MAY 12th, 2015

NERV HQ, GENDO'S OFFICE

7:26am:

"Well this is quite the mission you've assigned to me, Commander..." Said Kaji, who was being briefed on his new case. "You're saying the Angels managed to breach your most secured sector over in Matsuyama? And you want me to fish out their point of entry?"

"You have heard correctly." The Commander said.

"Well this should be interesting, I've never had to investigate something in the battlefield before. That, and I don't fully understand how finding their entry point will benefit us in any way. The damage is already done." Kaji said, reaching for a cigarette.

"It is their method of invasion that raises a potential threat. If we are not careful enough, they could very well continue to use this strategy against us. The attack on Sai-Kuru was a devastating blow, rendering many of our ground troops injured and unable to serve in the war." Gendo explained.

"Your son being one of them." Kaji added.

"Yes, Shinji was critically injured in battle." Gendo confirmed.

"Explain me this, then-" The investigator began. "-if your plan is to work, why put your son's life on the line again and again? It just seems too great a risk if you want this grand plan of yours to work out."

"We are simply conditioning him." Explained Gendo. "The same goes for the other two subjects, which is why we must put a stop to SEELE's new strategy at once. This kind of attack was completely unprecedented."

Kaji stared at Gendo, a feeling of resentment building up inside him. It appalled him how he didn't even seem to care all that much about his own son, only about his plans concerning him. Shinji was dying, and then he was sucked into the core. No one was sure if he'd even be able to be extracted from it, and everyone that was concerned about him weren't even related to him.

The only one there that was, showed no concern. No worry was readable from his cold demeanor, and it really showed what kind of person the Commander was; Straight and to the point, but to an extreme.

Though, Kaji was a very straightforward man too. He just wasn't an emotionless, self-serving man like Gendo was.

"What if he doesn't come back from this, Commander? What then?" He asked.

"Dr. Akagi is coming up with a solution as we speak, I'm sure there won't be any trouble." Gendo said. Kaji nodded, having been rather unsatisfied with the answer he was given.

'That's not what I asked...' He thought. "Understood, Commander. So when's my deployment?"

"Your deployment is scheduled 8 days from now, I will have escorts lead you to your transport vehicle at 1200 hours." Replied Gendo. "You are dismissed."

Kaji nodded yet again and headed for the exit, thinking deeply about how much worse the situation between Shinji and his father was. When Gendo had previously mentioned his son, he was quick to pick up on how their relationship did not appear to be very close at all. He had also heard from Misato about it, usually whenever she talked to him about how bad she felt for Shinji.

But he never knew that Gendo wouldn't care if his own son had died, though it made sense. In fact, it made Shinji's personality make a lot more sense.

'The boy has never had a father figure in his life.' He mused. 'No wonder the boy has next to no self esteem, it's not that he and his father had a falling out at some point. He and his father were never even close to begin with.'

Of course, this wasn't any of his business, so all he could do was really think about it. But it upset him that Shinji had gone through such a thing. It was a sad truth, but the truth nonetheless. And to Kaji, that's all that mattered.

Then, he wondered;

'Is there a way I can somehow help the kid? Being a friend wouldn't hurt him, would it?'

Then he thought about it some more.

'Though if you're Shinji, it might...'

Misato had also told him about how Shinji often pushed people away when he was going through a hard time, whatever it may be. The boy was alone for most his life, and just learned to live that way. It was hard for him to accept people into his life, which was why it was so good to hear that he had made friends in his unit.

Kaji leaned against the wall in the elevator, arms crossed and his eyes pointed at the floor.

'Hang in there, kiddo. If you make it out of there, I'll do what I can to help you out.'

Shinji didn't know where he was, or what was happening to or around him. He couldn't feel his body, but his mind was racing. It looked as if he were flying, but it didn't feel like it. The colors and abstract whirls surrounding him in this strange, empty realm were so bright he swore it would hurt his eyes. But again, he couldn't feel anything.

'Where... am I?'

Perhaps he was dead, he thought. Perhaps this is what the afterlife was.

'Wh-What is this?'

Had he just woken up? Could he even wake up? How long had he been unconscious? Or, was he even unconscious in the first place? Time seemed to just disappear; he had almost no recollection of how he even got there.

'What was I doing before- The base! I was... fighting, and then I was going back home. With Rei.'

This was a vast nothingness.

'Is...'

