A/N: Hi all! Sorry this is late; writer's block and real life were a killer. But I'm making steady progress now and should have the next chapter posted on schedule. Also be on the lookout for updates to my crossover, Fortune's Wheel. I was on a roll the other night and wrote two or three chapters at once!

Anyway, without further ado, here's Chapter 40! Don't forget to read and review!

Chapter 40 Tentative Progress

The Marauders (if they could still be called that) all went to Hogsmeade together on Saturday. But it was one of the most awkward Hogsmeade trips Harry could remember, and that included his disastrous date with Cho Chang. Everyone was tiptoeing around each other, especially James, Sirius, and Harry. Harry couldn't look at Sirius, who was always watching Harry, and James seemed torn between the two of them—partly wanting to reconcile with Sirius, and partly because he'd been the one to wake Harry and Peter. The tears on both their faces were hard to ignore, not to mention Harry's words the night before. Remus was still emotionally distant, barely speaking except when spoken to directly, and then only with a few short syllables.

Halfway through the day, it simply became unbearable. They split up, each going their separate ways. Harry intended to get Peter a present, because his birthday was the very next day. He'd also promised to spend at least a little time with his surrogate sister before the day was out.

Harry had a difficult time picking a birthday gift for Peter. Prank supplies were usually their go-to, but none of them were in the mood for a prank. And Harry was almost certain that what Peter wanted most was the Marauders back together. (Harry had noticed Peter crying, too.) Or maybe a time turner, to just undo what Sirius had done entirely so everything could go back to normal.

Finally, Harry settled on some of Peter's favorite Honeydukes treats and a sketchbook with some fancy drawing pencils. He hadn't been doing it much lately, but one of Peter's favorite things to do (besides eat) was draw, and he was really good at it. Apparently, he'd been the one to draw the actual map for the Marauders' Map, perfectly to scale and everything.

His purchases taken care of, Harry then sought out Tonks. He found her in Schrivenshafts with Lily, and she looked bored out of her mind. So Harry, with a faint smile, swooped in to rescue her.

"My hero!" Tonks exclaimed dramatically as Harry came up beside her. He smiled faintly.

"Thought I'd spend some time with my sister for once," Harry explained at Lily's curious look.

"Or you could join us. You know that new Potions book finally came out? There are some revolutionary new recipes and techniques in it!" Lily gushed, and Harry's almost-smile grew slightly.

"Buy me a copy and we can talk about it later," Harry said, seeing Tonks's pleading look. He gave Lily a handful of sickles.

Lily sighed dramatically. "All right, fine. But don't forget! There's no one else to talk to about Potions anymore!"

Anymore? Harry thought, and almost asked, but Tonks was tugging on his arm, begging him to take her out of the bookstore.

"I will. And I'll bring someone else." Peter would definitely enjoy discussing Potions theory with them, though it might make James jealous.

"Who?" Lily asked, but Tonks had already dragged Harry away.

To Harry's surprise, Tonks led him toward the edge of the village, away from everyone else, and then toward the Shrieking Shack. Harry glanced at it, then turned away, biting his lip.

Then Tonks slapped him.

Blinking, shocked, Harry turned back toward her—and froze at the moisture in her eyes, at the mousy brown of her hair Harry had only seen once before.

"Why won't you talk to me?" she demanded.

"I—"

"Is it because we're not actually blood siblings? Am I not reliable enough? H-have you replaced me?"

Harry's eyes went wide. "What? Of course not! Why would you—?" Then he stopped. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"I get it. You want to be close to them. You should have grown up with them. But we're stuck here together, remember? You're the one who suggested we be twins. I've never had a sibling, so maybe I've mucked it up somewhere, or maybe I'm expecting too much, but aren't we at least supposed to rely on each other first? Isn't that what family is for?"

Harry opened his mouth, then turned away, wrapping his arms around his stomach. "I don't know," he admitted quietly. "I've never had a proper family. The Dursleys treated me like a servant. Worse than a servant. Si-Sirius was…I don't know. I didn't really get a chance to know him before… And last summer was nice, but…it was always about me. My training, my well-being. And I only ever saw the Weasleys tease each other. I…I don't know how to be a brother. Or, I don't know how to have a sister."

