun had started to set. The same day, as it so happened, that she was supposed to meet Sirius alone in the Forbidden Forest.
Tonks barely turned her head as Norah poked her head in through the door, a mixture of concern and worry etched on her features.
"Tonks?" Norah questioned in a guarded manner. Tonks could barely stomach to look her best friend in the eye as she drew in a cautious and apprehensive breath and turned from her perch on the edge of her bed's mattress to look at her friend, though even now she had trouble meeting Norah Jameson's gaze. She knew why the werewolf had come.
Norah was supposed to have tagged along with her to the Forest to meet Sirius with her (in private, of course, without Black's knowledge!) just in case. She could only surmise her best mate had gotten suspicious when Tonks failed to show.
Tonks lifted her gaze to see Norah now awkwardly having moved over the threshold of her door and had closed it behind her, her back leaning against the wood. The blonde witch and werewolf was nervously toying with her wedding ring.
She looked like total shit and peaky, about to collapse where she stood, but then Tonks remember with a chill in her veins.
The full moon is tonight, Tonks thought, suddenly feeling guilty that Lupin was alone through this particular cycle, but then Tonks felt something ugly rise within herself as she thought of how Lupin had more or less left her alone.
"What is it?" she asked wearily, feeling like she already knew what her friend was going to ask if the nervous look that was dawning in her friend's pale blue eyes was any indication.
She was surely going to ask Tonks why she'd not shown up at their designated meeting spot at the time they'd agreed on, and then Tonks was going to have to explain herself, and she wasn't sure that she was quite ready to talk about it.
The wound was still too raw, but Tonks flinched the moment she heard Norah Jameson open her mouth.
"You didn't show up, which was a total shame, because I had the Giant Squid all ready to grab you if you rabbited off and chickened out on me," was all Norah said in a sarcastic-sounding hoarse voice. She paused awkwardly for a moment to clear her throat before continuing forward, sounding to Tonks like she really didn't want to press the younger witch for more details, and yet found it imperative that she got to the heart of the matter. She hesitated, feeling so unsure of herself. "Has something…happened? Where's Lupin?" she asked, glancing around the room as though half expecting the older werewolf to Apparate beside Tonks.
Tonks halted before drawing in a deep breath. "Gone," was all she answered, folding her arms across her chest, and turning away, becoming silent and pensive and staring down at her feet, clad in a pair of pink fuzzy socks, feeling her toes curl in frustration as just the memory of Lupin leaving her alone under the tree yesterday afternoon gave her a horrible sense of déjà vu.
She felt as though she'd spent all of last night following Remus leaving and most of today in a hazy daze, while her thoughts were filled with nothing but dread and terror for whatever awaited Remus when the man and hopefully Sirius confronted Peter Pettigrew.
Her mind told her that she would be lucky to see Lupin again, while her heart held onto the hope that she would. As Tonks looked at Norah, the audible gasp of surprise she heard her friend gave off at seeing how drawn and tired her face was said it all to poor Tonks.
"He left without me, Norah. Remus did," Tonks quickly explained upon seeing her best mate's look of confusion as Norah cautiously approached and sat on the edge of Tonks's mattress alongside her, looking nervous. She looked towards Norah, not surprised to see a look of sympathy, and understanding flit across her friend's face. "I take it you're aware of what Sirius plans to do?"
Norah nodded slowly. "Yes," she answered bitterly. "You have to believe me, Tonks," she said almost angrily. "I wish that I could be alongside Black to see it. I—I've met with him a couple of times. Talked to him whenever Ollie would escort new prisoners to Azkaban," Norah confessed, a light pink blush of shame speckling along with her features at the look of shock on Tonks's paling face. "I never believed Black committed those murders or sold the Potters to Voldemort," she spat with no small measure of disgust as she crinkled her nose in revulsion. "I would be with Black alongside him if I could. Peter murdered my sister that day. What I would give to send the final Killing Curse straight to the stupid rat's heart. I'll celebrate if Lupin and Black manage to kill Peter."
Tonks felt her blood turn to ice in her veins as her mind slowly processed her best friend's words. She wanted Pettigrew dead as much as Remus did for the amount of pain he had caused to her partner and now her cousin if she was to believe the contents of his letter.
She understood that such a monstrous betrayal like one that Pettigrew had committed was not going to be an easy thing for Remus and Sirius to get past so easily now.
It was difficult for Tonks, and Norah too, besides, she could see it in her friend's eyes, to imagine anyone betraying Remus and Sirius in such a despicable way. Norah read her friend's worried expression as Tonks's gaze looked out towards the window at the sun slowly starting to make its way past the horizon.
