POV: Alex

I was mindlessly flipping through channels on the tv, there wasn't really much to do in the hospital room anyway. I was being constantly monitored by nurses and doctors to make sure I didn't try to kill myself, like I was going to do that again. It felt more like I was being held prisoner, I knew I wasn't going to try and kill myself again, I had pushed those thoughts away, but they didn't know that. No matter how many times I told them I was doing better, they still insisted I stayed.

I signed and put down the remote, rolling over on the bed and staring at the bathroom door. The sunlight began to creep into the room, layering onto the light blue walls. I turned over, staring directly at the sun and scowling.

I had been in this hospital room for so long, or maybe it wasn't that long at all, I couldn't really tell. Each day went by without anything eventful, nothing happened, and I sat alone in the room waiting for...someone to tell me anything. Usually a nurse would come in, check my vitals, rewrap the bandages across my arms-I would always look away. Then they would leave. I never tried to make small talk with them, they didn't either.

What day is today? Friday, right? No, it has to be Wednesday because yesterday Jordan visited me...right?

There was a small knock on the door, usually it wouldn't wake me up, but I was already awake. I assumed it to be the nurse, so I faked being asleep, slowing my breathing and closing my eyes, making sure I was facing away from the door. But the smell was different, it wasn't one of the nurses with their fragrant flower smell, It was more like alcohol. I knew it immediately to be Dad. But why was he here so early? Didn't he have work?

I still pretended to be asleep, listening to him shuffling around the room and sitting down on the couch near the window. I knew from his position that he was looking directly at me, which creeped me out a little bit, causing my heart rate to increase, but I kept my breathing calm.

I felt his hand brush against the fur on my face and I slowly opened my eyes to meet his. They were tired like before, his ears always falling back and his facial expression solemn. "Good morning," he said with a tiny smile.

My eyes were fully awake, a brown paper bag was next to his leg and I could see clothes sticking out. He noticed me staring at it and picked it up, shuffling his hands through the bag and taking out jeans, shirts and socks. He set them to the side and sighed. "Mom said you would feel more comfortable here wearing some of your own clothes."

"Thanks," I said, sitting up in the bed. I was beginning to get annoyed with the same pastel blue hospital gowns they made me wear. Each one was too short on me, and they only let me wear underwear underneath. Since they were too short and very thin, I was very self conscious about my body and everything else below my waist.

Dad laughed at my thoughtful expression towards the clothes. "Well at least you won't have to hide your dick anymore."

My body froze and my eyes widened towards him. "Y-you can't just say that! What is wrong with you!?"

Dad threw his head back in laughter, his antlers touching the window. "You make it too easy sometimes." I rolled my eyes and slumped my shoulders, at least he wasn't being a jerk.

Dad crossed his legs. "Well, the real reason why I'm here is to tell you that today is the day you'll be meeting with the psychiatrist."

I put my hand on my forehead, sliding it down my face. "Damnit, that's today?"

Dad nodded. "I think you'll like her, she's a grey wolf, so maybe you two will have something in common."

"Do you know what she's going to do?"

Dad shrugged his shoulders. "No idea, but she'll be coming in after lunch is what she told me."

"Wait, you talked to her but did get any information?"

"She told me she would be telling you everything you needed to know. She said it would be better for her to explain everything rather than...me." He patted his legs and stood up. "Anyway, get changed into something other than that ugly hospital gown. I have to go to work, so I just stopped by to say hi and the psychiatrist stuff." He rubbed my head, my ears falling to the sides and my tail wagging. "I'll see you later tonight."

I watched him walk towards the door in his work clothes, and quickly got off the bed to hug him. He seemed surprised at first, but then hugged me back, it had been so long since he actually hugged me, I didn't even realize it was all I ever wanted.

I wanted to ask him if being nice wasn't just an act, if he actually had changed. But something told me just to savor this moment for a little bit longer.

Dad pulled away and smiled. "You'll be fine, you've gone through worse shit, you can do this." He left the room and I stood at the door watching him walking down the hospital halls, passing nurses and kids who had started to wake up.

