Raising Winchesters

Chapter 41

John took several deep breaths when he heard the sounds of his oldest son making his way to the front door. He was dreading the coming conversation, mostly because he doubted that he would be able to control his anger.

John knew that Dean didn't deserve his anger in any of this. He didn't deserve the expectations and responsibilities John placed upon his small, thin shoulders. John knew that.

What Dean did deserve was a father that treated him like the cherished child he actually was. He deserved a father that was present. A father that was there for him when he was sick or injured. A father that was there to make sure that Dean- and Sam, of course- had food to eat and medicine to take when sick. He deserved a father who thought his education a priority. And his well-being of utmost importance.

Instead, he got a father who put hunting above absolutely everything. What kind of father got angry when his child couldn't get over having to shoot and kill something….someone? Because regardless of the fact that Nora was a witch, she was still a woman, too. And his child….his son…killed her.

John was eighteen and a soldier in a war when he killed for the first time and he could remember just how messed up he'd been afterwards. It didn't matter that the man he killed was the enemy, either, because he'd looked the man right in the eye before he shot him. He'd listened as the man drew his last breath and he'd watched as the light….the life… left his eyes.

He'd heard that saying before, but until then, he'd never really understood it. And there really wasn't any other way to describe it, was there? One second, the man was looking at him with fear-filled eyes and the next he was on the ground, eyes staring sightlessly at the sky, all life and light completely gone.

To think that maybe Dean had witnessed the same thing when Nora fell to the ground was almost too much for John to think about. No child should ever see something like that. And John knew- deep, deep down he knew- that that was exactly what Dean saw. He knew because the kid had nightmares every single night. He knew because the kid wasn't eating and had even lost weight. And he knew because he saw it in Dean's eyes. The sadness. The regret. The anxiety and fear.

Dean was still terrified and anxious and distraught. And John hadn't done a single, solitary thing to help him. The only thing he'd done was yell at his son. And spank him repeatedly. Dean didn't deserve that.

What kind of father was he?!

Dean hesitated before opening the front door. He had no idea what to expect from the coming conversation with his father, but he knew it wasn't going to be easy. Or fun. Or even survivable, honestly.

Taking a deep breath, Dean opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. His eyes immediately flew to his dad, who was leaning against the porch railing with his arms crossed across his chest. His eyes immediately fell to the ground the second his dad's eyes met his.

"Hey, Dean," John said as he straightened up.

"Hey…."

"Did you finish your breakfast?"

"Yes, sir."

John stepped forward and at the same time, Dean took a step backwards, hitting his back against the front door. If he had been looking at his dad, he would've noticed the look of sadness that traversed his face.

John sat down in one of the rickety chairs on the porch and motioned with his hand for Dean to sit in the other one. Dean slowly moved over to the chair and sat down stiffly on the edge, keeping himself from leaning back into the chair.

"I think we're long overdue for a talk, Dean. Don't you?"

Dean just nodded his head, even though he knew that his father usually demanded a verbal reply to his questions. He was surprised that the man let it go.

John cleared his throat before continuing. "Dean, I, uh….. I think I owe you an apology."

Dean's eyes immediately shot up to look at his dad, completely surprised to hear the man say anything about apologizing. John Winchester was not the apologizing type of guy. At all.

When Dean didn't say anything, John continued. "Dean, I should've been paying more attention to what's been going on with you. I thought….well, I thought that you were okay. That you knew that what happened wasn't your fault. I didn't stop to think about how hard all of this would be for you. You did what you had to do and I know that you understand that. But that doesn't mean it's easy for you to deal with and I didn't understand that.

I guess I forget sometimes that you're just a child. And for that, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you act like nothing had happened. I shouldn't have pushed you to jump right back into things like I did. You needed time and I didn't give it to you."

Dean looked like he couldn't believe what his dad was saying. And the truth was that he really couldn't believe what he was hearing. John Winchester never backed down. He never gave in. And Dean was smart enough to know that none of this would be happening if it weren't for Pastor Jim and Uncle Bobby.

"It's okay, Dad," he tried to say, but John disagreed.

"No. It's not okay. I should've done better, Dean. I should've known that it was too much for you."

"It wasn't too much! It wasn't, Dad."