"Don't worry," Norah chirped up, her tone jovial but obviously strained as she tried to alleviate the worst of Tonks's concerns. "Don't worry about Remus. He's going to come back. Don't let your faith in Lupin quit so soon and leave you," Norah pleaded, desperate to make her friend see the light. "He loves you, Dora. He always has, I think," she said, though she flinched as Tonks's head turned slowly to regard her words and she fixed Norah with a look.
"But if he loved me then why did he leave?" Tonks choked out, despite her best efforts to remain calm, her tears beginning to pour from her lids down her cheeks.
Norah nodded slowly in understanding. "He shouldn't have left you, he was wrong to leave you so coldly like that, Tonks," she agreed, as she gave a nod of her head, but then her expression turned pensive and thoughtful as she looked out the window at the slowly setting sun. "But Mr. Lupin left to protect you, Tonks. It's…" she hesitated, biting down on her bottom lip in a slight pout. "It's kind of a—a werewolf thing, I—I wouldn't expect you to understand it, but he cares for you. We're very protective of our mates, you know, and we'll do anything for them once we make them ours. Even killing," she stammered, a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks as Norah glanced down at her hands, fidgeting with her wedding band before resting her hand on her stomach.
Tonks noticed and despite the abject misery she felt at Lupin leaving her behind to deal with Sirius on his own, she couldn't help the small smile that snaked its way onto her lips. "Have you thought of a name yet, Norah?"
Norah shook her head, reaching up to tuck a wisp of white-blonde hair back behind her ear where it belonged. "No. Ollie likes Jackson, call him Jax for short if it's a boy, and if it's a girl, I think we're thinking either Helen or Sophie, maybe. I really don't know though, I guess we'll wait and see," she murmured, a faraway glint in her blue eyes before she realized what she was doing to herself and blinked her lids a couple of times rapidly to pull herself out of her musings of her and Ollie's baby in another seven months that would be brought into this world and back towards the reality of her situation: helping Tonks get over Lupin, which was why she had come.
Her parents had said she had refused to speak to them at all since Lupin's abandonment of her last night.
"B—but aren't you nervous at all if your baby is born…well…like you?" Tonks whispered, hesitation etched throughout her features. Norah could tell she wasn't sure if she'd overstepped an invisible boundary of their close-knit friendship just now by asking this of the werewolf, but Norah knew her friend was just curious.
A tiny, mischievous, and teasing smile tugged the corners of Norah's thin mouth upwards into a knowing little smile.
"I don't think that will happen, Tonks." Norah shook her head in disagreement, still toying with her ring. "To…to become like me or Remus, I think our condition can only be passed down by being bitten. I don't think it's hereditary, but if on the off-chance that it is born with a few, ah, well, wolfish characteristics, then it will have a mother who knows how to deal with them and will be able to help him or her through the worst of them, and a father who will love it unconditionally, no matter what. Ollie loves me, Tonks, just as Lupin loves you. You'd have to be blind as a bat not to see that he cares. The desire to keep you safe is stronger now that you two are a couple, not just as partners, Tonks. Trust me." Norah hoped and prayed that her declaration would be enough to ease her friend's troubled mind. "Lupin's not going to let anything, especially not Pettigrew, stand in the way of coming back to you. You have to trust him."
Tonks nodded as she processed her best mate's words.
Her guilt ravaged her at the thought of the way she had left things between them, but she had been so bloody furious with Lupin for betraying her that she'd not been able to think rationally. Even now, her anger sweeping through her bloodstream threatened to get the better of her emotions and take total control, turning into this angry, bitter witch that Tonks did not recognize at all.
Tonks wished she possessed a Time-Turner. Briefly, she wondered if Hermione would let her borrow hers, that she could turn back the clock and take that moment underneath the tree in her parents' backyard back. Take it all back. She quickly realized with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that perhaps Remus's fondness and desire were the same as it had been when he'd left.
Norah let out a tired sigh as she glanced sideways out of the corner of her eyes and took one look at the remorseful look on Tonks's face and felt her heartstrings give a painful little lurch. She wanted to reassure her friend that everything was going to work out, in the end.
"It's different with you, I think," Norah muttered, reaching up a hand to scratch at an itch behind her ear. "You've given Lupin something that he never thought he could have. Trust me, Dora, I—I speak from experience," she mumbled, lowering her voice an octave as a light pink blush speckled along her cheeks.
She did not want to bring up her husband in front of Tonks if she could help it, but she also wanted to reiterate her point to her best friend that werewolves in their society were not treated to feel accepted by otherwise normal wizards and witches.
"You've given Remus love, caring, compassion, selflessness. Strength. Thanks to you, he knows the love of a good woman, and maybe one day, if things work out between the two of you, you'll have your own family."
Norah smiled, though inwardly she was hit with a sudden pang of worry. Ollie was to be one of three Aurors alongside Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mad-Eye Moody meant to escort Sirius back to the Ministry of Magic pending an investigation and a formal hearing.