Did I forget to mention that I was in the pediatric psych wing of the hospital? Which meant, there were little kids everywhere with mental health issues, I think I was the only seventeen year old. They always ran up and down the halls with their friends, they banged on my door a couple of times, but I was too lazy to get up.

I picked up the clothes Dad had laid out and went into the bathroom. I changed into a navy blue shirt and grey jeans. I tugged on the end of my shirt while I looked into the mirror. Nothing seemed to have changed with my physical appearance. I was still pretty big and tall with grey and white fur. The only noticeable difference was my claws, filed down from when I was brought into the hospital.

Wow, I don't look like crap for once. Too bad I can't leave this freaking hospital room.

I closed the bathroom door behind me and sat on the bed, mindlessly scrolling through my phone to pass the time. Mom had brought my sketchbook from school over for me to use, but honestly, I had no motivation to draw anything. I just wanted to leave the hospital. I knew I was ok, well not that ok, but I at least thought I was sane enough to not be in here anymore.

The hours seemed to draw out forever. I kept my eyes on the hands of the clock, watching as it ticked slowly towards noon. My heart would race every time I thought about meeting the psychiatrist. I wondered what she was like. If she was going to be kind and sympathetic, or cold and disinterested, only wanting her paycheck at the end of the month.

My brain focused on the latter of the psychiatrist I pictured in my head. A short, nosey goat who didn't care about me or anyone else. She would only pretend to care about me, express her opinions while scowling away from my outward appearance, suggest medications with one tongue, and ridicule me with another.

I took a deep breath in as the door opened, panic and fear fighting for dominance inside of my chest. But I stayed calm on the outside, keeping my breathing slow.

A grey wolf walked in, it was almost as if time was slowing down with each step she took. Her face was perfectly composed; a small smile, lifted cheeks, dark green eyes and light grey fur. She wore a lab coat with an evergreen turtleneck underneath, only matched by ironed brown pants and soft black shoes. She held a clipboard in her hand, and a lollipop stuck out from one of her coat pockets.

She looked so familiar, but I couldn't tell where I knew her from. My brain searched everything, it scanned her face trying to match a face to a name, but nothing came up. I was in the dark with who this lady was. She had to be the psychiatrist, but she was nothing like I had expected. My body didn't ease up on the anxiety though, being wrong with my mental picture of her only made me even more worried.

She set down her clipboard on the table in front of the bed. I sat there like an idiot, just staring at her. I knew I had to say something, but my brain willed my mouth shut, preventing me from saying-from doing anything, other than stare.

"It's nice to meet you," she said with a little head nod. Her voice was soothing, almost melodic. Each word flowed effortlessly to the next. "Do you recognize me?" My response was late, delayed. I was hesitant to say no, but I wondered what would happen if I said yes. Could she see through my bluff? Would she know I was lying? It was better to stay on the safe side and say no.

I shook my head and she sighed, sitting down on the chair and crossing her legs. "Well we didn't get to know each other for that long, I believe you father took you out of the program when you weren't ready to leave."

Program? What program?

She pulled her ID out of her pocket and handed it to me. I grabbed it and stared at the women who looked back at me. She seemed younger, her face a little brighter and full of more life. But I still couldn't figure out who was, until I read the name at the bottom. "Dr. Sherman," I said, my mouth slightly open from awe.

The memories came flooding back, memories I had thought I kept hidden away. Dr. Sherman was the grey wolf who I had spent almost two years of my life with. She was the psychiatrist from my childhood. We practically did everything together, and she counseled me on being a carnivore. She taught me how to act, how to behave, how to be a wolf in this world. She was the first carnivore who I had known to actually care about me, to actually show me how this world worked. It had been so long since I saw her that my brain forgot everything about her. But seeing her again, I was speechless.