"Yeah, it was. And I'm sorry. Jim and Bobby…. They, uh… they…. Well, they made me see reason, I guess. They reminded me that you're just a kid and that I've been treating you like a grown-up. I've been forcing you into this life that I chose. I've been making you into a hunter when I should've been just focusing on raising you into a man. So, things are going to change."

"What does that mean?" Dean asked nervously.

"It means that from now on you're going to focus on being a kid, Dean. Jim, Bobby, and I have been talking and we came up with a plan. You and your brother are going to be staying here. You're going to finish out the school year and then spend the summer here."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing and he suddenly felt like crying. There was a small part of him that wanted to do nothing more than what his dad was saying, but he knew that if they did, they'd be doing it without their father. There was no way his dad was going to take time off from hunting. He'd be going off on his own and he'd be leaving his boys behind.

Dean suddenly stood up and faced his father, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Dad, no! No! You can't leave us here."

"It'll only be for a while, Dean. Just for a few months. And I'll come back every couple a weeks to check on you. Bobby will be here with you."

"I wanna go with you, Dad. Please! I don't want to stay here."

"Dean…."

"No! You said I was almost ready to hunt with you, remember? You said I needed more training, but that I was close."

"I changed my mind."

"You can't do that! I'm ready to hunt, Dad. I am! Please don't leave us here."

"I've made up my mind already, Dean. You and Sammy are going to stay here for at least the next four months. You're going to be regular kids with regular kid problems. No more monsters. No more hunting."

"That's stupid," Dean yelled loudly. "I don't want to be a regular kid. I don't want to stay here. I'm going with you!" By this time, Dean had worked himself up quite a bit. His face was red and his fists were still clenched tightly.

"Dean, calm down," John tried. When the boy didn't show any signs of actually calming down, John could feel his own anger and frustration growing. "Dean!"

Dean turned away from his dad and started down the porch steps, not even realizing that he wasn't wearing any shoes. He heard his dad yell his name again, but he continued on. He hadn't gone more than three steps, though, when his dad's giant hands reached out and stopped him.

"I said calm down, boy," John growled.

"Let me go!" Dean yelled at his dad and quickly followed it with a kick to the shins.

John was so surprised by the kick that he immediately let go of his son, only to have Dean come at him again. He had no idea what had gotten into the boy and he did the only thing he knew to do. The second Dean was within reach again, he grabbed him by the arm, turned him to the side, and landed an extremely hard smack to his backside. "Calm down," he yelled. When Dean showed no signs of calming down, he landed another, even harder smack. "I said calm down!"

By this time, Dean was crying and didn't know what to do. Without a word, he collapsed against his dad's side and wrapped his arms around him. "Please, Dad! Please don't leave me."

John felt something break inside of him and he bent down to pick up his son. Once he had Dean in his arms, he crushed him to his chest and buried his face in the boy's hair. "Dean….listen. I'm not leaving you, okay? I'm coming back. I promise."

"I wanna go with you, Dad. I'll be good, okay? I'll do whatever you say. And I'll make sure Sammy does, too. We'll both be good. I promise."

John felt himself slide down to the porch steps and he quickly adjusted Dean to sit on his lap. He'd royally screwed everything up again and he had no idea how to fix it. He was suddenly more tired than he'd been in a long time.

Why in the world did he keep messing everything up?

He didn't know how long they'd been sitting there, but eventually the front door opened and John heard Jim's voice.

"John? Everything okay?"

He had no idea how to answer. On one hand, everything was okay, because Sam and Dean were both safe. On the other hand, nothing was okay. Every decision he ever made seemed to be wrong. He obviously couldn't be trusted to make the right decisions, when it came to his boys.

"We're good, Jim. Or at least, we will be. Eventually."

Jim looked down at Dean, nodded his head, and then stepped back into the house, leaving John to try to figure a way out of the mess he'd created. After several long minutes of holding his son, John finally pushed Dean away from his chest. Dean didn't dare take his eyes off of his dad's chest, but that didn't stop John. "Dean, I'm sorry. I keep messing this all up and I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I'm trying to be a good father for once, but I guess I don't know how to."

Dean shifted his weight a little, but still didn't look up at his dad.