She could only pray that Sirius was found innocent and that Minister Fudge would listen to the man's claims and accept his memories into their Pensieve.
It was the only way. Norah returned her attention to Tonks and felt her face fall, crestfallen, at the look of hurt and anger on Tonks's face. Her jaw was cut like steel, and her lips pursed into a thin, unrigid, unmoved line.
"What we had, Norah, I can see how it means nothing to him. The truth is, that he would have rather left me alone than let me go with and handle this the way we had promised. As partners," Tonks asserted angrily, the pain in her voice too much to hide from her friend, as her grey eyes clouded with tears that she fought to blink back.
Tonks caught her breath, fighting back the sobs that threatened to stick in her throat at Lupin's betrayal.
But even now, she knew that Norah was right. Her walls were crumbling, and the blonde witch and werewolf could see it. Norah hesitated only for a fraction of a second before pressing onward. "Remus loves you, Dora." She smiled, hoping that it looked genuine enough. "Please don't do anything rash and stupid. It's rare for wolves like us to find true love like what I and Ollie have. Like what you and Remus have," Norah continued, reaching out with her hand, and giving Tonks's hand, which had been resting anxiously in her lap while she stared down at her socks, a light but reassuring squeeze. "Just give him some time. He'll come back to you, Dora."
Tonks paused, silent for a moment while her thoughts struggled to catch up as she searched for the right words, letting Norah's words wash over her like water falling over rocks. Reluctantly, and perhaps against her better judgment, even now, she felt her heart fill to the brim with love for Remus John Lupin, despite what he'd done, that she thought it might burst.
She let out a tired sigh as she pinched at the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, thinking that she was more or less forgiving Remus for what he had done, though she was still incredibly angry with him and would have a discussion with the wizard when he returned in a few days.
"Fine, Jameson, you bloody win, goddamn it," she sighed, though as she felt her shoulders slump forward in defeat, Tonks felt almost relieved that Norah had come and had talked her down from the worst of her fury. "I'll stay here," she conceded, relenting.
Though she didn't like it, she knew it was probably for the best.
Confronting Pettigrew seemed to be something that Lupin and Black needed to do on their own, and she would most likely only succeed in getting in their way if she were to go back to Hogwarts alongside Norah. She looked towards her friend.
"Did you take your Wolfsbane?" Tonks questioned, relieved, and exhaled a relieved breath through her nose when Norah nodded. This time, Tonks didn't bother to tamper down the soft smile that flitted its way across her features as Norah quirked a quizzical brow the young Auror's way. "Then, as long as you're safe…stay with me tonight?" Tonks questioned, biting down on her bottom lip. "I…I don't want to be alone. I promise I'll look after you."
Norah hesitated, her smile faltering only slightly as she felt her hands come to rest on her barely noticeable baby bump of only about two months in, but upon seeing the look of hope brimming in Nymphadora Tonks's ashen, tear-streaked face, she felt something within her chest shift and give way to her.
She nodded, pleased at the look of almost excitement on Tonks's face. Norah let out a chuckle and strode towards Tonks's bedroom window and flung it wide open.
"Fine, fine, I'll stay. I just need to send a Patronus to Ollie to let him know I'm staying here tonight and won't be home till morning." Norah shook her head to herself in amusement, though inwardly, she too was secretly pleased that Tonks had asked her to stay the night.
It was just like old times when they were students together back at Hogwarts, or when Norah would come over to Tonks's house and stay for a few weeks, not wanting to go home to her abusive family's household.
An elaborate Pegasus horse, Norah's Patronus, erupted from the tip of her wand and sailed off into the night sky, its message intended for her husband at Hogwarts, who no doubt was lying in wait alongside Moody and Shacklebolt to apprehend Sirius at their first opportunity. As Norah crossed back over to make her way towards the bed where Tonks was sitting, she shot her friend a reassuring smile, trying to silently convey that she wasn't going anywhere, that she'd promised to stay.
Tonks returned Norah's smile, trying to convey a look of gratitude with just her eyes. She was aware she looked shocked but less so than Norah had expected her to be. The young blonde shot the pink-haired witch her age a look that said she'd never needed to thank her.
The two stayed up all throughout the night, as best friends, watching one of their favorite old horror movies that her Muggle-born dad had introduced her to over a bowl of popcorn, An American Werewolf in London, with Norah offering a running commentary dryly on all the aspects of lycanthropy the classic movie got wrong.
And when Norah transformed in her wolf-form when the full moon peeked its way from behind the cloud, curled up on Tonks's lap, safe, as she'd taken the Wolfsbane, Tonks was unaware that while Norah was nestled safely in the security of Tonks's own childhood bedroom with Tonks by her side, Lupin was going through an unimaginable hell of his own, with Sirius by his.