He could hear something;

'Is someone crying? Is there someone else here?'

He looked over to the direction from where the crying came, and saw a small child rubbing his eyes.

'Wait... That's-'

He knew that boy.

'That's me.'

He watched, puzzled as to how he was even able to see not only himself, but his younger self.

'Wait, there's someone else.'

He frowned as soon as he recognized the other figure, a feeling of pure hatred building up inside.

'Father...'

He watched as Gendo turned his back on his younger self.

"DADDY, DON'T!"

Little Shinji was crying hysterically.

"PLEASE DON'T GO! DON'T LEAVE ME, PLEEAASE!"

His father remained unfazed.

"You're being difficult. Stay here with your uncle and aunt, they will be watching over you now."

Bastard.

"WHERE'S MOMMY?! WHERE IS SHE, DADDY?!"

What a coward.

"She is... dead."

Gendo grimaced.

"NO! YOU'RE A LIAR! STOP LYING!"

Gendo turned around.

"You saw it yourself, Shinji. You know I am not lying."

He pointed at his son.

"You saw it."

He looked at him directly in the eyes.

"You were there, Shinji."

Shinji noticed that he was in his younger self's place now, Gendo's finger pointing to him now.

"You will fight for NERV now, we must hurry along and begin to fit you for battle."

He remembered the extreme disappointment in hearing that, even if he knew he was going to battle.

"You didn't want me!"

He didn't even want to talk.

"You can't have me now!"

Why would he?

"YOU CAN'T COME BACK FOR ME NOW!"

Gunfire, blood. Explosions, death.

"I DON'T WANNA!"

Murder, legal murder everywhere.

"DON'T MAKE ME DO IT!"

Animalistic enemies.

"STOP IT, FATHER!"

Pouring sweat, pulling the trigger.

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

Black. All black. That scene had ended. A metallic clanking could be heard, getting louder and louder.

"I'm... here, now?"

The train kept a steady velocity. On the outside, the skies were that same amber glow he saw in the battlefield.

"Wha-"

His younger self came back, sitting absolutely still in his seat.

"..."

He stared at his younger self, not sure of what to say to him. Or if he should even say anything in the first place.

'Where the hell am I going?'

The little boy spoke;

"Why do you do it?"

This was peculiar.

"Do what?"

The younger Shinji's expression remained unchanged.

"Why do you run away?"

Shinji frowned.

"I only tried that once. There's no way I can run away... they'll just catch me and make me fight again!"

The little boy's head tilted.

"But you do much more running away than just that."

Now it was the older Shinji's turn to tilt his head.

"What are you getting at?"

The boy continued to stay completely still.

"Your problems. You refuse to face them."

Shinji frowned again.

"And what of it?"

He was getting angry.

"How do you expect to get through your problems if you never face them?"

His blood was boiling.

"Shut up!"

The little boy just wouldn't quit.

"You're angry at the world, yet won't do what is needed to better yourself..."

He wanted to get off.

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

He wanted more than ever to get off this train.

"...because you keep running away from the pain."

And-

"SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH RUNNING AWAY FROM PAIN?!"

-the train came to a full stop.

'Where... am I?'

He looked outside the train windows, and saw that the train had stopped in some sort of vast empty desert, the doors shifting open.

"Wh-What's going-"

His younger self was gone. Shinji looked frantically around the train, wondering where he went.

"I gotta get out of here..."

As he approached the exit, he studied his environment once more. There was no sign of life anywhere, not even civilization. Just flat desert for miles, the amber-lit atmosphere obscuring anything that might've been around him. He took one step, and stopped.

"..."

He was unsure.

'I... I shouldn't.'

The unknown scared him.

'Maybe I'm safer inside this train... I don't even know where I'm at, anyway.'

He figured that the train was safer.

'I don't know what's out there, I'm not even sure if I'm safe here.'

Not facing the real world was safer, despite having asked to get off the train just moments ago. Staying in and rejecting the rest of the world was easier for him.

'Is this a nightmare? Am I dreaming?'

The real world doesn't work like that, Shinji.

"Who said that?"

Sooner or later, you'll have to face your fears.

"No I don't..."

Or you'll never grow as a person.

"I don't! I don't need to! I don't want to! Just... LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The train was gone. He wasn't sure when it had disappeared, but he found himself alone in the amber desert. He noticed he was now wearing a trench coat of some sort, and that his hands were shivering due to a sudden change of weather. Shinji was perplexed, and very much afraid.