"Okay," John continued. "Obviously, you don't want me to leave you here. But, I think it's what's best for now. You and Sammy have missed a lot of school lately, and that's not okay. You need to get back to school and I think the best way for that to happen is for you to stay here." Dean was about to say something, but John kept going. "I think we're going to have to compromise here, kid. Okay? You and Sammy will stay here and finish out the school year. I'll stay here, too. I'll have Bobby keep an eye out for hunts that are here in the area, so if I do go on a hunt, it won't be for long. I'll only go for a day, two at the most."

Dean didn't say anything, but John could feel his body relax a little. Eventually, the boy raised his head and looked at his dad.

"You mean it? You're not going to leave us here?"

"I mean it," John answered simply. He could feel the relief course through him when he saw Dean relax even more.

"Okay," Dean answered quietly.

"Okay." John shifted Dean again. "Okay."

"Dad? I'm sorry I kicked you. I didn't mean to."

John laughed. "Well, I think you did mean to, but I guess that's beside the point, isn't it? Just make sure it doesn't happen again or you and I are gonna dance. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Okay. What do you say we head inside and save Jim and Bobby from Sammy?"

Dean laughed and climbed out of his dad's lap. "Yeah, they probably really need rescuing right about now. Sammy gets pretty hyper after eating jelly on his toast."

John turned to follow Dean into the house, eager to put things back to normal as much as he could. He knew he still needed to have a talk with Dean about everything that had happened with Nora, but he needed to figure out the best way to deal with that first. For now, he'd lay off trying to get the boy back into his training. And he promised himself that he would take the time to listen to his boys, to pay attention to them.

He knew he'd probably fail over and over again. He'd make small mistakes here and there and he'd probably make monumental mistakes every so often, too. He wasn't ever going to be a perfect father and his boys were never going to be perfect sons. And he was okay with that.

Just before he walked through the door, John turned his head up to the sky and closed his eyes. His heart hurt so much from the loss of his wife, but it also soared with the love he felt for his boys. And for the two men on the other side of the door that would do anything for his little family.

"Mary, I wish you could be here," he whispered softly. "I wish you could see how smart Sammy is and how brave and loving Dean is. Our boys are amazing, Mary. They're everything we ever dreamed of and so much more. And I could really use your help with them," he laughed. "As Jim would say, raising Winchesters is not for the faint of heart. They're definitely a handful, and that's on a good day. But, they're good boys, Mary. I just hope that one day I can be the father they need and deserve."

Later on that night, after the boys were fast asleep in their bed, John sat with Jim and Bobby at the kitchen table. All three men were nursing a glass of whiskey and discussing the next few months. John meant what he said about staying at Bobby's and only going on hunts that were close to home, but he knew he'd need someone to hold him to that. The call of the hunt was often times too much for the man to ignore, regardless of what was at stake, and he knew it.

"Bobby…. Jim…. Thank you for everything these last few weeks. Hell, these last few years, in fact. I don't think I could do this without you. I don't think I'm cut out to be a single father," he finished with a laugh.

Neither men said anything at first, but Jim grabbed his glass of whiskey and lifted it up, tilting it towards John. "When it comes to children, it definitely takes a village, or so the saying goes. And I'm honored to be a part of your village. So, here's to raising Winchesters, John."

John and Bobby both lifted up their glasses, too, clinking them together loudly.

"To raising Winchesters," Bobby echoed briskly.

"To raising Winchesters," John smiled. Seconds later, all three men brought their glass to their lips, threw the whiskey back, and then filled their glasses again.

They had a lot to talk about. And a lot of work left to do.

Author's note: Well, here you go, folks. I have to admit that I'm feeling a little sad that this story is over. I've poured a lot of heart and soul into this thing and I'm truly going to miss it. It's hard to believe that I started this back in August of 2018. This world has gone through so many changes during that time, but my love for the Supernatural universe (and all things Dean Winchester) has remained constant.

I'm not sure what exactly I'll do next, but I do know that you all haven't seen the last of me. I don't think I can stay away from writing SPN facfic for very long. So, once I get some inspiration, I'll be back.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I adore every single one of you for the kind words you've left me in these reviews. They really are food for the writer's soul and I cherish every single word.

Please take care of yourselves and your families. Stay safe. Be kind. And keep reading.

Much love to you.