PART 41
The Death Eaters were sitting around in the sacrificial hall playing 20 questions.
"Am I blonde?" asked Death Eater 1.
"No," replied Death Eater 2. "Am I Farrah Fawcett?"
"Yes," replied Death Eater 3. "Am I a woman?"
Death Eater 4, or Rosemary Kennedy, saw that a Death Eater was lurking by the walls. It was hard to keep up with all the new death eaters, and impossible to learn everyone's names and faces. This chap was, judging by his body structure, a postulant, possibly a novice. Most likely new. That would explain why he was keeping to himself like this. Death Eaters really could be quite shy.
"A new mask!" said Rosemary Kennedy. "I think I will go and ask him if he wants to play 20 questions with us!"
The other Death Eaters approved of this.
Remus was lurking by the wall, wondering if perhaps he should have been looking for Sirius instead. Chances were, James was going to take a very long time finding him.
The plan was simple enough. James was going to throw a gonacatcheball at Sirius. At some point Death Eaters were going to try and stop them and say: Get them! That was the cue for insulting the brownie.
Had James found Sirius yet? Maybe he needed help with something. The wait was getting boring.
"Hello!" said a friendly Rosemary Kennedy, radiating a smile under a blank mask. "Are you new here?"
"Yes," Remus replied.
"Do you want to play 20 questions with us?"
"I can't," Remus replied.
"Of course you can!"
"I have no peace. I am so afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"The aswang."
"What's the ass wang?"
"Don't you know what an aswang is?"
"No. Never heard of an ass wang!"
"Aswangs are rare. And all the more terrible because of it. They devour their victims alive. Then they carve a wooden doppelganger and send it home. You can't tell it is a doppelganger at first. But then it gets terribly sick and dies the most horrible and gruesome death."
Jackie Kennedy gasped.
"Is that how ass wangs come to be?"
"No. One has to be incredibly unlucky to become an aswang. The stomach has to absorb, through the skin and tissue and lining and that, a very special kind of egg. The egg hatches a black chick, which contains the spirit of the aswang."
"Hey now, I do recall something about ass wangs! Isn't it true that the way to spot an ass wang is to look between your legs?"
"That is a way. But that works on many things. The other way would be to look for the mark the absorbed egg left, but not all aswangs would have that."
"Interesting stuff but why are you worrying about ass wangs?"
"Oh I… I was tying my shoes before and I thought I caught a glimpse of… But I was just imagining it I'm sure!"
"You thought you saw an ass wang? Here? You are dreaming! You need to relax. Come, let's play 20 questions!"
Jackie Kennedy scribbled Olivia Newton John on a sticky-note and stuck it to Remus's mask. Then he put a cigarette under his own.
"Man I haven't had fag in ages! I misplaced my wand. Don't tell anyone. Oh! You have matches!"
Jackie Kennedy took the match box, despite protest. He gave it a shake, to listen for matches, and opened it.
"It's just full of dirt!" He dropped it. "Oops! Butter fingers! Look at the mess I made..."
He was going to bend over to clean up after himself, when he saw a brown louse crawling around on the floor.
"Huu! I hate lice! Nasty, nasty thing! Remove it! Remove it!"
He raised his foot to stomp it to death.
"Oh no!" Remus cried.
"Prepare to die!"
Jackie Kennedy stamped his foot on the floor. Then he lifted it again to see if he had squashed the brown louse. But it was nowhere to be found.
Something chirped and suddenly there was a terrible rush to the toilets.