She chuckled at my surprised face. "Honestly you should've seen my face when I saw you were admitted." Then she let out a long drawn out sigh, keeping her eyes low to the floor. "And now you're here, in this hospital." She kept her head low, but her eyes trailed up to meet mine. "I wish you were not in here, I wish I could've done something more."

"What you did," she said sighing. "I'm not going to tell you it was the wrong thing, I'm not here to tell you that it was all in your head, that you weren't hurting. Sometimes those thoughts come and go, and sometimes they stay. I'm here to make sure they never come back, I'm here to make sure you hate yourself just a little bit less, that's all I'm hoping for."

This whole time, everyone had told me that what I did was wrong, ungrateful, selfish. Nobody really said it to my face, but I could just tell they wanted to say it. Like it was at the back of their throat, trying to force its way out, but their brains telling them it wasn't right. But here was Dr. Sherman, telling me that I wasn't in the wrong, that the things I was feeling were perfectly normal, no other animal would've made it out alive like I had.

What she said, that's all I wanted to hear. Her simple statement, her sympathetic eyes. It was all I wanted to see.

I bit my tongue to hold back the emotion that crept into my eyes, to contain the trembling in my body.

Why was I reacting like this? Why did it feel like my body was tearing itself apart? I thought those emotions, those feelings left with the two scars on my arms, bleeding out of my body. But they found their way back, they wormed their way into my mind.

I gripped the sheets tightly, trying to keep my breathing slow, trying to stop my beating heart.

I thought this was over! I thought I would never feel like this again!

I couldn't take it anymore, and I cried into my hands, wanting to hide my face from this world forever. Wanting to forget I existed, wanting to forget everything that happened to me in the past.

Nothing was going to change, no matter how hard I tried to forget, the emotions always came back. Pain was just a normal thing in my life that I thought I had become resistant to. I had thought that since I've experienced so much of it, that I was numb. But you're never truly numb, never truly a shell of your former self. Because the emotions know how to come back, no matter how deep you push them. Even if you were six-feet under, even if you were standing in the rain with a black umbrella, they still come back.

Dr. Sherman gently took my arms away from my face, rubbing her thumbs across the bandages and looking directly into my eyes. "You're going to get through this," she said with her light breathy voice. "I'll be with you every step of the way. Your friends, your family, we're all here for you. You're not alone Alex, you never were alone."

It felt comfortable being in the room with her, but I just wanted Dad with me. Even if he was acting kind to me, I didn't care. I just wanted him by my side, I didn't want to be here alone.

Dr. Sherman smiled with a tiny laugh. "Is anyone coming to see you today?" I shook my head, wiping my eyes with my hands and blinking.

"Well," I said with a sniffle. "My dad is coming at the end of the day to see me." Dr. Sherman nodded her head and reached for the clipboard on the table.

"Don't think any less of me ok? I just have to ask a few questions. If you're not comfortable answering them, that's perfectly fine, we'll just try again tomorrow." I nodded my head and she cleared her throat. "How are you feeling today?"

"Fine?" I said with emotion thick in my throat.

Dr. Sherman nodded her head. "Fine is good. Ok, here's a tough one. Have you thought about killing yourself today?"

I gave a little laugh. "Well, I didn't, but I don't know anymore." Dr. Sherman seemed indifferent with that answer and continued with the questions. They seemed trivial and unimportant, but once in a while there were a few questions thrown in that made me think.

Dr. Sherman just finished a tough question, then asked, "what's your favorite color?"

"My favorite color? Uh, I think it's blue?"

"You think?"

"I don't know, there's too many. I mostly just wear grey and black clothes."

She pointed to my shirt. "Well, that's not black."

I looked down at my shirt and chuckled. "My mom brought over clothes of mine, this probably was the only thing that wasn't black."

Dr. Sherman motioned her hands in agreement. "Hey, I like wearing black too, it's a comfortable color, works well with most clothes." She rolled her eyes. "Besides, what I'm wearing right now is borderline for the pediatric wing. They want me to wear bright colorful clothes, yellows, pastel blues. Like, really? Honestly, you're the only 'old' animal I get to see today. There's so many snotty nosed toddlers, and they're all herbivores. Parents aren't usually too happy to see a grey wolf as their child's make-shift therapist."