Harry took a deep breath and dared to look up. Tonks was staring at him, her expression indecipherable. So he looked away again.

"I know we look like twins, but to me you've always been older. Young enough to still be fun, but with enough experience to know what to do all the time. I…" Harry trailed off, not sure how to put it into words the guilt that was now eating at his chest. Another glance at her face, at the tears in her eyes, only made it worse.

"I guess that's on me, then. Or…I guess we're both to blame. But still…" Tonks grabbed Harry's shoulders and forced him to look at her. "Harry, when you're hurting, I hurt, too. And then when you keep bottling it up like you do, it only hurts worse."

Harry averted his eyes yet again. "Yeah, I know. I…I can't even look at the Shack, or at Sirius, right now." His chest ached and his stomach was in knots.

"Tell me. I can't fix the problem, but…Dad always said: a problem shared is a problem halved."

"What am I supposed to say? I…the Dursleys never listened to me, or they told me I was a burden or to stop complaining. My teachers never believed me. Even at Hogwarts I was always brushed aside. Like I said before. I know in my head that you care, and most of the time I believe it. But it—it's hard to overcome that."

Tonks loosened her grip on his shoulders and let out a shaky breath. "You're right. I guess I should have expected that. And…you haven't talked to the others, either, I reckon. Other than the shouting match yesterday evening."

Harry cringed. "You heard that?"

Tonks chuckled weakly. "The whole common room did." Then she sighed. "But seriously, you can't keep compartmentalizing like this. Get it all in the open, however you want to. If you'd rather write it down, do it that way. But Harry." Tonks met his eyes and gave him a very serious look. "I want to hear about your problems. I want to know what you're feeling, especially now. Why? Because, blood or not, you are my brother. And I want you to rely on me. That's why I'm telling you this now. That's why I'm crying, dammit!" She blinked away tears and held his gaze. "Because I want you to know how I'm feeling. And as your big sister, I guess I need to set an example."

Harry almost smiled. "Then as your little brother, I guess I'd better follow it," he replied. And then, after a brief hesitation, he told her everything. That he was scared the Marauders were broken forever. That it hurt, knowing his godfather really had been a traitor, and even more, that his friend had betrayed them. And how much it hurt not being able to trust one of his best friends. That he was worried about the others, who were also bottling things up. ("Hypocrite," Tonks said fondly.) That he was still upset that Severus wouldn't talk to him. And that he wasn't sure how they'd get through the next full moon. And he was terrified for what their reaction would be when they found out Harry had been lying to them the whole time.

When he finished, he found himself engulfed in a hug. Tonks held him tightly, but not so tight that he couldn't breathe. Harry returned the hug, pressing his face into her shoulder. Despite the tears wetting his cheeks, though, Harry basked in the feeling of comfort and warmth he couldn't really remember ever feeling before.

After several minutes, Harry finally pulled away and managed a real smile, albeit a small one. "Thanks," he said quietly. Then he studied Tonks's face carefully. "And…I know I'm supposed to be the younger one, but you can talk to me, too." He hesitated. "And…I'm sorry for not considering that you might be struggling, too."

Tonks blinked in surprise, then she laughed even though fresh tears filled her eyes. Still smiling, she pulled him into another brief hug. "That's a good start," she teased lightly. "I…I think I'm okay now. But I'll let you know if that changes." She winked and nudged his shoulder, and Harry discretely turned away so she could dry her tears while he did the same. "Come on. Let's get some butterbeer and then track down Lily."

Harry smiled and nodded. In the Three Broomsticks, they found Lily and Marlene and joined them. Shortly after, Remus joined them, too, saving Harry from being the only boy. The five of them spent the rest of the afternoon together, chatting and laughing and (for Harry and Remus) pretending everything was normal.

The next day, Peter's birthday was quietly acknowledged by each of the Marauders separately. Even Sirius had purchased a gift for him, as Peter mentioned Sunday evening when Harry gave him his present. Peter smiled upon opening the gift and quietly gave Harry his thanks. And then Harry sat with him while he stared at Sirius's still-wrapped gift and tried not to cry.