"Wh-Where's-"

No people - No objects

"The train? Where did it go, damn it?!"

No interactions - No validation

"STOP FUCKING WITH ME! JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

No other - No existence

"FUCK YOU!"

Shinji fell to his knees, crying and punching the ground out of frustration. He didn't know where he was, and was growing weary of this surreal existential plain. It was as if someone had made this specifically to mess with his head.

"I- I-"

He felt a strange pull, like he had to go somewhere.

"I-"

He looked forward, as if something was calling out to him.

'Why do I want to go there?'

He knew there was something up ahead, he just knew it.

'I- I need to...'

He carefully stood up, and began moving forward. His steps were taken slowly, as he still feared the unknown. He didn't know why he felt he needed to walk this particular direction, but he felt he had to.

'What... is that?'

A large silhouette was visible not too far from him.

"..."

It looked round, but he could see more details the closer he got to it.

"What the-"

A giant head, that of a toy doll, half-buried into the ground. It was worn out, the plastic skin lined with cracks on its cheek. Its one visible eye seemed to glow that same amber glow as the skies above.

"..."

Shinji felt something weigh down inside his coat, like a small object had been placed in his coat's inner pocket. He looked down and reached in, pulling out what looked like a knife.

"How did-"

A combat knife.

"What the fuck is going on..."

He looked back up at the doll head, and was terrified once he saw that it was morphing into something. No, someone.

"No..."

The eye reshaped and recolored itself. What was once an amber eyeball, was now crimson. The facial features became more defined, and the head of hair looked all too familiar.

"Aya...nami?"

It was Rei. How could that be? Why was she here? And why was she being represented this way?

'It's... like that dumb insult Asuka uses for Rei. But, why would that- Am I... in my own head?'

Perhaps.

"S-STOP READING MY MIND!"

You said it yourself, Shinji.

"I DON'T WANT THIS! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I WANT TO WAKE UP!"

"You said it yourself, Shinji."

He turned around, revealing that voice to be Rei herself.

"Rei!"

He began to push himself, and ran as fast as he possibly could. Strangely, he noticed he wasn't getting anywhere. No matter how hard he tried, or how fast he moved his legs, the boy wouldn't move forward.

"Why- can't- I- move?!"

He couldn't move forward.

"Ugh- Rei! Please! Just hold on!"

Rei stood still, watching as he tried his hardest to get over to where she was. He wondered why she wasn't responding to him. His breathing was now heavy, and he began to gasp for air as he felt his legs falter.

"Wh-Why... won't you listen... to me..."

And then-

"You must quit this running away of yours."

-that damned voice again.

"Get back out there, and fight.

Shinji turned around, and the large head was gone. In its place, his father stood with his arms crossed. That same dull, expressionless look. Shinji's breathing quickened again.

"I told you..."

His blood boiled again.

"I told you... I don't want to..."

Gendo remained unaffected by his words.

"Get back out there and fight, Shinji."

Shinji still held the knife in his hand, his grip on it tightening.

"I told you, father. I-"

Gendo continued to stare blankly.

"I... I WANT TO KILL YOU!"

Shinji charged at him, actually being able to move from his position this time. The knife entered Gendo's abdomen cleanly, the boy pushing it further with all his might. The older man didn't even protest.

"Wait-"

Gendo fell to the floor faced down, blood oozing from his stab wound as Shinji watched in disbelief.

"What- D-Did I..."

The pool of blood only grew more dense. Shinji did this. This is what he wanted.

"N-No... I didn't want-"

The man who abandoned him had finally faced the consequences of his actions.

"STOP! I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO KILL HIM!"

This is what he gets for leaving you, doesn't he? For never caring, for not loving you.

"I'M TIRED OF THIS! I'M SCARED! I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! I'M- I'M-"

Alone?

MAY 13th, 2015

TOKYO-3 JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL, CLASSROOM 2-A

8:30am:

Unit-01 had started class again the day before, on a Tuesday. The horror of the battle at Sai-Kuru still present in everyone's minds. Luckily, the unit hadn't suffered any more casualties that day. But the absence of one made it seem like they would pretty soon face another lost soul again.

It was strange, seeing that seat be vacant all of a sudden. It was like that before Shinji had assigned to Unit-01, but his presence was something everyone had grown used to by now. Toji and Kensuke hated having that seat empty, particularly.