"I know the feeling," I said with a sigh.

She leaned her head in and her voice was a low whisper. "At least we have some things in common. Oh, that reminds me. What did you like to do before the incident?"

She said the incident as if it held no more value in my life, like it was a part of me that was never going to leave, but wasn't going to hold anymore weight.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know."

"You don't know? Ok, let's find out." She stared into my eyes for a minute, the whole room was silent as she stared deep into my soul. "I think...you like to draw." A triumphant smile appeared across her face and she crossed her arms. "Don't tell me I'm wrong!"

I thought back to the sketchbook Mom had brought me and I dug it out from underneath the hospital bed. "Well, I have this, although I don't really use it anymore."

"Aha! I was right!" She grabbed it from my hands and flipped through the pages eagerly, my anxiety lifted with each page she flipped. "Wow, this is really good!" She gave it back to me and smiled. "Continue drawing, you don't have to do it everyday, but once in a while I'd like to see if you've drawn anything new."

"Ok, I'll try." My tail was wagging against the sheets. It felt so good to connect with another one of my species, to finally talk to someone who was just like me.

Dr. Sherman looked at her phone and sighed. "Sorry I can't stay for longer, I have other patients to get too, but I'll see you tomorrow." She got up to leave, but I stopped her.

"Wait, how long am I going to be in here? Will I ever go back to school?"

Her eyes went low and her posture shifted. "No...your parents and I thought it would be best if you stayed here until winter break."

"Winter break? But I'll be missing like...three weeks of school!"

"I'm sorry, but we want you to get better. Your school has already been notified, and you'll be receiving credit for each class. I wouldn't worry too much about it."

I sat near the window, watching cars pull out of the parking lot and leave, the sky a midnight black. I wondered if they would be taking their loved ones home, I wished they were taking me home. I wished I could drive away with them. As much as I liked Dr. Sherman, I didn't want to be here anymore. It felt like I was being held prisoner. Nothing anyone said or did could make me feel otherwise.

Dad entered the room, I could tell from his alcoholic scent and my tail began wagging, but I didn't look towards him.

"Hey," he said as a heavy object hit the tiled floor.

"Hey," I said with my head on the window seal. Dad rubbed his hand over my head and sat down next to me.

"How did it go with the psychiatrist?"

I lifted my head off the window seal and turned to look at him. "Nothing like I expected."

"Nothing like you expected? Well, I hope that's a good thing."

"It is a good thing. I wasn't expecting her to be Dr. Sherman from like, seven years ago. Did you know about her?" Dad nodded. "And you didn't tell me?"

Dad shrugged. "I felt like it would've been better to see her without me telling you, actually, she didn't want me to tell you."

"Doesn't make me feel any better," I said with a sigh.

Dad shifted in his seat. "Did anything else happen today?"

"No, once again, I was alone."

"Well, you're not alone anymore." He put his arm around me and I curled up next to him, laying my head on his shoulder and feeling the emotions being washed away.

I had been a couple of hours with me curled up next to Dad. I tried to fall asleep next to him, but I just couldn't, my body didn't want me to fall asleep. So I stayed up, and watched the stars from the window.

I began to turn away, hoping for sleep to catch up with me, but there was a light tap against the window. I ignored it and closed my eyes, but it happened again. I looked out frustrated from the noise when a fluffy tail caught my eye hanging down.

Steven stuck his head out, his nose pressed against the glass and smiled.

I mouthed "what are you doing?!" and quietly flipped open the window.

"Hey," he said. "Come on up, it looks amazing up here."

I stuck my head out. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Honestly sometimes I don't know if you are an idiot or if you just act like one. The roof you dummy!"

"What? Hell no! I'm not going on the roof!"

Steven shushed me and turned his head towards Dad who was still dead asleep. "C'mon, it'll be fun."

"How do you expect me to get up there?"

"I dunno, find a way."