The week following was nearly as bad as Sirius's first week back. After Harry broke the illusion of normalcy, everyone's emotions were raw. They spent more time apart than they ever had before, unable to be together as a group without remembering what they'd lost. Sirius grew more and more withdrawn, often choosing to separate himself from the others rather than endure the awkward silences and uncomfortable distance. Harry found himself spending more time with Tonks and Lily, and often Marlene as well. Sometimes Peter or Remus joined them.

The next Tuesday evening, Harry once more found himself with that group. It was a rare free evening, as they'd all finished their work in advance, and all the teachers were preferring to begin revision for exams rather than give new work. Harry was perusing the new Potions book Lily had purchased with the sickles he'd given her while Peter read over his shoulder. Lily had her own copy and was eagerly gushing over the new potions and brewing techniques it explained. Tonks and Marlene sat nearby, a new edition of Witch Weekly open between them while they discussed the pros and cons of various fashion trends.

"Oh, so that's why Sev always did that!" Lily exclaimed suddenly. "I always wondered why he added extra stirs to everything." Lily tilted her head. "Come to think of it, you do it a lot, too, Harry."

"Er…do what?" Then Lily's words registered. "Wait. Did you just say 'Sev'? As in, Severus Snape?"

Peter flinched slightly beside Harry, and Marlene growled slightly at the name.

Lily somehow managed to both blush and go pale at the same time. "Yeah…I did." Her face fell. "I guess old habits die hard."

Harry tilted his head, unknowingly imitating Lily perfectly. "What do you mean, old habits?"

"They used to be friends," Marlene piped up. "Until the bastard called her the m-word and all but spat in her face last year after our OWLs."

Lily gave her a sharp look. "We had a falling out and went our separate ways," she said evasively.

"Naturally. Because the kid is a death eater wannabe," Marlene said harshly. Harry stiffened.

"I won't deny he has dark leanings," he said tersely, "but he's still my friend and I'd appreciate you not insulting him."

"You're going to defend him? Isn't he the reason you boys are fighting right now?" Marlene demanded. Tonks flinched.

"Marls, maybe you shouldn't—"

"What? Are you all on his side? After he trampled on seven years of friendship and made Lily cry for two weeks straight?"

Lily bit her lip. "Marley, it's fine—"

"It's not fine," she retorted. "Snape is a little bastard and a traitor. He deserves whatever the Marauders do to him."

Harry stood swiftly. "If all you're going to do is insult my friend, who is currently refusing to speak to me because he thinks I was in on Sirius's prank, then I'm leaving." He glared at Marlene. "And I'll hex you on my way out the door."

Tonks elbowed Marlene sharply. "He's serious, Marls. Shut up or you'll meet the wrong end of both his wand and his temper." She smiled faintly. "I still haven't figured out which one is worse."

Marlene huffed, snatched her magazine off the table, and stomped away.

Harry sank back into his seat, suddenly feeling very drained. Peter nudged his shoulder lightly, though he still looked upset, too, at the reminder of Sirius's betrayal.

Lily smiled weakly. "Sorry about her. She's very protective of me. It was almost a year ago, but she still feels she needs to defend me."

Peter shook his head. "No big deal. We'd do the same."

Lily nodded, then she glanced at Harry. "Harry? You okay?"

Harry rubbed his forehead, a habit he'd developed during fifth year whenever he was stressed (which usually coincided with his scar hurting). "I guess." Tonks gave Harry a look, and he amended his statement. "Well, not really. But I'd rather not talk about it right now."

Lily nodded, though she gave them both sympathetic looks.

"Actually…" Harry began. "If you don't mind, can you tell me…what happened between you and Severus?" A vague memory tickled his mind. It had something to do with Occlumency, and a Pensieve. But the details escaped him, at least where Lily was concerned.

Peter looked interested, too. Tonks moved to sit by Lily, presumably in a show of moral support though Harry doubted she knew the story, either.

Lily hesitated, then nodded. "I don't mind. We were friends before Hogwarts, actually; we grew up in the same town. Being Sorted into different houses made things a little more complicated, but we made it work. Until the beginning of fifth year. With the stress of OWLs and rumors of the Death Eaters and You-Know-Who, it was already going to be a difficult year. And we were already starting to drift apart because of house rivalry."