"It's been four days, man..." Toji let out depressingly. "...and we still haven't heard nothin' about Shinji."

"Yeah, he got shot up pretty bad." Added Kensuke.

They both sighed, missing their friend a lot. They only had 15 minutes until class started, and would usually spend this time to chat and joke about their usual boyish things. But no one was in the mood to talk that day, the whole class was still emotionally exhausted from what they had been through back in Matsuyama.

"Y'know..." Toji started. "...I wish I coulda said sorry to him. We were arguin' before the skinjobs attacked, I fuckin' regret it." Kensuke patted his friend's shoulder.

"No one saw it coming, Toji. You couldn't have known... I'm sure Shinji had forgotten all about what happened between you two once the assault took place." Toji sighed again.

Then, the two paid close attention as Rei entered the classroom. They wondered what was going through her mind, now that Shinji was gone indefinitely. They watched as the two had grown close, which was an amazing feat considering what kind of person Rei was before Shinji befriended her.

Her expression was that of a lost child, and her body language was quite different. It may have been because of her still-healing thigh, which made her limp ever so slightly as she made her way to her seat. But a pain, more than just physical, was readable from her as well.

Rei was often unreadable, but the look in her eyes revealed a look of hopelessness. What caused it, was rather obvious to her classmates. Once she sat down, she didn't look out the window like she usually would. She rested her hands on her tabletop, staring at them endlessly.

"Damn..." Kensuke quietly commented, gesturing at Rei.

"Yeah, she's totally hurtin'..." Said Toji.

Then, they eyed Asuka. The day she got the news that Shinji was comatose, she looked distraught but tried as hard as she could to hide it. She chose anger, as she always did, to hide her true self.

Though today Asuka was more still than she usually would be. Often times, before class, she and her group of friends would spend their time talking and laughing about things. But she wasn't talking to anyone, only saying a few words to Hikari every now and then. She too, was affected by his absence.

'Idiot...' She thought. 'Fucking IDIOT! If you'd only followed my fucking orders!'

Then she thought about it some more.

'Would... that have made any difference though? No... If only I had paid more attention to his wound. No! He shouldn't have gone all gung-ho with a wound like that!'

She couldn't stop thinking about what happened that day. Even before the attack, she found herself frustrated at the thoughts she was having about Shinji. But now she didn't know whether she was upset at him for disobeying her orders, or if she grew to respect him more for actually fighting the Angels head-on.

'He did wipe that platoon out pretty easily...' She acknowledged. 'I could've done the same though! No, I could've done it better!'

"You alright Asuka?" Hikari asked quietly, as to not make her concern for the boy public. She knew Asuka wouldn't want anyone knowing about that, so she respected her friend's temperament.

"Yeah, it's nothing. Don't worry about it." Asuka replied.

'Gee, you're even starting to sound like him.' Hikari mused. 'Why does she even care so much for that boy? He attacked her, for fuck's sake! I swear... she's always bitching about him not being enough of a man, or how he spends all his time with Ayanami. If I didn't know her, I'd think she was crushing-'

Then it clicked. Now it all made sense. She looked back over at Asuka.

"Check your PMs, Asuka." She told her close friend.

"What? Why?" The redhead inquired.

"Just... do it." Hikari told her, as she typed up a short message to send to her.

Just a few seconds later, Asuka could see she had received a message from Hikari herself. She was being secretive about something, and lowered the brightness on her screen to make sure no one else around her could see what it was that Hikari sent her, whatever it was. She opened the message up, and it read;

-You like him, don't you?

Asuka felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her as she looked back over at Hikari. Then, her friend sent another message.

-Back at the base, you said something about trying to do something to Shinji. Is it what I think it is?

Asuka deleted both messages immediately, looking over at Hikari with bright red cheeks. She pointed to the door.

"Outside, now." She ordered, as if she was still commanding them out in the battlefield. The two stood up and left the classroom, standing right beside the door as they discussed this 'matter'.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Hikari asked, grinning slightly at the epiphany she just had.

"I didn't say that, Hikari." Asuka uttered impatiently.

"So why do you cut him so much slack after what he's done to you?" The twin-tailed girl asked.

"I... just really want him to be of some use to my unit! That's all. Geez... jumping to all these conclusions now, are we?" Stated Asuka.

"Asuka, he attacked you... and you were able to let that slide pretty easily! Then, he disobeyed your direct orders! He put himself at risk and you went to make sure he was okay! I'm not crazy, am I? I'm a girl, Asuka. I can tell when it comes to these things. You like him, don't you?" Hikari explained.

"Hikari, that isn't any of your business!" Asuka argued.

"You haven't said no..." Hikari said, freezing Asuka in her place. She watched as her usually quick-witted friend struggled to even reason with her.

"I-" She attempted, but couldn't find the right words to explain herself.

"Okay, tell you what-" Hikari began. "-admit your feelings for him, and I'll let you in on a secret crush of mine. Deal?"

Asuka was caught slightly off-guard.

"You have a crush too?" She asked, lightening up a little.

"So you admit it!" Hikari said with a smile, having finally caught the off-duty Lieutenant off-guard.

"What? N-No I didn't!" Said an extremely flustered Asuka.

"Yes you did! You just asked me if I had a crush 'too', didn't you?" Hikari called out. She had just cornered Asuka, and forced her little secret out.

'I shouldn't have asked to come out here...' She thought, mentally cursing herself for it.

"Come on, let's go back inside. I'll tell you about mine when we're on break." Hikari said, not wanting to linger any more than they had to before the teacher arrived.

Asuka was certainly not thrilled about her secret being found out, but trusted Hikari not to tell anyone else about it. She knew she could count on her, as Hikari could count on Asuka as well.

A few more minutes passed, and the teacher finally arrived. He began to take attendance as he usually did, until he reached Rei's name.

"Ah, Ayanami. I have special orders for you. Dr. Akagi is ordering you to report to her at the front of the school. She says you have a checkup to tend to, you are dismissed." He said.

"Yes sir." Rei complied, standing up and limping her way out of the classroom. Everyone watched as the 'moonchild' herself left.

NERV HQ, (REDACTED)

11:53am:

"How do you feel, Rei?" The Commander asked.

"No problems." She answered.

Rei had been brought in to test the core's cooperation with her coding pod. With Shinji still in there, there was no way to tell if it would function the same with Rei if they didn't test it first. She had already entered the pod, and was already submerged in the L.C.L.

"Alright-" Began Ritsuko. "-the test is simple, Rei. We're gonna try to use the core to heal you right up as we normally would. As you know, Shinji has been absorbed by it. We just want to see if we can still use it on you like we always have. That, and we want you to tell us if it feels any different."

"I see..." Rei replied, feeling a tinge of sadness at the mention of Shinji.

Gendo noted that her response to Ritsuko's statement was just a little out of the ordinary, but didn't mind it too much. They were to continue the test, and whatever she felt she'd have to detail it.

"Alright. Begin the synchronization process, Doctor." Gendo ordered.

Ritsuko worked the same process she had done on Shinji 2 nights ago, and on Rei many times before. Things proceeded normally at first, the sync rate rising at a normal rate. Rei herself didn't feel this was any different from the other times she had done this, and expected this to go as it usually did.

"So far, so good." Ritsuko confirmed. "Sync rate steadying at 15% and rising."

"Any changes, Rei?" Asked Gendo.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, sir." She replied.

"Good. Continue to synchronize her, Dr. Akagi." He ordered.

"Yes sir." Said Ritsuko.

The sync continued to rise steadily, but as it did, Rei began to feel a deep discomfort building up in her stomach. At first, she ignored it. She thought that maybe it was just her body reacting to something else on its own. But her discomfort became more apparent as the test continued.

"Is something the matter, Rei?" Gendo asked, seeing that Rei wasn't looking all that well anymore.

"I feel... slightly ill, Commander." She explained. "I do not know where this is coming fro-"

A series of images flashed in her head, thought she couldn't properly discern what was in any of the images. She began to gag violently, feeling a rejection from the core. Like she was being pushed away.

"Commander! The sync rate is dropping, yet I haven't shut down the pod down!" Ritsuko warned.

"Abort the synchronization, the core is rejecting her." He ordered.

With that, Ritsuko pulled the abort lever and the sync stopped immediately. Rei felt the sickness go away, but was still in shock from the intense discomfort she had just felt in the hands of the core.

'Is this thing... is this core alive?' She pondered.

"Empty the pod, Dr. Akagi. This test was a failure." The Commander said.

The L.C.L was drained, making way for Rei to dispose of the portion that was still in her lungs. It was always a painful experience to do so, but she had grown used to it. She remained unbothered by her physical pain, and dwelled on the emotional one.