Lily paused, hesitating again. "But that's also the year that we really started to see the divide between who was on the light side and who was dark. And Sn-Severus was always curious, always looking to learn more. Being a bookworm alienated some of his house members, and being a half-blood didn't help, either—they're barely better than muggleborns to some of them." She scowled in disgust. "But anyway. Some of his roommates, I guess, offered him some books on dark magic, and he got sucked into it as well as their other ideas and opinions. I tried to warn him, but for him it was the first time he was actually being accepted and included in his own house. So he ignored me. I kept pestering him, which of course only annoyed him more. Then, after our DADA OWL last year…"

Lily hesitated again. "Potter and Black decided to mess with him. I tried to tell them off, and then Severus called me a mudblood. It was kind of the last straw. He tried to apologize after that. Multiple times. Said it was the heat of the moment and he didn't mean it. But he'd already gone too deep, I thought. I refused to listen, and we've barely spoken since."

Harry suddenly had the horrible thought that the Marauders might go the same way. It was like a punch in the gut.

"Have you reconsidered at all?" Harry asked before his brain caught up with his words.

Lily looked at him sharply. "Why should I? I don't hate him or anything, but he's in too deep. And I'm—I can't be hurt like that again."

Another punch to the gut. "I think you're wrong," Harry said quietly. "He tried to apologize, right? More than once? Don't you think that meant something?"

Lily looked uncomfortable. "I'm sure he truly regretted it. But I can't be friends with a Death Eater."

I can't be friends with a freak! The words came unbidden from deep in Harry's mind. His school mates often had that excuse while he was in Primary. Then they'd run away, laughing.

"Why not? Don't you think he needs some good friends?" Harry asked quietly. Don't you want to believe he can change?

Lily either didn't or couldn't answer. Harry shook his head and left the common room for his dorm. His chest hurt, like something was squeezing it tightly from inside. He couldn't put a name to the feeling, but it made him feel sick.

"Harry?"

Peter had followed him. Of course.

Harry sank onto the edge of his bed. The mattress sank as Peter sat beside him.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Pete." Harry spoke quietly, his eyes on the ground. "What if we—the Marauders—end up like Severus and Lily? If Sirius doesn't properly apologize, or James is too stubborn to forgive him?"

"I'm trying not to think about that," Peter said frankly. He rested his hand on Harry's shoulder, and Harry let it stay, bowing his head. The slight contact was comforting. Harry released a shuddering breath, bringing his clasped hands to his forehead, propping his elbows on his knees. There were no words, but with Peter there was rarely a need for them anyway.

James and Remus came up not long after. That meant Sirius wouldn't be up until he was certain they were all in bed. Seeing Harry's posture and Peter's expression, they joined them on the bed. Remus sat beside Harry, and James sat on Peter's other side. But it felt incomplete, and they all knew it.

"What are we going to do about the full moon tomorrow?" James finally asked softly, looking at Remus.

Remus wrapped his arms around himself and shook his head. "I don't know," he whispered. "I—Moony is angry. Really angry. But…"

He didn't need to finish; they all understood.

"I think we should let him come."

The other three looked at James in shock.

James smiled sheepishly. "Don't get me wrong; I'm still upset with him. But…the idea of a full moon without Sirius just doesn't feel right. And…I think it could go a long way toward fixing the mess he made."

"At least it would give him a chance to make things right," Harry murmured. But the ache in his chest increased, and his barely-healed wounds from the last full moon twinged with phantom pain.

"What do you think, Moony?" James asked.

Remus hugged himself tighter and shrugged. "I don't know."

"I agree with Harry," Peter said softly. "It…it would be poetic, somehow, that this mess starts and ends on a full moon."

"If it ends," Harry murmured again. "I want to believe in him. I really do. But…he's hurt all of us, and Remus especially. I…I just don't know how that can go away just because it's a full moon."

"We'll just have to give him a chance," Peter replied just as quietly.

They all exchanged a glance, then each of them nodded, including Remus.