The hatch opened, and Ritsuko assisted Rei down from the pod. Drops of the orange liquid still clung to her nude body and hair, stinking of the stuff.

"What happened in there, Rei? What did you feel?" Asked Gendo.

"I-" She thought about the sensation she had undergone in the pod. She didn't just feel sick, she felt very much felt like she had been attacked. "All was well until I began to feel nauseous. At one point, the feeling intensified all at once, I think..."

"Anything else?" He inquired further.

There was more, but she didn't really know how to describe it. The images that flashed in her head were too overwhelming for her to process, but there was something else she was able to retain from them.

Emotions.

"Nothing else." Rei answered.

"Dr. Akagi, take your reports to the research facility and archive them. After that, resume work on Shinji's extraction. I'll tend to Rei for the time being." Said Gendo.

"Yes sir..." She replied, finishing up her written report before closing her packet and carrying it with her.

As she entered the elevator, she watched the two face each other. She was unnerved by the sight, disgusted even. But she kept her comments to herself. All she could so was keep it in, anyway.

As the doors closed, she mused;

'If only you could move on. But... if he never did, would I even be working for him? Would he even pay attention to me?'

Finally, the two were alone. Rei looked up at Gendo, feeling like she had something she wanted to say to him, but no words came out.

"Is something bothering you, Rei?" He asked. "Do you still feel unwell?"

"All is fine physically, Commander." She answered. "You're not... going by his side?"

"You mean Shinji?" The Commander asked, a little surprised at Rei's question. "Dr. Akagi will take care of everything. There's no need for me to go."

Gendo grabbed a bathrobe he had set aside to for Rei to dry herself up before she left. As he put it around her and tied the robe's belt, Rei continued to look at him, a look of concern still lingering on her face.

"What's going to happen to him?" She asked. "Will he be alright?"

"No one knows that yet. It may be... that only she knows for sure." Gendo explained, referring to the core.

Rei stared at him, feeling disappointed by the answer he gave her. She just wanted the guarantee that he would be alright, and she thought that maybe Gendo would know better than anyone else. But, he didn't. And that upset her.

As she was about to leave, Gendo reached for Rei's face. He placed her hand on her cheek, a symbol of his affection. But Rei was made anxious by his gesture, and quickly pushed his hand aside. Gendo was even more confused now, having seen more then enough to know that something was bothering her.

"I- I have to go." She said.

"Rei..." He let out, never having seen her do such a thing.

"Sir, I must rest if my wound is to properly heal." Rei said with a sense of urgency, wanting to excuse herself from there as fast as possible.

Gendo could only watch as she left him in that room alone, something she would never do before. He frowned. Something was changing her, and he began to worry that this might affect his plans for her. Rei entered the elevator and was gone for the day. Gendo had some checking in on her to do.

He walked to the other side of the vast room and grabbed the phone attached on the wall. He dialed the number to his own office, waiting for Fuyutsuki to pick up.

"Fuyutsuki speaking, how may I help you?"

"Sub-Commander, this is Commander Ikari. Schedule a baseline test for Rei tomorrow and notify Dr. Akagi about it. There are... things I need to make sure she and I are still clear on." Gendo ordered.

"Very well, sir." Fuyutsuki said before hanging up.

In the elevator and on the way to her shower, Rei's thoughts went back to the Commander. She thought back to how she always considered Gendo her 'comfort blanket' of sorts. He was the one she had faith on, so she always held him dear to her heart.

But she was now questioning her faith.

'He is always taking such good care of me.' She thought. 'But he doesn't have that kind of concern for his own son...'

Shinji. She found that he was the one taking the Commander's place as the source of her comfort. Her only comfort. Her faith in Gendo lessened, and went to Shinji instead. The boy who saved her, not for his own necessities, but out of care. Care, which was never shown to him by his own father.

She had once resented Shinji for not believing in his father's work, but now she understood. He had put up with a parentless existence for most of his life, left behind at a young age. But, where did all this information come from?

She had been told about Shinji's past, but never thought about it much. Back in the pod, when the core rejected her, the series of images that flashed through her mind slowly processed in her head. Emotions, that of which were not her own. Feelings of abandonment, and anger. Mostly, what she felt from the images was self-hatred. A lot of it.

Now she knew why he always cared more for others, and for her, more than he ever did himself.

'You are lonely too, Shinji... just like me.'